


We Ate the Birds

by trashtierhyena



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Cracked!Jasper, Divergent as of Jailbreak, Dysfunctional Relationships, Eventual Fluff, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I am incredibly cruel to Jasper, Jasper POV, Mild Language, Minor Emotional Manipulation, No longer follows canon, Possible Redemption Arc, Slow Burn, The Homeworld Gems Are A Mess, Toxic Relationships, Violence, and Lima Syndrome, hints of Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-22 22:36:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 103,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4853138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashtierhyena/pseuds/trashtierhyena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lapis was wearing the same face in spite of it all, nearly statuette as she stared at Jasper. This only seemed to goad the larger gem onward. Right up until Lapis took a step forward, water parting around her as her bare webbed feet pressed forward onto the sea floor. Jasper took a step back as the gem just over half her size invaded the dome, her prison, without a noise. Lapis stared at her with seemingly no intention, stared directly at the gem on her face, the silence weighing heavily until Jasper finally spoke.</p><p>'What do you want Lazuli?'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hold Me Down

Water.

Water was all she knew these past cycles, all she could relate to in a blanket of darkness; chains, hands, weights, ropes. But this was different, too unlike the precise applications of pressure before, the ones that demanded she beg and plead; bargain for her life. This lacked the finesse; it was an infinite burden bringing her to her knees, face bending into the ground, hands trying to find purchase and strength against the tide. 

And it _hurt_ , her face was alight in pain as she felt something crack. 

Just as soon as the pain came it ended, along with a sharp keening noise she barely recognized as her own voice.

Jasper blinked back the bleariness that encompassed her frame, feeling her hands flicker and her feet float off the ground. Until she slammed back into it, boots crushing the sand below. Her vision came back to her in flashes; shots of darkness, sand, a muted reflection, a light. Past the burning in her veins she could feel droplets of water washing up her frame before leaving altogether. A hand, her hand, pressed into her face coming away warm and wet. The slick fluid produced its own glowing orange-red light, smelt of oil. She was intimately aware that it was her own plasma she was looking at. 

Panic rushed through her systems, her hand vibrating before her as she tried to find a calm somewhere in her. It took a lot to make a gem bleed. Her mind pleaded with her to take stock, figure out where she was before giving into anything emotional, anything regressive. Anything that could make this situation worse. She dragged her eyes away from her plasma, looked up toward the darkness to meet a dull glowing eye only a few feet away. A frown crossed her features as she realized she was looking into water, meeting her own reflections face. What a sight it was; cracks and plasma crawled over and down the right side of her face. She wished she didn't see the crack in her gem, wished she could ignore it. She knew what that meant. Looking around only produced more water, a dome encasing her at the bottom of the ocean.

Oh, that was... right. She was... and Lapis Lazuli. _Malachite_.

Memories flashed behind her eyes, a tide of emotions attacking her. She reached out to steady herself on her new cell only to slide uselessly down it. Surprise coated her features as she stared at where her right hand should be, met only with void; pieces of her form chipping off her forearm before fading in the air below. Jasper felt a tug, a need to reach out and stop whatever was happening but she knew it was useless. She had done this to herself, which meant-

Jasper climbed back to her feet, her yellow eyes all but glowing as they tried to pierce the darkness around her. She could barely make out a few feet in front of her before it turned into an inky black. Her hand, her only hand, reached out to press against the water. It was sturdy, her palm came away dry. It had to be _her_ doing. She reared her fist back before slamming it forward. The water cracked like ice, splintered and echoed around her as blocks threatened to wash in. But it didn't. The cracks disappeared with a ripple, leaving her only to stare angrily at her reflection. She wanted to scream; rather she pulled her fist back once more before slamming it forward again. Jasper favoured the idea of her gem shattering over being kept in some bubble at the bottom of an ocean for an eternity, or even one more rotation. She was so _tired_.

Her fist sunk into the dome, sending spider like fissures around once more. When she went to pull back she realized she couldn't. Something like horror slipped onto her face as she watched the water close around her hand, begin slinking up her arm. Before she could consider doing much else besides violently tugging backwards her vision was met with a gentle blue glow from the ocean in front of her. It faded in and out of existence as it came closer, blinking. 

She knew what, no who, it was before the form came into view.

Jasper instinctively bared her teeth, the scent of the ocean coating her tongue as Lapis Lazuli erased the distance between them, floating like a specter through the waves. The blue gem was at home in the water, letting it move around her rather than cut through it. Soon there was nothing but a few inches of water between Jasper's fist and Lapis' frame. Lapis seemed to consider Jasper from the other side, stare at her with mild annoyance lurking in her large black eyes.

A black finger touched her fist and Jasper felt a flare of anger wash over her. It must have provoked something in the other as moments later Jasper was able to pull her hand free. She looked down to the spot she was touched, frowning at the bracelet of water now adorning her wrist and mocking her. Jasper ripped it off in her teeth with a growl, not bothering to watch as the water sunk back into the dome around her. Lapis was wearing the same face in spite of it all, nearly statuette as she stared at Jasper. This only seemed to goad the larger gem onward. Right up until Lapis took a step forward, water parting around her as her bare webbed feet pressed forward onto the sea floor. Jasper took a step back as the gem just over half her size invaded the dome, her prison, without a noise. Lapis stared at her with seemingly no intention, stared directly at the gem on her face, the silence weighing heavily until Jasper finally spoke.

_'What do you want Lazuli?'_

Or tried to. Something like a groan and a hiss escaped her mouth instead, words lost somewhere in her throat. Jasper tried again only to have the same results, watched as an expression of pity and disgust took its place on Lapis' face. Had the pressure severed or maimed this body's vocal cords?

"Your gem is cracked." Jasper heard Lapis speak plainly, feeling something cold take root in her spine, something threatening to bring her to back down to her knees. She didn't want to be reminded of her _failure_. The other gem stepped forward and kept her eyes on Jasper, even as Jasper found herself taking equal steps away. There was no way she would be able to take down Lapis right now, she would have to be cautious; she didn't know what the other wanted from her or why she even saved her, and it was a cold feeling that came with _that_ knowledge. The ocean would have crushed her had Lapis not intervened, but Jasper found herself hard pressed to feel very much gratitude. 

Her back hit the wall of water as Lapis continued, apparently oblivious or relishing in cornering her. "You're being quiet...” Her head tilted briefly, “You can't speak can you?" Jasper decided against responding, merely continuing to look down at the blue gem. Lapis finally dragged her eyes from the crack in Jasper's gem, eyes sliding over the rest of her in a quick appraisal before stopping at the remnants of her right arm. Jasper grabbed it with her left arm, as though shielding it from sight. She felt her claws descend into the dying limb. "What a mess."

"Sss-" Jasper growled but remained affixed to the wall behind her, anger flowing off her in waves. She wanted to wring that tiny neck in her hand, smash that pretty little blue gem and be done with it all. Lapis seemed aloof to it all, reaching out a hand clearly intending to touch Jasper's gem. She leaned away from the touch with bared fangs, but it didn't seem to deter the other gem. The black tipped fingers were only inches away when a hiss bubbled from her throat. 

The next seconds happened seemingly all too fast. 

Jasper summoned her weapon, visor protecting her gem as her hand grabbed the invading blue one on the wrist. She could feel the water behind her start to move and breathe, filtering forward like fingers on her as something animated finally crossed Lapis' face; shock. It seemed to be a standstill until, surprisingly, Lapis relented, face furrowing into a scowl. Jasper could feel the water behind her let go, revert back into a solid wall; the wrist in her hand going limp. 

"Let me go." Jasper didn't hesitate, dropping the hand and letting her weapon fade painfully back into her gem. Lapis' voice brokered no argument, seemed too powerful for such a dainty looking gem. Even her position, arm crossed over her hunched chest, seemed to not fit this. This, everything around them, was all her doing, this was all her power. Why did her form seem like such a lie? 

Her thoughts derailed as Lapis spoke again, softer as she took a step back. "I... you... you helped me." Her gaze didn't waver even as her words did. "Malachite almost had me... but you. Why?" Lapis' eyes narrowed at Jasper, as if demanding her to answer even though it was impossible right now. In a fit of anger or frustration, Lapis whirled around and pressed hands into her hair. A turned back meant another option. Maybe she could end this all now then. Jasper pushed off from the wall, clawed hand stretching forward. "Though you can't-"

Lapis stopped herself and Jasper watched as a pair of wings flashed into existence allowing the smaller gem to flit up and out of her grasp. Jasper cursed; could Lapis feel the water she held control over? Did she feel her leave the wall? Jasper went to follow when she felt something grab around her neck. Water. Jasper clawed uselessly at the thing, feeling it tighten in response. "I may have been grateful enough to stop you from being crushed, _Jasper_ , but I won't let you hurt me again." Jasper could see all of Lapis’ pretty little serrated teeth from here; rows of them bared as a threat. The gem gave one last squeeze of the water around her throat before relenting and easing up, leaving Jasper angry if subdued. She leveled a glare at the floating gem, hand still wrapped on the thing around her neck. The red of her skin stood out against the cool blue of the water.

_'What do you want?'_

Lapis ignored the question in Jasper's eyes, "We have a long way to go." She didn't elaborate, slipping back out into the water and moving forward. The confusion in Jasper's eyes didn't leave even as she felt her cage shift and move around her, following behind the blue gem. With no other option, unless she wanted to be dragged along, Jasper set forward following this gem to wherever she was being led. More and more questions buzzed in the back of her head as she walked through darkness. Where were they going? How long did she have? Why was she still alive? What would Homeworld think? What did the brat even want? Jasper heaved a sigh and let her mind go comfortingly blank like the world around her, hand clinging to the collar around her throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was... something. honestly ive had this idea for awhile now, or maybe not so much of an idea as a need to dive into these characters while they're still so empty. the story will focus mainly on Jasper and be through her eyes, might even be her path to redemption?, but i figure ill throw in a couple of Lapis-centric chapters along the way; only way to get into her head. this /will/ end up with jaspis, how i get there is going to be a damn journey so feel free to stick around if ur into it.
> 
> ill try to incorporate as much canon as it comes out as i can, but that can only go so far w this fic
> 
> also this is the first fic ive ever written & published so pardon me for any wonkiness.


	2. Water Damage

Jasper became aware of her surroundings in degrees, bringing herself slowly back to reality. The first was the warmth, then the light. Gone was the cold inky blackness of the ocean, replaced by warm waters bathed in a gentle light. The next, and possibly most curious, was the absence of her warden. Lapis had been floating not too far off in front of her every time she looked, but this time she was alone. Her prison was still up so Lapis had to be close. 

Actually, Jasper wasn't sure if that was true, she didn't know exactly how powerful Lapis was. Maybe her grip shadowed the entire planet?

Still the dome kept moving and she kept pace.

It wasn't long after she was able to see the surface, see the planet’s moon and stars against the night sky through a curtain of water. Jasper honestly didn't think she would get to see it all again, see anything again. She had fully believed Lapis' intent to keep her at the bottom of the ocean forever. Jasper felt something warm spark through her, something like excitement; something like hope.

Jasper broke the surface soon after, managing only a few steps before collapsing on her own weight. She was overwhelmed. She was free, she escaped, but what was left for her now? The gem rolled onto her broad back, ignoring the irritating feeling of sand slipping against her shoulder blades. She brushed white hair from her face with a clawed hand, something like a smile hesitantly cracking its way across her maw. 

It vanished when a voice shattered the silence.

"It's nothing like Homeworld... but even _that's_ not the place I remember." It was almost a whisper. Jasper sprung into a sitting position, eyes trailing forward before landing on a figure sitting out on the water. Lapis. She was hunched over herself, knees brought to her chest, arms wrapped tightly around them as she stared at the sky; looking for something, protecting herself from it. The water around her was still as ice.

Jasper felt her hand shaking, couldn't hold the feeling back or the anxiety boiling under her skin. So she ignored the comment, tore her sight away from the blue gem and looked at her mangled arm. It was in a sorrier state than she remembered, barely anything past her elbow and the stump embedded with angry yellow lines and glimpses of crystal. Her body buzzed lightly as she brought the end up to her mouth, something like saliva poking out from her lips. She ran her tongue over the surface until the pain faded and the lines dulled. When she looked up she saw Lapis' questioning eyes on her.

Jasper swallowed hard, feeling her throat bob against the collar around her neck. The soreness in her throat had quelled some time ago so she tried speaking while she still had the other gem's attention. "How... l-long?" Jasper frowned at the stutter in her voice, sharp golden eyes boring into Lapis. How long was she stuck down there, stuck in some twisted mindspace where her thoughts were not hers alone. Lapis seemed to ignore the question at first, keeping her gaze on Jasper, but finally answered some time later.

"Almost... one earth year." Jasper must have gone blank because when she opened her eyes again Lapis was much closer, crouched before her with waves lapping at her black toes. She didn't feel like any of this could be real. "Why were you licking your arm?" The question seemed innocent enough; she took the distraction answering almost monotone as she tried to hide from the reality of this situation. 

_Failure_.

"Some jaspers... we're made with anti-septic or stabilizing qualities... helps seal wounds on our physical forms... quick fixes on the battlefield... so we don't have to reform too much." She was just a kindergarten gem after all, not worth anything more than cannon fodder; her gem could only handle so many reforms. That's why after everything Homeworld just left her on this miserable planet; abandoned her. She was nothing to them. It shouldn't have been surprising, but it still ached.

Jasper looked up to meet Lapis' eyes, eyes which hadn't stopped staring. Something like realization flickered through them. She felt the corners of her lips drag downward.

"Has Homeworld kept its stance on cracked gems?" Lapis asked, a curious lilt to her voice.

"... Yes."

"Then..."

 _You're a failure_.

"What does it matter?" She said instead, her tone was quick to colour with anger; sneer adorning her face. Jasper moved to her feet, erasing the space between them in two lumbering strides. Aggressive, she was acting needlessly aggressive. Lapis stood as well but didn't back away, seemed to be contemplating something. Jasper could see the water behind Lapis begin to quake unnaturally, could feel the tug against her throat. "Why do you care?"

"I don't." Lapis said easily, turning her back on Jasper and taking a couple steps onto, not into, the water. She seemed so at ease that she sat down once more, looking up at the night sky and staring at a particular star. Jasper didn’t have to look up to know which one. She wanted to rake her claws down the presented back. "I'm not afraid of you; you're alone and you're cracked." Jasper heard her say quietly, firmly. She watched the water around her throat slide away and hover above an outstretched blue hand. It bent this and that way under Lapis' will. "But," a pause as the water was placed back into the ocean, "you're afraid of me." There was an undercurrent of something like pride in her voice. Jasper didn't bother to deny it, felt the strength and anger sap out of her frame as she stared at the gemstone presented before her.

So close and yet powerless to reach.

"Why didn't you let me shatter?" 

"Do you want me to kill you?" Lapis said almost offhandedly as she looked back, like the offer was still there if Jasper was so inclined. There was a long period of silence that came after, nothing dared to disturb them. Lapis continued on, looking back at the ocean seemingly satisfied with Jasper's lack of an answer. "I saved you because you saved me."

Jasper could remember the fight in Malachite's mind, how the fusion sought to overpower them both and seize control of the body. At first she was inclined to allow this, but the fusion had made it very clear she was going to kill them all. She had intercepted a fatal blow meant for Lapis, allowing the blue gem to get the edge she needed to win. The stress of it all must have caused the crack in her gem.

"Don't think I did it for you Lazuli." Jasper scoffed at the notion, watching Lapis give a twitch before her. "I wanted out and you provided that opportunity. You just had to get rid of _her_."

"But what would have stopped me from keeping the fusion up?"

Jasper grit her teeth. "You're not an idiot, mostly. Malachite proved too strong for you, for both of us. She would eventually come back and overpower you. I doubted you wanted to be on my side of it all yourself. You've had plenty of prior experience being forcibly trapped after all… unless you like that kind of thing? Wouldn't be all that surprising considering." She hissed darkly. It was a bait, she wanted to rile the blue gem up, wanted to drag her off her high and mighty pedestal. 

It worked.

Lapis stood and whirled with a scowl, wings spawning to frame her intimidatingly as her small fists clenched. "Shut up." She hissed through rows of teeth, droplets of water floating beside her. Jasper didn't, Jasper couldn't find her off switch even as her stomach twisted uncomfortably. She was frustrated, especially with this little gem before her; the one that had ruined everything.

"Maybe you liked it in your little prison, liked being a tool. That's why you were so quick to betray Homeworld, so quick to imprison yourself back on this miserable planet! Just a-" Jasper didn't get to finish her sentence, interrupted as a giant hand of water slammed down on her. Her knees buckled under the pressure, bringing her face to face with the sand once more. 

" _Shut. Up_. You don't know anything."

"I know a lot more than you're willing to admit Lazuli!" She shouted over the roar of the water.

"And what about you?! Homeworld's lapdog, Homeworld's war veteran, Homeworld's trash. They _never_ came for you Jasper."

"They didn't come for you either! Another prisoner of war NO ONE cared enough to spare a second thought for!"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME JASPER!" The water pushed harder and Jasper could no longer resist the weight with just one hand. She slammed into the ground, felt the pressure of it all crush down on her. She could feel her body's urge to retreat, but she didn’t give in. It wasn't until a pained groan escaped her mouth that the pressure stopped. Jasper peeled her eyes open to look at the other gem, finding Lapis crouched over her with a frown on her face. Black tipped fingers pushed Jasper’s hair back, revealing more of her face. 

She was too weak to stop her.

Jasper watched Lapis' gaze narrow on her gem and felt a flash of anger. "Why are you like this?" Lapis demanded. There was a frown set harshly on her lips, anger lurking in the depths of her black eyes. "Are you corrupting that fast?"

Jasper didn't have an answer to that; she shrugged against the sand lapsing into silence as her mind worked in circles. She had never felt this lost before, she didn't have anything to her name anymore. Part of her wanted to somehow get in contact with Homeworld, beg to be taken back in. Maybe the Kindergarten had something, maybe the old ship? The thoughts of Homeworld brought thoughts of Peridot to the fore. She couldn't help but frown. Without her the technician was probably shattered, or maybe imprisoned by the Crystal Gems if their track record was to be believed. She really was alone in this wasn't she? What was she supposed to do?

Jasper felt _weak_ and hated herself for every second of it.

At some point the hand in her hair vanished, and Lapis moved, but Jasper paid no mind of it all until she found the strength to sit up again. "Stars, I don't know what's worse; the look on your face when you're angry or the one you have on right now." Lapis sneered. Jasper gave a snarl in the other gem's direction, eyes narrowing. "Definitely your angry face then," Lapis said snidely, crossing her small arms across her chest. Jasper only rolled her eyes, getting onto unsteady feet and walking up the coastline. She heard Lapis somewhere behind her speak up. "Where do you think you're going?"

"Why, are you going to stop me?" Jasper whirled around to ask, coming face to face with Lapis. She didn't blink, blue lips turned downwards. Jasper felt her claws sink into what was left of her right arm. She caved under the stare, pressure building somewhere in her chest. "I don't know Lazuli! I have nothing! I'm stuck on this miserable planet, I'm broken, and I'm alone in this. What would _you_ know about that?" Jasper winced the second the outburst left her mouth, but was too late to stop it.

"Everything..." They both quieted after that, giving in to the somber mood. 

It didn't take long before Jasper shook her head, heaving a sigh as she turned around and continued her path to nowhere. She didn't know what to do anymore, but she didn't have very many options. She was sure if it came to it she could push Lapis into shattering her, but did she want to die?

No, she realized. She wanted to cling to this pathetic life for all it was worth. Maybe corruption wasn't that bad? Maybe she would revert to something primal, something entirely animalistic, that it would rid her of any worries. Still, both of those options made her feel cold, empty. To have lived for thousands of years only to be reverted to _this_. Jasper was disgusted with herself. She ought to have gone out like a warrior...

Maybe that was still an option.

Jasper tensed when she felt something trailing behind her, feeling less than surprised to see it was Lapis walking in her shadow. She felt her lips curl down, a grumble in her throat. "Why are you following me?" Her eyes narrowed at the other gem. "Did you want to see me die?" Lapis had the decency to look slightly shocked, but more at being caught than any affront to the idea. Jasper rolled her eyes and stalked forward, trying to ignore the gem behind her.

"I have to make sure you don't hurt Steven." Lapis finally said after a significant pause, the excuse ringing hollow in Jasper's ears.

Jasper ran her hand through her hair, annoyed at all the lying, annoyed at that false name. "You and I both know I can't do that..." She would have to get through a fusion, a pearl, and a runt. Not bad odds on a good day, but she was missing most of an arm; one eye flickered on and off, and there was a limp in her right leg that seemed permanent. Coupled with the fact the next time she drew her weapon could be her last, she would be surprised if she even managed to take out the pearl. Then there was Lapis and Rose Quartz herself to account for. It was a fool's quest. "Why are you so insistent on protecting Rose Quartz to begin with? You have to know she had to play a role in your imprisonment."

"Steven isn't Rose Quartz. Steven is Steven."

"Just because she changed her form into that weak thing doesn't mean she's any different. She turned her back on gemkind Lazuli!"

"You're wrong! _He isn't her_." There was such vehemence to her voice, as though she actually believed what she was saying.

If Lapis wanted to be delusional that was on her, she wanted no part of it. "Just... shut up." Jasper glanced back with a sneer only to be met with equal anger. Jasper relented under the glare shot her way once more, breaking her gaze back to the sand at her feet. "Both of us… shut up." She amended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THAT NEW EPISODE THO RIGHT? HNNG
> 
> im gonna have to change some stuff i had planned w Peri i think... maybe, maybe i wont im v undecided. and yea shes gonna be in this; everyone will at one point or another. i have around 20k words already prewritten, and plans w this so i should update frequently. but i change stuff around a lot so i like having space to go back and fidget with things. i also got a few headcanons thatll pop in here that may make ya go ??? sorry c:
> 
> and a heads up w the M rating. thats for safety reasons rn mostly. there will be violence and all that jazz, and probably smut because i am t r a s h. ill be sure to make it clear at the beginnin if therell be smut in a chap. but that wont be for a loooooong time
> 
> anyway im rambling, hope yall enjoyed! be back in 2-3 days w chapter 3 "Bodyache" <3


	3. Bodyache

Travel was a cumbersome trial.

The first day was spent in relative and uneasy quiet, boots trailing along the shore; a pair of bare feet padding behind her. There was a pain in the back of Jasper's head, a constant burning throb she had only began to notice. It made it hard to focus, made her feet shuffle, made her prone to losing herself in thoughts she could find no end to. It was irritating to know she had played such an important role in causing this.

Jasper had believed, perhaps a bit optimistically - foolishly -, following along the shoreline would lead her back to the crumbling remnants of her ship, back to that town where it had all began. Somehow, someway, her ship would be alright, Peridot would be alive and well, and she would leave. By nightfall she realized it was a ridiculous thought and scorned her own mind for being so desperate. She had broken the heavy silence to ask where it was they were. The only response she got was a minute shrugging of blue shoulders, languid movements reflecting in the moonlight. Either Lapis had no idea or didn't care to share.

Jasper assumed it was the latter.

By the dawn of the second day Jasper was irritated. Without thinking about her actions she gave a sharp turn, marching away from the shoreline and away from the beach.

That had caused an altercation.

Lapis seemed adamant about staying near the water, whether it was for the power or to keep her sense of direction Jasper didn't care and wasn't afraid to say so. Her communication of this evidently left something to be desired, but the same could be said for Lapis' response. It ended with a fight that lasted the rest of the days light and Jasper feeling anger boil under her skin as she was chained and dragged back toward the beach. “ _You’re mine,_ ” was the last thing she heard Lapis mumble over the roar of the ocean.

The third was spent spitefully and resolutely not moving, licking her wounds and battered ego next to the ocean. Jasper hated that it had become so easy to control her, to break her further. Weak, was all her thoughts managed to shout over the din of pain in her head.

She decided on that day she did not like this planet's sun. It was too close, made everything too bright and too fast; too much, but that went without saying. Her thoughts always trailed back to Homeworld, always compared and reminisced. She could easily fit five of these Earth days in half of a Homeworld day. Jasper spent the rest of the day with her mind thankfully blank, split between staring at Lapis’ back and the sky above her.

By the fourth Jasper admitted to herself that Lapis would win this silent battle of wills. She had watched the other gem sit impossibly still atop the ocean from the moment the sun set to the moment it reclaimed the sky once more. Whatever Lapis was made of, she thought bitterly, Jasper did not share. She stood and moved along once more feeling a shadow cast over her as she was followed. Lapis for her part didn’t say anything or even gloat with her apparent victory, just silently trailed behind her. Jasper didn’t say it aloud, but she was thankful they didn't broach what had happened nights ago. She would rather forget; she would forget a lot of things if she could.

Regardless, she knew they both had a lot to think about.

It was so eerily quiet in her mind these days.

With the rising of the sun on the fifth day Jasper decided to stop tracking her time; what was the point? Why had she even bothered to begin with? She was to die on this planet, what did it matter how long it took?

#### xxx

"How did we lose the war?" Lapis had proven herself to have very little understanding of the concept of privacy. She was a curious and obsessive little thing, often sticking her nose where it didn't belong. Nothing seemed too wild to ask and personal space had become an abstract concept; a hand here, fingers there, prodding with feet and toes. Whenever Jasper decided to pause or give herself a break to quell the pain in her leg and the burning in her head, Lapis was suddenly very much _there_ and desperate to fill in the gaps she missed while being imprisoned. As if she was owed the information

Lapis reeked of the entitlement of a Homeworld gem.

"You expect me to know?" Jasper responded with a grumble hoping to effectively end the conversation before it started. The pain in her head was reaching it's peak once more, if she could have a few moments of calm it would crescendo and dull. She could pretend to be normal in the short time it took to start up once more. Jasper shifted, stretching out her malfunctioning leg. Lapis took this as a sign to prod at it, cold fingers sending a frown cracking down Jasper's face. The touch made her uncomfortable, and Lapis seemed unperturbed at her silent plight.

Jasper had found out the first couple times that ignoring Lapis Lazuli was a borderline impossible task. Even when it seemed vaguely successful it only ended up with the blue gem irritating her in another terrible way.

She didn't care much for the newer dynamic this fledgling silent agreement to not kill each other was taking.

"You were there, weren't you?" Lapis' voice was almost accusatory, as if she had caught her in a lie. Jasper rolled her eyes, shifting her leg underneath her and out of idle reach of Lapis. She was rewarded with an annoyed stare the she rebuffed with a growl.

"So were you Lazuli." Jasper managed as she looked out at the ocean, something hot stirring in her frame at the sight of those crashing waves.

"Not... for long though." That was new. Had Lapis been captured so early? How did someone so strong fall so easily?

"Still." Jasper sighed, lame arm twitching before her only hand came up to brush the hair out of her eyes. She stared hard at the red of her palm. Jasper still found herself trying to do simple tasks with a hand she no longer had. It was humiliating. She continued speaking, voice grave. "It became very obvious, even at the beginning, that we were _finite_. Rose Quartz's forces seemed impossible to put a dent in." The name rolled off her tongue with venom she would never retire. She had lost so much during the rebellion. She felt her hand dig into her scalp, riled up just thinking about it. All those traitors, all those gems fighting for some primitive race and a backwater planet. It was impossible to reason.

"The Diamonds eventually called it all off. Too many resources wasted, forces stretched too thin, and we left; abandoned this mistake." Jasper finished. She could still remember all the gems lost, all the senseless infighting, all those left behind, and that final parting gift. Jasper honestly thought she would never have to see this place again.

Wishful thinking on her part.

"Did we ever find another viable planet?"

"No, not like Earth." Her voice was clipped, annoyed. "You saw... Peridot. We don't have the resources to make us like we used to, not even Homeworld has anything left in her. Last I heard there was a planet on the edge of this galaxy, but it would take a couple millennia to get there and get a Kindergarten started, and if it's inhabited... Well, you know; doomed to repeat the past if we don't learn from it." Jasper knew they were one more Rose Quartz rebellion short of losing everything. "Yellow Diamond had decided to focus on clusters." She hissed.

"Clusters?"

"It doesn't matter anymore." Apparently Lapis took that as answer enough, pressing onward.

"About Peridot... Do you think she w-"

"I'd rather not think about it." Jasper spoke over her.

"Were you and her friends?"

"Hardly." The two were constantly at each other’s throats, and while a spiteful sort of camaraderie had spawned from it they would have never spoken to each other again when they had finished their mission. It never got to that point though. Jasper felt her hand clench and squeeze into her hair, eyes finally dragging away from the terrifying ripples of waves to Lapis. Her gaze was easily met. "But she was my responsibility. She didn't have the slightest idea about what she was getting into..." They had wiped Earth from the records after all. Newer gems didn't know any better, didn't know how close to the edge they were. It was assumed it would be better off this way.

Her response was met with silent contemplation.

Jasper couldn't hold her gaze much longer, felt her body tremble with quakes of anger. She _hated_ this; sitting down playing nice with the gem that had pressed her under waves for cycles. Was she that weak that she was to be subjected under this brat’s will? No better than a damned tool? A growl bubbled in her throat as she stood up and walked up the beach, away from Lapis and the ocean. It didn't take very many steps before she heard the telltale flap of wings and felt a glare digging in between her shoulder blades.

"Stop following me!" Jasper was screaming, turned with a wide gesture of her arm with her teeth bared. The other gem was on the ground now, arms crossed protectively in front of her.

"You can't leave... the beach Jasper." Lapis was too calm, said it like it was just to be accepted no questions asked. Jasper knew what she had intended to say.

_You can't leave me._

The pain was back tenfold.

"I said," Jasper took a dangerous step forward, toward Lapis. Her hand was twitching and something was swelling in her chest and pushing against the inside of her forehead. "STOP. FOLLOWING. ME!" Her voice bellowed into the night as she dived forward. It was obvious Lapis hadn't expected it, too used to being at the top of this to be touched. Surprise flickered through her features as Jasper slammed forward into her.

They rolled with the momentum through the sand, feet kicking and arms flailing before finally coming to an abrupt stop with Jasper above and easily pinning the smaller gem to the ground with the weight of her frame. "Why won’t you LEAVE?" She demanded, pulling her fist back and throwing it forward. She just wanted to see that snarling blue face gone. 

The thought brought a twisted grin to her lips.

Inches before it connected her arm snapped painfully to a halt, white hot pain licking at her shoulder as it bent awkwardly. She looked at her wrist, coated in a layer of water and hooked to a chain. It wasn't surprising; it was familiar, and that was so _frustrating_. Jasper roared, tugging against the chains even as another wrapped around an ankle and the bicep of her right arm. With nothing but desperation she lunged forward, mouth wide, teeth ready to pull, to rip, to tear; only to fall short of Lapis' face. 

Jasper let out a scream, thrashing and hissing as water locked around her throat. She was bodily pulled off and dragged down the sand, kicking and growling all the way. Incoherent demands and irrational peals of laughter were making it through her lips, reduced to a mess of hair and limbs. She was getting closer to the ocean; she could hear the waves lapping at the shore. Fear shot through her form with each passing second. She didn't want to go back. She felt something wet burn down her face.

Just before she was submerged the chains stopped tugging her, leaving her to stare blankly at the night sky feeling so empty; so weary, so small, waves idly lapping at her white mane as if trying to comfort her.

The sky of stars was quickly blocked by Lapis' fuming face. Jasper craned her neck further so she didn't have to look at her, feeling shame and anger at the tears rolling down her face. When was the last time she had cried? What a fool of herself she was making; so disgustingly weak. "LEAVE ME _ALONE_!" Her voice cracked painfully at the end, eyes burning as she slammed the back of her head against the sand and water like some kind of hysterical creature.

She did it until she wore herself out, heaving through lungs she didn't need to use.

When Lapis came back into view it was with confusion scored across her blue features. A finger pressed gently against Jasper's gemstone, tracing down the crack on the side. The touch was so painfully tender, so painfully conflicting from the stifling chains around her body; like fire and ice. It only caused more confusion and anger to flash through her, shaking her head violently until Lapis relented. "What's wrong with you?" The question was voiced again, impatient and annoyed, but this time Jasper was ready.

"YOU!" All of the remaining anger escaped with her voice, body curving rigidly against those damned chains before falling lax into the sand. More tears raced down her face, shame washing through her. "What do you want from me?" Jasper felt a whine form in her chest but bit it back, tried to stop what a pitiful state she was turning into. Lapis seemed genuinely taken aback from the outburst.

"Nothing! I-... I'm making sure you don't hurt Ste-" Jasper didn't dare let her finish.

"FUCKING LIAR!" She spat.

"I – I don't know okay?!" Lapis' voice took a high pitch, strained against her ears. It was annoying; everything about the blue gem was annoying. Annoying, annoying, annoying.

"No, no it's not fucking okay! _Let me go_!" Jasper thrashed against her chains again, snarling past the salty smell of the ocean. She put all the strength she had into reaching forward, clawed hand grasping the front of Lapis' top and dragging her closer. Something like fear sparked in the depths of those black eyes and Jasper let herself relish it before opening her mouth. "You hurt me," her voice hoarse and low as she spoke, "you broke me, and you _won_. Just... let me go..." Her grip tightened, claws sinking into the soft blue fabric. She watched a myriad of emotions play across Lapis' face, each one faster than the last.

Suddenly Lapis yanked away and out of Jasper's grasp, pulling back and chaining red arm with her powers.

"No." Jasper watched the blue gem's small fists ball up, her head shaking back and forth as she took a step back. Her brows dipped down, furrowed as anger ignited her features. "No, no, no, you don't get to play the victim now!" Lapis was screaming, easily matched Jasper’s previous volume as tears poked at the corners of her eyes. "Why should I care? When did _you_ ever care?!" Her voice was cracking, she was getting closer. Jasper squirmed under the ire, willing herself to yell back but feeling sick at the idea alone.

"I was just another _tool_ for you Jasper! You _used_ me just like the rest of them." Dread shot through her veins at the broken sound of Lapis’ voice, the tears running down her face. She felt something soft breathe in her, but she ignored it; funneled into her own misery and anger in its stead.

"AND NOW WE'RE EVEN AREN'T WE?" Jasper roared. "You got to use me, keep me in a mirror of your own making for cycles. I don't care if you want to justify it to yourself, I don't fucking care!" She went limp after one last snarl, breaking her gaze to look at the stars above. She found one in particular. "Just... p-please, let me go." There was a sinking feeling in Jasper's chest as she came to a realization. She couldn't be dragged back into the ocean; it would kill whatever was left of her.

The silence was suffocating and Jasper wilted in it. She heard a scuff and felt the chains around her body loosen and fall lamely into the sand below. She didn't move at first, weary and cautious, but when no immediate action happened Jasper pushed herself into a sitting position with her hand. She stared at her red wrist, relief pushing into her tense shoulders at the absence of chains. Waves of emotions washed over her, overwhelming her under a tide of confusion.

It took her awhile, but Jasper finally managed to look past herself and toward Lapis. The blue gem was curled in on herself on the ground, rocking slightly with the pace of the ocean. She looked confused but mostly tired, tears still leaking from the corners of her eyes. Jasper quickly wiped her own away, dragging her drained body to its feet once more.

Her leg wanted to protest, she could feel a shock of pain where a shackle had been seconds ago. She ignored it though.

Lapis slowly looked up at the signs of movement, clarity ringing through the fog of her eyes.

"Can you just... g-give me a moment?" Her voice was brittle, as though it was crumbling under its own weight. “You’re supposed to- I-I’m… We…” Jasper frowned and ignored her, dragging her feet forward and up the path she had chosen what seemed like hours ago. She didn't get more the three steps before Lapis spoke up again, more urgently; frantic. "Please! I just... let me think... Jasper _please_."

Jasper didn't give her the chance, didn't want to either. A chance to think could mean a chance for Lapis to be take her back into the depths of the ocean again. No, she wanted to _leave_. She didn't care, she wouldn’t care. Her mind was abuzz with white noise and fire, her chest clenched uncomfortably under the tightness of her shirt. She heard the rustling of a dress as she put more distance between them, but she dared not turn around until she crested the hill ahead. When she finally did turn back part of her wished she had just kept walking.

Lapis hadn't moved from where Jasper last remembered her except to stand. She was hunched over herself, cradling one arm with tears still pouring down the sides of her face. There was frustration furrowed in the deep set of her brows, but it was overwritten by the frown splitting her face. She must have thought to give chase at one point because her wings were out, but it was obvious she had reconsidered. Her once proud wings were now hanging low, tips splayed against the sand. Even from here Jasper could make out the sniffling and half hidden sobs. Lapis seemed resigned.

And then their eyes met.

For some reason it no longer felt like Jasper was the broken one.

That was her final thought as she worked down the other side of the hill, putting even more distance between her and the ocean gem and heading into dense woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> editin is so long and boringgggg
> 
> now, you may ask me; hyena, wtf, /how/ is this jaspis??? in due time children, in due time |D aint got much to say bout this chapter, hoped it was as hype as i thought it was. and i hope my characterization of Jasp doesnt spook anyone away; i just figure shes a lot more anxious and confused after Malachite. catch yall in a couple of days w chapter four o7
> 
> AND THANK YOU FOR KUDOSING IT BRINGS TEARS OF JOY TO MY EYES


	4. Blank Canvas

The useless air in her lungs was forcibly ejected as she slammed heavily into the harsh bark of a tree. Something like a curse tumbled from her cut lips, slowly finding herself on her feet as this _thing_ collided with her once more in the pouring rain.

The tree cracked under the pressure and she was rolling through the muck of the ground, clawing her way back to her feet. Most of the area around her had been demolished, turned into a barren patch of land and mud. She favoured her left leg as she looked at the gem before her, glaring under the bangs of her wet hair. This planet's inclement weather wasn't something she enjoyed, especially with how water brought a steady burn to her chest.

This was the fourth corrupted gem Jasper had sniffed out. It stood much taller than her on a pair of ugly spindly legs, its taught skin a mix of sharp protrusions and white fur spotted with mud. With the rain drenching it, its skin looked even more disturbing, something like an oil slick. It bore several claw markings riddling its emancipated frame from where Jasper got her hand on it.

Its arms were the only thing with weight to it. They were wide burly things, long enough to drag against the ground with each step. If that wasn't enough it had four; a duo splitting out of each elbow. The top heavy thing seemed to forgo a neck, body connected directly to its square shaped head where at least five mouths decorated it with one beady black eye. There was another mouth on the creature’s stomach, a barely noticeable seam from shoulder to hip hidden behind rows of sharp flesh and false teeth. Locked behind that seam was where the creatures gem was; she had only seen it when it had almost ripped her in half.

It didn't make for an easy task to get to. She missed the ease of using an axe, but she hardly trusted being capable to pull such a large thing from her gem let only wield it effectively with one hand.

The beast let out its disjointed roar, easily overpowering the rising volume of her own snarl. A manic grin of excitement crept on her face at its performance. She could feel the thrum and ache of her body, a sharp burning trailing from head to toe and igniting her.

She felt so _alive_.

Jasper dropped her idle thoughts as the creature threw itself forward; now was not the time to be reminiscing she thought with a laugh.

Jasper jumped back and out of the way as the creatures large paws slammed into the ground. The earth snapped under the strength, mud and rainwater flinging this and that way as it's claws dug deep into the soft soil. The good thing about this lumbering beast was how slow it was; that and its lack of self-preservation. It was easy to outsmart and win against someone who was blinded by anger, and Jasper could easily assume anger was all this thing had left in its sorry state.

It swung forward again and Jasper made sure to say out of its long reach, waiting for the opening she needed.

It came when one pair of the creature's arm slammed into a thick tree; spines and claws getting stuck in the bark. She jumped onto the arm, ducking and dashing forward to avoid the reach of the others before slamming her clawed hand into its face. Some fingers slid easily into flesh, others falling into its many mouths. Instinctively it bit down, dull teeth snapping and gnashing her fingers.

It was easy to ignore the pain when her body was thrumming with energy; when she had her mind set. Her whole body buzzed and radiated with a glowing energy, bright orange heat licking down her frame and straight into the creatures shut mouth. It howled with several mouths, pain causing it to irrationally lash out. Each of Jasper’s chuckles punctuated by each slash of a hand.

The crazed movements caused the beast to dislodge itself from the bark as it tried and remove Jasper from its front, but she maneuvered past any straying arms; watching with satisfaction as the spiked chest turn soft as it tore away at chunks of itself and all but gored itself in its attempts to tear her off. When it tumbled over onto its back, the creature’s mouth along its body opened with something like a pained groan.

Jasper forcibly pulled her hand free, tugging a jaw uselessly along as it howled. Busted claws dove straight into its chest shattering through jagged teeth into slamming down on the gem. It snapped and trembled under the force, with a blast of smoke the gem's form vanished into nothingness leaving Jasper standing above the gem with a savage grin splitting her face.

Jasper grabbed the two shattered pieces of the Ilvaite with a quick swipe of her hand. She added the pieces to her small collection; a makeshift pouch holding two Larimar gems and a Jade, stored for whenever she would need it once more.

Jasper sighed loudly as the thrill died down and her body cooled, looking at her busted hand as rain trickled paths down it. Her thoughts roamed as she realigned her fingers. Most of the past week – she guessed it had been a week if not more, but she wasn’t keen on keeping track - was spent on moving forward, trying to outrun her thoughts. Lapis tended to take up the brunt of her musing, but her mind was abuzz with plenty of other worries. She could still feel herself struggling to accept that Homeworld was no longer her purpose; it had been hard wired into her body to fight for them after all.

Now... now she could only fight for herself.

It was somewhat satisfying to have those thoughts, to think of the freedom before her, but it was also overwhelming and daunting. Where was she to begin? Was there even a point to continue?

Yes.

She discovered there was one when she had stumbled upon a pair of corrupted Larimar gems. They were in a disgusting state and fought viciously, but Jasper reigned over them. There was something very intrinsically pleasing about the explosion of smoke as they retreated, something she decided she would enjoy seeing over and over.

She had debated smashing the gems that had fallen at her feet and leaving but reconsidered. Gem technology, even if it was five thousand year old archaic things, riddled this planet's surface. Jasper had come by a few grand monuments of the past. It wouldn't hurt to have a bit of power in her hands if she came across anything that needed an energy source, or four. Maybe an old ship would still run with enough juice, maybe she could get off this planet. She didn't know where she would go, but the option was thrilling.

And if that didn't work, well... She could still go out fighting. Jasper could still die a warrior. Whatever happened she wouldn't give into corruption, into the constant throbbing pang of her head.

Jasper blinked back her thoughts, looking at her realigned fingers. They looked worse for wear; something that was reflected on her entire body. Cuts scored her frame, cracks of orange and yellow filling the expanse of her skin. Dirt and muck clung steadily to her, her hair a wild mess.

That was another thing she could go for; reformation.

She didn't feel safe doing so though. Corrupted gems seemed to be littered over this planet, and those weren't the only creatures with an affinity toward her. There was the occasional Earth fauna, but oddly enough there were plenty of gem creatures as well. Most of them she had never seen before, and brought curious question to the front, but they seemed to react rather violently toward her presence. With the damage she had been sustaining it would take a long time to reform, too long of a time to be vulnerable on this planet.

The gem growled in frustration, stalking forward through the rain and back into the treeline where there would be at least some shelter.

It didn’t take long before she could hear something over the din of the rain; her attention snapped forward when she realized it was words, someone was talking. Corrupted gems didn't speak. Jasper decided against sticking around. She leapt up a nearby tree, claws sinking deep into the bark as she scaled and propped herself on a high branch against the thick leaves.

The noises grew louder with each second, and before long a pair of humans entered her vision. They seemed to bounce off each other as the walked, hidden below a circular veil that reminded Jasper of a shield.

"No really, I've never seen anything like it!" The taller of the two was speaking in an enthused tone, a frown breaking out on Jasper face as it continued and walked past the tree she was hidden in. "I mean, there's always weird stuff around here like that blue lady with wings yesterday –“

Jasper tensed, could she be talking about… ?

The other human spoke up next, “The one you saw all by yourself?”

“Yea that one! But this, this was super weird! There was like, this huge black monster I swear, it was really tall and _really_ creepy. The coolest part was it wasn't alone Seckle!"

"Yea?" Seckle’s voice seemed almost bored, dry.

"Yea! It was fighting this giant orange lady! She was missing an arm and an eye like a pirate! It was so awesome and scary. I ran all the way to get you so you could see too."

"Why didn't you just take a picture?" She was pointing at some device around the other's neck.

"I uhh… totally forgot."

“You _keep_ forgetting. If you’re lying again I’m telling mom.”

“Seckle! I promise I’m not!" She made a weird noise before adding, "It’s going to be so exciting,” with a giggle. There was a pause as they shuffled further along. "It's just up ahead, wait 'till you see the big mess they are making too." The voices faded eventually and Jasper left her perch, landed gently onto the ground below with a splash. She gave herself a moment to stretch, back popping satisfyingly as she arched. She looked in the direction the humans had walked to before she looked back the way they came. There should be a human settlement nearby then. Those had maps and things right? Jasper shrugged mentally, taking a single step forward when a shrieking noise sounded off behind her.

Jasper whirled around with bared fangs, washing in the scent of wood and rain as she came face to face with that pair of humans again. Her brow furrowed as the taller - a generous word since it wasn’t even half her height - seemed to dance from one foot to another. The other had the decency to look surprised, clenching the stick she was holding that helped them against the rain.

"I told you!" Jasper looked them over. They were dressed lamely, homely even. Large boots adorned their feet, larger jackets over their frames. The taller one had glasses.

"I don't think this is something you should be excited about Anjou."

"But look at her, she's _so_ cool!" Jasper was tied between preening with the compliment and speaking. She did neither, watched them with entirely too feline of a gaze. The smaller of them tugged on Anjou's sleeve.

"We should _leave_."

"A little late for that now isn't it?" Jasper barely restrained herself from rolling her eyes. If they were going to run they should have done it at the beginning. Her arms crossed over her broad chest - or at least one of them successfully did considering - taking an aggressive step forward. The small one looked ready to bolt, but the taller one only made an annoyingly high pitched noise in the back of her throat. A growl echoed from her chest as she marched slowly over to them. She was slightly impressed they didn't run, she didn't know humans were _that_ dumb and _still_ managed to be dominant species on this planet.

"Look here runts, I need a map." She grumbled at them, staring down at them like the tiny things they were.

"My name's Anjou and this is my sister Seckle!" The taller one announced instead, pointing to the smaller one half hiding behind her half trying to look intimidating.

Neither was working.

"That's not what I asked. Give me a map." Jasper said again, feeling her arm flex in annoyance.

"What's your name big lady?" Jasper dug her fingers into her temples before snatching Anjou off of the ground and into the rain. The girl didn’t flinch despite the sudden movement; she barely even weighed a thing. The gem's fangs poked out from behind her lips. The Seckle human let out a shout of some sort but both Jasper and Anjou seemed to ignore it.

"My. Name. Is. Jasper. _Map_." She spoke her demand slowly this time, quickly running out of patience for this tiny human. Her breath fogged up the girl's glasses but despite that she only seemed to get more sparkly-eyed as the seconds past, small mouth making a perfect 'o'. Her eyes kept lingering over Jasper's missing arm.

Jasper bristled at the staring.

"Wow! You sure are strong Jasper!" She said after some time.

" _Anjou_!" The small one hissed.

"Oh! Right! The map!" The human said, shrugging her shoulders with a grin. "Y'see I don't have one on me right now, buuuuuuut! We have one back at home, right Seckle?"

"Oh my god you can't just bring her _home_! Mom will kill us!"

“That’s _if_ she finds out!”

Jasper let the human down, trying to control the snarl on her face. It didn't seem to be all that effective anyway. "At your home? Take me there. Now." She demanded, receiving a salute as tiny human fixed her glasses and shuffled forward, dragging her sister along. They began to talk in hushed but spiked tones that Jasper didn't care to overhear, pushing each other back and forth gently.

Humans were so... she didn't have the word. There would be nothing to gain in hurting or killing such fragile things.

The humans must have come to some sort of agreement because she felt two pairs of eyes on her as she trailed behind them. Jasper let out a growl, trying not to acknowledge the little creatures.

"How old are you Jasper? You gotta be real old to be strong like that! I'm only eight. Seckle's seven!" Jasper tried her best to keep her attention on the passing trees.

Seconds later a flash went off, causing her vision to momentarily blot with darkness and instincts kick in violently. She felt her eye narrow in on the square shaped device Anjou was holding. "What?" She growled. Jasper yanked it off the girl's neck, lips twitching as she looked back at the human. "What is this? What did you do?" She applied pressure at the ends of the thing with two fingers, watching it begin to groan and crumple in on itself with some satisfaction. While she wouldn’t hurt them, their things were fair game. Maybe it would smarten them up a bit.

"No, nononono! It's my camera!" A camera? What a primitive little thing. Jasper tossed the camera back, watched pieces of the lens fall onto the muddy ground. Anjou pouted as she reached down to prod at the glass. A sniffling noise came from her nose, but she didn't cry. Jasper felt her eyes roll again. "You broke it." She said lamely, looking up at the gem.

Jasper shrugged easily, tilting her head to one side. "Next time don't take pictures of me.” She drawled. “Now hurry up, take me to your home."

It felt sickeningly good to be in control of a situation for once.

The rest of the walk was had in dead silence, though every two or three steps was met with the Seckle human shooting a glare back her way. Jasper found it very easy to ignore her, and it wasn't long before a large structure came into view. It was a worn red colour and its doors seemed much too large for humans. Her face must have shown confusion because the little girl spoke up again, her voice heavy and morose.

"It's a barn... I-I'll show you inside, it's pretty cool." Anjou seemed to be trying to impress the gem, but there was quite frankly nothing noteworthy about it. It looked dumb and primitive like every other human structure she had came across. Still, she let herself be led inside, silently thankful for the break from the rain.

She could feel the tension in her shoulders begin to fade.

The interior of the 'barn' was lined with a few motorized machines and empty stalls. What they were for she didn't care to know, she had come here for a reason after all.

"The map." Jasper grumbled as she turned back around to look at the small girl.

Anjou looked to her sister. "Can you go get the map in my room?"

"No! I can't believe you're helping her she's so _mean_!"

"Seckle come on, it was an accident right Jasper?"

" _No_! Oh my gosh Anjou! You shouldn't help her!" Seckle fumed and stomped her tiny feet before pushing her sister hard on the chest. "You're such a pushover!" Seckle pushed again and again, and just like her observation Anjou let herself be pushed. Jasper didn't know what she was watching; annoyed at all this time she was wasting. Her eyes narrowed on the small box now behind Anjou, knowing what was about to happen before it did. One more push by Seckle and Anjou hit the box and tripped, twisting her leg as she fell into a pile of hay.

Seckle seemed shocked, trying to help her sister back up with quick apologies and a weak defense.

"Just! J-..." Anjou paused, pushing the hands away, her cheeks a brilliant red against her dark skin. "Just leave me alone and get the map Seckle!"

Seckle didn't argue, disappearing around the barn doors with haste to her tiny steps.

Jasper looked down at Anjou, brows furrowing at the tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes. She was suddenly reminded of herself a while ago, a complete mess barely capable of holding herself together. She gave a sigh, clearing the distance between them intending to help the girl to her feet. She stopped short however, when she crouched down and saw the odd angle the girl's leg was bent. Humans shouldn't be able to do that without extreme pain.

Anjou must have seen her staring because she tried shifting her leg away. Jasper stopped it with a single finger, eyes narrowing at the cold hard feel of it. She looked closer before tugging up the pant leg slightly to show the glint of metal.

"Prosthetic?" Jasper didn't even know she said it out loud until the girl nodded her head, sniffling under her breath.

"Mhm..." She wiped at her tears, apparently struggling to stop herself from crying. "I was in an accident a year ago. Mommy still cries about it sometimes." Anjou looked up at Jasper with teary eyes. The girl managed to hold her gaze before it broke away and fell onto Jasper’s right arm; or where it suddenly ended. It suddenly made sense as to why Anjou had been so fascinated by her arm. "You got in an accident too?"

Jasper thought back to Malachite, thought back to the pain, thought back to Lapis. She could still vividly recall watching herself fall apart.

She felt something heavy in her chest, sitting down fully next to the girl. Her hand cradled her lame arm, claws prodding at the edges. "Yes. About a year ago as well." She blinked over the memory of Lapis' hand in hers, the thrilling thought of owning the other gem. Maybe that’s why fusion was so frowned upon; it was so twisted. Jasper let her head fall gently down onto her knuckles. "I... made a mistake and I got hurt." There was something cathartic about finally getting that off her chest.

She _had_ made a mistake. Many of them...

Jasper looked over at Anjou who was staring at her in rapt attention, the light filtering in from the cracks in the shelter reflecting off her glasses. It only took a moment before Jasper was suddenly struck with a pang of homesick. It was a fresh and small feeling; she had to tear her eyes away lest she give in completely to the familiarity of it.

"You remind me of a..." She squinted briefly, "friend I had. She was very nosey too." Jasper said quietly, thoughts racing just behind her eyes. "She had it a worse than us though; both arms and both legs."

Anjou gave a small gasp in disbelief. "What happened?"

"She was made that way. No accident."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Mommy said sometimes that happens to people, a-and no matter what a person looks like they can be good too!"

Jasper didn’t have a response to that.

It was after Jasper helped fix Anjou's prosthetic back on and got her back on her feet that Seckle finally returned. The gem was greeted with a glare and piece of paper forced into her hands. Jasper let a sigh escape her mouth, a bad habit she noticed she was feeding, easing herself from her memories. Her large hands gripped the edges of the map and opened it, eyes narrowed at the marked primitive paper.

Still it was easy to align this map up with one from Homeworld.

"We're here." Anjou's finger pressed against the map, pointed at a spot far away from any marked cities or other symbols. Her gaze followed along a path to an unmarked spot. She knew that was where the Kindergarten was.

Jasper gaze continued past it after a moment, looked far to the right, along the shore to the ocean, lips turning downward. She quickly searched through her memory, trying to find something on what was lurking on the tip of her tongue.

"Beach City." Jasper spoke in a rather soft if contemplative tone.

A moment passed before Anjou nodded along. "It's over here." Her finger circled a spot along the shore, a fair distance from where Jasper was now - if this map was accurate - but close to where the Kindergarten was. Did she actually want to go back though? What would she even do if she made it there?

 _When_ she made it there, there was no if, she would make it there; Jasper was still confident in her abilities after all. Still she was also not blinded by them. She had no doubts the Crystal Gems wanted her dead, and if they found her she knew it would be over. It would be one final stop, one last battle before the end.

Perhaps, if forced to fight, she could convince Rose Quartz to shift back, face her once and for all. It would be an honourable death to fall to the rebel leader’s sword.

Jasper shook her head free of her thoughts, a sigh falling from her mouth. She was quick to take note of the direction and rolled the map up. An glow bubble enveloped the paper, quickly disappearing into her gem with a soft pop. The human duo made a couple gasps of surprise; so easily impressed these creatures were. Their ignorance was sort of charming, in a pathetic way of course.

The gem walked over to entrance but stopped short of leaving. Rain poured down even heavier now, the sky a dusty grey as the sun began to descend. Jasper frowned at the weather, cradling her amputated arm with a large hand. She was so tired of all this water. Maybe a break was needed; a moment or two to gather her thoughts before she set out on another long journey.

Perhaps her last one.

"Jasper?"

It was Anjou who spoke, the tiny human's face puffed and confused. Jasper raised a single eyebrow and stared at her with her good eye. Intimidation tactics didn't seem to work very well on her, but old tricks were so easy to fall back on. "I'll be staying here for now."

"You ca-" The younger one didn’t get to finish what she was saying.

"Seckle!" Anjou shouted. They both stopped talking and stared at each other, as though arguing the other one down silently. Eventually Seckle let out a sigh, crossing her arms across her chest with a pout overcoming her features. She stomped her foot one time too, for good measure. Jasper scoffed.

"Fine, whatever. Mom said you have to come in for dinner in five minutes." Seckle left after that, racing through the rain and the puddles from the barn to a nearby house. Jasper looked back to Anjou who seemed to be slightly hesitant about this whole situation despite fighting for it.

Rightfully so, Jasper mused.

"It's getting late so I have to go inside. I... how long are you going to stay here?" Jasper shrugged. "Oh, well okay then, Um, goodbye then Jasper." Anjou offered a soft smile and a tentative wave before racing out after her sister; laughter ringing after each puddle drew a splash into the air. Jasper watched her climb the steps to the other house's porch and disappear behind a door.

She stared a little longer, watched the warm light from inside filter though the windows and finally shut the large barn door. The rain echoed through the empty barn, filling the silence as Jasper let her thoughts wander freely, hand tugging through her mane of hair.

For once, in the quiet of the night, her thoughts were left unanswered and her mind her own. Jasper was alone again.

She wasn’t sure if she liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what are fights scenes???? where is Lapis??? why are these children named after pears??? who tf knows
> 
> also hopefully my tiny oc girls arent too cringeworthy. i have never written children before c': and yea looks like im gonna ignore canon Peridot and stick w the fanon prosthetic!Peri whoops. sorry i love her a lot that way aaa (not that smoldot isnt amazing)
> 
> this chapter had to get split in two cause it got so long, so chapter five should be up quicker this round.
> 
> //screams for 5 years about todays episode


	5. The Spine

The rain had stopped some time ago but Jasper made no signs of moving. She was sheltered in the rafters of the barn, her back against a sturdy if harsh plank of wood some twenty or thirty feet off the ground. Her sharp golden eyes had easily adjusted to the dark, but they stared resolutely at the blank roof above her. They shifted back and forth as if moving along with the thoughts that swallowed her.

Most of them trailed toward a certain blue gem. 

_Still_. Even after all this time.

Jasper couldn’t put those damn thoughts to rest; it felt like something was gnawing on her head.

The gem let out a growl of annoyance as her mind conjured another image of Lapis Lazuli before her, a hand pawing through her hair roughly as her chest caved under an invisible pressure. Lapis was such a sore spot for her pride and her battered mind and yet she couldn't help but wonder where the gem was now; especially after what she had heard Anjou first say. 

_Why_ did she want to know? It would be better if she never met Lapis again, better if she could just forget about Malachite.

Better if she could get off this gem-forsaken planet... 

Thankfully, or perhaps not, an interruption came in the form of a noise at the entrance of the barn; a soft groan as the doors were pushed slowly open. Each inch pushed forward allowing even more moonlight to creep gently in.

Jasper nimbly readjusted herself on the rafting; flipping from her back onto her feet; crouched high in the darkness. She watched with narrowed eyes as a shadow passed the door before something small and hunched scurried in shutting the door behind them and locking them in darkness.

"Jasper? Are you still here?"

_Anjou_.

Jasper didn't say anything immediately, watched as the girl trudged into the depths of the barn with boots caked in mud and a cloth wrapped tightly around her. There was something in her hands pressed close to her chest. She was fairly thorough in her search, but each empty corner seemed to cause her shoulders to slump further down. Anjou eventually let out a soft sigh of disappointment, making her way back to the entrance. Jasper moved then, dropping down with a soft thump in front of the girl. 

Unsurprisingly she started, giving a squeak of surprise as she tumbled backwards. It was briefly satisfying.

"Jasper!" Anjou squealed in an annoying high pitched voice, picking herself back up off the ground with a hand over her chest. "You scared me! Don’t do that!” She was only angry for one more fleeting second before she fell back to being impressed. She looked up. “How'd you get up there anyway?" The small girl moved forward, tapping a hand against Jasper's arm as though to reassure her she was actually there.

"I jumped." Jasper supplied easily, pointedly stepping away from the touch. Anjou ignored this, uselessly trying to tug the gem somewhere. Jasper felt her eyes narrow. "What?"

"Come over here and sit."

"No."

"C'mon!"

"No."

"Please?"

"Why?" Jasper felt her patience being tried for the umpteenth time on this damned planet; Anjou had a striking resemblance to brand new Kindergarten gems personalities.

Anjou seemed to ignore Jasper, just kept tugging in vain as she answered a question Jasper didn't ask. "At dinner mom was wondering why we were in the barn so I said we found a dog and we named it Jasper. Do you know what a dog is? She almost came to check on you but I said you left because I don't think mom would like you staying in the barn. You-you, not dog-you, it would be okay if you were dog-you. After we ate me and Seckle went to our rooms but she was still mad at me. I couldn't sleep so I snuck out and came to check on you. I brought a blanket because it's cold at night and you might need one even though you feel warm." 

Jasper blinked blankly through the onslaught of words. 

The tiny human stopped pulling and offered her the cloth Jasper had seen wrapped around her. She pointed down, signaled Jasper to come down to her level. The gem rolled her eyes but finally complied, seeing no harm in it as she grabbed the cloth and sat down. Maybe Anjou would be less inclined to speak so much if she just went along. 

She watched as Anjou stretched upwards on the tips of her toes, trying to reach her face. Jasper had to bite back every instinct in her body that screamed for her to tear and rend the offending hand. What could this thing do to harm her? Instead she calmed the ache in her chest and lowered her head cautiously toward the small fingers. A frown of confusion worked slowly across her face as the tiny hand went up and past the gem on her nose.

"You have a lot of big and sharp teeth." The girl observed. Anjou's hands settled somewhere on her forehead, a soft hum escaping her mouth. She readjusted her glasses as she looked up at Jasper. "My mommy does this when I'm really warm and she thinks I'm sick. I don't think it really helps though." Jasper squinted at her. 

"What's a 'mommy'? You keep referencing her."

"You don't know what a mommy is?"

"That’s why I'm asking." Jasper all but growled, feeling something like embarrassment or shame for her ignorance. Why was she supposed to know all the little fallacies humans made for themselves.

"Well I mean... she's a mom? She makes you in her tummy and she's your family? She's like a bigger you and loves you lots." Anjou tilted her head, continuing, "Do you not have a mom?"

"No one does where I'm from. We don't have a 'family' either." 

This time it was Anjou's time to squint, eyes narrowed fiercely or at least as fiercely as something maybe four feet tall could manage. Jasper was somewhat impressed at how well she pulled it off. "Are you from Russia? Mommy says people from there are really weird and-"

"What? No?"

"Oh."

They both lapsed into silence after that. Anjou gave a huff as she tugged the blanket from Jasper's large hand, spreading it out and covering them both – of course both was a generous word since it barely covered one of Jasper’s legs let along her whole body – as she sat next to the large gem. She wouldn't stop staring either, and Jasper would be damned if she backed down from a challenge by something so small. 

She bared her teeth and Anjou let out a giggle, breaking eye contact momentarily.

Victory. Mostly.

Jasper looked her over warily, brows furrowing. There was a question she had been holding onto for a while now, she wasn't sure if she wanted the answer. Something like anxiety creeping into her skin whenever she thought about it. She wasn't going to let it control her though.

"I heard you say you saw something like me but… blue?"

"Yes, it was yesterday. She had wings made out of water and webbed hands it was so cool!" Anjou looked down at her hands and paused as if she was reconsidering her words and didn't want to make Jasper feel inferior. "She was a lot smaller than you though." Jasper shook her head.

"Did you talk to her?"

"I did but she didn't answer me. She was just sorta looking around and ignoring me."

"Did she say anything?"

"No. She landed by the barn and then she was gone again. Flew off toward the mountains." Anjou looked back up to Jasper as she recounted her tales, curiosity starting to shine in those brown eyes. "Are you friends with her? Was she looking for you?" Jasper growled at the idea, feeling her fist clench against her side. She didn't trust herself to speak, rather just shook her head as she considered this information. 

Lapis _had_ to be following her, there as no way this was a coincidence. But what could the other gem possibly want from her now? Jasper bit back her seeping fear; Lapis was very far from the ocean, she couldn’t be that strong now could she? 

Her thoughts were interrupted by Anjou's voice; it was as though she just realized something. "Your nose is weird."

"So is yours." Jasper hissed back.

Anjou seemed genuinely surprised to hear that, small hands poking and prodding at the small nose on her face. Jasper sighed loudly, shaking her head and looking off at a blank wall.

"Did I wake you up?" Anjou asked, tapping on Jasper's arm until the gem growled and turned to face her with a mouth full of teeth. "You're so grumpy Jasper. You should go back to sleep."

"I don't need to sleep."

"Of course you do, everyone does!" Anjou reached around her, pulling out a square thing from under the cloth. Jasper looked at it with a quirked brow. "It's a book about a grumpy tiger! It reminded me of you. I'm too old for this now but you might like it." Jasper looked like she'd rather be anywhere than right here.

_Oh joy, small human literature_ , she mused. 

"Okay, first you have to get comfy and lie down."

"I'm okay." Jasper had a sinking feeling she wasn't going to win this one.

"You can't sleep sitting up!"

"I'm not sleeping."

"Not yet, you have to lie down."

"Go back to your house."

" _Jasper._ "

Jasper let out a strangled noise from the back of her throat, all but throwing herself backwards and laying against the cold ground. "There!" She growled, claws sinking into the fabric of the cloth. They got stuck and Jasper felt even more annoyed, trying to gently remove them before running out of patience and tearing her hand free. She let out a roar, retracting her claws away from this death machine.

She should just leave now, the rain had stopped long ago. 

What if she bumped into Lapis though?

"See, you're so grumpy because you need to sleep." Anjou stated as she opened up the book, flipping back a couple pages to the very beginning. She showed the pictures there. There was a feline on it, hunched over and with far too human characteristics. It’s grumpy face was irritating Jasper, making her unconsciously mimic its features. "That’s a tiger. It's kind of like you." Jasper narrowed her eyes.

"How?" She was more than just some stupid earth fauna.

"It’s got stripes just like you, it’s really cool and strong and fast oh and-" She flipped through a couple pages before showing another to Jasper. The tiger had its mouth open in this picture; roaring. "It's got lots of sharp teeth too." Anjou went back to the beginning. "Okay so close your eyes and try to sleep. I'll read this book." Jasper wondered where her pride had vanished to as she complied with the tiny human's wishes. 

The darkness behind her eyelids was strangely comforting, even as Anjou's annoyingly soft voice began to read out whatever was on those pages and drowned out her aggressive and persistent thoughts. All of them except for one.

_'Mine...'_

#### xxx

Jasper dripped into consciousness slowly, left eye bleary as it opened and revealed the interior of the barn; worn reds and scattered hay. She could barely remember what had happened, a vague recollection of Anjou mumbling about being tired and a tiger trying to fish and then nothing.

She drew a blank.

Now she was lying on her stomach, buried underneath her hair with her head nestled in the crook of her arm. 

Had she slept?

She could see light peeking through the cracks of the barn a clear signal that a significant amount of time had passed. She felt something like soreness in her limbs and went to move. That was when she felt a weight on her back. Jasper tensed for a moment before she heard the soft mumbling of Anjou. 

The little runt had _slept_ on her?

"Anjou." Jasper said through gritted teeth, pushing upward slowly so the small human wouldn't be thrown off her back. Rather Anjou slid down, slumping lamely against the ground with a sleepy groan. The gem ignored her for now, shifting her body forward and up in a satisfying stretch; one that made her want to slip back into the inky darkness of sleep. She felt lighter, different. It took her languid thoughts to realize why; the throbbing in her head had calmed significantly, nothing but a dull ache. She only realized in this new silence how much she had been aching.

Maybe the humans were onto something with this sleep thing.

The small human stirred somewhere behind her, yawning loudly and clicking. Jasper furrowed her brow and looked back at the girl, watching her put her glasses on. The clicking noise was getting louder and Jasper was ready to berate the child for it. But Anjou wasn’t the source; she wasn't sure why she had thought so at first. Her mind seemed so dull right now.

Even so something uneasy settled through her, eyes settling on the far wall where the clicking was growing louder accompanied by a disjointed groaning. Jasper's gaze shot back to the human. "Anjo-!"

The far wall exploded inward, showering her in debris. She wasn't sure when she had moved, but Jasper found herself huddled over the human. She looked Anjou over for any injuries, but she had managed to get there in time and block any straying pieces of wood. She protected this little girl. Jasper washed the thought away, a growl was rumbling in her chest as she nodded toward the door. "Anjou you need to leave." Whatever smashed through the doors was starting to move again, each second passed echoed with a chorus of clicks.

"W-what is that Jasper?"

"Anjou leave."

"I-I can't J-jasper." Jasper felt herself bristle, patience low. She was about to demand why when she saw the prosthetic limb a few feet away. There wasn't time for that right now. She grabbed the child and turned to make a run for it. 

Jasper didn't make it two steps before the thing collided into her. She took the brunt of the fall, smashing into a nearby motorized machine and feeling cold metal slice into her back. It felt like fire. The precious seconds she gave herself to get back to her feet was spent to see exactly what it was she was facing against. She wasn't fazed.

Another corrupted gem. An ugly one at that.

The green creature was pressed low, engorged belly skimming the ground even though it had seven arms to hold it up. Its head was oddly flat but covered in hair that hid any distinguishing features besides hollowed out spot where a gem was and an unhinged jaw hanging far below. Its body was worm like as it moved and its rigged carapace glinted in the splintered sunlight. Each step it took made a sharp click-click noise as its clawed six fingered hands clanked against each other and the ground.

It looked like it could rend her into impossible small pieces if she got close enough. 

This thought was only amplified when it stood up on a pair of its arm revealing its long fleshy stomach which was covered in an assortment of beaks and pincers alike.

"Whoa cool!" Jasper whirled her head down toward Anjou, disbelief raking her features as she stared at the child. Was there something wrong with her? This was dangerous not cool.

"Not the time Anjou." Jasper hissed as she jumped over and onto the charging creature, propelling herself off the shell of its back and further away. The gem escaped the way the creature came in, leaping forward toward the house. She wouldn't be able to fight anything if her only arm was occupied. She placed Anjou down on the porch, bringing a clawed finger up to the child's nose with her eyes narrowed. "Stay." Anjou only nodded, clapping her hands excitedly.

She seemed to want to see another fight, it was kind of endearing.

Jasper dashed back to the barn, watched as the creature crawled out of the hole and turn to face her. Her claws descended and her knees loosened as she waited for the thing to move, expected it to charge. It didn't at first, seemed to size her up with its slow bobbing head. Eventually its took a few slow steps forward before rolling up and charging her way. 

Jasper managed to jump over the rolling creature, watched as it sprang open like a trap on the spot she was just at.

She landed some feet away, closer to the barn. It repeated its charge, and this time on its attack Jasper reached out with a clawed hand. They scraped harshly against the carapace, a sound like steel meeting steel, but it left no lasting damage. The third and fourth pass had Jasper bringing down her fist, the fifth one had her knuckles settling odd under her skin. The grin on her face was giving way to a frown. 

The damn thing was stupid but durable.

Jasper hissed as on its sixth pass one of its arms snagged her leg and sunk its claws in. It seemed to be whirling around to try and close around her. She tried to dislodge the arm but to no avail. The bug like thing slammed into her, stopped short by a foot on its stomach. The other arms immediately sunk into the flesh of her leg, shredding the cloth along her skin as it dragged her toward it. She could feel her boot slide across its underbelly, the material eviscerated in seconds as it began to dig into her skin. 

Jasper felt a scream threaten to escape, but only let out a hiss surface through her fangs. The thing was going to rip her apart and devour her if she let it. A smirk crawled across her face, brows furrowing as humour sparkled in her eyes. Her eyes dulled.

She’d be damned if she let it.

Agonizing pain pressed against the front of her head as her gem glowed followed by her whole frame, a desperate craze bringing her weapon to life on her head. She didn't hesitate, throwing her neck forward with all of her strength and a bellowing laugh. The helmet hit solidly on the creature, and for a moment everything was still. Then suddenly and all at once the pressure caved, the gem folding and shattering with the ground near it. A blast of smoke buffeted her as Jasper willed her weapon away, growling past the pain shooting up her twisted gleeful face.

When the smoke was cleared Jasper found herself on her knees. A hand pressed against the right side of her face, pads of her fingers feeling along the newly cracked surface that raked from her forehead to her jaw. The sinister smirk fell from her face. That was close. Too close. She couldn't be summoning her weapon out like that, she had to find different ways or a regular sword. Jasper let her eyes close, relaxing at the darkness and calming.

Minutes later she opened her golden eyes, but could only see out of the left. The right had finally given out then. She reached out to grab the Diopside gem when another hand beat her to it. She looked up slightly to be met with a curious look from Seckle. 

Soon after shouting was heard as another human entered her significantly smaller field of version. She was much taller, looked older as well, cradled Seckle protectively against her frame. She was whispering something fiercely to Seckle, but Jasper focused on getting to her feet and willing her right eye to work again.

"No mommy it's okay, that's Jasper!"

"The _dog_?!" The older woman said hysterically. Seckle paid her no mind, walking up to Jasper with something other than anger on her face; awe.

"That was _really_ cool!" She offered the cracked Diopside gem in upturned palms, and Jasper gladly took it and pocketed it.

"I told you she was cool Seckle!" Anjou stumbled next to them, patting Jasper lightly on her arm. Jasper growled instinctively in response, causing the older woman to tug her other daughter to her as well, but made no further moves of aggression. Anjou was leaning on a makeshift crutch as she looked up at the older woman. "Don't worry mom, she's okay! Jasper this is my mom! Mom this is Jasper!"

" _THE DOG?!_ " She didn't seem to be quite over this piece of information.

"I'm not a dog." Jasper rasped, feeling a frown settle on her lips.

" _Obviously_..." The woman managed under her breath.

"I think she's Russian." Anjou stage whispered. Colour quickly flooded the mother’s face, pressing a hand against Anjou’s mouth as if she said something she wasn’t supposed to. The girl wasn’t deterred, pulling the hand down to continue. "But she's got lots of sharp teeth like a dog." As if that explained it all.

"Anjou oh my god, please don't lie to mommy next time." The mother hugged Anjou and Seckle tightly, pressing quick kisses to their foreheads before standing up again. She seemed unsure what to next and offered Jasper her hand; her tiny human hand. Jasper, for her part, stared at it. "I'm Forelle. Thank you for saving my daughter Jasper."

"Can we keep her mom?" Anjou asked.

"No?" 

" _No!_ "

Jasper and Forelle responded automatically before meeting each other's eyes. Something like an uneasy smile settled on the older woman's face. "I can't stay here." Jasper continued, looking back to Anjou who was doing something sickeningly pitiful with her face. The gem rolled her eyes. The only reason these corrupted gems were so active was because of her presence. Jasper let her sharp gaze settle on the mountain range nearby; she wasn’t the only gem around though. 

She should look for _her_ shouldn't she? Stop whatever it was before it started.

"Hey Jasper." Anjou's voice caught her attention and she turned back toward the girl. She seemed cuddled up with her younger sister, using her as support as she pulled something off her neck. "Take this! It's a gift." It was the camera she had broken. Jasper picked it up by the strap, letting it hang off her large finger as she eyed it.

"It's broken."

"Well _yea_ , you did that remember?" The gem growled, of course she did. "But!," Anjou continued, "Maybe it'll give you good luck?" Jasper didn't try to fight her on this. If she didn't want it she could always throw it away when she was out of range... but she kind of wanted to keep it. Jasper ended up wrapping and tying the straps around her right bicep, large hand covering the camera almost protectively. Her gaze locked on the mountain range as her feet idled forward.

"Are you going then?" It was Anjou again. Jasper didn't bother to give a verbal response, just nodded as she took more steps away. The silence lasted only a few seconds later when the trio broke out with a collective "Goodbye Jasper," Anjou's voice the most prominent and excited. The kid seemed excited over just about anything. "It was nice to meet you!" She finished, softly; sincerely. 

So... strange, humans were.

Jasper offered a half wave of her own, voice thrown loudly over her shoulder.

"Goodbye Anjou."

Jasper made it to the treeline not long after, hand idled in her hair as she paused to gather her thoughts. She decided against looking over her shoulder, against looking back this time; she learned her lesson the first time on this damned planet. Rather she focused on her task ahead of her and the mountain coming up before her.

"Lapis Lazuli." She spoke to the wind, good eye narrowing as she started moving once more. It was time to figure out what the sad little gem wanted from her; Jasper knew Lapis was here for her. 

She had learned a long time ago that there were no coincidences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well say goodbye to the pear family we gettin back on track for the main event next chapter; we gonna go get ourselves a Lapis Lazuli(gonna need a bigger boat ahahahahahaha ;u;) thats right! the angst is coming back. hope yall enjoyed the momentarily reprieve :^)
> 
> thanksgivin is comin up so its been hard to write and edit lately. just lucky i have a lot of chapters already done and just waitin or else updatin would be a bit of a problem 
> 
> anyway the next chap should be up either late tomorrow or the day after, so ill see yall again then
> 
> and thank everyone once more for reading/kudosin/commenting! that shit is wild and i love u all <333


	6. Haunting

The sun was falling in the sky again, bathing the woodland landscape an array of oranges and pink. The higher she went along the quiet mountain range the more the wind beat against her tough skin; a howling noise to accompany her disjointed thoughts.

At one point or another, she could scarcely recall when exactly, she had phased away her shredded boots and let the ground press against her bare feet. Her wounds had mostly closed up, nothing but suggestions against her dual colored skin. Jasper knew her appearance was haggard; her hair a mess of twigs, her skin blotched with bruises and scars, her uniform hung in some places, holes in the other.

She felt wild, untamed in a way that was foreign; new. Her whole life was rules and war, strict orders and even stricter superiors. Everything was always a balancing act on a blades edge.

It was different now, brought a slew of emotions with it, even encouraged her sometimes.

The gem pressed her hand against the yellow diamond crest emblazoned on her suit, unmarred and proud. It was the last piece to a past she was no longer allowed to experience; a relic, much like herself.

Mostly it was a comfort.

Her hand slid away, gently grasping onto the new adornment on her mauled right arm. Confusion briefly filtered through her yellow eye.

 _Anjou_.

Jasper shook her head clear of her thoughts, letting her red and bruised arm fall to her side. The trees around her began to knit closer together, some situations making her have to shift and squeeze or walk around altogether. It felt oddly nice to be in such an enclosed and confusing space; two parts out of familiarity, three for reasons she didn't care to admit.

Couldn't admit.

Her gaze meandered forward, past the leaves of the trees and toward a snow capped peak. She stopped and stared, hand beginning to twitch at her side. Jasper honestly didn't know what she was doing. With each passing second she felt doubts bubble and prick under her skin; knots of anxiety swelling somewhere deep in her. Why was she doing this? What could she possibly gain from this? Death, pain, or imprisonment?

 _Answers_.

Jasper wanted answers, answers to a lot of things even Lapis wouldn't have, and she knew this was the only way to get them.

The first step toward a much longer path.

The gem cradled her lame arm, claws pricking at the skin as she trudged forward again determination safely guiding each step forward. She gave one last look at the setting sun and the explosions of colours around her. It was somewhat reassuring, relaxing.

Maybe Earth wasn't as miserable as she thought.

#### xxx

Jasper's endeavors were uneventful, thoughts blurring into a sharp stain of confusion and dust somewhere in the depths of her mind. It wasn't until she perched herself near a ridge that something finally broke the monotony of tree, tree, tree, rock, tree.

 _Someone_.

Lapis flew out from a cave somewhere below her, diving forward like lightning. Her wings reflected the moon's light, almost seemed to store it and glow. Her lithe body passed over a lake that was cradled, almost hidden, in the mountain's pass before disappearing over a neighboring mountain ridge.

Jasper watched the swell of the mountain for a few moments with her hand clawing into the ground beneath her, watched for Lapis' return with a sharpness to her eye and a hollowness in her chest. She didn't blink.

Nothing returned and Jasper moved.

She was quick despite her injuries, knew how much her body could take as she put one foot over the ridge's edge. She fell down the steep hill, claws raking through stone and dirt alike, leaving a cloud of dust billowing behind her as she tried to control the speed of her descent. It worked, mostly, landing heavily if stiffly on her arched feet. It was jarring, but nothing like the firey lick of pain spiked through her body; a good sign.

How long would her fortune hold though? She felt like a trespasser here, an intruder. She could imagine silent alarms alerting _her_ of her presence.

Every nerve was set alight, spine straight and shoulders tense as she glanced around. It was a clearing of sort, trees few and far between with a steep but natural path leading straight to the sparkling lake before her. Jasper turned around to take in the nearly sheer wall of mountain behind her. A crack shot up it, a curved entrance to a grotto hidden behind a veil of slimy green.

It looked like Lapis had taken precaution not to disturb the vines too much, but Jasper could make out the many comings and goings of the other gem. Footprints in the dirt, vines unnaturally organized, and traces of water brushed against rocks. Apparently Lapis had found herself a sort of temporary shelter on this planet, that meant she would likely return.

Jasper invaded the pseudo den, roughly tugging away the vines and slipping through the tight fit. It opened wider the further she journeyed, and soon she was met with the bulk of the cave. The back half of the cave seemed completely submerged, the sound of trickling water echoing through the enclosed space. She was lulled towards the gently lit pool, feet disturbing its calm surface as she looked anxiously into its depths.

Only her wild reflection stared back.

The waters went far down enough that Jasper couldn't see the bottom, it was unnerving. Perhaps it led somewhere?

She wouldn't be the one to investigate.

Jasper backed away from the pool, eye flicking here and there as she paced the cave. It was surprisingly spacious. Her exploration however, was cut short with the sound of gentle padding. She felt a weight settle somewhere in her stomach before she even heard _her_ voice.

"Jasper..."

The voice had her bristling, turning slowly, cautiously, to be met with the gem that hand been haunting her thoughts since arriving on this primitive planet. She raked her golden eye up and down Lapis' figure, a cold ache beginning somewhere in her chest and numbing her the tips of her fingers. Lapis looked exactly like how she remembered; no signs of brawling or surviving the harshness of Earth. The only difference was there were no tears, just a weariness that shone in her black eyes and echoed through her small and rigid frame.

She could feel Lapis sizing her up as she did the same.

Lapis was not powerless here; here where a pool rippled agonizingly slow behind her, where a lake reflected the moon just a breath away.

"Lazuli." Jasper found her voice after a significant time, deep chords slow and dangerous. Lapis seemed to accept that, making no further move to continue speaking or erase the distance between them. Jasper half thought the gem would be on her immediately; she could imagine the water wrapping around her wrist with startling clarity, but Lapis didn't do _anything_. She just stood there and stared, met gaze for gaze. Jasper felt her lips curl, the cloying scent of mossy stone and water resting in her mouth and against her tongue. She took a step forward, the sound of the claws on her feet raking against the stone below filling the chilled silence.

The cave felt _heavy_.

Lapis straightened slightly at the approach but other than that did not move, continued to remain still as a statue even as Jasper pressed closer.

Jasper could feel a harsh and violent thrum in her frame with each step, felt as she was fading past her edges. Her hand threatened to shake as she reached out, palm stopping just short of pressing into and smothering Lapis' face. She was surprised and confused the other still hadn't moved, hadn't even considered to ensnare the pool water into her service.

What game was this gem playing at?

How far was she willing to be pushed?

Jasper lowered her hand, pressed and pushed forward against Lapis' chest. The blue gems gaze sharpened at that, but she still allowed herself to be pushed. There was a soft clink as Lapis' gem pressed against the rocky wall. Jasper wrapped her hand around Lapis' shoulder, thumb pressing against the other side of her neck and prodding against the surface of gills.

The hollowness in her chest swelled with an addictive heat.

This was exactly how she imagined dealing with Lapis, nails pressing against the skin enough for it to tighten but not pierce, to finally be in the position above Lapis. But it was empty, it was fake. Jasper held no power over this gem, she was just playing along. Lapis was _allowing_ this, _allowed_ the hand on her throat, _allowed_ Jasper close. There was a snarl ripping it's way across her orange lips.

 _Why_?

"What are you doing?" Jasper rasped, taking her eye away from the taut blue skin beneath her claws to meet Lapis' gaze again.

"Nothing..." Lapis replied tonelessly, eyeing the scarred and cracked side of Jasper's face. In a painfully slow move she lifted her chin more.

"Nothing?" Jasper demanded lowly as her eyes flitted down toward the new expanse of neck being presented to her.

 _Tempting_.

"Nothing." Jasper grew frustrated with that, grip tightening almost enough to hurt before letting go all together. She didn't fully retreat though, towered over Lapis with a glare even as the smaller gem continued to speak. "Don't you want to hurt me?" Lapis was doing that aloof thing again, a coquettish tilt to her head with something simmering in her dark eyes with each roll of her tongue.

Jasper felt unnerved under that stare, felt as if the other gem was seeing right though her, reading her thoughts. Her body and mind urged her to prostrate herself, to find herself comfortable on her knees before Lapis, and she felt her anger explode in rebellion; a sickening roar bellowing deep from her chest.

" _Yes_." Jasper was hissing, brows furrowed as she glared. Any semblance of calm gone washed away with the wild twitching of her eye and the long ivory of her teeth glinting imposingly in the moonlight.

"Why don't you?"

"Why are you letting me?" Her voice was getting dangerously louder.

"Am I?"

Jasper snarled, gripping the small gems face between two large fingers and bringing her to her eye level. Lapis seemed to break character at that, looked momentarily startled and hurt. Her dark eyes were pleading silently. Something about the familiarity of it all had Jasper reeling, head screaming and burning as she stumbled over her words. "You... You've been following me." It was a statement. Her grip relaxed, letting Lapis fall back to her feet. Jasper watched as she briefly struggled to regain her balance.

"Y- No... Yes." Lapis seemed to be stumbling over her own words just as much.

"Why?"

"I... don't know- I-" She must have noticed the look Jasper was giving her because she continued with a stern voice. "Stop. Just stop. Let me finish this time." Jasper obeyed with a roll of her stomach, stopping herself from speaking. She distracted herself by combing through her mess of hair, ignoring the spiral of her thoughts. "I can still hear her voice... Malachite... and after you left..." Something twisted and pained fell from her lips, a turbulent chiming noise Jasper was slowly recognizing as laughter. Tears pricked at the corners of Lapis' eyes. "She misses you, she tells me all the time she says; I miss you... do, do you hear her too?" Lapis curled tighter on herself, as if afraid of losing pieces of herself.

 _I hear you_.

"No." Is what Jasper found herself saying instead.

"I just... I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm so tired of it Jasper."

Jasper felt a frown tug at her lips. "Why aren't you with Rose then? You're _free_."

Lapis didn't even try to correct Jasper this time. "I can't-... Jasper I can't. I wanted to, I tried but... I'm so scared and angry. I'm going to hurt him, stars, I already hurt him. I can't trust myself, I can't trust _them_ ; what if I can't trust him either?" There was a long pause before she continued, derailed thoughts picking up pace. "After being Malachite... it just feels so _empty_. _I_ feel empty..." If Jasper was barely restrained before, she was visibly shaking with anger now. "It sounds bad I know, I know, I know. I don't want to... I'm not going to do that to you again."

"What, are you _sorry_ Lazuli?" Jasper growled and mocked. Lapis snarled right back, easily switching from distress to anger and glaring at the larger gem.

"I'm not sorry I hurt you; I wanted to and you _deserved_ it Jasper. But seeing you on the beach like that... it was so _pitiful_." Jasper flinched, torn between shame and anger at the memory of that night. "I didn't realize it until then, when you said it- when you said that I had broke you." There was another pause as if she was waiting for Jasper to interrupt, to prove her wrong. 

That moment never came. 

Rather, Jasper sat down slowly, burying her face in her large hand as she tried to mechanically sort through her thoughts.

Lapis took that as a sign to continue. "I hurt you like _they_ hurt me... I shouldn't have. I took it too far." Silence poured heavily over them, filling the oppressive space between.

"I don't forgive you." Jasper finally said; she sounded as tired as Lapis looked.

"What?"

"You heard me Lazuli."

"Fine." Lapis asserted, seemingly mad at the turn of events.

“ _Fine_? What, was I supposed to just forgive and forget everything when you can’t even bring yourself to say the word sorry? Why, because you're _hurting_?” She was yelling again, couldn’t believe the gall this gem had. She was a brat through and through, so used to getting her way. “Oh yes Lazuli, thank you, you are too kind.” Her voice was sardonic as it rolled off her tongue, disbelief and confusion making her brave.

“As if _you_ know anything about kindness.” Lapis hissed, tiny fists clenched against her sides.

“No, I don’t, and I don’t lie to myself like some gems.” She chuffed. “You are a piece of work.”

“Whatever.” Jasper watched the other gem sink down onto the ground, cradling her knees against her chest. “You’re so awful… and I don’t know why but, I _am_ … sorry. For whatever it’s worth.” Lapis mumbled the last part, anger deflating lamely under her. They met each other's eyes in the dark, letting the silence settle around them.

Lapis' eyes seemed to shine sincerely and it only made Jasper more furious.

Jasper wasn't sure why she had thought finding this gem was a good idea, why this would somehow solve all of her problems, why she was _drawn_ to this Lapis Lazuli. If anything she felt more confused and even more lost now. 

A hand roughly dug into the flesh of her broken arm, trying to ground herself against everything.

It was so easy to demonize Lapis, to make her a careless monster if she didn't have to actually deal with her. It was harder when she showed remorse, when she wasn't an omnipotent beast but a lost and confused little gem. Yes, Lapis was hurting too, she could remember that pain – _Lapis'_ pain – burying under the plates of her skin and into her with the weight of the ocean. That was all they could share over Malachite; pain.

But Jasper didn't want to forgive her, she wanted to cling onto her anger even if it meant dragging through and drowning in every other disgusting emotion that came with it.

She didn't know what she wanted.

Jasper wasn't sure how long they watched each other, but she could see that the fingers of light from the moon no longer stretched inside the cave and the fire of her chest had dulled and cooled, cemented into something weak and harsh pressing in her stomach.

"We're a mess aren't we?" Jasper mumbled lamely over the sound of water.

"You more so." Lapis said, her voice soft if apathetic.

"That so Lazuli?" Jasper's voice growled, edged and bubbling with a false fury. She was noticing Lapis did that a lot, seemed turned everything off. It had to have been nice to be able to quell the torrent of one's thoughts.

"Yes. The weeks haven't been kind to you."

"And everything's worked out great for you?" Jasper rolled her eyes. "I haven't reformed yet," She defended. Lapis looked surprised to hear that, brows rising behind the deep blue of her bangs.

"Really? Even after that new crack?"

So she had noticed it.

"Yes. I had to find you." Lapis seemed to mull this new information over, finally breaking her gaze to stare at the pool of water in the cave. This gave Jasper time to reign in her temper and delve back into her thoughts.

She started slightly when Lapis sat down rather close to her, eyeing her broken and shattered arm as if familiarizing herself with its new jagged edges. She paused briefly on the camera strapped there, black eyes shining with a sort of curiosity; one she didn't dive into. Jasper was thankful even as those dark eyes met her own once more, trying to read her.

"Are you still scared of me?" Lapis asked softly, curiously. There was no pride she could hear in that watery voice this time. Jasper decided against answering, didn't feel the need to. The blue gem seemed put off by this and sought to test it herself. Jasper watched as black tipped fingers reached for her face and leaned sharply away.

Lapis' hand stopped somewhere in the space between them.

"Why do you always do that?"

"I won't hurt you," she said instead. "Not anymore." Lapis turned her hand slightly, pressing toward the larger gem’s mane instead. Jasper stilled, froze, as she felt her hair tugged back slightly, not quite able see what was happening with the one eye she had. She felt a frown settle deep in her features.

"Stop." Lapis' hand retreated, grazing past a scarred cheek. "Why are you so touchy?" Jasper questioned again, angling her head to get a better look at Lapis. She seemed to consider the question for a long moment, eyes shifting off into a corner of the cave as if it held the answer.

"I spent a lot of time not feeling anything, not being able to touch." She admitted. "I... don't want to go back to that." Lapis rubbed her own arms as if trying to gain some comfort from the action vainly, lips turning down at the corners as her bangs fell over her eyes. Jasper wondered what it had to have been like stuck like that, to be numb for millennia. _Empty_. Lapis had mentioned that a lot. 

She didn't have a response, only hummed half-sympathetically. They both turned their attention back to the pool of water before them; a comfort for one, a reminder for the other.

"What are you going to do without Homeworld?" Jasper whispered. 

"I don't know... but, I don't want to be alone."

Jasper couldn't remember a time where she didn't feel alone on Earth. She had once felt so whole; a part of something so great and powerful. Something she would die for over and over again with a smile on her face. Now, now she was stranded and broken; a sunken pillar crumbling under its own weight. There was only one gem that offered a connection to her past; only one thing left she could relate to.

There was a significant pause before she found her voice; weary and soft, slow but deliberate.

 _Desperate_.

"Yea… me neither..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chap was kinda annoyin to write. rewrote and fiddled w it so many times. im not even sure why im not too happy with it? alas gotta keep truckin
> 
> updates probably wont be as fast as theyve been lately. i only have like a three chapter buffer rn and its spooky for me lol(3 unedited chapters, so just to give u an idea this chapter was around 2100 words befor i edited it, its like 50% more juice now). ill start updating again when i get a couple chapters done and the holiday rush is done and dead and my corpse can rest easy. my ass has never been this tired before y u gotta be like this thanksgivin?
> 
> anyway i hope yall are doing great!!! cuz like, i love all u butts stickin thru this lil fic w me C: take it easy and ill catch yall on the next chapter. (things do slowly get better for these two dont fret too much <3)
> 
> AND THANKS FOR ALL THE COMMENTS GUYS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA so glad you all enjoyed Anjou ;;;;;;


	7. Build That Wall

Jasper had once prided herself in her ability to adapt, to mold herself to whatever was needed at the time. At the beginning she was little more than a machine; 'Yes Ma'am' a chant twisting her lips and rolling off her tongue. Then a scout, a guardian, a watchful eye over the newer Kindergarten gems; a teacher, instructor. During the rebellion she was a soldier with dirt caked on her boots and then a leader with shards of friends and foes falling around her. In the aftermath; a veteran, a relic. Something for Homeworld to look back at with a sort of pride and scorn, but not to understand.

Never understand.

Jasper had been built to obey and listen, but some things could not weather the passage of time.

Lapis apparently had trouble wrapping her mind around this. Jasper was not just another ‘one of those jaspers’ and she would not bend to anyone's will so easily.

Perhaps that was too serious of a train of thought for the current situation.

"Jasper." Lapis was standing somewhere behind her, arms no doubt crossed angrily over her chest. Frustration was written in the deep set of her blue brows and the frown tugging at her lips that she caught glimpses of whenever Jasper gave an idle glance back. It was somewhat satisfying to see the small gem all worked up over this, _over her_. 

It had been nearly two days since they had spoken; since the night Lapis had managed that mumbled apology and Jasper's own sat heavy on her tongue and constricted her throat.

That would have been the appropriate thing to do, wouldn’t it? Apologize for hurting the other gem and move on? Jasper didn't feel like Lapis was owed it, she kept thinking back to all that time spent under her thrall, all those times water pushed too hard, pulled too taut, restricted so much, and the sorry turned a sickly black and tasted sour.

' _Sorry I fought so hard for my freedom_.'

Regardless, they had spent the night in silence with each other, both lost in their own mind at the confession and what that would entail for them now. Occasional glances and idle staring the only way to tell the passing of time.

No one liked being alone.

But being together...?

It seemed too foolish a thought; an idle fantasy.

"Later Lazuli." Jasper mumbled through the crook of her only elbow, digging her face further into the darkness there. She had all but sprawled up against a wall, eyes locked shut. Her back was bared toward other gem in a way that made Jasper feel both vulnerable and in control.

"We're leaving, now." Lapis commanded, the singing chords of her voice wound tightly with impatience. The water in the corner of the cave was splashing around, droplets of water occasionally colliding with the rocks nearby. It came with a grating and nauseous noise that was no doubt reflecting Lapis' impatience. Jasper growled, shifting closer against the wall as if that would drown out all the damned noise.

Hoping this would all stop.

"No _we_ aren't. _I’m_ sleeping." Jasper hissed back, voice rumbling off the cave walls and sounding so much more sure of itself than she felt lately. The denial came with it's own sensation and mimicry of strength, a bubbling warmth somewhere deep in her chest. It felt so damned good to deny Lapis, to finally be able to; even if it had that annoying ball of anxiety weep inside her.

"No you're not! You don't even need to sleep."

Jasper tensed and shook her head in apparent annoyance, not bothering to correct her and peeling open her eye to level a grave glare at Lapis. "That's because you're yelling and your voice is really trying on the ears." She felt a fang poke out from her lips, brows scrunching as she took in Lapis' antsy frame. She almost rolled her eyes. "Why are you in such a hurry to leave?" 

Did she have somewhere to be?

"Why do you want to stay so much?" Lapis asked instead. She was good at deflecting. Probably had something to do with her being a mirror for so long, Jasper thought snidely.

"I don't. Stop assuming so much." Jasper dismissed her.

If Lapis was angry before she was livid now. She paced back and forth a couple times, grumbling under her breath while trying to find some semblance of calm. Jasper watched on with a grin, amusement twinkling in her eye. It must have been quite a displeasing shock to have a Kindergarten gem shoot her down.

It became apparent Jasper wasn't hiding her humour very well when Lapis' fury ridden gaze landed on her and narrowed. Before she could say anything on it she felt a wall of water splash against her.

Jasper sputtered and jumped to her feet; up and away from the water that receded back into the pool without Lapis' command. The grin had been wiped clean off her face, replaced now with a hard frown as she pulled her soaking wet hair back and looked to Lapis with equal parts anger and bewilderment. Her body was still thrumming with alarm, and she was surprised to see her wrist bare; to swallow and feel nothing pressed harshly against her neck. 

Surprised but grateful.

Her head was beginning to throb painfully.

She glanced to the camera on her arm, drenched and giving off a faint spark as it sputtered and died. Died more in any case, Jasper knew it wasn't working even before a tonne of water was dropped on it. Jasper returned her glare onto Lapis twofold. There was a fierce tirade on the tip of her tongue, but she was interrupted before she could start because Lapis started to laugh.

 _Really laugh_.

Jasper didn't know how to feel for a moment, lost and confused at the face of actual enjoyment on Lapis' features. She didn't know the gem could smile, let alone laugh, without it being tinged in malice and pain.

It did nothing to quell the knot in her stomach.

The blue gem buckled over, holding her stomach tightly with curled black fingers as she continued to laugh; wheeze as if she needed air. Jasper got glimpses of her pointed teeth as she continued, felt a snarl escape as she shook most of the water off. "Lazuli." Jasper hissed, trying to get most of the water out of her mane of hair. 

Why in Stars-name did she have so much of it?

"Your face-" Lapis couldn't string together the rest of her sentence, letting out a keening laugh as she wiped a tear from her eye. Jasper was sure this was all an act to get a rise out of her and half of her was tempted to fall into the trap so long as she could get a chance at wiping that damned grin off that blue face. The other half was very keen on waiting it out. So she did, pressed a large clawed hand to her temple to quell the throbbing and sharp pang found there.

Eventually Lapis gathered herself up with a contented sounding sigh, a smirk on her face as she looked on at Jasper. Her eyes dragged slowly, purposefully, over Jasper's entire frame, setting the larger gem on edge. Lapis only spoke when her black eyes reached her bare feet and finished their surveillance. "Less of a mess now. Sleep well Jasper." Lapis smugly left the cave, making an annoying noise with her mouth before disappearing with a flash of watery wings.

Jasper groaned to herself, stomping back and forth with a grimace. The damned brat had managed to one up her _and_ get the last word in. Now Jasper was left here soaked and pissed.

 _But she was free_ , her mind supplied. Jasper ignored it, feeling something bitter settle on her tongue.

Her pacing was quick to lose its steam with no one around to focus her aggression on and Jasper found herself pressed back against the wall, hair mostly dry. She felt a sigh of relief to be off her right leg again, easing the pressure that had been uncomfortably building there. 

She was in pain constantly now she noticed, a dull throb that couldn't quite leave her alone. Most of it was coming from the core of gemstone, pulsing in her head and demanding her to retreat into her gem. She wasn't sure what good reforming would do though; the superficial wounds were easy enough to belly or manage, and those cracks would be there no matter how many times she retreated.

Sleep seemed to be the only escape.

Was this how cracked gems corrupted?

There was no evidence to suggest the fate that was in store for Jasper. Cracked gems were usually imprisoned on sight. From there they were either killed or recycled; some _lucky_ gems got donated to Yellow Diamond's pet projects, others used to fuel ships and weapons. That would be her fate if Homeworld ever found her, ever came for her; a power source, a disposable battery pack.

Maybe corruption would come to her slowly, ease her into her own destruction with promises of relief from this pain?

She idly wondered why it was that Lapis was so willing to deal with a cracked gem, or at least put up with her. Was the gem that lonely?

Then again, here she was agreeing to go along with the water gem herself. They both didn’t have very many options, or if they did they weren’t smart enough to pick the right ones.

Regardless of their circumstances, Jasper conceded it would be much easier to get where and what she wanted to if she had another gem to help her. Especially one as strong as this Lapis Lazuli.

No more close calls.

No more loneliness...

Jasper shook her head of its thoughts and braced herself on her good side. It took a while to calm down and ignore the plip plops of water dripping off her, but she somehow managed to convince her body to pause, to breathe, to rest. Her eyelids closed slowly, a soft weight settling over her as everything slowed.

Lapis wouldn’t hurt her while she was sleeping, right? She didn’t seem to want to cause Jasper harm anymore, but for how long would that last? How altruistic were her real intentions? How generous was she willing to play at? What was going to happen? She didn't have the answers.

There would only be one way to find out.

Those were her final thoughts as she gave in to sleep.

#### xxx

When she awoke some time later it was to a gentle glow against her eyelids. She shifted slightly, slowly and cautiously peeling an eye open. The first thing she spotted was Lapis. The blue gem was sitting rather close in front of her with her back against the wall and her hands cradled in her lap. She was staring hard at Jasper, and it took the larger gem a few seconds to realize why.

Jasper's gem was glowing.

 _Burning_.

Lapis must have realized Jasper had awoken because the blue gem was shifting closer, questioning eyes on Jasper's gemstone with curious fingers headed her way. Jasper pressed her hand against her gem and backed away, a snarled "Don't touch me!" escaping her lips as she frantically put space between them.

Her mind was flashing back to Malachite, to the ocean, to _Lapis Lazuli_ her warden.

Jasper watched from a corner at a fair distance as Lapis' face flickered through various emotions before something like realization dawned on her and her blue face hardened. A frown pulled her lips downward. "Jasper I... I'm not going to _fuse_ with you!" There was something hard to her words as if she was insulted, eyes flashing with momentary disbelief before settling into a cold sort of anger.

Jasper just shook her head, hissing against the shaking hand on her face as she willed her gem to stop. "I don't care, just _don't touch me_." 

For a moment Lapis looked like she was going to just out of pure spite; to prove something that had Jasper's frame twitching and her eye wild beneath her mess of white hair. She didn't though and the blue gemstone remained dark on her back. Lapis let a defeated look settle on her features before shuffling back onto her rear and bringing her knees up against her chest.

Eventually the glow dimmed and died out, extinguished. Jasper didn't remove her hand though; thoughts racing painfully back and forth as she tried to slowly and painfully piece herself back together. To pretend everything was okay.

Jasper felt an itch in her throat, something heavy compressing her chest. She felt like crying again.

Why was she like this?

"Do you always… glow when you sleep?" Lapis asked, black eyes continuing to look anywhere, everywhere but Jasper.

Lapis was giving her privacy, Jasper realized. She hated that she was so _thankful_ over the simple action, dragging her large hand harshly across her face.

If her hand came away wet she pretended not to notice.

"I don't know- I don't think so- I don't know why that-" Jasper cut her fast paced musings off with hoarse groan, leaning further back into the wall as she stared up at the stalagmites above. Her finger began traced the cracks along the surface of her gem, counting each sharp end and new split. Maybe that was the cause of all this? _Stars_ she wished she knew. She was so desperate for answers, a strangling feeling of being lost she hadn't experienced so deeply since the aftermath of the rebellion.

The silence pressed against her edges, wearing her down as her thoughts began to grow frantic.

"May I sit near you again?" Lapis asked calmly, her face settling into its usual passive apathy. Jasper craned her head down, the wild look in her eye never leaving even as she looked over to Lapis. The gem was rubbing her hands up and down her arms, spine curling with each gentle rock as her eyes remained locked on the floor in front of her. Jasper felt her head tilt, hand beginning to quake against her face. She had an urge to bite down on it, to tear such visible weakness from flesh and blood.

"Why?" She could hazard a guess why even through the noise of her mind; Lapis was trying to train Jasper into trusting her, into believing Lapis’ silent promises of nonviolence.

"I'd like to be close to you." There was a long pause before Jasper grunted affirmatively and watched cautiously as Lapis quietly moved and sat beside her. Not close enough to be touching, but close enough that Jasper was hyper aware of the other gem's presence in her blind spot. Her spine straightened and her hand began to twitch in earnest.

"You don't want to fuse with me?" Jasper could scarcely hear herself over the sound of the water before them. There was a shuffling noise beside her. "I can't see what you're doing. My... right eye hasn't worked for a while now." Jasper admitted her voice sharp with what would sound like nervousness in any other gem. 

There was a soft gasp of 'oh' beside her.

Lapis was just as quiet when she spoke; Jasper had to strain to hear the other gem’s voice. "No. Malachite… she was... I'd rather not do that again." She wanted to trust Lapis on this, wanted to believe her; that she had reasons against fusing as well. But was she willing to risk that? Willing to put such a fate on the line? Jasper braced her hand on her lame arm, claws raking the surface lightly.

They had to start somewhere.

"Okay." Jasper said softly, tentatively. Her claws dug harshly into the meat of her arm.

She heard a noise beside her, Lapis quirking in confusion as if she wasn't prepared for this answer. Jasper wasn't surprised; she hadn't exactly been keen on making this easy for the other gem. She hardly found it easy for herself.

But maybe… just this one time…

"C-can I hug you?"

Jasper felt surprise wash through her frame, confusion quickly following in after as every nerve in her body ignited with stress. "Okay?" She repeated, more hesitance lurking in her voice now. Lapis seemed to take a moment to gather up the courage before actually moving.

The first thing Jasper noticed was that Lapis was cold; almost uncomfortably so, a startling difference from her own natural heat. The next was just how small this other gem was. It was hard to see Lapis as small when she held so much power in the tips of her fingers, but here the gem was struggling to make her arms reach to the other side of Jasper. Her skin was strangely smooth and her frame about as tense as Jasper's own. 

The hug, if it could be called that, lasted all of three seconds before Lapis awkwardly coughed and pulled away.

"That was... I don't know why I thought that would be a good idea..." Lapis admitted under her breath, tone dipped in a mix of confusion and defeat. Her arms crossed defensively against her front, something warring in those twitching black eyes. Jasper felt a breathy laugh escape her lips at the absurdity of it all, slowly rolling into a series of soft chuckles.

Lapis trying to hug her? 

Letting the gem do it?

What was happening here? Her laughter was apparently contagious as soon after Lapis echoed with a few giggles of her own. "I know I know." She said gently, a tinge of nervousness forming a waver in her voice. "That was weird." 

Lapis made that strange noise with her mouth again, spittle flying forward.

"I think you managed to accomplish the opposite of what a hug is supposed to do." 

"Shut up." Lapis huffed, playfully.

Their quiet laughter slowly drew out before leaving them both in silence, feeling something fragile lurking there. For once Jasper didn't feel the need to break it. She just sat there for the moment and let her thoughts stew and fade, anxiety slowly slipping away with each second. Lapis seemed like minded, falling deep into her thoughts.

It was the first time in a long while that Jasper felt a form of calmness. Her eye traced cracks along the ground, rolled over rocks and stalagmites, and settled somewhere on the rippling water. They narrowed, but Jasper forced herself to stare in the blue waters, counting the seconds with each drip of water.

It wasn't until some time later that Jasper finally moved.

The stocky gem got to her feet rather quietly, as though still afraid to shatter the moment and the illusion of calm; of everything being okay. She gave a satisfying stretch as Lapis stood alongside her, rocking slightly on her bare webbed feet. Her black eyes locked onto Jasper's own feet, a silent question reflecting in the quirk of her brows. Jasper just shrugged, not really wanting to get into the details of it all. 

She wanted to leave it behind; start new.

She knew that was impossible.

Jasper paced slowly to the mouth of the cave and squeezed herself out and onto the dirt path before her. She heard Lapis tumble out behind her, settling beside her but not as close as they had been moments ago. 

The rift between them was opening again and Jasper didn't risk herself to reach out.

She wouldn't.

Instead she looked up; the sun was still high in the sky, and provided the aid she needed for direction. She was going to have to cut through the mountain pass and head back down and keep along that path. That would take her to the Kindergarten. From there it was down to luck and skill. Would she get what she wanted? Would she have a run in with the Crystal Gems?

She desperately hoped everything would work in her favour, but hoping seemed to be entirely too optimistic lately.

Her head swam with images; images of Lapis glancing away, of Lapis settling beside her, of Lapis' strained laughter.

Too optimistic except for just then, right?

She gave a glance to Lapis, thoughts wandering. What would Lapis think if she told her where she was headed? She could hazard a guess; she would not like it. Despite everything, Lapis still seemed almost fanatically obsessed with Rose Quartz. Going anywhere near where that gem was wouldn't end well for her, but she had no choice. She had to try. She didn't want to rot on this damned planet.

Jasper resolved herself to keep this a secret then, to make sure Lapis wasn't aware until it would be too late. She didn't want to anger the other gem; and that was a thought that had her chest caving, but neither did she was to break whatever tentative thing had spawned from their laughter. It _would_ be better if she kept this information to herself. She convinced herself it had to be. 

Jasper crossed her arm across her chest, holding onto her other arm; a finger slid against smooth surface of the camera there.

She wondered what Anjou would think of all this. The runt would probably be excited... and probably hate Jasper for lying.

The large gem shook her head clear of its thoughts and headed forward. She heard the gentle noise of Lapis' wings behind her signaling the Lapis was trailing behind her. Hopefully Lapis was okay with being led; with how she had been acting Lapis seemed to be trying her hardest to make up for what she had done.

Jasper could use all of this to her benefit.

She would need every single advantage she could scrounge up from this point onward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here we are, a 4am chapter |D not much to say here besides i got my muse up and goin again, so we should be back to our regular 2/3 day updates. 
> 
> as always thanks again for any comments/kudos'/bookmarks. i appreciate the love ;;u;; yall give me a lot of motivation to keep this goin its crazy <3 hope everyones doin great!!! take care and ill see yall in the next chapter which i have tentatively name 'hyenas self indulgent chapter' o7


	8. The Road Of Trials

Whatever decent relationship they were fostering Jasper had an urge to destroy. The past couple of days were unpleasant, put lightly. Lapis could simultaneously be good company and the worst gem Jasper had ever experienced. She would have been impressed if she wasn't so annoyed and completely exasperated.

Especially when the questions would circle around the camera on her arm. Something Jasper decided would be best kept a secret for many reasons.

Her feet dragged against the soft dirt below, mental weariness weighing down her frame.

"Can't you move any faster?" That was Lapis, again; so persistent this one was. Jasper felt her golden eyes roll, a hand coming up to press tightly against the temples on her head. This was the seventh time in _one earth day_ she managed to ask this; she didn't dare try to count all together how many times this question was posed. Jasper had never considered herself a very patient gem when it came to others; but here she was bending over backwards trying to accommodate Lapis' never ending ‘gentle’ coaxing.

 _Why_?

"Lazuli, like I said four times before this; I. Do. Not. Have. Wings." Jasper shook her head and looked up to the other gem. Lapis' face was the definition of annoyed as she floated easily above, lounging on the air. "I am not running after you like some idiotic animal, and unless you have some incredible strength in those puny arms of yours I don't think you're flying me anywhere." Lapis' eyes narrowed at that.

"You're too fat to be carried." She hissed back.

"That was petty."

Lapis shrugged, diving down and beginning to walk next to Jasper. Her legs moved fast, dress dragging and blowing behind her as she struggled to keep up with Jasper's lumbering and long strides. "It was true." She remarked easily, wings curling too and fro as if they breathed.

And then came that dreaded noise Lapis _loved_ to make with her mouth; spittle flying everywhere. It was maybe - and that was pushing it - fine the first time, exhausting the twentieth. Stars, where did she even pick that up? She had never heard anything quite as annoying in her long life.

The larger gem looked down to Lapis, and eyed her wearily. Her gaze was easily met, something like mischief shinning in those black eyes. Jasper had to bite back an instinctive snarl. "You're a brat." Jasper mumbled instead, shaking her head lightly.

“And you’re a brute.” Lapis replied.

The past few days had the blue gem's posture shifting grandly, or at the very least occasionally cycling away from the usual. Jasper had almost made a remark the first time she saw Lapis stand straight; no posturing, no aggression, no tension. She was relaxing around Jasper, and as a result Jasper could feel her own tightly strung spine ease.

It was slightly alarming.

Lapis was standing straight now, tall - even if she was barely over half of Jasper's height. Her small hands were tucked behind her, holding each other against the soft curve of her back. Jasper blinked when she felt the cool touch of water brush against her arm; a wing sliding past her as Lapis strolled ahead to lead. Jasper couldn't keep her golden eye off of Lapis' back, warred with herself as she stared at the tear shaped gem before her. Every time she saw it her mind went blank, overwhelmed with the suggestions she would bombard herself with. 

Turned backs meant a lot in tricky situations, and this Lapis happened to have her gemstone placed there. It was the perfect opportunity; one that had Jasper so instinctively drawn to the thing and intrinsically pleased.

The larger gem stood a little straighter and squinted, a twitch beginning to form in her red hand growing exponentially the longer she stared.

Lapis did it on purpose, Jasper thought with a growl as the blue gem looked over her shoulder with a smug sort of expression. Was it a test? Did she enjoy tempting fate? Or was she hoping Jasper would try something. She scoffed, she wasn't as emotionally driven as the other gem, she had _some_ sort of self control.

"Why are you always in such a hurry?" The orange gem asked, forcibly dragging her gaze away from the gemstone and to the light woods around them. Her mind mourned the loss of the tempting sight.

"Why are you so slow?" Lapis asked in return.

Jasper didn't know why she bothered; Lapis and questions hardly ever went hand in hand. She would have a better chance getting answers from a tree.

Her attention was stolen once more when she felt that damned water wing on her again; clipping against her face and gemstone briefly. Something hot and angry flashed through her, settling and bubbling in her broad chest. Jasper clenched her fist, glaring at Lapis' back. "Don't do that." She hissed, fangs poking out from her lips.

"Why not?"

"What?"

"It's not like you're going to do anything about it." Lapis continued easily, almost singing her smug words.

"Lazuli."

Lapis responded by pushing her hands against her puffed cheeks and blowing with her tongue out. The noise sounded even worse this way, amplified. She hadn’t thought that could even be possible, traces of annoyance furrowing her brows.

" _Lazuli_." Jasper repeated with her tone edged in a warning.

Lapis turned around to face her with an insufferably smug smirk curling her lips. One brow reached up and under her bangs as she continued to walk backwards. Jasper wished a tree would appear behind her, or she would stumble over her own tiny feet. "All this whining. Why don't you just stop me then Jasper?" Jasper met her stare, annoyance reaching a crescendo in her body and erupting outward with a pointed finger.

"Is that a challenge?" Jasper demanded.

"You'd just get your big butt kicked." Lapis said airily, turning around once more and baring her back almost proudly. Jasper would have growled and groaned if she had any less control over herself. Instead she just frowned.

"That so?" Jasper said lowly, long strides increasing as she paced forward faster.

They both moved at the same time.

Jasper dashed forward just as Lapis jumped into the air, her hands skimmed against Lapis' leg but not quite able to get a good enough grip as the blue gem flitted up and away. Jasper stopped moving to watch Lapis steadily rise, the blue gem stopping some distance above. She leaned back in the sky as her wings kept her aloft, curving her back so she could look at Jasper upside down. 

She was smiling. _Teasing_.

Her dark blue bangs fell away revealing a quirked brow. "Yes. You're a little on the slow side actually."

Jasper snarled and watched as something like thrill flash in Lapis' dark eyes. The other gem righted herself as lowered down slowly, teasingly toward Jasper's range. She was baiting the larger gem and Jasper didn't care at all if she was gnawing on the damned hook, she had something to prove now and she'd be damned if she let some little brat manage to get the upper hand again.

She took a few slow, dangerous steps forward as Lapis got closer to the ground. The second she knew she could reach the other gem she sprung forward.

Lapis was out of her grasp before she even jumped, laughter echoing as she soared forward with powerful flaps of her wings. Not to be deterred, or defeated, Jasper landed solidly on the ground before taking after her easily gaining distance. It was odd because she knew Lapis could fly faster than that, but she didn't bother think about why she was gaining on her so fast; why Lapis was so determined to tease her.

For now all she wanted to do was pluck that tiny gem out of the sky.

The chase led Jasper deep into the nearby woods, letting her erase the distance between them more easily now that Lapis had so many obstacles to account for. Once she got close enough she leapt up and forward again; clawed hand outstretched and twitching. Her hand brushed Lapis' dress as the winged gem jolted higher, slinking above the treeline with chiming laughter piercing the air. Jasper readjusted herself mid air, body coming down heavy on a sturdy branch of a tree.

She didn't slow or pause though, quickly jumping and swinging from tree to tree as she looked up above at her prey.

Jasper could feel excitement buzzing through her frame as her powerful legs sprung and pushed her forward to keep pace with Lapis.

This time, when Lapis went to tempt her and got low enough, Jasper moved even quicker. She shot up through the sky, the branch she was on shattering under the force of her launch. Almost in slow motion she closed the distance through the air, feeling a grin crawl across her face as Lapis turned back to look with a face drawn long with surprise. Jasper hand sunk into and held fast on Lapis' wing and, just as soon as it happened, they were reintroduced to gravity and began to plummet.

Lapis apparently wasn't very keen on being caught just yet, and with a short blast of laughter let her wings disappear and reform resulting in Jasper clawing at the air. The blue gem gave a smug wink before flying back up, leaving Jasper to fall through the trees and land heavily on her feet, knees bending and ending in a crouch. Even being so far below Lapis, and separated by a canopy of trees, Jasper could make out Lapis' infectious bubbly laughter.

She would never admit it aloud but this... was kind of fun, if she squinted. It reminded her of the years where she was surrounded by other jaspers, when she met waves and waves of rambunctious kindergarten gems. Of a time before war and violence.

That had been so long ago, she idly wondered if there were even more like her anymore.

Still, she shook her thoughts clear claws sinking into the pliable ground beneath her, this endeavor would be even more exciting when she finally caught the flighty gem.

Jasper quickly stood back up, jumping and climbing up the nearest tree easily with the aid of her clawed feet and hand. When she breached the top she hung heavily against the branches, glancing skyward to see a much too high to reach Lapis Lazuli. She was floating idly on the wind and laughing under her breath. She eventually noticed Jasper watching her and turned down to face her with her dark tongue stuck out. Jasper felt her brows furrow, eyes squinting at the ridiculous display.

What was with this gem and her odd mannerisms?

"You're too _heavy_ to get me up here." She half shouted half teased before turning her back and lying down on nothing with her hands behind her head; as though Jasper was inconsequential to her now that she was so high. "Gonna have to lose those muscles to get up to me you big old boulder."

Jasper went along with the jibe, feigning hurt. "You think I have to shapeshift to get you?"

"Oh?" Lapis rolled onto her stomach, eyebrow quirking up below her long bangs. "You have a better idea? I'm all ears." Lapis was impossibly smug right now, Jasper couldn't wait to wipe that look right off her face. She shrugged nonchalantly toward the gem with a crooked grin before disappearing back down and below the canopy. She didn't miss the genuine curiosity and excitement lurking in Lapis' eyes.

Curiosity that was quick to morph into surprise when she saw Jasper spinning towards her fast enough to be all but a ball of light. Jasper just missed her, spinning and curving back towards the ground before bouncing and spiraling forward into the sky once more; bursting through branches and leaves alike as she fought against the pull of gravity with her spin dash.

Jasper missed the second time as well, or more accurately, Lapis slipped out of the way last second with a shrieked laugh; throwing a wave as Jasper descended toward the earth once more. Without pause she turned and launched herself back up at Lapis. The third time wasn't so lucky for the blue gem, Jasper slamming hard into her and taking hold of her arm as they began to fall. Lapis tried to squirm and roll out of the grasp to no avail, finally desperately trying to fly away. 

But even she didn't seem able to carry their combined weight.

Lapis started a bubbling giggle as they tumbled through the treeline, face alight with excitement as the wind rushed through both their hair. One branch managed to catch Jasper odd on her arm and causing her to release her grasp. They hit the ground awkwardly, barely standing, and met each other's gaze with narrowed eyes; waiting for someone to make the first move. It was Lapis who did. Her face broke into a wide grin as she whirled around and jumped forward trying to escape once more.

She didn't get more than one foot off the ground before Jasper moved, pouncing after her and snatching her cleanly out of the air. They came down in a tangle, momentum rolling them over and over before everything finally stilled.

Jasper had managed to wrangle her way on top, easily pinning the smaller gem with her hand pressed into the blue gem's chest. Lapis seemed surprised at first, eyes wide with shock at the idea that she had been caught. Something else seemed to momentarily war in the front for a while, but eventually the sharpness in those black - no, this close Jasper could see they were just a very dark shade of blue - eyes faded away, mirth shining in its place. She started laughing again, softer, cheeks dusting with a grey she didn't quite manage to cover with her small hands.

Jasper dragged her golden gaze away from the sight, ignoring the strange feeling thrumming in her body as she lowered her eye to where her hand was on the other gem's chest. It rose and fell with each wheeze of laughter, a give and take as air flooded and left Lapis' lungs. It felt strange, foreign; oddly relaxing as her hand mimicked the steady movement. 

It was so uselessly _human_ , and yet so strangely charming.

It took a few beats but Jasper realized in that moment, looking at her sheathed claws, that this was the first time she had touched Lapis without the intent to harm her.

She... didn't want to.

Jasper looked back up when Lapis had stopped laughing, quirking a brow at the odd look she was getting. Lapis’ brows where hidden behind her bangs, a fragile softness in her eyes and the small smile that perked her lips. Jasper had never seen Lapis like this. It seemed almost inquisitive, as if she was trying to find or place something.

Or, Jasper thought as she spared a glance to her hand, maybe they had come to the same conclusion.

"So you _can_ move faster." Lapis said, shattering the easy silence they had lapsed into.

Jasper rolled her eyes. "Of course I can," she boasted.

Lapis' eyes roamed for a moment, suddenly bashful looking as they glanced down at the hand on her chest. "You have a nice smile…" Her voice was so soft it sounded like a whisper.

Jasper hadn't even realized she had been smiling, only now feeling the pull of her lips as they fell flat. "What?" Jasper asked with narrowed eyes, whole frame tensing. 

Lapis looked back up from under her bangs, head tilting slightly against the grass. "It's just- I've never seen you smile before."

"Oh," was all Jasper managed in response, unsure what to say.

Lapis pursed her lips before lowering her gaze again, black - dark blue - eyes staring at the large hand that managed to all but envelope her entire chest. Slowly, cautiously, her hand stretched out. Jasper watched as the small black tipped fingers brushed against one of her much larger red fingers, sliding down to cover the top of her hand. 

Her blue skin was cool and felt oddly rough, like the grain of sandpaper when Lapis pushed forward. Her hands were small fragile looking things; fingers dipped in black and webbed. The tips were bare, not crowned in nails or claws just the same dichotomy of smooth and rough skin as the rest of her. 

Soft.

Lapis’ fingers came up to her red wrist, sliding easily around and holding. Jasper’s claws instinctively came out as her body tensed at the familiarity of cold on her wrist, sinking shallowly into the fabric of Lapis' top. Jasper's eyes flashed warningly for a brief moment. It didn't seem to deter Lapis into stopping as the gem continued to explore, but she did relent and drag her hand back down a bit.

"What are you doing Lazuli?" Jasper demanded softly.

"Nothing." Lapis didn't look up, a finger sliding over a claw. She tugged it out of her shirt, pressing the pad of a finger against the sharp end. "Touching," she amended after Jasper let out a soft growl. She looked up to Jasper and let the finger fall down, brushing up the finger again. "Did you want me to stop?"

Jasper's immediate thought was a yes, but she held back for a moment and stared at the blue fingers that were rubbing circles on the top of her hand. She could feel the tension in Lapis' hands, could see the hesitation in the muscles of her arm. She seemed just as confused and unsettled about this as Jasper; only difference was the glint of curiosity in her eyes. 

Still, as much as Jasper _could_ ignore the churning of her frame, she would rather not.

"Stop."

As soon as the words left her mouth Lapis did. Her lips tugged downward with something like annoyance flashing in her eyes as she pulled her hand back. Eventually her faced morphed back to what Jasper was used to; aloof gaze and straight lipped. She was retreating back into herself Jasper noted. Lapis gave a nod of her head to the side and Jasper followed the silent instruction. 

The large gem tugged her hand free of Lapis' shirt and stood, stepping over and away from Lapis. The other gem was quick to her feet, wings curling around her briefly before they stretched out into strange shapes. Jasper watched as grass and dirt fell from their new mangled and twisted form before they returned to their regular forms.

She turned her head before Lapis caught her looking, uncertainty swimming in her mind at the disappointment Lapis seemed to let show through her small frame.

Should she have just Lapis continue? She felt like she did something wrong, picked the wrong choice.

No, Jasper tried to reassure herself. She shouldn't have to be uncomfortable just so she could humour the whims of the smaller gem.

What did she care anyway?

 _Why_ did she?

Jasper heaved a sigh, cracking her hand as her nails retracted. Her mind was a damned mess. "Let's keep moving." 

It was all they could do.

Lapis gave a sharp nod, taking a step before jumping lightly into the air letting her wings to catch her. She looked back for a moment, staring hard at Jasper. She seemed to want to say something, probably dispel the new tension, but she shook her head instead. "Just... keep up." Lapis mumbled as she took the reins, leading them in no particular direction. 

Jasper let her, following a fair distance behind. She could re-orientate them when they broke free from the treeline.

Soon she would have a choice to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a bit late because i have started playing Ark: Survival Evolved again and it is a v addicting game (i got a trex named Jasper, mosaurus named Lapis, and a dire wolf named Malachite. i need to get a Peridot. i am fucking t r a s h ). its also a bit late because i ended up editing another chapter instead because i am sick and cant focus right
> 
> sorry for any glaringly obvious errors i am dying, not sorry this was ridonkulously fluffy. i am a self indulgent writer c: dw we will be gettin back on track w the violence angst and struggle w the next chapter. which shoooooould be up in two days(MAYBE EVEN ONE CUZ I GOT THE DAY OFF!). prep ur butt for it because it is a ride (like i love it hng). love you all and take it ez <333


	9. Head Is Not My Home

Jasper could scarcely remember a time in which she had been more grateful to see sparkling water towering before her; it was a strange feeling considering her more recent experiences with the liquid and its mistress.

But she would be thankful to just anything that would stop that crazed beast from rending her limb from limb.

She only had so many of those left after all.

The creature in question let out a long and shrill screech as it barreled into the wall of water, smashing against its surface causing a web of cracks to snap across one of its faces; pieces rolling off it's chalky white covered maw. It scrambled to find purchase against the surface; a talon hooked on the top, bringing the beast up and over the wall. With powerful flaps of its wings the thing took to the air again; circling far above.

This was their first encounter with a corrupted gem together and it was a frantic thing. It was multi-coloured; a startling combination of a powerful purple and warm gold that seemed to be divided to its right and left sides. It's four arms were long and thin, hands morphing into even longer fingers that were connected with an almost see through but glowing membrane; wings. Large talons adorned it's fragile legs and it had no eyes on either of the two heads to speak of.

It looked like one of those earth creatures Jasper would stumble upon hanging from the tops of caves; the only difference being that this thing was around a hundred times those blind creatures size and power.

Most relevant was the third colour of harder skin, almost stone, rigidly protecting its head and back. It was an off white colour; calcium growth no doubt. It was incredible that such an infection managed to catch onto a corrupted gem.

On each of it's broad shoulder blades was a large jutting of curved steel, half circle blades that reminded the warrior of a pair of chakrams. Nestled between those weapons was a gemstone that Jasper instinctively knew was an ametrine. She could only imagine how one of these managed to be reduced to this.

Jasper watched as the wall of water in front of her slipped away, flowing steadily back into the river from whence it had been summoned. Her golden gaze shot back behind her, eye locking with the black pair behind her. Lapis seemed almost unnerved by the violent turn of events, at first glance the only telling thing about her was a slight frown pulling down the corners of her black lips. 

Jasper wasn't an idiot however, and she knew a fresh face when she saw it. She had plenty of prior experience seeing them after all.

It was lined in the defensive curl of Lapis's spine, in the twitching of her eyes, and her inability to focus. She was always on the defense, not quite sure how to take down the enemy. Uncertainty, fright, abuse of caution. It was surprising that someone so old, most likely even older than herself, was so inexperienced with these things. Surprising but easily explained; for all the power Lapis had, she was not a combatant and she was never meant to be one, never meant to test her will and perseverance.

If not for war, Jasper couldn't figure out what the lapis lazulis were made for.

Nor did she have the time to be solving such trivial mysteries.

The ametrine let out an ear piercing screech once more, tucking its wings and diving downward impressively fast. Half way through its decent it started to spin, spin in a way that was very familiar to Jasper.

Sometimes she hated other quartz-type gems.

The orange gem bolted aside, watching the beast slam into the ground and cut its way through the field; grass and dirt alike sent trailing behind it as it's blades sunk deep into the earth. Jasper would have rolled her eyes if she wasn't worried about losing focus for too long, because _of course_ it wasn't enough that the thing was fast, had more teeth than Lapis, and plenty of claws. It also had to be able to turn into a living saw.

Jasper watched the thing slow its roll, uncurling and skidding to a stop with the claws on all four of its hands digging deep into the earth. It whirled around quickly, twitching as it looked around with both of its heads. It wasn't long after it's empty gaze settled onto Jasper that it was tucking into itself and beginning its deadly spin again. She spared a quick glance to her left, watching as Lapis spawned her weapon and took to the sky with a single thrust of those watery wings.

It was just Jasper and the beast then.

A grin split slowly across her face, fire igniting the plasma in her frame, good eye sharpening at the oncoming enemy.

She worked better alone anyway.

Jasper moved at the last second possible, feeling her hair billow around and behind her with the gust of wind from the ametrine's shooting form. She dashed after it and was there as it uncurled itself. Before it had the chance to gather its bearings Jasper was on it, slamming her fist into the nearest head. It went down heavily, its jaw and mouth digging into the ground with a squeal. Jasper could feel the protective calcium crack, but it wasn't enough to get fully through. Not yet anyway. She could wear this thing down easily.

 _Would_ wear it down, she thought with a brief chuckle. Nothing could persevere quite like her.

Before she could pull her arm back and deliver another shattering punch, the other head was bearing down on her. She barely managed to back up before its needle-like teeth came crashing down on the spot her arm had been moments ago. It let out a chorus of hisses, orange saliva flying from both of its gaping mouths. Jasper replied with a hiss of her own before the thing started to move again.

This time Jasper stayed on the defense, jumping back and ducking under claws, careful of the many weapons the thing could unleash at her at any moment. The orange gem had to be hyper aware of her positioning, careful with her weight distribution, and precise in her movements. One mistake could turn the tides very easily in situations like these. But for all of it's arms, the creature couldn't manage to land a single hit on her. With each wild arm widely missing her form, Jasper chuffed and cackled, goaded the simple thing onward. It didn't take long for the thing to curl and dash forward.

Jasper jumped cleanly over it, landing heavily on her left foot and immediately setting after the thing.

The ametrine didn't stop this time, its spinning working as the perfect launch as it soared off skimming above the treeline. Jasper came to a stop and tried to keep it in sight but it was much too low to the treeline and much too fast. She slowly paced back to the center of the clearing, watching her edges and the trees around her carefully. She didn't know of a corrupted gem that fled; it would be back.

Jasper heard it before she felt something cold press hard into her, inertia bringing her forward to fall. Before she hit the ground she whirled around, grabbing the thing and slamming it under her with a growl. She was about to shatter the thing when a gust of wind and scream grabbed her attention as the ametrine flew by, barely missing her. She blinked the fog out of her eye, gaze lowered to whatever she had managed to catch.

There was a blue form below her, much smaller than herself. Her claws were digging into the flesh of its back, circled around a deep blue tear drop shaped gemstone. She had been ready to tear it out.

She _wanted_ to tear it out.

"Lazuli?" Jasper felt the grin fall from her face, features twisting into a sour confusion as her mind slowly worked its way back into coherence. She didn't move her hand however, feeling her claws press deeper into that blue back. She was idly surprised she hadn't pierced flesh yet.

Lapis seemed afraid to move, as if that would set off the larger gem. She was probably right. " _Jasper_." Lapis mumbled urgently, tiny fists clumping into the dirt.

Jasper blinked awake at the sound of her own name, immediately jumping off of Lapis with a frustrated hiss escaping her lips. She had been so focused on the corrupted ametrine that Lapis had not only managed to sneak up on her, but grab her.

When was the last time she hadn't worked alone? When was the last she wasn't dropped in somewhere and told to disable everything?

When was the last time she had to trust someone?

When someone had to trust her?

Lapis got up quickly, shaking, whirling around to meet Jasper's gaze with confusion of her own. There was something deeper in her eyes; betrayal. 

Jasper didn't know how to feel upon seeing that emotion lurking in the smaller gem, so she fell back on what she could always trust; anger. She towered over the other gem, invaded her space with her whole frame shaking with something, something she couldn't name but felt like ice.

"Don't sneak up on me like that Lazuli! I almost- You _stupid_ little rock!"

Lapis looked livid in response, rows of fangs bared as she held her arm; an arm Jasper noticed had three clean cuts through. The larger gem only seemed to get more angry upon seeing the wound, something bubbling over inside of her that had her mind whirling. Lapis got hurt, and for what, _her_? Stars, what did she think she was doing? Did Lapis think she needed her help? Jasper didn't need anyone's help.

Whatever words were about to be exchanged were interrupted as Jasper felt something slam bodily into her again, fire igniting her senses as something dug deep into her shoulders. She knew it was pain locking and curling her form, but she couldn't _feel_ it; couldn’t hurt. As soon as it had started it was over and Jasper found herself unceremoniously thrown forward, barely able to right her landing and drag herself to a halt in the river. She felt water lap at her feet as she stood up once more, her shoulders burning dully with each slight movement.

She wanted out of the water; especially after what she had done to Lapis. The small gem seemed like a vengeful and spiteful creature.

Lapis made her presence known with a soft sound, landing nearby but not close. Jasper could feel the water around her feet pulse and quake, something settling in her stomach as the waves briefly reached up her ankles before falling limp with no commands. She turned away from the circling ametrine to Lapis with a narrowed gaze, claws clenched deep into her other arm. 

Jasper was surprised to see the other gem had somehow managed to belly her anger, channel it into a cold and disgusted stare.

"Lure and hold it here." Lapis demanded. Jasper felt a protest bubble but quickly extinguished it at Lapis' lips pulling down as she took off somewhere.

So she was supposed to just anger the thing and then what? Let it rip her apart?

What did Lapis think she was doing?

Jasper didn't have to work hard or vie for the creature's attention; the ametrine seemed determined to kill her after all. The corrupted gem dived down, beginning to spin almost immediately. There was only one thing she could do to stop it at this point; only one chance at holding it. Jasper growled as the thing neared, stance going wide and firm.

Staying with Lapis was supposed to avoid this sort of outcome.

The large gem let out a roar moments before the corrupted gem collided with her, spittle flying from her mouth as she reeled from the feeling of her head exploding in pain. Her helmet spawned into existence just in time, holding true even as her knees began to shake. Jasper was barely coherent as she slammed into the fast moving thing with her head, stopping it dead in its tracks. Water exploded around them with the force of the hit, Jasper's own hair flying wildly behind her.

Seconds later the water curled back in on them, wrapping around the ametrine. Sickeningly familiar chains locked around each of its limbs and both necks, pinning the screaming thing to the ground. Jasper watched with rather morbid interest as the chains tightened and slowly pulled in different directions. The screams took a fever pitch as flesh began to tear and crack before the creature exploded in a blast of smoke and the gentle sound of a gem hitting the rocky river.

Jasper willed her weapon away, doubling over and almost falling to her knees as a fresh wave of overwhelming _fire_ washed over her. She pressed her large hand hard against the front of her head, as if hoping to hold back the swelling explosion of agony hiding underneath.

She wasn't going to last very long at this rate.

It was a long while later Jasper manged to pry open an eye she hadn't even realized she had closed to begin with; blinking back raw pain and bleariness. Her vision threatened to cave a couple times - flashing to a dull darkness before finally sharpening and bringing Lapis' form into focus.

The blue gem seemed tied between a soft concern and a boiling anger, two conflicting emotions that had her face twisting oddly. Jasper was thankful for that; she wasn't sure her head could handle any sort of yelling right now. She walked past Lapis, ignoring the flash of annoyance on her face, and toward the rounded ametrine gem on the ground. The gem was cracked and splintered boldly down the middle, even more cracks branching out and covering the surface; some of which had odd growths of calcium leeching the wounds.

A few moments later and the gem was placed in her makeshift pouch.

"Why didn't you just kill it?" Lapis' voice was completely detached, low and tired. It was as if she didn't see the creature they had fought as ever once being a gem. Jasper couldn't blame her much. Corrupted gems didn't hold much of a place in her mind either. If a gem got to that point it's life was forfeit; only thing left for them was as power.

"Is that what you'd expect me to do?" Jasper deflected and after a slight narrowing of eyes, Lapis let her for once.

"Yes. War stones don't have compassion." She was looking for a fight, probably still frustrated with the momentary loss of control. For all of a single minute _Lapis_ had been the one at the bottom.

"True. They wrote that out of us when they made us what we are... It would have bred weakness." Jasper managed with twisted smirk, weariness seeping into her frame with each word. She would need to rest or she would to lose her form. "That was an ametrine… in any case; a guard. There should be a camp nearby… if it didn't wander too far off."

And she was right.

Not long after they stumbled upon what looked to be a mobile base, or what was left of it in any case. It was a grey and golden thing, archaic in its degrading trapezoid design. She hadn't seen anything like this since the rebellion. It was so pointless to waste so much space. Destabilzer technology had brought so many advancements with it, she mused.

Jasper entered through a large hole in the structure, Lapis trailing quietly behind her. The room seemed to have once been a lounge of sorts. All carriers like these were designed and plotted the same so Jasper knew where she was hidden as she walked through an empty door frame. Three doors later they came into a large room with a raised dais and a podium; the Combat Information Center. The damage seemed just as bad here; the roof blown completely out to reveal the burning sun above, the energy core bellying too many holes to consider working again, and walls scorched with an incredible heat.

Despite the terrible damage Jasper could remember lining up along walls like these for debriefings.

It seemed like forever ago.

It might as well have been.

She didn't stop however, continuing forward past the dais to one more door she tore open. Jasper stepped easily into the nearly pitch black room. It seemed void of any structural destruction, but the interior was a mess. Tables and chairs were overthrown, doors unhinged, cabinets pillaged through. There were a few electronic notepads scattered everywhere;their lack of light was suggestion enough they wouldn't work.

Still, it brought an almost painful feeling of homesick running down her spine.

"What's here?" Lapis asked dryly from somewhere behind her, bringing Jasper's mind back to the present. The flighty gem walked deeper into the room, beginning to peek around here and there. She didn't seem to be reminiscing quite like Jasper.

"Nothing anymore." Nothing but dust and shards anyway.

"Then why did we come here?" Lapis dug deep into a drawer. Jasper shrugged in response and wandered around herself, fingers pausing over an emblem on the wall of four diamonds. Her claws dragged heavily over the pink diamond, scarring the metal and erasing its presence from the wall. "What's this?" Lapis interrupted her work with a mumbled question. Jasper quirked a brow and turned.

When she saw what Lapis had in her hand she felt her lip pull up in a silent snarl. Lapis was holding a collar lined with a few small shards of gems. Even after all these years the machine came to life at her touch - a Homeworld gem's touch - filling the silent room with a gentle and echoing hum.

"Are you being purposefully ignorant?" Jasper asked with a growl, hand coming up to scratch her suddenly itchy throat.

Lapis looked briefly annoyed and confused. "I've never seen this."

"It's a Guidance Collar. I guess Blue Diamond was the only one who didn't like them." Jasper scoffed under her breath. "Lucky you."

"Guidance... Collar?"

"It's the _polite_ way of saying a shock collar for indentured gems."

Lapis pursed her lips, eyes looking off into a corner. "Slaves?"

"Something like that." Jasper sighed.

Lapis looked back to the thing before raising her gaze to meet Jasper's. She seemed to consider something with a tilt of her head. She brought the damned thing closer to her as she took a slow step forward, eyes shining with something Jasper couldn't name. "You've worn one before." It wasn't a question.

Jasper narrowed her eyes as Lapis took another step forward, feeling her feet shuffle back in response to keep the distance between them, between _that_. "Yes. When I was first reassigned under Yellow Diamond’s forces." Too unruly her superiors had said; didn't understand her worth. Needed to learn how things were run.

Jasper had made a name for herself in the Rebellion and they were determined to strip it away. She had been Pink once after all, Pinks were failures not war heroes.

Lapis continued to step forward until Jasper was once more pressed against a wall. Lapis' face was unnervingly blank, it had a sharp ball of ice settle somewhere in her gut. Soon there was just a foot between them and the collar picked up her presence, starting to glow an eerie yellow upon recognizing she was a Kindergarten gem. Jasper felt her brows furrowing, teeth bared as a growl rumbled deep in her chest.

"Lazuli." It was a warning; the first and only.

The other gem picked up on her discomfort, a sickly sweet smile curving her inky black lips. "I bet you looked so pretty with it on." She cooed cruelly; purposefully.

Jasper roared sharply as she snatched the collar out of Lapis' hands and crushed it satisfyingly between her fingers. Lapis didn't look surprised, only irritatingly smug; like she had won some competition Jasper didn't even know she was participating in. "Get out." She found herself saying, voice dangerously low.

Lapis didn't fight her, only giving a slight nod as her smile fell before walking out of the room. Jasper could hear her wings spring to life and a gentle flapping sound that got softer with each passing second. Eventually she was left only with the silence of her thoughts.

Lapis was gone, and for now Jasper didn't care. She would be back, and if she wasn't it wouldn't change too much. Right? She was much closer to her goal now, it wouldn't make a difference if she was alone or not.

Irritation burned her skin as she realized she _did_ care. She was slowly understanding what Lapis had meant by empty; hollow.

Jasper heaved a sigh, letting her exhausted frame slide heavily down the wall she was pressed into. She groaned as pain began to ease from her stiff body, washing away with a strange warmth. Almost immediately her eyes drooped and she was met with the comforting darkness behind her eyelids.

#### xxx

She awoke sometime later to a padding of feet on the metal above her. She pawed clumsily at her shoulders, feeling around for the wounds there. They had mostly closed up, leaving an almost pleasant tingly feeling in its wake.

Jasper got to her feet slowly, ears strained to listen to anymore movement. 

None. 

Was it Lapis then? Back already?

Even if it was she wouldn't venture back to Jasper. The large gem had noticed Lapis' discomfort when placed in small spaces. Jasper herself seemed to be the opposite now, drawn to smaller spaces as if they would protect her.

 _Weak_.

Jasper left the room with heavy steps, looking up to the night sky from the CIC. With a huff she jumped up and through the hole, landing on the roof with a solid thump.

Looking around proved her guess; she wasn't alone.

Lapis turned her head from where she was sitting, staring hard at Jasper with far too many emotions for the larger gem to fully process. Eventually she looked down and away, hand brushing against the angry lines along her arm.

Jasper didn't push, feeling herself in no hurry to leave. She sat down a fair distance away from Lapis, her yellow eye turning up to meet the stars. Soon she might be able to fly through them again. Soon she might be free.

She wished the idea wasn't so terrifying.

Lapis ended up speaking, answering a question she hadn’t been asked. “I think I wanted to scare you…”

“What?” Jasper let her eyes fall from the sky, peering over at the gem who couldn't quite meet her gaze. That alone managed to simultaneously please and piss her off.

"With the collar." She explained. Jasper narrowed her eyes, glaring hard at Lapis' inert form.

"Why?"

"I-... I don't know... Earlier you almost... and being around you, it makes my head a mess; like I'm being pulled in two separate directions." Her voice sounded like it was laced in pain and desperation, as if trying to overcome a confusion that was too much.

Jasper didn't respond at first, decided to sort through her own thoughts. Was she scared of Lapis? Yes. She could admit that to herself. Even out here where there was no nearby water Jasper could still feel the tug and pull of anxiety. Lapis seemed to want to change, to make things better between them, but she was so emotionally driven; she gave into whims so easily. It made it so hard to trust the other gem whether she was earnest or not.

But at all the same time Jasper would be lying if she said she didn't feel even the slightest pulls to Lapis and to her power. Trying to rationalize why it was that she felt so _drawn_ was too complicated for her. A bad result from Malachite? Jasper's own lust for power? Beginnings of madness from a cracked gem? Or just loneliness?

Stars she was so drained and lost as of late.

Lapis must have taken her silence as anger because she let out a soft and resigned "Sorry", before placing her head on her knees and curling up. Jasper rolled her eyes at the little pitiful display; sometimes it seemed as though Lapis liked to lie and manipulate through her body's posture, try to garner sympathy and empathy from the larger gem. Jasper couldn't be sure when Lapis was being honest.

"I'm not mad at you brat, or at least anymore than the usual." She watched as Lapis poked her head up to peer back over at Jasper. There was confusion braced in the darks of her eyes. "I get it." She said after a significant amount of time, feeling her hand brush against the stump of her arm.

"What?" It was Lapis' turn to be confused.

"I get that feeling; that pull. I still want to hurt you so much sometimes." Jasper admitted, claws peeking out. She stood up and cleared the distance between them, watching closely as Lapis' expression turned guarded and cautious. It was an appropriate response considering what she had just revealed. When she managed to sit back down it was in front of Lapis with only a foot of space between them.

Lapis seemed more curious now than anything.

"Oh...?" The blue gem mumbled as if trying to fill in the silence. Her dark eyes bored into Jasper's own, trying to figure something out. Jasper couldn't read minds but she instinctively knew they both were thinking about earlier; when Jasper had Lapis underneath her and at her mercy. She could have shattered her or disabled her at the very least.

She wasn't sure why she stopped.

She wasn't sure why she considered doing it.

She didn't like this duality.

"I don't think we've forgiven each other..." Jasper said, softer this time.

"I don't think we know how to..."

"Are you trying?"

"Yes..." Lapis paused, her face scrunching up as she stared at Jasper from under her bangs. She looked nervous, guilty, as she continued and asked; "Are you?"

Jasper felt her own lips curl, her eye sinking off toward the horizon. It was a moment before she answered, honestly. "I think so..."

She caught Lapis' face filling with irritation and impatience before the other gem could hide it under the curtains of her bangs. Jasper whirled around to glare at her, a frown stitched onto her mouth. "Listen," she started, but Lapis didn't respond or look up. Jasper growled under her breath, feeling only her own swell of irritation at Lapis' inability to met her eyes.

Jasper reached out, " _Listen_ , I'm trying th-." The rest of her words were lost in her throat as her thumb brushed away Lapis' bangs to reveal her wide black eyes. There was something sinister lurking there for a moment, lining the fanged frown presented to her, and Jasper feared she had crossed a line. Yet as the seconds passed Lapis' emotions melted into something soft again, blue eyelids slowly falling closed.

"Jasper."

Before she could pull her hand back the blue gem reached up and held her arm loosely, there was no strength to it just a silent request to stay. Jasper growled lowly - the only noise she could make with her throat so tied up - but didn't remove her hand, curiosity winning out as Lapis pushed her forehead into the large thumb with her lips falling silently open.

Jasper tentatively added more pressure to the touch, feeling her brows furrow in confusion as Lapis pushed back harder. She could feel her claw beginning to slip free, pressing lightly into blue skin. Lapis seemed unperturbed as she, Jasper slowly realized, nuzzled into the touch of her thumb. "Lazuli?" Jasper asked carefully, pulling her hand back slightly.

Something was wrong.

Lapis gave no signs of hearing her, eyes remaining firmly shut as she pressed forward after her hand. She could feel two points of pressure where Lapis was leaning forward with her small hands pressed harshly into Jasper's leg, chasing after her red hand before sinking her face into the palm of it. Jasper could feel puffs of air brush against the skin there as Lapis breathed, filling and emptying her chest for reasons Jasper didn't understand.

The other gem looked like she was in a daze; hypnotized.

"Lazuli?" She tried again, to no avail. Jasper shifted her hand, curling it around her blue cheek and watched as Lapis fell almost uselessly into it. Every slight movement had Lapis desperately trailing behind her. It was thrilling, in a strange way, the idea that Lapis was so easily taken by the whims of her hand. A grin slowly cracked across her face, chest thrumming with the idea of being in control.

Jasper readjusted her hand again, and like before, Lapis followed suit until she was tucked against a row of fingers. She quirked a brow as her thumb traced the other side of Lapis' face; running through her hair and down the soft scales of her face before brushing against her jaw. She brushed her thumb forward, falling past a cheekbone before settling near Lapis' black lips. Daringly she continued, beginning to press into those lips with narrowed eyes. "Lapis..."

The large gem started when Lapis finally shot forward with movement, mouth clamping down tightly on her thumb. Lapis' blue eyelids sprung open, but instead of being met with those black eyes Jasper could only see white. She felt dozens of pricks on her thumb, rows of teeth settling against the flesh there. Jasper could feel the curve of the teeth and she knew better than to pull away right now; she could only be thankful they didn't push hard enough to pierce.

Jasper dragged her eyes away from those black lips and back up to Lapis' eyes. They rolled back forward, brimmed and glassy. Slowly but surely Jasper watched bits of awareness return, those black blue eyes sharpening and finally looking back at her. Lapis, for her part, didn't seem even slightly embarrassed over what had just happened, slowly drawing her mouth open wide enough to allow Jasper's finger its freedom.

Neither moved.

Jasper could feel Lapis' fingers tighten around her calf, watched as that small chest gave one last breath of air before stilling. Those black eyes seemed to slowly take everything in before shifting upward to meet and hold her golden gaze. She could see a few emotions lining the dark of Lapis' eyes, but the most obvious was the warmth there. She pressed forward and Jasper swallowed harshly, feeling something like dread bloom in her chest where Lapis placed her hand. Those blue fingers slid over and fanned the yellow diamond insignia, brows furrowing as she no doubt noticed the frown working down Jasper's face.

Jasper watched her blue features shift softly as she moved closer, she could feel Lapis step up and onto her crossed legs as she closed the space between them. Her nerves were set alight as Lapis pressed closer against her tight chest, whole frame tensing sharply as she watched those black eyes that stayed locked on her face. She almost started again when she felt something cool press against her wrist, eye flicking over to see Lapis' hand drag along her own hand and wrap carefully, slowly around a finger. Lapis slowly pulled that red hand closer, guiding it somewhere behind her.

Something electric passed through Jasper as the pads of her fingers brushed against something smooth and warm. She couldn't see but she knew it was the gemstone on Lapis' back. She tried to pull away, but Lapis pressed back into the touch with a soft hum. Confusion and nervousness locked her yellow eyes, silently asking the other gem what she wanted.

Stars, she felt like something was burning inside of her; something pleading to be let go. Despite the positions, despite Jasper having her hand on everything that _was_ Lapis, she did not feel in control of the situation, she only felt trapped.

And yet part of her had never felt more _alive_.

The large gem felt her claws instinctively stretch forward and press into the gemstone, something quickly passing through Lapis' eyes as her mouth parted. "Are you going to hurt me?"

Her mind offered a no and yes simultaneously, tearing her in two separate ways as her teeth bared. Lapis ignored whatever she could see on Jasper's face, shifting in her lap so that Jasper's nails scratched lightly at the surface of that gemstone. Her gaze grew lidded in response, pressing even closer. Jasper was sure if she had a heart it would have exploded by now.

"You can hurt me." Lapis continued, lips drawing into a soft smirk as she whispered; "I'm _yours_." Jasper had no time to react as she felt lips press into her own. Her eyes widened and her claws pressed harshly as her entire frame turned still. It ended swiftly and Lapis didn't press any further but she seemed inclined to try her luck once more.

Part of Jasper was willing to let her do it again. Most of her though, was reeling with confusion. White hot flames licking the backs of her eyes.

"Lazuli _stop_."

Those blue features shifted into something briefly ugly and hurt, serrated teeth poking out from her open mouth. "What?" She demanded, moving closer so that they were almost nose to nose. "Jasper, you're _mine_." Jasper hardly heard the statement over the drowning noise of her own head, still her entire frame seized and stilled.

" _Lapis_!" She hissed, something like hurt finally colouring her tone.

"Lapis..." the blue gem mirrored with a hum, finally relenting and pulling back. She stepped languidly off of Jasper, dragging herself a few steps back as she let her eyes roam over the orange gem. The moments passed slowly between them, Jasper's hand twitching as it scored deep into the flesh of her mauled arm in an attempt to calm her nerves and find a focus. It was hard to with Lapis staring at her like that.

She had switched back toward the aloof and cold expression Jasper knew far too well, her face completely unreadable as Jasper cautiously stared and waited.

It took awhile before something finally gave, Lapis' face scrunching up briefly with something like regret and sorrow before she turned around and stepped into the air. Jasper watched her wings catch her, powerful thrusts taking the gem far up and away. Jasper kept completely still and silent until Lapis could no longer be seen. Something like a pained groan escaped her lips as she fell back against the cold structure below her. She grimaced as she ran her hand and claws through her hair, giving into a momentary fit as she tugged awfully at the white strands of her mane.

All her thoughts could conjure up was images of that blue gem whispering sickly sweet words to her over and over again.

What the hell did Lapis want from her?

_What did she want from Lapis?_

Jasper didn't stay for much longer, not willing to wallow in her own confusion when she had something that needed to be done. She did her best to empty her thoughts as she trudged forward but one stuck resolutely on repeat in her mind.

_'Yours.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well then that was a thing(yes this was self indulgent too sue me[doubly yes Lapis is a damn shark and u cant convince me otherwise]). honesty in my outline i didnt have half of these chaps. so i guess its kinda filler? but i think it helps set everythin up tbh. (still workin on pacing god give me strength) ive also learned that me rereading chapters over and over again is what makes me start to dislike them, because about an hour ago i was like !!! LOVE THIS CHAPTER and now im like ughhhHH lmaooo why is this
> 
> but yea all these headcanons wooo glad i shoved about 20 of them in a single chapter |D so like i am v weak for the idea that Lapis has a slight variant of tonic immobility. an idea i will 100 percent explore later no doubt because !!! wOW! also this may be startin to dip toes into stockholm and ive been tryin so hard to not do that bluh
> 
> and longest chapter yet? hell yea. gotta do some hardcore writtin for the next 4ish chapter. were reachin an arc of sorts!! hopefully this being long will tide u all over cuz i dont know if im gonna start postin till i get all these chaps mostly done or what. we might be waitin a week again, the inhumanity
> 
> and for all those ppl w rly good music taste; yes, every chapter is a song title. they all are songs that helped me write these chaps out and has the feelin i was goin for in it(mostly). im not creative enough to name my own damn chapters c': i might organize them all into a jaspis playlist lmao
> 
> thank you all for the love and support(seriously my heart cant handle it you guys are waaaay too nice ;;;;), and sorry for spamming the notes after every chapter :'D catch yall again w chapter 10. shits gonna get real, or more so!


	10. Relapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda nsfw near the end? im trash sorry o/

It wasn't until the second day of travelling alone that the dull numb Jasper had grown accustomed to gave way to something more sharp; the settling of a blade somewhere between her eyes.

She knew the root of it all, it would do no good to ignore it; it would only hurt more.

There was only so much hurt she could handle anymore.

Out of frustration, or perhaps more likely impatience. Jasper sought to try something she had been pondering for awhile. She spent the better part of that day looking for water, and the final dredges of sunlight with her red hand twitching in that unkind and cold liquid.

She berated herself for every action, every breath; she should have kept moving, she was so close now, she didn't _need_ Lapis.

The rushing waves did little to quell the nerves that had been building and piling through the day, each lap of the river feeling more like the lick of flames than anything, but she bit her tongue and held strong as quakes racked her weary frame. It wasn't until a significant amount of time had passed that Jasper felt something like laughter bubbling in her tight chest, eyes stinging against a mountain of emotion.

She tried to hide it all under a guttural growl, teeth gnashing and gnawing at her lips.

Desperation was not something she was familiar with, but its icy tendrils held fast to her gem, festered and bubbled beneath her skin. It was hard to mistake the crumbling feeling for much else. But why was she so desperate? What did it matter if Lapis was with her or not?

Why could she not stand the thought to be alone- no, not alone; without Lapis.

She wished she knew.

As she resigned herself to failure, something she was becoming much more intimately familiar with as of late, Jasper pulled her hand back. It didn't get more than an inch away before the water rippled unnaturally and trailed after her parting fingers. The liquid poured and stretched, refusing to release itself as it formed a sort of hand, small and blue, that held tight onto one of her fingers.

Jasper froze at the burning sensation that came with it. She could vividly imagine her hand setting aflame and contorting as it melted underneath that white hot touch. The blue hand was almost impossibly still, bringing thoughts of the blue gem to the fore. She fought harshly against the tide of emotions burying her; not quite sure if it was anxiety or excitement thrumming against the hollow of her chest.

She resolved to wait and find out, lowering herself gently to the ground, legs crossing as she let that watery hand keep it's grasp. She felt her claws sink into the blue surface.

The duality was back.

It would always be there with Lapis wouldn't it?

It wasn't long after that the malleable water was replaced by Lapis' own hand; small and cold like the phantom before it.

Jasper turned the hand around, pressed a thumb lazily to the palm of its surface. Lapis allowed it, wrapping each of her pretty little fingers against the red surface of her invading thumb.

There was so much to say - too much, but only silence met her ears; Jasper's own mouth dry in the presence of the other gem.

Of course they wouldn't talk, of course they would ignore _it_.

Lapis had to be just as broken as Jasper was.

Her yellow eyes eventually dragged up and away from the slim hand resting in her palm, cautiously trying to meet those black eyes but faltering along the path of a blue shoulder. Jasper didn't know what to name this new feeling, one that seemed to simultaneously roar and groan as her eye narrowed down on the old wounds across Lapis' arm. The cuts still seemed so sore, raw and bruising. Her mouth began to burn and buzz, and before she could stop herself Jasper tugged Lapis closer.

The blue gem made a soft noise, but didn't pull her tense hand away. Jasper didn't have to look up to know there was a question lurking in her eyes; one she only managed to shake her head to. "Just..." She struggled with her thoughts briefly, tongue tied; meaningless words trailing emptily from her throat and falling in silence.

Jasper tugged again, slower, gently, wrapped her large hand around Lapis' forearm and coaxed her forward until the other gem was hovering over her sitting form and her yellow eyes were leveled with the scores of cuts marring Lapis' arm. Without a word she brought her tongue against the surface.

Lapis' skin tasted much like the ocean; cool and fresh, almost indescribable if not for the tang of salt buried somewhere beneath.

Jasper heard Lapis make a hiss above her, one that slowly morphed and drew into a deep sigh with each lave of her tongue. She chanced a glance above, but couldn't find the strength to hold the heavy gaze Lapis bore. Instead she focused on the menial task, working until her jaw began to ache sweetly and the flesh before her began to stitch together.

Jasper felt like she was pleading for forgiveness, begging for Lapis to take her back with each rake of her tongue. The thought alone, genuine or otherwise, was leaving a bitter taste in her mouth and a sharp twisted pain in her chest.

What did she have to apologize for?

Why did she always feel the beginnings of a 'Sorry' leaking from the drawn corners of her mouth each and every time she denied Lapis? A knee jerk reaction she barely held the reins to. The thought settled heavily with something like bile rotting in her gut.

Maybe it would be better if she just stopped thinking.

At one point or another, Jasper wasn't entirely sure so lost in her own empty musings and fears, the other gem had moved closer; she could feel Lapis' head on her own, a stray hand trailing through her mane of white hair; brushes of cold fingertips against her scalp.

It wasn't entirely unpleasant; almost soothing.

Or maybe that was just what she was convincing herself of.

Her claws were beginning to dig into Lapis' arm as the tension worked its way slowly into the blades of her shoulders, but if it hurt the other gem made no sound of complaint.

Jasper brushed her rough tongue against that blue skin a few more times before finally letting the hum of her mouth simmer and die. Lapis didn't take this as a sign to stop however, pressing a cheek against the top of her head and threading those black fingers deep in tresses of white. She made an odd cooing noise every once and awhile, humming low in her throat. Jasper didn't know what to do so she remained still She stared blankly at the shining surface of Lapis' skin, eyes dull as she let _empty_ slide over her like the fabric of a cloak.

She didn't dare think; it would hurt.

She was tired of _hurt_.

Lapis grew bored, or maybe just bold, for soon Jasper felt fingers slide across her cheek; an errant thumb brushing close to, but not daring to touch, her gemstone. Something like a growl thundered from Jasper's broad chest, but Lapis ignored the noise; repeating the gesture over and over until Jasper's warning waned and she was sure there would be seared mark in a broad sweep across the ridge of her cheekbone.

Another stripe.

They eventually started moving again, trailing after each other in the quiet moonlight.

Neither brought up the kiss nights before.

Neither mentioned the caress moments ago.

Neither said a word, as if silence could blot out the parts of them much too bright to look at.

#### xxx

As the sun broke the horizon the ground below her bare feet gave way to the harsh grain of rock. Gone were the trees and grass, splashes of dirt and rolling hills, replaced now by a long stretch of granite covered in fissures and splintered stones that pressed uncomfortably against the balls of her feet. The colours here seemed almost muted and drained, every step bringing up a gentle cloud of dust that fell fruitlessly back down.

Even the wind itself stilled.

For a place that once brought so much life, Jasper never knew how dead it had seemed until now; the Kindergarten.

Jasper spared a glance behind her, toward her companion.

Lapis had taken to flying, wings spreading easily for her weight, minding her bare feet away from the uneven craggy ground. Her face was schooled perfectly neutral, eyes roaming the barren landscape before settling on her yellow eye. If there was a question there Jasper couldn't read it and Lapis didn't bother to actually voice it.

They remained in silence even as they finally entered the cavernous and quiet place; towering cliffs locked them in, sheltering them from the early rays of sun. Jasper couldn't help but stare, gawk, as she pressed on. To be back here after all those centuries, to see how still and dull this place was now. She felt suddenly small and mundane, an invader to something so great left behind.

Gems did not have graves, but the empty calls of the emergence holes that lined the sharp walls might as well have been a mounting necropolis.

Jasper knew most of these gems didn't make it; most of her... 'family' was dead.

She was one of the few that survived this Kindergarten.

Her throat bobbed uncomfortably, eye dragging to the ground.

Suddenly the shards in her pouch seemed too heavy.

Her attention was stolen from the walls around them as Lapis made a disgusted noise somewhere in the back of her throat. She braved a glance back before sighing and continuing. Of course Lapis would be unimpressed; Kindergartens were nothing like the great mechanical beasts on Homeworld. Still, she couldn't help but fall onto the baited hook.

" _What_?" Jasper found her own taut voice foreign in her ears. She was so used to the heavy silence between them she almost regretted the moment she opened her mouth.

 _Almost_.

"Why are we here Jasper?" Lapis made a show of kicking a nearby rock into an emergence hole. It clattered and echoed sharply, the noise somehow reminding Jasper of all the pointy edges to Lapis' teeth.

"To get off this..." Jasper paused, fumbling in the dark of her mind for a specific memory. It was getting more difficult to scrounge up things before Malachite as the days passed. It was disgusting that she had divided her life into such sections; that she used titles such as 'Before Malachite'. Her eyes narrowed as she tugged the memory free, looking back at Lapis with a barely restrained snarl. " _Miserable_ planet." She spat the word, tension somehow translating into aggression.

Lapis only laughed, hollowly and pitched. Jasper pretended she didn't hear her and continued her search. She knew Lapis' patience was very finite; she was surprised the gem had even followed her this far. But it wouldn't last. She could see it in the way Lapis was curling in on herself, bracing herself for _something_.

Jasper felt like she was attempting to defuse an explosive.

She had never liked those things.

They came across a downed injector and Jasper had to bite back the urge to explore it; smother the fledgling curiosity as it spawned. She had never seen the innards of those things, never seen what made them tick, and what made gems _gems_. It could be a discovery of sorts, it could be important, but something was telling her Lapis wouldn't enjoy seeing her climbing the mechanical tyrant.

She trudged forward.

Half of her was convinced she knew where she was going, that the years spent here had ingrained the entire layout into her mind, the other was simply content to admit she had no such skill and was wandering. If she could admit the latter she could prepare for the fallout.

Whether though luck or chance she did manage to come across what she was searching for, a solid clunk vibrating beneath her feet.

She was down and crouched without hesitation, a heavy hand coming forward to push stray rocks and dirt away. Eventually she could recognize the signs of a platform and pressed a curious finger into a small and empty indent. Within seconds Jasper had a Larimar shard locked in.

There was a deep, mechanical roar as the machines below her breathed into life once more. The platform beneath her hummed and shook before beginning to glow; the lights lining it clicking on one by one and illuminating her excited face. There was no fanfare as it began to descend into the depths of the Earth.

Lapis didn't join her and Jasper kept her gaze locked on the other gem until the lip of the tunnel overwhelmed her vision.

She wondered if the other gem would still be there when she got back up.

She hoped Lapis wouldn't abandon her like that.

It didn't take very long before the tunnel came to an end and the platform stopped it's descent.

Lights warmed and softly lit the huge tunnel before her. Just as she thought - as she remembered, it was a service tunnel. The walls were lined with equipment and pipes of all sorts, cords swimming this was and that. It was all rather archaic but very much in tact. Some even offered groans of labour as gears turned somewhere below her feet.

Jasper stepped off of the platform and into the tunnel, giving a glance behind her as the platform whined and died out. She didn't think too much on it, moving forward with a new set of purpose.

The tunnels were just as she remembered them; long and winding, so easy to get lost in if explored for the first time. This wasn't new territory for her though, and each turn only brought memories of Before Malachite closer to the front as she navigated through each hallway. Everything was always built the same, for convenience sake, seeing one layout was the same as seeing them all.

Two more rights and she found herself in the center of the machinery; the heart.

The core was dull and worn, debris from the roof covering most of its shattered and broken form. It would have been a terrible sight if she had any interest in starting this Kindergarten up again. As it were she didn't spare a second glance as she crossed the room and pawed at a small crack in the wall. It creaked before snapping open to reveal a panel with a screen. She had almost forgotten how to use these hulking things.

Jasper's fingers moved tightly across the screen, going through window and window as she read through itinerary after itinerary. She felt frustration bite at the edges of her mind each time she saw logs reporting missing or launched ships, and when she reached the end of that list she watched as if from somewhere else as her fist slammed into the machine.

There was a bite of electricity that jolted up her arm, but any pain was drowned out in the defeated roar the tumbled from her maw.

Nothing.

They left _nothing_.

The trek back took almost double the time, Jasper's frame weighed down by disappointment and anger.

Why had she believed everything would work out?

Why had she let such foolish lies cloud her thoughts?

She was without direction, again.

Jaspers weren't meant to exist like this.

She had to claw her way back to the surface, privately enjoying each time her hand sunk too deep into the metal and tore with a shrill screech. It distracted her from her own thoughts; any outlet was a good one. Anything that would stop her dismal spiral into self pity.

Jasper was better than that.

She had to be.

Arriving to the surface she was surprised to see Lapis still so near. The other gem seemed to be standing on a rock with her back turned to Jasper; crystal blue wings no doubt keeping her precarious balance.

What the hell was she doing?

Jasper felt irritation tick away at her, a snarl cracking it's way across her face.

Lapis was a good outlet, some part of her insisted.

Whatever her plan was died when she saw what it was Lapis had her toes digging into.

"A robonoid?"

Lapis started upon hearing Jasper, quirking in confusion as she lifted herself into the air. Jasper didn't even look at her, staring hard at the round thing left behind.

It moved.

 _It moved_.

The large gem watched with surprise as the thing rolled briefly and righted itself, small legs sliding out as it found itself on it's feet once more. It looked just like the one's Peridot had been using except for the strange upside down triangular emblem lazily pasted on its surface. It buzzed and started to move forward again. Jasper only let it take two steps before snatching it up off the ground and into her hand.

It made a distressed sounding noise as she rolled it in her hand, squeezing experimentally as it 'cried' louder. Her brows furrowed heavily, confusion wracking her mind.

What was this one still doing active?

She had thought they all deactivated with Peridot.

The front plate hissed as it moved, sliding upward to reveal what she could guess was a camera. It made a static-y noise before droning into something more intelligible.

"-his is the second t-t-time you've hindered my progr-... -stand for failure Commander Cone."

That voice...

"Useless things get re-purposed, even if S-"

"Peridot?"

The machine in her hand made a whirling noise as a hologram projected from it's face. The screen was distorted at first; a white noise that eventually gave way for a very green and very surprised face.

"Wh-w- _Jasper_?!" Peridot's mouth made a perfect 'o', teal needle like teeth visible through her parted lips.

"Peridot! Where are you?" Jasper asked, urgency pulling the chords of her voice high.

"Oh no... oh no oh no. This wasn't accounted for, _she_ wasn't supposed to be correct! What do I do? They never actually informed m-"

" _Peridot_!" She snarled, trying in vain to bring the technicians focus back on her.

"T-Those clods! Wha-" The was a loud thump, a door behind the green gem slamming open to reveal that fusion before the video feed shut off, leaving Jasper with only the scrambled audio. "You Crystal Clod! I- No, stop- UNHAND ME YOU VAPID-!" There was another break in the audio before it managed to cut back in. "NO! DON'T TOUCH THAT WITH YOUR ABSURD GLOVES! STARS W-" The line abruptly ended there.

Jasper stood there silently for a moment, her thoughts slowly piecing everything together.

Peridot was _alive_. That thought brought a surge of warmth through her entire frame. She hadn't failed the other gem... she hadn't failed her mission.

Her eyes raced back and forth, unseeing as she grabbed at the diamond emblem on the front of her uniform.

She still had a purpose; a use!

All she had to do was rescue Peridot from those disgusting traitors.

The hollowness in her chest receded, confidence and resolve painting her features wild with power. The robonoid whirled once more in her grasp before she tightened her grip, laughter echoing from the depths of her chest as the thing exploded outward in a fountain of goo. 

_Jasper wasn't lost_.

The large gem turned on her heel toward Lapis, a grin splitting her face. There must have been something untamed in her look as Lapis turned cautious; nervous.

"I know what we need to do Lazuli!" Jasper waited for the enthusiasm to explode across Lapis' face, but it never came. She only grew distant, eyes narrowing; looking at Jasper as if she was on the brink of hysteria. Jasper felt her grin falter slightly; surely Lapis could see it? "We need to go save Peridot."

Lapis' face grew stony; saving Peridot had a lot of... _implications_ along with it. But... there was no way Lapis would willingly side with traitors right?

The silence weight down heavily on them until Lapis spoke; voice cold as ice. "Why?"

Jasper let confusion settle on her face. Was Lapis so blind? Did she not feel this thrum, this need?

It was so addictive.

"What do you mean why? It's the most obvious choice of action. She's alive! You saw her too."

"But _why_ do we need her Jasper?"

The grin fell completely from her face, brows furrowing with confusion as her claws pricked at the emblem on her chest. "My mission Lazuli. I _have_ to protect her. Yellow Diamond will be pl-"

A combined expression of pity and disgust washed across Lapis' face. "Jasper, it's been a year. They aren't coming."

Jasper shook her head, feeling her teeth rattle in her mouth. "You don't know that Lazuli. When we rescue Peridot she can help as get off this planet and back to Homeworld; Back to home Lazuli! We can destroy the last of those Crystal Gems and put in a good word for you and me. Such an accolade, the Diamond Authority wouldn't- no they couldn't ignore it. Everything will go ba-"

"Jasper," Lapis interrupted, earning a snarl from the larger gem. Why was Lapis being so willingly blind? "Your gem is cracked. They don't care, not anymore." There as a solemn acceptance to her voice, one that had Jasper enraged.

"Lazu-!" She didn't get a breath in before Lapis was interrupting her again with a sneer on her round face.

"They left us all here to _rot_. We - you, Peridot, and I, we're all expendable."

Jasper shook her head, a growl bubbling in her strained throat. "You don't understand."

"No, _you_ don't." She frowned heavily, brows creasing in what Jasper could only guess was frustration. "What's wrong with you?" She accused.

" _Shut up_!" Jasper hissed, tired of Lapis' ignorant remarks. Why wouldn't she just _understand_? "We're going to get Peridot and then we're going to get off this planet." She stated, lips curling. She left no room for argument as she marched off.

Even if Lapis was going to make this difficult she wouldn't leave the other gem alone on this planet.

Jasper _couldn't_ leave Lapis.

Three steps in and Jasper couldn't hear the accompanying noise of Lapis' wings. Jasper growled under her breath, dragging a hand impatiently through her hair as she turned around to glare at the stationary gem.

Lapis was glaring right back.

There was something in that look that had Jasper weary.

Still she had a job to do, fear wouldn't halt her progress.

"You're the most insufferably selfish gem I've ever had the pleasure of meeting." Lapis' voice was low and monotonous. Jasper knew this was how Lapis threatened and warned and chose to ignore it.

They were so close to finally getting off this rock.

"I'm offering to get you off this planet Lazuli, how is that selfish?" Jasper took steps to clear the distance between them, exasperation colouring her tone as she continued. "What is this even about?" Jasper didn't understand why this gem was so set on staying _trapped_.

"What? Jasper it's about this, _this_ right now. It's always about you, it's _always_ been about you." It was Lapis who took a step forward this time; wings framing her small stature. It only brought one thing to the front of Jasper's mind.

 _Power_.

Lapis had the power Jasper needed to get Peridot back.

Why wouldn't she just help her?

Lapis was _hers_.

Jasper rolled her eyes, following that step forward with one of her own. "Oh, and youre one to talk? So high and mighty Lazuli, so selfless and giving. Is that what you tell yourself? That you're a martyr for dealing with me, for saving this planet from my _terrible_ hands?"

"Jasper don't."

"Don't what Lazuli?"

" _Jasper_." She sounded hurt now, but it was probably a lie. Lapis was always lying, Lapis didn't stop lying.

Jasper clawed through her hair painfully, her mind igniting with each passing second.

"Stop saying my name like that. You don't know me."

"I know enough!" Lapis made an exasperated noise in the back of her throat, both small blue hands flying up to her head. "I thought we were getting somewhere! I'm so stupid!" Jasper let a brief flash of confusion pass her features, one that Lapis narrowed down on with another step forward. "All this time and you're still so-" She hissed, teeth baring. "I've worked so hard to try and forgive you Jasper; to try and fix what I did but you; you don't even _care_! You're just _using_ me again; and I'm letting you!"

"Lazu-" Jasper felt a frown score her features as she was cut off again.

"I'm not doing this anymore." There was such finality to that tone that Jasper felt a cold and heavy ache; an emptiness that swallowed her whole. Lapis made turn to leave, taking a step into the air Jasper didn't let her.

Lapis wasn't allowed to leave her, not now.

The larger gem snatched Lapis from the air, pulling her roughly into the nearby wall of rock and pinning her there with her entire body so they were eye to eye. The ache receded with the closeness, allowing Jasper time she desperately needed to think and fix her approach toward this. Lapis' eyes narrowed, her wings stretching and bracing around them in warning, but she didn't make a move to hurt Jasper or escape; keen to hear her out?

As the wings stretched further and closer Jasper pretended the touch of water didn't burn.

"And you haven't been using me?" Jasper asked with a quirk of her head, good eye roaming from one of Lapis' eyes to the next. The only response that managed to get out of the other gem was Lapis snarling and baring her teeth, rows and rows of pointed ivory shown defensively. She knew Lapis wouldn't be afraid to use them.

Part of Jasper wished she would, wished Lapis would stop her now before she started.

She wouldn't though, Jasper knew she wouldn't.

"And you don't..." Jasper continued, pausing as she pressed even closer; removed any space between their bodies. She could feel the coolness of Lapis' frame through both their clothes, excitement and anxiety dancing in the pit of her chest. "You don't want _anything_ from me?" Her voice was almost impossibly low, gravelly as she pressed her forehead against Lapis' own. She watched those black eyes meet hers before they fell down to her lips.

"No..." Lapis said just as softly, honeyed, not even bothering to hide her wandering gaze.

"You're a piss poor liar." Jasper mused softly before finally closing the distance between their mouths.

A spark shot up her spine when her lips pushed into Lapis', a soft gesture that Lapis slowly and languidly reciprocated with a hum. Jasper slowly edged her on, teased her mouth against the other gems and retreated until Lapis' brows began to furrow out of frustration. That was all it took before Lapis was taking control of the kiss, setting the pace and pressing harder into it; blue hands disappeared somewhere behind Jasper before they kneaded and pulled through her hair, pulled the large gem impossibly close. She watched the smaller gem close her eyes, watched as Lapis gave in completely.

It all felt almost inevitable.

 _Doomed_.

Jasper could feel Lapis' chest rising and falling, pressing against her own in that strangely warm way; puffs of air grazing her face each time their mouths parted. She couldn't help the soft groan that fell from her lips, eyes falling shut, feeling the tension and pressure ease from her body as Lapis prodded and pushed into her mouth with a long black tongue. She used the pointed remains of her right arm to help steady herself against the wall.

While the rest of Lapis seemed freezing to the touch, the inside of her mouth was not; it was gloriously _warm_.

Jasper felt something heavy settle gut as that very warm tongue began to caress her own, sliding against the fangs in her mouth and pulling soft huffs and hums from her throat.

Lapis was deliriously addicting.

There was shuffling before Jasper felt Lapis' thin legs shift and part, wrapping around Jasper's wide hips with heels pushing into the top of her ass. The blue gem shifted again, allowing Jasper to press even closer and causing a watery moan to crawl from Lapis' parted mouth that broke the heated kiss.

Jasper didn't let her gather her thoughts, her free hand pressing between Lapis and the wall she was against before gently tracing a single finger over Lapis' gemstone.

A bodily shiver passed through Lapis, her whole body so close to her own large one that Jasper could feel every single shake and found herself with a desperate need to experience it again. She pressed her fingers into the edges of that tear-shaped stone, where flesh met gem and watched as Lapis' head lulled back with a quiet gasp.

Lapis looked so beautiful like this.

Jasper brought her mouth to the presented neck, running the thick of her rough tongue up the surface before kissing it. Stars, how long had she wanted her mouth on Lapis' neck? Her fangs pressed into that canvas of blue? Her whole body was thrumming, a spark igniting a slow burning fire somewhere deep in her. "I've seen the way you look at me Lazuli." Jasper husked, pressing the fangs of her teeth against the soft gills ribbing Lapis' neck. Lapis let out a strangled moan, pressing tighter into Jasper and baring more of that pretty neck for Jasper.

"J-Jasper wait." Lapis looked like she wanted Jasper to do anything but.

"What?" She growled against the blue throat, enjoying the shiver and moan Lapis tried to hide as she mock bit at her. "Isn't this what you've wanted?" Jasper gave a deep and breathy chuckle before bringing herself back eye to eye with Lapis. The blue gem's eyes were blown wide and black; she figured hers were in a similar state. Jasper kept eye contact as she shifted her pelvis forward, letting Lapis' hips roll and cant idly, needy, against the planes of Jasper's stomach. "Don't you want me?" Her voice was raw as she whispered into Lapis' ear, gently biting onto an earlobe.

" _Jasper_..." She was whimpering; moaning.

"I'm _yours_. Remember?"

When Lapis brought their lips back together it was more teeth than anything, something thick and heavy forming in the air as Lapis dominated and controlled Jasper's mouth.

She let her, following submissively behind each move.

"Take me _Lapis_..." Jasper moaned into the blue gems smaller mouth, feeling a smirk press at the corners of her lips when Lapis growled in response and pushed harder, pulled harder. She could feel small, nimble fingers finding the tears in her uniform; a hand brushing past the collar and down the confines of the tight material. "Make me yours and then help me."

Lapis stilled against her, lips slowly dragging back as Lapis blinked heavily. Jasper went to follow, but Lapis pulled her head further back, brows sinking low on her face. Her heaving chest stalled and she looked between both of Jasper's eyes before something sharp narrowed her blown pupils.

Before Jasper could even react she felt those rows of teeth beginning to sink into the swell of her neck replacing that numbing warmth with a flash of cold.

A howl of pain escaped her lips, prying open Lapis' jaw and escaping back multiple steps. Lapis face was torn into a frown, red plasma dripping from her gaping maw.

"I can't _believe_ you!" She hissed, yelling over Jasper's own growls of pain. "Again?"

"What?" Jasper chuffed, anger pricking at the corners of her eyes as she braced her hand against her wounded throat.

"All of that- _You did that so I would fight for you?!_ " Lapis' shrill voice echoed through the canyon.

Jasper didn't get to defend herself before Lapis was on her. The surprise of it all causing her to lose her footing, slamming painfully against the ground below her. She didn't have time to react, freezing when she felt a cold pressure against her wrist and neck; a slow burn beginning as water pressed into those open wounds. She looked down to see chain linking her throat to her wrist, the other end attached to what used to be one of Lapis' wings. The roaring of her mind dulled, frame tensing and curling instinctively.

Jasper was subdued.

"Why Jasper?!" Lapis demanded once more.

"You wanted me to do that... You wanted that and I wanted your help. It was a trade Lazuli. We were using _each other_." She tugged at the chain on her wrist, trying to bring the bulk of her arm away from her throbbing head. She didn't dare try to move outside of that. "Get off it. You knew."

"You ca-"

"I want to get us off this planet! Free… HOME LAZULI! Is that so bad?! Doesn't home mean _anything_ to you?"

The chains around her wrist and neck retreated, water pulling back to form a terrifying and disjointed wing. Even with this new found freedom Jasper stayed against the ground, eyeing the other gem. Lapis' anger seemed to drain before there was nothing left to read on her startlingly still face. She broke their joined gaze and stared off at something to her right for a moment. 

Jasper waited. It was all she could do.

 _She waited for the inevitable_.

"I'm leaving." Lapis voice was barely above a whisper, strained as if Jasper wasn't even owed that. Immediately after Lapis turned and took to the sky in two easy steps, powerful thrusts of her wings sending her spiraling through the air.

Jasper scrambled to her feet, claws sinking into the ground as she quickly took off after the gem.

It wasn't a playful game this time though, and Lapis moved much faster than Jasper could ever hope to keep up with; she didn't want to get caught. It only took a minute before the other gem completely vanished from her line of sight, dipping up and over a wall. Jasper slowed to a jog, pressing her only hand against the steep surface. She was sure she could climb it, but by the time she got to the top...

"Lapis..." Jasper whispered hoarsely, a claw finding and digging into the emblem on her chest

The hollow and echoing ache was back, and it was all she felt; framed and sheltered in frustration as a loud chiming noise filled the Kindergarten and the wall before her was painted a soft blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE MAIN STAR OF THE FIC HAS ARRIVED EVERYONE GIVE IT UP TO PERIDOT AND ALL 3 LINES SHE JUST HAD
> 
> anyways its always one step forward two steps back with these two. tho in Jass' defense shes got a lot of indoctrination and conditionin she gotta work thru, plus that shit w Malachite. also i am a cruel writer, sorry this Jass is literally a m e s s™. she will get a happy ending!
> 
> the good news is we are finally comin to a close w this arc, chapter 12 will probably be the last of it, maybe 13. depends on how the writin goes. worry not tho, i got another arc planned out, and the third half thought out where i will probably end it. but that shouldnt be for a long time so buckle on up and ill see yall in 2-4 days with chapter 11 'Iron' c:
> 
> love yall thanks again for takin the time to read/subscribe/bookmark/kudos/comment. its always good to know other ppl are likin this too<333 HAVE A NICE DAY BABES
> 
> p.s. i am so sorry for all the problems i s2g things mostly get better from here... soonish kinda hnnNNN ITS NOT ALL ANGST I PROMISE (just like 90 percent of it is angst) //shot
> 
> p.p.s or whatever. the editin might not be great on this but i literally passed out twice while fixing it sooooo


	11. Iron

Jasper's eyes tore back and forth, seeing without seeing as she watched the blue from the wall recede like the tide of an ocean. That noise was unmistakable, familiar in a way that only brought vivid visions of home to the front of her mind; of a place, a time, better than this.

Anything had to be better than _this_.

Jasper felt no need to breathe but this sensation could only be explained as drowning; a drawing agony itching behind the face of her gemstone, crawling up the backs of her eyes and tearing something, everything, slowly from the emptiness of her chest.

Lapis was _gone_ , and once again she was taking something of Jasper's with her.

What did she have left without Lapis?

She was well aware she had an audience but it did little to deter her as a piercing howl ripped from her throat, serenading the sky above in an explosive cry. Jasper felt her forehead press against the cliff, claws raking uselessly against the surface of rock as she gathered whatever was left of her; all those jagged and raw edges pressed painfully together in a mockery of whole.

It was torture.

Why did it _hurt_?

"Where is Lapis Lazuli?"

Jasper felt something ugly claw at the pit of her stomach, a poison slipping softly into her frame. She knew that voice, remembered the long chords it would pull as fist met fist and bodies slammed into walls of emerald under the glow of yellow lights. She bristled, every hair standing on end as she turned around slowly; tunnel visioned onto the source.

Three gems stood there, tall and sure; weapons drawn, branded with the symbol that brought only memories of fallen comrades.

 _Traitors_.

Four eyes tracked between the jagged remnants of her arm and the gem on her face, something like disgust and fear washing through the pearl's face. Jasper felt the sickening beginnings of a chuckle fall from her lips, letting the emptiness be replaced with one thought.

Peridot.

She had a _use_.

A wide grin slowly cracked across the surface of her face, watching with twisted humor as they all tensed and cowed. She took a lumbering step away from the wall - toward them - a hand coming up to drag the remaining softly glowing red plasma away from her neck. She let her voice carry, amusement underlying the low cords. "Who?"

She swallowed the memories that name conjured, trying vainly to bury them somewhere too deep to ever retrieve again.

It would easier that way right?

She messed up.

They messed up.

"What did you do to Lapis you freak?!"

Jasper dragged her gaze away from the reflective shades of the fusion, looking down at the callow little amethyst; the runt. A frown worked across her lips, brows furrowing. "Shut up; no more than what you all did." She sneered, shoulders pulling back with her aggression.

The amethyst seemed to quirk at that, seemed to want to try her luck. The Pearl intervened with a shrill ' _Amethyst_!'. Jasper wished the amethyst would have dived forward. She was sure she could easily put the small gem back into the ground where she belonged. Maybe another millennia and she would come out twice as pathetic. She wanted to laugh.

What a sight all these gems were; as defective and glaringly broken as her.

 _Useless_.

But she wasn't.

"Just answer the question Jasper." It was the fusion again. Jasper turned her chin up, her hand twisting as she drew her claws out.

"Don't tell me you all just came to talk?"

Surprisingly it wasn't the amethyst to move first.

Jasper grunted as she held back the force of a punch, fingers curling around the magenta coloured glove as she moved with the momentum to push the garnet past and behind her.

She hadn't expected to see the pearl right in the place the fusion had been, nor did she expect to see her face void of fear and replaced by a self assured determination.

What kind of pearl...?

Jasper growled as a spear barely missed her, the follow up swipe just skimming through the flesh of her stomach. She cursed herself for underestimating the slender gem. She had no time to even acknowledge the wound as a pair of gloved fists collided into the curve of her back, jarring the teeth in her mouth as she was propelled violently forward.

It was an awful landing, Jasper finding herself dazed as she pushed herself to her knees with the aide of her lame arm and good hand. Before she could look up she felt something wrap tightly onto her wrist, sharp edges digging painfully into the skin there as she was tugged off her hand and back onto the ground.

Instinctively she froze, a rolling of anxiety and something like relief in her gut as her wide eyes looked over to her wrist.

No chains. _No water_.

Why did the thought send a fresh wave of anguish through her? A keening howl pleading to slip through her tightly clenched teeth.

"The bigger they are the heavier they fall eh?"

Jasper snapped out of her reverie, looking up to meet the smug gaze of the amethyst. There was a smirk working the corner of her mouth, arms akimbo like she had already won the fight. Jasper let her chest begin to rumble, spiteful words seconds from release when she felt something like electricity race through her frame.

Her body raked with tremors and tensed painfully against the onslaught, as if that would somehow protect her from the fresh waves of pain exploding inside of her each time another blast of purple energy wrapped down that whip. Part of her demanded to retreat but she refused. She wasn't going to give up.

She was tired of getting hurt, she wanted to hurt something for a change.

With energy she didn't know she still had in her weary and drained frame; Jasper lunged forward, tackling into the small amethyst and slamming her into the ground. She roared as she pulled her fist back, intent on driving in into that bared gemstone, but she was quickly removed as a fist slammed into the side of her head.

She tumbled, but this time was quick to get to her feet as her anger ignited a spark inside of her. She glowered at the Crystal Gems, seconds from launching toward them when she noticed the Warp Pad. Her eyes flicked toward it and then back, her expression calming significantly; frown working into the beginnings of an easy smirk.

"I don't have time for this." Jasper announced before charging forward and throwing herself into a spin dash. Both the amethyst and the pearl jumped out of the way, but the fusion sought to test her mettle. Jasper barreled into her gloves, feeling satisfaction as the gem slid backwards against the push; satisfaction that was quickly dying with each second they began to slow down.

Jasper grit her teeth, spinning faster and letting her gem pulse with energy. Her frame glowed and heated, eventually the fusion couldn't hold her back.

Jasper watched with a smile as the other gem went flying into the surface of the nearby cliff side, splintering through rock with an explosion of dust. She didn't revel in the sight, much as she wished too, quickly taking off toward the Warp Pad with a leap.

She landed heavily on it and with a single thought it hummed to life. Jasper gave a parting grin to the gems helping their leader out of the rubble before being shot through space.

It was easy to find and follow the trail of where they had come from, to where their base was, and before she knew it she was standing before a gem embedded door with a star emblazoned on its front. An actual door as well, not any of that weak human mockery. She only got two steps off the pad and toward the door when a sharp voice stole her attention.

"Jasper!"

Jasper whirled around, spotting Peridot standing on a low standing table.

She didn't look much like Jasper had remembered.

Her hair was more spiked and mussed than in that familiar prim diamond shape, even her visor bore this sloppy revision. She only had one of the prosthetic limbs from Homeworld, a dented thing hanging oddly off of her right arm, the others were new and different. Her left arm was less clean, cogs and gears clearly visible as if she thought nothing of an exterior casing. The fingers remained firmly attached on this new arm, taking shape as long spindly green things. It looked clunky and scavenged, sharp at the edges, a startling contrast to her other arm.

The things attached to her legs seemed to be in a similar design; parts of the interior bared and ending in long clawed toes.

Peridot stood much shorter now, she hadn't realized how tall those boots were.

Jasper finally noticed her expression as she took a step down the small stairs. She seemed unnerved and tense, a frown curving her thin lips down; she looked ready to bolt and Jasper felt confusion settle in her as she noticed the missing emblem on Peridot's chest.

"Peridot?" Her eyes narrowed, tone sinking down suspiciously as she got closer to the gem. She was about to reach for the gem when something pink bloomed before her and sheltered Peridot in a sort of bubble.

"S-stay back!" A small voice interrupted.

Jasper only noticed the other gem now, brows furrowing before she caught sight of her standing before Peridot. A fanged grin crossed her features, a large hand coming to rest on the protective bubble. "Rose Quartz, and you're still shifted like that? Your love of humans goes too far." Jasper huffed, lifting her chin as she slammed her fist into the bubble. A crack splintered out along the pink surface. She was so weak now, why? The Rose Quartz Jasper remembered faltered for nothing.

"Release her and I won't shatter you."

"No, I won't let you touch Peridot!"

"J-jasper..." Peridot was looking more frightened by the second, Jasper needed to get her out of there.

She slammed her fist down another time, watching as more cracks flashed across the bubble. Rose Quartz looked to be struggling, arms shaking as she tried in vain to hold up the barrier. Jasper would get through it, the rebel leader was just wasting her time now.

"I said," Jasper began as she pulled her arm back one more - one last, time. "RELEASE HER!" She roared, throwing her fist forward.

" _STOP_!"

Jasper did, inches before contact, annoyance flickering across her hard features as her hand settled easily against the barrier. It had been Peridot that had spoken; was she trapped? Would something happen to her when the bubble fell? "Why?" She hissed, looking back to Rose Quartz briefly for any signs of foul play. Her inspection was blocked when Peridot stood in front of the other gem. Jasper felt her lip curl, Peridot's fear replaced now by anger.

"You are not allowed to harm Steven, Jasper."

_Steven._

Jasper felt her claws spring to life, dragging against the pink bubble. She snarled, feeling the beginnings of a twitch work in her useless eye. "Not you too." Jasper leaned over, looking past the green gem to meet Rose's trembling gaze. So _weak_. "Is this a game to you Rose? Masquerading as a human? Misleading other gems into pitying you?"

Rose didn't answer, Peridot growling and pulling up the dented arm. The floating fingers rearranged themselves into an odd shape, pointing directly at Jasper. It began to hum loudly and glow, a ball of energy forming that the tip of a finger. "If you shatter this barrier I will have no choice but to use lethal force."

"You would betray Homeworld?"

" _They betrayed me!_ " Peridot accused shrilly. "I requested assistance, begged and bargained for a reply. You know what they did? What the _mighty_ Diamond Authority did in response? They left me to _die_ on this inane rock! NOT EVEN A CORRESPONDENCE, NOT ONE: DEAR PERIDOT YOU HAVE EXPIRED YOUR USEFULNESS SIGNED AND DOTTED YELLOW DIAMOND!" Peridot's free hand was tugging at her hair, nails scratching along her face as her eyes went wild with the declaration. She took a moment before straightening, letting determination sink in the small, soft, corners of her frame. " _This_ is my home now; with Steven. I will not allow you to ruin this."

No... _No_.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. She was supposed to get Peridot, she was supposed to protect her and bring her back. Yellow Diamond was supposed to _care_. Jasper felt something thick in her throat, a pang shooting through her gemstone. She had been willfully ignoring all the hints, she had been blindingly optimistic. What a damned fool she was.

A worthless, useless, and broken fool.

She was going to die on this planet.

Lost and alone.

Anger came through in waves, pressed and creeped into the spots too hollow to feel anymore and blanketed her. A guttural roar escaped her jaw, fist slamming into a nearby wall and through it. Splintered chunks of wood sprayed around her, battered uselessly against her skin. She pulled her hand out with another chunk from the wall, eyes narrowing on Peridot.

It was _her_ fault.

Jasper took a dangerous step forward, closer to those traitors, pulling her twitching hand into a fist behind her as the floorboards creaked under her weight. The canon on Peridot's arm only hummed louder, the sphere of energy doubling in size as she took a terrified step back. She didn't deserve to use Homeworld technology anymore, Jasper would rip it from her arm and- and...

Jasper felt her arm fell weakly to her side.

She suddenly felt very tired.

All she had left was this hurt.

"Hey, hey! Get away from them!" It was the runt's voice.

Jasper felt something wrap around her foot, catching her off guard and pulling her off her feet. Her jaw slammed painfully into the ground, a hiss escaping her parted lips. She turned around to catch sight up the rest of the Crystal Gems. She hadn't even heard them return, what was wrong with her? Was she so focused on her own self pity she was missing such important cues?

What was wrong with everyone?

Jasper pulled her foot free from that coiling rope with a quick tug, pushing herself to her knees. The fusion dashed forward but Jasper moved even quicker, bolting forward on her feet and hand in a completely primitive and bestial way. She burst through the front door, shattering the frame and tearing the thing from its frame before leaping over the railing and landing far below on her three limbs.

She didn't stop. She had to keep moving.

The sand felt weird under her hand and feet, a struggle to find purchase as she continued her savage escape to the chorus of the ocean. The last time she had been so close to the ocean...

She risked slowing her pace and glanced out toward the angry sea, desperately pretending to see those wide glowing eyes.

Where was Lapis?

Why did she leave?

Jasper found herself suddenly stopping as the ground before her exploded. She was knocked backwards and onto her rear as sand flew around her, briefly buffeting her. Glancing back only seemed to prove her guess; Peridot stood on the railed stairway, her arm still smoking from the shot.

"Don't worry, I got her guys!"

"Amethyst wait!"

It was the defective amethyst again. Jasper watched the runt leap boldly forward, ready to lash out that whip of hers and be the big 'hero'. Jasper felt a snarl rip across her maw, spittle splashing against the sand.

They weren't going to let her leave.

 _Fine_.

Jasper moved even faster, whirling around and launching at the amethyst. She brought her broken and jagged arm forward as they collided harshly into each other in the air. She heard a muffled 'oof' as she landed on the ground.

She felt a grin cross her features as she looked down at the gored and wounded amethyst, her sharp arm dripping with purple plasma. The other gem seemed surprised before she let out a pained "Oh crap" and exploded into a cloud of smoke.

There was a chorus of "Amethyst!"'s, one voice standing out in particular, but Jasper didn't get to relish in her victory before the fusion was back.

Her movements were easy to read, each fist sent her way radiating with a silent form of fury. It left her so mindlessly open, but every time Jasper went to move in on the opening it was blocked or reversed just as easily. It was like this damned fusion was two steps ahead.

One particular counter hit much too hard.

Jasper let out a pained groan of her own as she was smashed into the ground, head reeling from the sensation. She didn't get a breather, the garnet jumping high into the air before slamming her fists onto Jasper's prone form. It was like she had been torn in two, a pain so encumbering she almost surrendered then, only finding the strength to move again at the last second possible.

She heard and felt a gust of air blow past her as the pearl slammed her spear into where she was seconds ago, ignoring her wounded and bruised body's crying in order to survive. Even with one of them down Jasper knew she was outmatched. She tried to will her weapon into existence, her only chance, but blinding pain greeted her in its stead. She howled and pressed a hand against her gem, trying to quell the fire.

That's when a new pain greeted her; cold and sharp through her chest.

Jasper swallowed harshly against the thick of her pain, dragging her rapidly blurring gaze down to her chest. A groan fell unwillingly from her lips when she saw the tip of a spear peeking out from the front of her chest. It suddenly pushed further, the whole head cresting through her in an overwhelming sensation.

It turned out it hurt just as much being pulled back out.

Jasper suddenly felt too heavy, her focus blurring in and out as her hand pressed against the hole against her chest; the emblem she once proudly bore shredded, gone. She fell heavily to her knees, willing her body to not sink any lower, to refuse the warm calling of reforming.

But she was so tired.

So hurt.

When her vision came back the pearl was standing in front of her, spear pressed against the gemstone on her face. There was a hollowness in her gaze, unnervingly cold. Jasper let out a choked laugh, eyes burning just from staying open. Beaten by a pearl, it was humiliating, but she was aware now that this not just any pearl. No, this had to be Rose's pearl; the veteran.

Jasper could imagine that cold empty look in her own eyes.

She laughed weakly; war had messed them all up hadn't it?

"You're lucky we don't shatter gems; not even cracked ones." The pearl said with such venom, such disgust, Jasper couldn't meet her eyes anymore, slowly letting her heavy gaze flicker around them. The fusion was just behind Pearl, but that wasn't what caught her gaze. Peridot and Rose Quartz were huddled a little further back, the green gem carefully cradling a purple gemstone. Neither met her stare. Something about it all had the backs of her eyes burning, so she closed them.

She wouldn't cry.

"What do... you do... then...?" Jasper felt the spear press harder against her gemstone, slotting painfully into a crack and forcibly tilting her head up as she opened an eye. She glared weakly at the spear against her gem; at the pearl holding it. "What... happens... to me?"

"We bubble you." There was finality in her words, the spear pushing painfully forward one last time before the Pearl held it like a banner next to her.

Bubble? Another prison, another warden, another dark shapeless place. Jasper wouldn't make it.

"I'd... rather shatter..." She admitted over the din of the ocean, looking up toward the pearl.

"You don't get a choice." It was the fusion that spoke this time, the thick chords of her voice dipped in ice. The pearl turned around then, saying something to the fusion that Jasper couldn't hear; not over the roaring of her thoughts.

She couldn't do it, she wasn't strong enough.

 _Weak_.

Jasper brought her hand in front of her, ignoring the powerful quakes and tremors that blasted through them as her frame began to shut down; finally drained of its energy. She stared at her red hand blankly, straining to keep it aloft and herself here. It was useless, and soon gravity won out. Her palm collided with something hard before sliding off her thigh. She glanced slowly down at it, mild curiosity gracing her slow thoughts as she looked idly at the pouch strapped to her pants.

The pouch of _gem shards_.

Jasper tugged it open, letting the contents spill into her upturned palm.

 _Power_.

Jasper's gem started to glow, her hand slowly lifting up in one last desperate attempt. She looked up just as the fusion looked over, a slow realization dawning on her magenta face; she grabbed the pearl with a shout of "Pearl look o-" just as Jasper pressed those shards into her gem.

The effect was almost immediate.

An eruption of gust exploded outward, knocking the two nearby Crystal Gems off their feet.

A roar exploded from the depth of Jasper's chest, a kind of warmth and cold suffocating her anguish as lights danced behind her eyelids. Her gem burned and glowed, the bright orange colour giving way to an eerie mix of blues, golds, purples, and greens; inky black bubbling from the cracks splintering the surface the gemstone.

The strange liquid swelled, filling every crack and folding over.

It moved like it was breathing.

Some began to pour from the hole in her chest and the gash on her stomach.

Jasper slowly found herself on her feet, peeling open her eyes. A grin split her face, more of that black liquid leaking from her mouth. For the first time in a long while she could clearly see out of both eyes, and everything was so _vivid_. The usual yellow was gone, iris' pupil and sclera all replaced with a thick colour that shone and glowed like only galaxies could.

Her excitement was short lived as something pounded from her chest, her form bloating uncomfortably before the remains of her right arm exploded in a sea of crystal. A distorted howl clawed from her throat, pain almost blinding as something from her chest thumped and twitched upward, an odd bubbling trailing up toward her shoulder.

Another groan was forced from her lips as her shoulder twisted and quaked, shaking violently as something escaped from there.

When the pain subsided she spared a glance, her red hand coming up to cradle her throbbing right shoulder.

Where she thought it would end it continued; a twisted combination of four separate arms branching free and soaked with that same thick liquid from her gem. Each were more different than the last; a large, muscled, white one brandishing thick scaled knuckles, a thin and long blue one ending in sickle like claws, a short and thick green one covered in some sort of carapace, and a dual purple and gold spindly thing with a sharp ridge running its length.

She laughed almost hysterically, her voice disjointed and echoed by others, confused but elated when they followed her command.

She leaned heavily forward, adjusting to the new weight by pressing her knuckles into the sand.

Her gaze shifted slowly, mechanically, until she could see those Crystal Gems again. Some faces a mix of horror and confusion, the others more grim. Jasper only grinned wider, fanged ivories on display. More of that strange liquid seeped from her mouth and through her teeth but she payed it no mind as she took one and than two steps forward, knuckle walking against the grains of sand.

Tears bubbled and raced from her endless eyes.

The pain was back.

There were voices this time.

" **YOU'LL HAVE TO KILL ME**."

 _Us_.

The fusion met her the rest of the way, throwing a powerful fist forward. Jasper caught it easily in the palm of her left hand, holding it tightly so the fusion wouldn't leave. The garnet threw her left hand forward next, and Jasper deflected it with the brunt of all her arms. With the opening presented she threw the quartet of fists forward.

They collided with the fusions face and chest, pointed shades shattering as the gem went flying backwards.

"Garnet!"

Jasper turned to the sound of the voice, eyes narrowing down on the distressed pearl. A symphony of voices echoed through her mind, whispers of traitor, kill, hurt, and so much _hurt_. Which were her thoughts, which was she? Jasper wasn't even sure if she was the only one in control anymore; it felt like she was watching over someone's shoulder as a fist was brought down on the defective gem.

The pearl was faster, graceful as she all but danced out of the way and back a far distance. A guttural roar escaped her, their, our, _her_ mouth; one that was cut short as a spear was tossed and lodged itself into her chest.

Shouldn't that have hurt?

She couldn't feel anything past the screaming of her mind.

What had she done?

Jasper moved forward, anger driving her as her knuckles beat heavily into the sand.

The pearl was insistent on keeping their distance, and each time Jasper thought she finally had the other gem, she slipped away and another spear shot forward and dug deep into her. It was grating on her patience.

One last spear shot toward her face, a wall of arms coming up to protect them, her. A voice that wasn't her own echoed from her chest, tearing the spear out before preparing to dash forward again.

That was when she heard something behind her.

She had thought it to be more of that persistent whispering, right up until a fist collided with the back of her head, sending Jasper face first deep into the sand. As she lifted her head the fusion was waiting for her, winding up another fist headed straight for Jasper's gem.

Fire flared behind her gemstone, a loud clunk piercing her ears as her crash helmet spawned and held fast against that deadly blow. A roar from something else pierced her lips, that same fire flashing through the rest of her body as she felt another crack race deep through her gemstone.

The pain was too much.

When she regained consciousness she wasn't where she remembered; could feel more wounds racing along her back and arms, cuts and stabs pressing deep into her flesh. There were fresh waves of tears tracking down her face. She was standing before someone, knuckles pressed into the sand to keep her balance. Her other hand raised above her to strike.

Her attention was stolen as a light caught the surface of a green gemstone, a chip buried somewhere deep in there.

" **PERIDOT**."

"J-jasper.. why are you doing this?" Peridot was staring wide eyed up at her, pity lurking in the darks of her eyes. She was standing in front of someone; Jasper knew who it was without looking, she couldn't bare to look anyway. The green gem reached out a small mechanical hand, a frown working her soft features as she no doubt tried to piece together Jasper's reasoning for all of this.

Jasper couldn't even find an answer herself, everything seemed so pointless. She just wanted to sleep for a long time, preferably here to the sound of the ocean. Her vivid gaze followed that small hand as it pressed forward.

When was the last time someone had touched her without cruelty, without anger?

 _Lapis_.

Lapis had hurt her too, a deep pang that she couldn't understand.

Another wave of tears raced down her face, tracing down the cracks in her face.

She was _sorry_.

Jasper let the hand brush against the empty space where her loyalty was once proudly displayed, pretended it wasn't green she saw but blue. Her left hand, _her_ hand, came up to press against Peridot's back preparing to tug the smaller gem against her, desperate to fill that empty inside her with anything.

She never got the chance.

"I'm sorry Jasper, but you can't be allowed to harm anyone else."

Jasper hissed weakly as she felt the bio-mechanical quills along Peridot's spine bristle; feeling warmth as neurotoxins shifted quickly through her veins and settling in her gem. Immediately her hand fell, she she snarled as the rest of her body began to slow and dip. A hissed "Why," slipping from her lips as she fell to the ground.

That was when she heard more footsteps.

She had forgotten about the fight.

Three spears slid along and into her spine, each one causing a shock of pang to echo in her gem as she was pinned to the beach. She could feel her right arms beginning to fade; chunks of flesh and crystal falling and fading away with each passing second. She didn't think she'd have to watch her arm fall apart again. She didn't want to. She wouldn't.

Jasper closed her eyes.

She could feel something shift inside of her, and one by one those shards were rejected and expelled painfully from her gemstone.

By the end of the process her body was quaking, each shake digging those spears into more flesh and causing a explosion of agony behind her eyelids.

 _Tired_.

Jasper felt the tip of a blade press against the back of her head. She surrendered before it pierced; her body exploding into a blast of smoke, cracked gemstone falling against the warm sand next to the shards she had just used.

Jasper would rest now, maybe forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, once you hit rock bottom theres only up to go right? :'D
> 
> i dont have much to say besides i straight up hate this chapter and im so glad its over with lmaoooo. anyway take it easy and ill catch yall w what should be the final chapter of this arc
> 
> oh and let me kno if replyin to yalls comments gets annoying, i just get really excited sorry |D


	12. Emperor's New Clothes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha so uh... long time no see eh. sorry this took so long. mainly i just couldnt find my muse and when i did it was all for naught because well, this is a Lapis POV chapter. i also went back and edited a bunch of mistakes from the eariler chapters. you guys are too kind to have let all that bullshit pass. n e way enjoyyy~

A howl ripped through the sky, agony rippling off each long drawn and hollow chord.

For a moment her wings faltered and stuttered, gravity quick to take its place and push her down harshly; soft blue knees dragging and tearing against the ridges and dips in the rocky ground.

Pain throbbed and sung like the cracking of ice somewhere behind her gemstone. That strained voice echoing over and over in her head, slicing nicely, cleanly, into her thoughts.

_Jasper, Jasper, Jasper._

There was an emptiness in her small chest that threatened to cave and swallow her whole.

Lapis found herself falling forwards, pressing those sharp little knees into the soft of her chest until it hurt; until she was sure nothing could explode from that empty cavern and drag her inwards, until she was sure nothing else could fall away from her. Her face contorted into one of pain, a frown tearing her face in half with brows settling deep as her forehead pressed against the bedrock under her. Her dark eyes squeezed tightly shut, arms settling around as her hands came up to block out the sound.

Lapis could feel her spine as it curved almost painfully, as she curled even further into herself; each ridge of crystal pressed almost too tightly against the flesh of her back pulling the skin there taut and thin.

Maybe her back would spring and tear open like a toy, open like a twisted and smiling maw. Maybe she would be able to reach inside of herself and fix, fix, fix. Take out all the parts that hurt.

Take out all the parts she didn't like.

_Would she have anything left?_

Her jaw locked, teeth gnashing, holding back a scream that poured from her fluttering and wounded chest. Her wings stretched out behind her, long tendrils of water gently washing over the pointed ridges of her back and cradling her protectively.

Shielding her from the outside.

Jasper had used her.

Jasper had used her and Lapis had let her.

It had been like this since that night in the mountains hadn't it? Since that tentative beginning Jasper had been leading her, Jasper had been dragging her back here intending to use Lapis as a weapon.

And the kiss.

Oh Stars she knew, when Jasper pressed her into that wall she knew all at once what was happening. She knew and she ignored it. Of course she would, why would she acknowledge the cold truth when she could pretend. Every part of her had been pressed against the larger gem, every rotten edge forming something new and alive and incredible.

Lapis had felt more than the beginnings of lust, more than the urge to sink deep into Jasper.

Through all the frantic kissing and desperate rolling of her hips Lapis had felt complete.

It made this new pain stand out in a sharp contrast, drowning her mind and heart alike.

A quartz had made a fool of her.

She had made a fool of herself.

There were sounds of a fight behind her, echoes of harsh screams and muffled groans.

She got onto shaky and thin legs, curling those wings back and away from her to take flight.

One step was all it took before she was in the air.

Lapis gave a powerful thrust of her wings, feeling their curved and gentle form give way to something sharp and pointed as she fled away from the fight, away from those monsters, away from Jasper. She could feel the pull of the ocean ahead of her, a desire to sink far below its depths and just stop.

Lapis knew a cracked jasper wouldn't last against those traitors.

Jasper, she wouldn't have a chance.

Lapis only flew faster, wings straining as she pushed herself further and further; soaring and cracking through the skies like lightning. Maybe if she went faster, if she went far enough, she could outrun what she was feeling.

She knew it was pointless; hopeless.

She was hopeless.

It didn't take long for her to make it to the ocean, thoughts blurring in and out of focus as something like relief washed over her features at the first sight of that deep blue; at the sight of escape.

The waters reached up as she dived into them, waves and tendrils welcoming her like the embrace of a long lost lover.

Lapis let her momentum carry her further, deeper, and then stopped, wings disappearing as she let herself sink limply with the empty will of the cold water around her. Water rushed over her gills, lungs filling with air. She felt the beginnings of irritation as her descent slowed with more and more of that pointless gas collecting in her chest. A hiss tore her mouth open, and with it came a stream of bubbles; she started to sink heavily once more.

She watched the bubbles rapidly rise until her eyes began to strain from the encroaching darkness.

It was easier down here, down where the light ceased to shine and where sound dulled in the endless void around her. She was infinite, she was free. She closed her heavy eyes as the last bubble of air was forced from her lungs.

The warm burning of her chest finally cooled, something sharp and unyielding forming in it's stead.

_Alone again?_

Lapis could see something like her but not quite behind her eyelids. Its form was draped in the shadows of her mind, buried in the dark corners she never sought out. Its eyes, however, were bright; reflected like mirrors, its voice a twisted mimicry of her own.

"Not quite," she answered aloud, watching that thing, that puppet in her mind.

_Did you think you could outrun this too?_

' _Leave_.' She demanded, brows lowering against her face.

_Like how you left her?_

There was a laugh, her own laugh, bubbling around her. Lapis felt the beginnings of a frown mar her face. It wasn't usually this aggressive, this forward. She didn't know what to make of it.

_I wonder what they'll do to her... I mean, I could probably a wager an accurate guess all things considered._

'That's her own fault.' Lapis hissed.

_It doesn't bother you?_

'No.'

 _Haha! You little liar! I can read your thoughts!_ It mocked.

'Then why do you talk to me, why do you ask me so many questions?'

 _Posterity's sake mostly,_ it was teasing her. Lapis growled thick in her chest as it continued. _For the next time you get trapped in a little mirror, the next time you have someone invading your mind. Besides, you could use a bit of wisdom._

'Will you die with her?'

The voice ignored her question, continuing on as if it had never been interrupted.

_She's yours. They're taking away something of yours again. You would let them?_

'She would deserve it.'

_And you would be alone you brat. Have you ever fought for something in your life? Haha! I suddenly understand the point to those flimsy little wings of yours._

'Shut up.'

_Do something about it._

'Like what?!'

_Take her back! They don't get to have her - to keep her, they don't get to hurt her. She's ours Lapis Lazuli._

'No. She used me; I hate her.'

_Petulant child you are. Hate, hate, hate. Are you ignorant to cause and effect? You think what you have done to her has no bearings? That this result is out of your hands?_

'I don't care anymore.' Lapis felt her arms crossing defensively over her chest, her thoughts drawn and weary. What was the point?

 _You do, saying otherwise won't change that. What will you do when she is gone?_ It was probing.

Lapis tried to think of an answer to that. What could she do? There would be nothing left for her on this planet; nothing on the next. She had marooned herself, she had cornered herself. Jasper was all she had left. Lapis looked at her hands, turning the webs things over and over. Perhaps she could stay here? Waste away at the bottom of some ocean on some dirty planet? 'I... don't know,' she thought honestly.

_You're hurting yourself again; dooming yourself before anything has even begun. Why don't you stop?_

But it was hopeless wasn't it? Confusion raced through her, arms crossing over her chest as she curled forward once more. 'I don't know...' She responded once more.

 _Why won't you move?!_ It demanded, its voice loud and all encompassing. Lapis sought to blot it out, covered her ears tightly as frustration worked the corners of her mouth.

'I DON'T KNOW!'

She felt vulnerable.

Lapis decided she didn't like the feeling.

_Move. Do not let them hurt you anymore, they are not allowed to hurt you. Take back what is ours Lapis Lazuli. We need her, she needs us._

Lapis didn't move, thoughts whirling around as she second guessed herself. She... didn't want to lose Jasper, she didn't want to ache for millennia in the ocean alone and empty. But she was frightened; she wasn't even sure what wore this boogeyman costume. Who could she be afraid of besides herself?

 _Let me help you._ The thing in her mind whispered, a hand coming out of the darkness with an open palm.

Lapis found herself reaching out for it, noticing how it mirrored her own almost perfectly if not for pallid almost sickly hue of the skin.

She wasn't surprised that when she took that offered hand that they fit perfectly together.

Lapis dragged her gaze away from that hand, looked up and over that grinning mouth to those reflective eyes. She could see her own distraught face in them. The hand tugged her closer, this thing seemed almost deceptive, but Lapis knew instinctively this twisted part of her mind wouldn't kill her; it couldn't, it needed her to survive. It seemed that sometimes their interests happened to cross; this was one of those times.

The water gem watched as something large stirred behind her clone, two pairs of large white glowing eyes staring down at her. The floor around her shook as four hands crawled into the light, claws brandished at the end of each giant green finger. Lapis didn't say her name even as short locks of white hair fell into the streams of light.

The puppet dragged her closer, bringing her into a tight embrace as that monster behind it grew even closer.

_REMEMBER_

And she did.

Lapis remembered millenia ago when she felt that sword tear into her turned back, remembered the feeling of pure agony as her gemstone gave a sharp noise as it cracked. She remembered being used, being trapped and contained for too long; remembered every day someone would take something of hers, would rip into her mind and peel out memories as if they were owed it, as if they were theirs to have.

How could she forget the endless torture; how her watery cries turned rasped and weak, how in one last form of defiance she turned everything off so she would survive.

They took everything away from her; everything but her life.

Now they were threatening her again, trying to take things that didn't belong to them.

Lapis opened her dark eyes slowly to the ocean around her, hands turning to fists at the feeling of righteous anger trickling up her spine. She could feel the water around her bubbling and thrashing with her silent fury; churning in empathy.

They weren't allowed to take anymore.

The ocean erupted upward with Lapis at it's head, a tower of water trailing below her before enveloping her whole. The form shifted and grew like the head of a spear as wings sprouting from each side. With a single thought Lapis was dashing through the sky, each powerful thrust of those large wings cutting through clouds and leaving a long trail of water in her wake.

She was back in the Kindergarten in moments, lips pulling sharply down into a grimace at the empty sight.

Gone.

They had gone back to their base then.

_Go._

Lapis freed herself from her transport, letting the water drop heavily around her and begin to flood the Kindergarten. She could hear the groaning of metal as waves thrashed through the canyon, tearing down incubators and injectors alike. There was no use for it now, for anything here. Her wings were quick to bring her down onto the Warp Pad, the soft pads of her feet pressing hard against the cool metal.

She kept her gaze straight ahead even as the thing whirled to life, bringing her through the vast relay of warp pads with a single command.

When she landed it was in an empty but familiar house, chunks of wood and debris littering the ground; a hole where the door should be. A memory surfaced uninhibited of a smiling face, of a boy who changed everything.

Of someone who finally cared.

Lapis suddenly felt unsure, a hand racing through her bangs and hair.

Steven would be there.

She didn't want to hurt Steven.

 _Leave him out of it then._ It sounded annoyed, bored. _We're here for Jasper not the boy._

Lapis slowly pulled through her thoughts, sorted them until she could lock away everything she didn't need. She plucked them up one by one, feeling her hands grow heavy with each addition. Fear, empathy, hope, _love_ , she gave them over to that thing in her mind unsure if she would ever have them returned. Hungrily she clung to what was left in her hunched frame, devoured the anger and hurt she had, pressing her little fingers into the skin of her arms until she felt the beginnings of bruises.

Her wings sharpened and shifted, the water wrapping tightly around her and forming a shield as she shattered up through the wooden roof of the house, landing next to the hole she just made.

Lapis couldn't be sure what she was looking at.

Jasper was alive and still fighting, helmet proudly adorned on her head as she barreled in the direction of Garnet.

But Lapis hardly recognized the gem before her. The yellow eyes she had grown so used to staring at her were gone, in their place were a pair of dark and sightless looking things. A memory of a broken arm now a colourful quartet, a deep voice now distorted and incoherent.

Then there was the way she moved.

Jasper had always moved with a purpose; each step was steady even if her legs weren't, Lapis had always envied that about her. Even when her leg threatened to give she marched on. Jasper was completely militant, she was proud and stiff. This was a mockery; bestial and desperate. Lapis couldn't help but frown as the thing crawled and limped, knuckles dragging against the ground behind her.

This was not Jasper.

Then she had been corrupted.

Lapis was too late?

The gem drowned out the thoughts of her mind, staring listlessly as she watched the creature run down Pearl and fight Garnet. Her wings hung limply behind her. It was a beast through and through; its actions uncharacteristically wild and random. As the fight dragged on, Pearl and Garnet seemed to show signs of exhaustion; it looked as if they might lose just through the pure tenacity and furor the beast possessed. That was when Peridot stepped in.

 _Peridot_.

Lapis held back a snarl as the small gem - Lapis hardly thought the robotic freak to be much of one - approached the thing occupying Jasper's body. A morbid glee quickly overcoming her features as it looked to be rearing up a fist for the half-gem. But just as soon as it began the fist stopped and _Jasper_ was talking.

What did it mean?

Peridot had brought her back?

 _Peridot_ had been the one to save her?

Lapis watched with a sharp frown splitting her face; one that only doubled as Peridot pressed forward, all her pointed teeth glinting dangerously. Envy raced through her twisted form, the beginnings of a snarl starting somewhere in the bottom of her throat. What was this display? What was Peridot doing? What was Jasper allowing? Lapis almost started as Peridot moved, something cold wrapping around her chest as Jasper went down, exploding into a burst of smoke soon after.

Garnet was the one to pick up Jasper, along with the shards that had came from her gem. Within moments they were all bubbled.

Lapis watched as her mind warred with itself.

So Jasper hadn't corrupted.

No, she had done something completely irredeemable instead.

"We... we should shatter her."

All heads turned toward Peridot, each face more different than the last. Lapis felt her fists clench at her sides, anger bubbling and flowing over.

How _dare_ she.

"I agree with Peridot." It was Pearl who said that; Lapis couldn't explain the feeling that overwhelmed her at the sound of that voice again. Her hands started to twitch.

_Stay with me brat; stay here. We need to get Jasper._

"Ugh, of course _you_ would." Peridot sneered. "I do not say it out of some manic savagery like you Pearl, I... I was suggesting euthanasia. She must be under extreme duress; and those cracks... Stars, I've never seen something in such a wretched state."

"No. We do not shatter gems Peridot," she paused to face her fellow Crystal Gem. "You know better than that Pearl." Garnet's voice was firm, the beginnings of exhaustion peeking at the edges. Something went unsaid that seemed to temper Pearl, the gem quieting and folding her hands over each other.

Lapis looked away briefly, eyes dragging over to Steven. The boy seemed wrapped up in holding Amethyst's gem, face scrunched up as he no doubt processed what they were saying. She was surprised he didn't speak up, she thought he would. She felt her shoulders pull back.

Why wasn't he defending Jasper?

Wasn't he supposed to help?

"So what? You're suggesting we just store her with the rest of your appallingly sick collection? Shatter her you beasts!"

Lapis had heard enough.

She could sense water below her so she wrenched it toward her, ignoring the metal groan as the pipes in the house below her exploded from the pressure. The noise was finally enough to gather everyone's attention, several pairs of eyes landing on her as water was channeled boldly into her wings. She schooled her features into something cold and hard, letting more and more power flow freely into her wings. They shifted and ripped around her; their form misshapen and almost directionless, easily reaching past the edges of the house.

Lapis stepped forward and off the wooden roof, her still rapidly growing wings casting a long and oppressive shadow over the group. She floated down, landing against the sand without a noise. She heard the call of the ocean and answered with her own silent one, drawing the beach's tide slowly and deliberately toward her. No one noticed.

"Lapis!"

She ignored the boy's relief filled voice, ignored the way Garnet stopped Steven from running toward her. This close she could see how tired and weary they were. Garnet's face was covered in bruises; her uniform torn in some places and gauntlets twisted and dented in others. The shades Lapis knew she always wore were cracked, only the shattered edges left on her face.

Pearl was in no better state, leaning heavily on her spear to no doubt help hold herself up. Lapis could count just as many blue bruises on her skin as Garnet's.

They were battered and weakened, except for one; the only gem Lapis had eyes for.

Her right wing shifted and moved quickly, an arm of water snatching Peridot off the ground and into the air. Something on the half-gem's arm sparked, Peridot giving a sharp cry as electricity coursed through her and the water around her. When it finally ended she let the water squeeze briefly, privately enjoying the terror ridden face that quickly settled on Peridot's face.

There were voices; someone was talking, someone was screaming, Lapis ignored them, bringing the pitiful little half-gem closer to her.

The ocean's tide was much closer now.

_She's the reason Jasper left, she took Jasper from us._

The half-gem opened her mouth, no doubt intending to speak but Lapis was faster. A watery finger shifted, a stream flowing and pressing into Peridot's open mouth drowning out any words or noises. She patted Peridot cruelly on the cheek, cooing softly at her distraught face. Her hands slid up the green face, pressing under a visor that popped uselessly off and onto that twisted mockery of a gemstone. Lapis could see all the chips and wires embedded in the thing, letting revulsion settle on her face.

 _Betrayer_.

Lapis only finally acknowledged the outside world when Garnet stepped closer, a heavy foot pressing into the sand.

She turned to look over with a frown, brows low on her face as a hiss lurked in her throat.

"Release her Lapis Lazuli."

"You first." Lapis spat back, looking back towards Peridot and that gemstone. She let her mouth fall open, let all of her teeth be put on display for the shaking and squirming half gem. 

Would it spark too if she bit into that vile thing?

"W-what? We don-"

Lapis rolled her eyes, quickly cutting off Pearl. "Let Jasper go." 

"She's a danger to Earth Lapis Lazuli, you know we can't allow her to go free." Lapis was somewhat impressed Garnet still seemed so composed. She wondered how long that would last.

Lapis let irritation colour her features as she turned back to face Garnet, commanding that watery hand to squeeze tight enough for Peridot to scream around the water. She leveled a blank stare at the fusion. "If you take her from me I will start by taking this one from you." The tide had finally crawled in far enough now, a smirk settled smoothly on her face. Lapis summoned another water hand, grabbing Pearl from behind and lifting her high into the air. She gave a startled scream before being forced under the water.

Garnet's stance quickly shifted into something more aggressive; Lapis could see she wanted to do something but she was stuck. She continued speaking, eyes narrowing as she nodded towards Pearl. "And then I will take that one from you."

"Lapis-" Lapis didn't let her continue.

"She's _mine_ , you Crystal Gems can't have her!" Her remaining wing flared imposingly, easily dwarfing them all in a display of her power.

"Lapis w-what are you doing?" Lapis started at the voice, gaze finding its way to Steven. The boy was cradling Amethyst's gem protectively, confusion and hurt pressing deep into her face. Lapis felt her brows furrow, a soft frown overwriting her sneer.

"Steven I _have_ to do this." Lapis said, looking down toward the boys eyes. He seemed to only get more confused. Lapis wouldn't be able to explain this to him...

"But you're safe now! We- we got her. Y-you don't have to d-do this anymore Lapis. _Please_ let Pearl and Peridot go." The boy was sniffling, pressing his hand to his face over and over to wipe away waves of tears.

Tears Lapis had caused.

She was hurting him.

Lapis was hurting Steven.

_Don't falter. Not now._

Lapis swallowed hard, dragging her gaze away from Steven and glaring at Garnet. She pointedly ignored the young boy as he began to sputter, taking a step toward Garnet with one hand outstretched. Her remaining wing shifted behind her, shifting and exploding into a large hand that slammed down next to the fusion. A bubble flew from the surface of the hand, floating just before Garnet. "Release her Garnet." Lapis mirrored in a mimicry of Garnet's own voice.

Lapis watched as Garnet frowned, frustration quirking her mouth and narrowing all three of her eyes as she did as she was told. The bubble containing Jasper popped, the cracked and black lined gem falling into Garnets open gauntlet. Moments later it was in the water bubble Lapis had made, flying back to her outstretched hands.

When it was close enough Lapis grabbed it, letting her control of the water go in relief. She could hear sputtering behind her but everything ceased to exist the moment Jasper was finally back in her hands.

 _Hers_.

Jasper's gem was almost unbearably hot, nearly scorching in her palms. She turned the cracked thing over several times, fingers running against the grooves and splinters; pushing against that inky black still running from the cracks. Despite the horrible state she was in, Lapis could only feel relief, greedily pressing the gem against her chest and letting that heat radiate there with a soft sigh.

Finally that voice let her be.

Lapis started sharply at the sound of a loud bang, eyes flying open with a snarl only to be met with pink. She noticed the fist soon after, pressed hard against the surface of the barrier. She was still recovering as the fusion's head whirled around toward the boy's scream.

" _Garnet_!"

Steven ran over, wedging himself between the barrier Lapis protected within and Garnet.

"Steven what are you doing?" It was Pearl who spoke next, the lithe gem having gathered her spear and taken her place next to Garnet. She sounded livid.

"W-We can't hurt Lapis Pearl!"

"We can't let her go. You saw what she just did; and she has Jasper. Open this bubble now." Garnet's tone brokered no argument but Steven still pushed, Steven still helped.

Lapis felt her gut clench uncomfortably, eyes wide with terror.

What had she done?

"It's _Lapis_."

" _Steven what are you doing_?!" Peridot's shrill voice yelled over them all.

Lapis watched as the boy turned to face her, eyes pouring with tears and that Amethyst gem still pressed close to his chest. Jasper had done that and he was still trying to help. Lapis felt her brows furrow, throat too tight for words.

What had she done?

There was more yelling from the other gems but Lapis couldn't tear her eyes away from Steven.

"W-we shouldn't be fighting..." He almost whispered, almost beginning to sob as he looked at her. He looked hurt, _betrayed_.

_Stars, what had she done?_

Lapis watched as he looked up before back at her with a nod and a watery smile. She understood instinctively what he meant, feeling tears poke at the corners of her eyes as her chest hollowed.

When he turned around the bubble fell and Lapis was in the air. She could make out more yelling but not the words as she bolted forward, diving into the ocean once more with Jasper pressed close to her.

Lapis didn't spare a glance back.

Lapis ran.

She did a lot of running didn't she?

#### xxx

Lapis curled up under the waters of the ocean, her dark eyes carefully watching the gemstone before her. She could see fish out of her peripheral, keeping a wide berth around her still form. Her fingers ran the length of that stone, brushing from point to point almost religiously with each passing second.

Jasper had never let her this close, had never let her fingers trail over and over everything that was _her_. 

She counted each crack, buried her pliant fingers into each sharp edge, before finally bringing that stone to her mouth. Carefully, gently, so so so softly, she pressed her lips against sheer surface enjoying the buzz and burn against her black lips. It almost hurt.

This was wrong, but Lapis was too indulgent to care; a feeling of euphoria settling softly in her chest as she did it again and again.

Suddenly she wasn't alone anymore.

_You would choose her over him?_

The voice was enough to spoil her mood, something vile and angry settling in her stomach. Why wouldn't it leave, why couldn't she just have this moment. Why did it have to bring up Steven? A frown split her mouth, fingers bringing that warm stone to her chest once more. 

Greedy, greedy, greedy.

"He chose them over me." She hissed back, memories flowing between her and that thing. An offered hand, a chance to explore the stars together, a chance to be free... and then a refusal. He had picked those monsters over her, and he had defended them with every breath in his tiny lungs.

He defended everyone on this worthless rock.

He even defended her...

 _Monsters,_ the voice thought with a boisterous laugh. They were all monsters weren't they?

Lapis ignored her, trying to bury her mind into now; into that heat swelling against her chest.

_You hurt him._

Lapis hissed loudly, the cold feeling in her chest returning. She _had_ hurt him, there was no escaping that, no lie she could spin and feed herself. She had tried so hard to ignore him, to not involve him... but that was impossible. He was a Crystal Gem like the rest of them. 

She had been so selfish, and he so selfless.

Lapis could still vividly imagine his face, red and torn as tears raced down his cheeks in waves. He should have been smiling, instead he was forced to choose between her and his friends again.

Lapis was going to break that boy.

She had to stay away, Lapis broke everything she touched.

'I know I hurt him', she finally responded, letting silence settle heavily around her. The voice had other plans, always nudging and prodding, looking for something and anything to dig its claws into. What was it looking for?

 _I thought you didn't want to hurt him. I thought you wanted to_ help _him._

"I didn't want to hurt him!" Lapis was screaming now, hands burying into the thick of her hair.

_Then why did you? I thought you cared about him?_

'I did... I do, I do care about him. I just,' she paused her thoughts bringing her hands back around that orange gemstone. 'I... I keep hurting those I care about.'

 _Her? You care about her?!_ There was a loud ringing of laughter, each toil banging against Lapis' mind. Lapis carefully gathered Jasper's gemstone in her hands, wings springing to life as she began to move. Why wouldn't it leave?

 _You know why you keep hurting him? Why you keep hurting her?_ There was a pause as the voice no doubt waited for Lapis to guess. She didn't, just moved faster toward the surface. _It’s because you're a coward Lapis Lazuli._

Lapis jolted forward with a broken howl, breaching the surface of the water and taking to the skies.

The voice was quieter this time. _You can’t run forever,_ it promised.

Lapis let her gaze settle on the moon, her grip tightening against Jasper. She was suddenly overwhelmed by the futility of it all. "Probably..." She answered weakly, another thrust of her wings bringing her forward and away from the ocean.

She couldn't run forever, but it was her only option. It had always been her only option.

#### xxx

Hours turned to days, and days into nights.

Lapis waited, impatience wearing her down like the tide of the ocean anger beginning to settle somewhere deep in her. Still, she remained motionless, knees softly tucked under her and pressing into the grainy sand below. Her dark eyes gazed around listlessly, watching the gentle pulls and pushes of the lake around her from the small isle in the center.

She had returned to the point it had begun; where they had began. The place nestled into mountains, where Jasper had sought her out on bare feet and she had let an apology slip; had made a selfish promise to herself.

Part of her wished she could take it back now, could shatter the gemstone in repentance for Jasper's betrayal.

Most of her, however, just wanted Jasper back.

She hated herself for it, but she hated being alone with her thoughts even more.

Her eyes slowly trailed back to her lap, black tipped fingers pressing against the gemstone laid gently on her lap. Over the days the great fire it once held began to die and cool. Touching it was no longer a breath away from pain; it no longer held her attention like before. She was clueless as to what it had meant; was Jasper dying? Could a gem die while regenerating? Or was she recovering?

Lapis cursed her own ignorance, pointed frown cutting cleanly across her face as she worried her bottom lip.

What would she do if Jasper never came out?

_Take her. Use her like she did those shards. Make her ours forever._

She could do that. She could save whatever was left of Jasper inside of her forever.

Lapis could _use_ her, return the favour.

The idea was beginning to look more and more pleasant as the days melded into each other. She wasn't sure if it only sounded like a good idea because it allowed her something to do; something to fight the hopelessness that swallowed her whenever the thought of losing was breached. Or if it was because that voice was always so persistent.

She was inclined to believe it was the latter; defeat was no stranger to her after all.

Before she could feed more into the idea something began stir.

Lapis quirked as the gemstone in her palm began to burn once more; come alive with a fire and light. Something caught her throat as the stone ascended, slinking back and onto her feet as the light began to grow and grow.

Jasper was coming back.

The light was quick to take a shape; a vague and large outline. But something happened.

Lapis could only watch as the gem sputtered, light beginning to flicker as streams of black cracked through. The shape quickly morphed, flickering in and out as it grew in size and lost its form and clean lines. It was turning into something monstrous and huge and she could only watch. Lapis only realized how tense she was when the light snapped once more, quickly reverting back to something familiar as her chest heaved with relief.

How close was Jasper to corrupting?

How long would they have?

The shape became more definitive, light solidifying with each passing second. Her attention was stolen as she caught a flash out of the corner of her eye. Lapis watched as the right arm began to distort, a rapid flickering that was quick to sputter and die out. It left nothing in its wake, not even the bare beginnings of a shoulder. Hair spawned out of the head next, curtaining down the back before everything finally settled and Jasper was before her settling carefully on the fronts of her feet.

The large gem's head was craned toward the sky, whatever face she was wearing hidden from where Lapis was standing.

Lapis stared, a mild interest lighting the darks of her eyes.

Jasper stood before her nude, Lapis' eyes roaming over every presented inch of that orange skin. There was a new pattern on Jasper, the harsh and sudden stripes replaced now by something more flowing. A stripe circled around her throat, curved and crossed down the front of her chest and spiraled down her only arm. It ended in a thick swirl, a band that seemed to be reflected on both legs as well. There was something about it Lapis couldn't pin down but had something in her thrilled, howling with excitement.

With a single command the water behind Jasper came to life, Lapis reaching out to trail over each pattern with the cold water.

"L-Lapis...?" Jasper voice was thick, she could easily hear the undertones of confusion.

Did she think she was still captured? Was that why she took so long to reform? 

Lapis watched that head crane downward to look at her, briefly quirking when she finally got to see that face. There was a new stripe that curved down the hollow of her cheek, stopping short of her thick lips. The one across her eyes remained the same but neither were what caught her attention.

Jasper gemstone kept it's sickly black cracks, cracks that splintered out and outlined most of the right side of her face with an almost inky appearance. Her right eye had kept its look from before, from when that thing was running around in her body; a thick almost liquid black that would catch the light odd and shine strangely. Part of this carried over to her left eye as well, almost half of the sclera infected with that strange darkness.

It somehow made the yellow of Jasper's eye seem to pulse and glow with life.

Whatever Jasper had done with those shards had scarred her, perhaps permanently.

Lapis finally dragged her eyes back down to her previous curiosity, watching as water finally covered that last curve of red. It was then that she realized why exactly those stripes seemed so familiar, so intimate; Jasper had branded herself with where chains had once tied her down, wore her past bondage on her skin. The larger gem was shaking, muscles twitching and jumping under her flesh. She was uncomfortable perhaps scared, but she wasn't saying anything, seemingly letting Lapis take in the sight.

And it _was_ a sight, one that had her softly humming out her delight and appreciation.

Lapis let the water retreat back into the lake, meeting Jasper's strange new gaze. Her eyes seemed to be kept carefully guarded, leaving Lapis only to guess what it was the other gem was thinking. Was she relieved? Was she fearful? Lapis found she cared little, more curious with the state of this new body and what it all meant.

The smaller gem stepped closer, pressing a hand against the warm flesh of Jasper's stomach. She could feel the muscles bunch tightly under her touch, eyes dripping down to follow a path down there. There was a scar across there, a thick black ridge that ran almost from one side to the other. Lapis traced a blue finger across it, tilting her head at the rough and scratchy texture it had. Jasper remained quiet during her curious prodding, only finally quirking when Lapis' hand began to quest lower; fingers slipping into the fur that ran from the center of Jasper's stomach downward.

Lapis smirked as Jasper's form glowed briefly, a pair of pants very similar to ones she had worn before covering her. Lines had been drawn then. She looked up to Jasper, that orange face finally alive with something; nervousness.

"Down." Lapis commanded softly.

Jasper obeyed, and Lapis watched with some satisfaction as that large gem fell onto her knees; haunches pressing into her heels and killing that annoying height difference. She pressed closer then, a hand finding its way onto that bare chest seeking out the strange and black scar there that ran the length of her sternum. The texture was the same as the one before.

Lapis blinked as Jasper glowed again, shifting a shirt into existence. It was a sleeveless thing again, but this time the fabric continued up her neck covering the stripes there. Lapis realized moments later her hand was still pressed against skin and spared a glanced down, brows raising behind her bangs. The fabric stopped around her chest forming a tear shaped hole.

Lapis looked back up trying to meet Jasper's gaze, but the other gem was staring off somewhere to her left.

It felt like fealty; each stripe a binding of her loyalty to Lapis, this emblem a promise.

It felt like ownership.

"Jasper..." Lapis said slowly, bringing her hands to Jasper's cracked and scarred face. The tear drop shape disappeared with her hand, but the meaning behind it remained. Lapis pushed forward, her thumb running the path of a stripe as she pressed her lips against Jasper's.

There was no electricity up her spine this time.

Lapis felt Jasper press into the kiss, her left eye closing as she pushed further. Lapis could see Jasper's hand coming up to touch her, and she frowned. "Don't," she whispered against those warm lips. The hand stopped mid way, and Lapis pressed back into the kiss glad nothing could distract her as she tried to name this new feeling, this new taste.

Bitter.

It was bitter.

As Lapis pressed her tongue into Jasper's mouth she realized that was all she could feel, a tenseness to her spine that had nothing to do with lust. What if this was another ruse? What if Jasper was just using her again? How would she be able to tell?

Frustration bubbled somewhere in her; she was finally allowed to have her and now her mind was playing tricks.

She pressed harder into the kiss, frustration showing as her teeth began to bite harshly into Jasper's plump lips. The large gem hissed under her breath as she tried to coax Lapis back into her mouth, to try and stop her from tearing her mouth apart no doubt. Lapis continued though, those hisses of pain melding into something sensual and still nothing warm settled over her. If anything she got more cold, more stiff.

In one last attempt Lapis brought her mouth to Jasper's gemstone, pressing her lips against it before bringing her tongue up it from bottom to top.

Jasper gave an almost pained moan, Lapis watched as a large hand dug into the soft sand. Jasper seemed to want to touch her but Lapis... she didn't know what she wanted anymore. She pulled away from Jasper with a frustrated noise, arms crossing tightly over her chest. She could feel Jasper's heavy gaze on her as she began to pace, trying in vain to sort through her thoughts. This had to be worth it, she had hurt Steven for _this_.

"I'm sorry..." Jasper was digging her claws into where her right arm would begin, a nervous tick that seemed to carry over.

Lapis sneered in response.

For some reason the words only made Lapis want to hurt Jasper, so she did what she was best at.

She ran.

With a flash her wings were on her back and she was soaring through the air.

It was funny, in a twisted way. Lapis had fought so hard not to be alone and now she was tearing herself free.

Why couldn't she just trust Jasper?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im eatin apple pie right now, its quarter to four in the morning and im writing jaspis and eatin apple pie. this is my life |D
> 
> anyhooooowwwww it appears i have almost completely committed to basically yandere!Lapis someone stop my sinful hands. bittersweet ending and all that but like... iunno what yall expected, this is the road to hell. im also sorry if some of u were under the impression it was redemption and hardwork w the CGs time but like, no we still doin this thing. well work on them being good gems when they get their shit together for each other first.
> 
> uhhh im hopin to get another chapter up soon tbh, Fallout 4 is coming out soon and it might kill me. good news; going back to Jasper POV thank god, so hopefully yall have something to look forward to. oh and wooOO 7k long chapter i have no idea how that happened(it was like 5k at one point); hell were almost at the 50k word mark. i said this might end up around 100k words long but that had been wishful talk on my part now the dream might be real
> 
> im prooooooobably gonna have to change the rating pretty soon too. bump this shit up to E. sorry if yall thought this wouldnt be completely trashy(and future sorry to anyone who doesnt like xeno junk for whenever the bits come out to play |DDDD)
> 
> im sure there wa- OH FUCKIN FUCK UHHH ITS COME TO MY ATTENTION NOT EVERYONE GETS THE TITLE OF THE FIC. its based off Margaret Atwoods poem by the same name. its kinda what inspired me to start this hot fuckin mess right here pls give it a read, v good poem would recc.
> 
> i think thats all i had to say... take care and hope yall continue to stick around and enjoy even if my dumb hyena ass is taken by the wasteland. love yall <333


	13. Stolen Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha... //awkwardly clears throat, sweats a bit
> 
> so like... at least it wasnt three weeks |D okok i know this took a lot longer than usual(AND BASICALLY THREE WEEKS //SOBS), but my muse was recovering from that last arc and was firmly out of order. like it wasnt even Fallout 4 i legit only played like 3 hours of that game???? i need 2 play ittttt. good news is that shit is back so we are gucci now fam. so sit back and enjoy arc two. lets see where this bullshit takes us this time o7
> 
> oh and like ive kinda been drawin again so i might be able to post up some finalized designs for Jasper and Lapis here(warnin: im not an artist |DDDDD). dont ask me for Peridot because she is a messsssssssss :'D

Jasper had made a mistake.

Her yellow eye narrowed as she watched Lapis take to the sky; a gentle blue illuminated by the soft moon. The other gem didn't spare a single glance over her shoulder while she made her hasty escape; didn't look back once to what she was leaving behind. It had Jasper's blood boiling, bruised and cut lips pulling into a sharp frown as her claws sunk painfully into the flesh of her disfigured shoulder.

The pounding in her chest cooled and stopped.

A sense of belonging slipping free of her strangled grasp.

Lapis was leaving her in another cage; water pressing tightly in from the surrounding lake. Leaving her here so she could return at her own leisure; if she decided to return at all. What if this was the last she would see of Lapis? What if she was stuck here?

She wouldn't last long, Jasper managed to think with a self decapitating and hollow laugh.

Jasper had abandoned her loyalty toward Yellow Diamond, toward _Homeworld_ , and all so she could imprint on that flighty brat and her will.

A smile cracked painfully across her face as Lapis disappeared from sight.

The sand suddenly felt too sharp against her knees.

It had to have been a mistake, a fool's quest rampant with desperation and hunger. But she had to didn't she? This was all she had left, _Lapis_ was all she had left. She could feel corruption biting at her ankles, a slow wave of darkness threatening to overcome her.

Jasper needed something to fill the cracks of herself with; something to press close enough to hurt, to burn and blister. Something to make her feel _alive_ again.

Anything.

No, no that wasn't quite right; she needed _Lapis_.

Her feet demanded she take after the gem into the night; a deep and primal urge begging to be with her charge and guide, to _protect_. There would be no way to keep up with Lapis, no way to calm the eerie chill settling in her mind. She growled deep in her chest, a low baritone note singing into the night as she slammed her fist roughly into the sand below her.

All she could do was watch Lapis leave.

 _Again_.

Jasper reared her hand back and repeated the process again and again, ignoring the bits of sand that splashed upward each time her fist connected. She was frenzied, hysterical, dipped in desperation and left to dry. With a final roar she finally stilled, attempted to find a calm. 

There was a burn starting behind the face of her gemstone; a searing pain washing over her face.

What more did Lapis want from her?

Jasper had branded herself, had finally and willingly submitted to the stronger gem's wishes. There was nothing left to give, nothing left for the other gem to take.

Lapis had all of her; body and mind.

Lapis was more than aware of it too, Jasper could see it in the way Lapis had looked at her; excitement lighting the darks of her eyes, lips silently curling around the word 'Mine'. She belonged to Lapis and still the ocean gem wasn't satisfied.

Was she not enough?

Her hand pressed against her gemstone, feeling the deep crack along the edge. She was a failure. _Weak_.

Would she... ever be enough?

Was this all that was left for her? To rot away on an isle, stranded on the dirt rock she had hailed from, drowning in longing for a gem who was disgusted with her? She who looked at her as if she were a pebble, as if she were dirt?

The sky was laced with streaks of orange by the time Jasper pulled herself free from her mind, blinked back the blur of her vision. She pushed onto her bare feet- Lapis' feet were bare, reclaiming her height in a stiff and slow motion. She wasn't surprised Lapis hadn't returned; that would be too easy. Why couldn't anything be that easy? Why did she bother with hope?

Anger swelled once more in her chest, the cold fury from the night before finally pushing it's way forward in an explosion of _pain_.

 _Why_ wasn't she enough?!

Jasper used the thundering of her chest to drive herself forward, heavy and lumbering steps erasing the distance between her and a quiet palm tree. Something like lightning shooting through her almost painfully as the fabric of her suit brushed against her 'scarred' injuries. She clawed at the trunk, digging her nails deep into the bark as she wrapped her hand as far around as it would go. It only took a few moments of applying pressure before a telltale snap rang from the tree; the trunk bending and caving under her grasp.

Within seconds it was shattered; half of the tree sinking slowly to the bottom of the lake while the other was torn apart by her ready claws.

By the end of it the fire in her chest simmered slightly, and something like relief threatened to pull free.

She needed to unleash it lest she explode.

Jasper repeated the process over and over again, razing the small isle; fist splintering through tree and rock alike trying to find clarity in destruction.

She wasn't even half way through when something strange started happening.

A sharp pang laced through her gemstone, one that echoed on the right side of her face and through her body; rang loudly where she was injured. With it her vision began to warp and blur, darkness leaking in from her peripheral. Jasper let out an irritated hiss, trying to blink back the encroaching blindness to no avail.

"No, _no_!" Jasper snarled to no one, prodding almost painfully at her left eye. She couldn't lose them both, she couldn't be blind. What worth could she be if she couldn't see? Panic swelled in her throat, her hand beginning to twitch as it progressed and soon swallowed her whole.

Nothing.

Or, not quite.

She could still feel the wind blowing gently through her hair, still feel the dirt crumbling between her toes and hear the gentle wash of the lake. She was still here, she told herself; promised herself. She was still here she just couldn't see, her perception had narrowed is all.

Flashes of darkness, memories of colours and stars superimposed themselves in her mind and overlayed her 'vision'. It was when she went to reach for those elusive lights and never saw the orange and red of her arm that defeat began to weigh her down.

Jasper didn't get to give into the feeling, bristling at the sharp and clear sound of something shifting and moving behind her.

She whirled around to face the direction of it, a snarl sinking onto her features as she glared emptily in the direction of the noise. Jasper felt her claws extend, body hunching forward in a way that would protect her neck. She could make out more shuffling, a noise that was gradually getting closer. She opened her mouth, ready to speak when she caught a scent trailing on the wind not unlike the lake around her. Her shoulders lowered, but the tension didn't leave.

"Lazuli." 

The gentle padding of feet came to a halt, she could imagine the gem recoiling at the use of the old name. The wind began to blow harder toward Jasper, bringing even more of Lapis' scent forward and into her mouth.

Jasper felt pathetically beast-like for having to rely on such faulty senses.

Lapis wouldn't want an animal.

"Jasper?" The padding started up again, getting louder as Lapis no doubt approached her. Jasper felt too vulnerable, a growl bubbling in her throat as she took a step back instinctively. Fear, fear was back, worry knitting her brows tightly together. Her hand was twitching against her side, an erratic tempo of alarm. What would Lapis do? "What's wrong with your eye?"

"Nothing." She immediately insisted, feeling her brows lower further on her face.

"Jasper..." The voice was irritated and low, it came from her right and had her whirling, trying in vain to keep track of the other gem without her vision. She didn't have to see Lapis' face to know she was frowning; she could hear it in her next command. "Down."

Instinctively she followed the order, some part of her insisting that she could make up her weakness in obedience, settling harshly onto her knees against the warm ground below. She let her head follow after where she strained hear Lapis step and trail. Jasper growled lowly, bile sinking in her gut; whether it was at herself of Lapis she wasn't sure.

Something unbearably cold pressed against her face and she immediately pulled away with a hiss. The sensation seemed almost too much, too overwhelming in her hyper sensitive state.

For a moment she was glad she couldn't see; she didn't have to see irritation or disappointment work across Lapis' round face.

The cold was back seconds later, rough and impatient as it trailed and held her clenched jaw. She was quick to identify the five points of pressure as the pads of Lapis' small fingers. She felt her hand clenched next to her, nails digging into her palms and hair bristling as Lapis shuffled closer. She could feel the cool radiating off the other gem's body from however close she was. 

Jasper wanted so badly to lean into the touch but then she remembered Lapis sneering; Lapis leaving.

Lapis abandoning her.

"You can't see anymore?" Jasper could imagine she sounded cruelly pleased, self satisfied at another stain of pitiful weakness on the larger gem. She growled louder, reaching blindly forward for the arm outstretched toward her. Through luck she latched onto it, wrapping her large fingers easily around that small forearm. The hand on her jaw grew tense; if Lapis had any nails she was sure they would be digging painfully into her skin by now.

"No."

"Let me go."

"No." She felt her lip beginning to curl back. If she had to be vulnerable Lapis could share the feeling with her.

"Stop touching me."

"Why?" Jasper chuffed, glaring in the direction she heard Lapis' voice come from. She didn't like this new rule; it was ridiculous, she refused to abide by it. If Lapis could be fickle so could she. "It wasn't too long ago you were _begging_ for me to touch you." A smug smile raced across Jasper's face, cruelty overwriting the ball of ice in her gut.

"Shut up. Let go Jasper." Lapis hissed, her other hand came up pressing in a heavy warning against the top of her hand.

"No, _why_?"

"Because I said so." Jasper didn't have to ask her to elaborate. "You _used_ me Jasper. I haven't forgotten."

"And you've still got it in your head that you've never used me?" Jasper scoffed, her grip tightening almost painfully on the other gem. A tone of resentment curled from her lips as she continued, refusing to belly her anger. "Are you also convincing yourself you 'saved' me for altruistic reasons? You're delusional Lapis, I know how _this_ works." She tugged Lapis closer with a snarl.

" _Jasper_."

"No, you don't get to touch me; to kiss me and ORDER me to just sit still and take it!" Jasper roared.

"You're mine; you have to listen to _me_!" She sounded frustrated.

The _brat_.

"Did you want me to prove it? To say it I belong to you?" Jasper brought the forearm toward her face, pressing a mockingly sweet kiss to the wrist. She let her fangs pull from her lips as she glanced her sightless eyes back where she would assume Lapis' face was. "I am _yours_ Lapis Lazuli." She leaned forward until she felt her forehead press against Lapis'. She could feel the anger and frustration beginning to surface through the tightly strung muscles of the smaller arm she held.

Jasper didn't stop though, pressing her mouth close to the shell of Lapis' ear. "But," Jasper found herself whispering. "You're just as much _mine_ as I am _yours_." A twisted grin cracked across her face as she pushed forward. "I don't need to see you on your knees to prove it."

She was lying through her teeth.

Lapis would never be hers would she?

The grin held fast even as she felt something cold and hard slam harshly into her stomach, sending her careening backwards some distance. If anything the grin grew, cracking almost painfully across her face; something primal swelling deep in her gut as she pushed herself back onto her knees with her one hand. When she blinked her vision swam back into focus, causing a deep if hysterical guffaw to fall from her lips as she looked at Lapis in a suddenly too bright world.

Just needed to be knocked around a bit then.

She'd have to thank Lapis some other time.

The blue gem evidently missed the joke, a terrible snarl ripping her face in half as she stood there akimbo. Her wings had taken a new shape behind her; watery arms as big as Jasper's framing her wide stance. If Lapis noticed her recovered vision she gave no hints, but Jasper knew something like that would easily be noted.

"You didn't deny it." Jasper said, something like hope surfacing in her. Once again there was no argument, no rebuttal, just a heavy and resentful silence Jasper found herself chuckling through. She almost didn't believe it. "You _need_ me, don't you? Say it, tell me you want me." She was close to begging; close to pressing low to the ground if only to hear such an admission.

"Stop. Talking. Jasper. You don't know what you're saying."

"If we both know it why can't you say it?"

"I said: _Shut. Up._ " Jasper was getting good at telling when Lapis was on her last warning.

When did she get so good at pushing the other gem?

When did she get so foolish?

Jasper pushed herself to her feet, taking bold and lumbering strides forward to clear the distance between them; to be close. "You're stuck here with me; _trapped_."

Lapis didn't respond verbally, once more lashing out with a large cold arm when Jasper got close enough.

Jasper was ready this time though, easily catching the thrown fist in her hand. It felt like fire, like raw pain against her palm; the grin on her face fell as her face darkened. Her voice lowered an octave. "If this is the only way you can communicate..."

Her hand tightened and the watery fist in her grasp exploded under the pressure leaving a limp and bubbling limb. Lapis seemed momentarily startled and Jasper used it to her advantage, bolting forward. She barely managed to clear half the distance between them before Lapis' face screwed into something terrifying and that second fist slammed her backwards.

Jasper felt her insides rattle against the raw force as she was tearing away once more, digging her claws harshly into the ground to mediate her tumble. She easily got to her feet, ignoring the sharp throb that began in her chest. Lapis had formed the other hand once more, and in an intimidation tactic slammed them into the ground. Jasper could feel the earth as it shook powerfully beneath her feet.

A long time ago she had no recollection of fear; no inkling of what it felt to be scared, to be small.

She only knew of what needed to be done and how to do it.

Jasper wanted to go back to that time.

Jasper let out a deep roar as she charged forward, fought against the cold that seeped in her veins every time she saw Lapis' face. She met fist for fist, snarling past the pain and water that sprinkled across her cheeks. Lapis only mirrored her before throwing her spare hand forward. Jasper shifted so the bulk of the force only smashed into her shoulder, feeling each and every knuckle as it pushed her back.

She landed in a heap a few feet away, pushing herself back onto her feet with a rasped growl.

"Stay down Jasper." Lapis commanded.

She was split once more; part of her already crumbling, pleading to be reasonable.

She bit down on her tongue, pierced it and let it bleed as she brought her mind into focus with the thick taste of metal. Her mind brought forth a memory, boots covering her line of sight with a smoky voice above her. 

_'Doesn't understand her worth.'_

She was suddenly overcome with frustration.

Jasper pulled to her full height, teeth bared as her feet clawed into the soft and giving dirt below. She pulled her shoulder back letting her orotund and thick words burst from her drawn lips. "FORCE ME DOWN THEN!"

" _Fine_." Lapis hissed, pretty face scrunching up as she brought both of those hands down.

Jasper only had a beat to move, to fight her shaking feet and _survive_.

And she did.

The hands slammed to her right but she didn't spare a second glance toward them, once more thundering forward towards Lapis. She was there in a blink, felt a smirk cross her features as she towered over the defenseless gem. Her eye sharpened as she put her whole force behind her rocketing fist.

Hitting Lapis felt electric.

Every part of her was screaming and boiling as she watched Lapis' head snap back with the force of the punch, sending that little blue gem across the entire isle with a powerful gust of wind. It was like skipping rocks.

But much more satisfying.

Lapis exploded out of the ocean moments later, dark grey plasma slipping from the corner of her tightly drawn mouth. Jasper had expected her to be livid, had expected to face the might of the ocean; had expected to shatter. But Lapis' face remained carved in apathy and the water around them both free of her spell. She didn't get to ask why as Lapis sliced through the air, slamming into Jasper with a wall of water before she could even blink.

The force of it was surprising, throwing her defensively placed arm up and away as Lapis pushed forward and closer. A howl ripped from her throat as she felt those familiar rows teeth settle around her throat, immediately digging deep and rending through her flesh. She was silenced as something in her throat ripped, only having moment before the other gem tore cleanly through.

Lapis snapped away with a pained hissed, unable to continue as Jasper's body exploded with unbearable heat and energy.

Jasper ignored the pain to reach out, digging her claws into the other gem as she threw Lapis into and through the nearest tree. She didn't pay anymore attention to the blue gem, pressing her hand against her shredded neck as she urged her body to heal faster.

Jasper had no time to muse more as something slammed into her spine, driving her into the ground with a heavy force. She hissed as a weight settled on her back, turning her head to see Lapis standing nearby; one of those wings shifted into a hand once more, but she was more drawn by the marks on that blue skin. Her eye narrowed down on where her claws had scored from that throw, a dark grey river of blue slipping easily down Lapis' hip.

Jasper almost unwillingly dragged her vision free, ignored that red covered mouth, and pushed valiantly against that weight and back onto her knees. The other quickly slammed into her but Jasper braced against it, straining harder before rearing fully on her feet and throwing those watery hands away.

Lapis only stared, daring her to continue with her eyes. There was a dark smile working its way across Lapis' face.

This time it was Jasper who mirrored the expression

Lapis struck forward first, once more driving forward a watery fist that Jasper easily met with her own. Whatever confidence she had gained from that was quick to falter as that water shifted and moved around her hand, enclosing her fist in a ball of water. Her yellow eye narrowed as she tried in vain to tear free. Anxiety welled in her stomach with each passing second, an old fear resurfacing at the idea of being dragged off below the tide once more. 

Just as soon as it began though, the water released itself, thankfully returning her freedom and mind before her knees gave out below her.

Jasper barely got to glimpse up from her shaking palm before something slammed into her, knocking her cleanly off her feet and back a few feet in a heap. She didn't take more than a second to rise back to her feet; pain turning into adrenaline and excitement, something in her chest bracing and pushing against her ribs. It threatened to release with every hit and Jasper found herself trailing blindly after the warm sensation.

That feeling didn't change even as she noticed the new water construct floating between Lapis and her. The blue gem didn't move as that snake like fish curved and spiraled through the air, keeping almost impossibly still as she stared down Jasper. Lapis exercising her powers always looked as easy as blinking; as if all it took was an idle thought, a simple command and an entire element was at under her dominion.

It was a grand display of her power; one that demanded awe.

Lapis was _incredible_.

The construct stopped its idle movements, finally curving downward to look at Jasper; simultaneously blocking her view of its master. It was the only warning it gave.

The thing shot forward, gaping and watery mouth unhinged - no doubt intending to devour her whole - as it dove down onto Jasper.

Or, where she had been standing.

Jasper watched in fascination as the thing slammed into the ground, a train of water following forward and outward until it was an unrecognizable orb of water. The hairs on the back of her neck bristled as she stared at the harmless if large bubble. It reformed almost too quickly, its mouth once more drawn open as it jolted forward.

Only one thing kept Jasper ahead of the creatures sporadic and curving movements.

Instinct.

Jasper was meant to fight.

She slid past its third attempt to charge her, pounding her fist powerfully into its long body. The effect was volatile; most of its body violently exploding into a shower of water.

Water that was quick to still in the air, dragging itself back to it's form as if magnetized. It only took a blink before the water construct had reformed perfectly, and was once more barreling down on her.

Jasper scoffed at her own foolishness; it wouldn't be so easy, it was never that easy.

She was still learning that apparently.

But all of it only added fuel to her form, thrill running up her spine at the thought of a good fight.

At fighting _Lapis_.

It quickly was on the offense; slicing through the air and diving heedlessly at Jasper, barely missing each time by well timed sidesteps and shuffles.

Jasper tried not too look to far into what was happening; into this fight Lapis was staging. Every time she spared a second to consider, a moment to think she would falter and that watery beast would almost land its fangs on her.

And of course she would falter; what sense did any of this make? For what reason was this happening?

The beast moved quicker this time, taking advantage of Jasper's wandering mind and slamming it's teeth around her as it took her to the sky. She growled loudly, hair billowing around her as they shot higher and higher. She could feel the soft call of power, warm energy begin to seethe from her form. A faint light circled and cradled her form as she bared her teeth.

Jasper was no fool; if Lapis wanted her disabled or subdued, if Lapis wanted her in pieces she wouldn't have a chance on this little isle. It would be too easy to surpass Jasper, only a few chains and she knew Lapis could overwhelm her; she knew Lapis was aware of this as well. So what was the other gem planning? What was Lapis doing, what was she thinking?

She gave into the boiling feeling, throwing her body forward into a tight and fast spin dash. Jasper felt the give as the constructs' mouth tore open, affording her the space she needed to turn faster, rapidly slicing through the water from head to tail as she descended toward the isle. She landed without pause, throwing herself toward Lapis for the first time without hesitation.

Or maybe this was as primitive as it seemed; maybe they just needed to push each other around, needed to claw and bite, make those aches in their minds _real_.

Jasper took her down in a tangle of limbs, hearing her hiss as she struggled to pin the writhing smaller gem beneath her. She felt teeth in her arm just before Lapis' wings reached forward and exploded, sending her reeling backward. Jasper landed awkwardly on her injured shoulder sending an almost overwhelming wave of pang through her body.

Maybe they needed _this_.

They both moved at once, but Jasper was the quicker one to her feet. She slammed into Lapis once more, dragging the gem back down into the dirt and forcing her still. She pushed her clawed hand hard into Lapis' heaving chest and crushed those wings underneath her, ignored the hands beginning to tear and pull at her hair. Lapis gave an ugly snarl beneath her as Jasper pressed closer, hissing when Jasper forced her chin up and slid her teeth against that too blue neck; pressed into ribbed gills. She ignored those small feet as the kicked and slammed into her stomach, slowly tightening her jaw as the skin beneath her teeth began to pull taut.

All at once they both stilled, the only noise between them the shaky breaths of air Lapis stole and hoarded into her greedy lungs.

Jasper almost groaned as that ache in her chest, that painful pushing and choking finally crept free; leaked and spilled from her blurred edges. She could feel her shoulder grow lax, jaw slackening as she went to pull away.

Lapis didn't let her, keeping her firmly, desperately, where she was. Jasper glanced up, followed the soft line of Lapis' jaw toward her face. The other gem's mouth was parted, eyes closed almost too tightly with her brows furrowed. She looked to be in pain, or something close to it.

"Bite me."

"Hmm?" Jasper murmured around her neck, feeling her own face twist into confusion as Lapis' hands buried deeper into her white mane of hair; urged her closer.

" _Bite me Jasper_." It was a whisper this time, but that did little to hide the command that it was.

Jasper obeyed, slowly pressing her jaw closed. It only took seconds for her canines to slip into that soft and pliable flesh, tongue coating with Lapis' blood as it bubbled from the puncture wounds. The gem didn't tell her to stop, only let out a moan that had Jasper swallowing against the knot in her throat. She didn't shy away from the taste, only stopping when her teeth lined Lapis' neck and her fangs were buried somewhere deep below.

Lapis made that same dizzying noise when Jasper finally released her, letting Lapis' chin fall so she could look into those unyielding and dark eyes. She could barely hold that gaze, feeling something burn and swell in her chest as she watched Lapis' dark gaze lower to her lips. She knew what came next; they had done this song and dance before.

It wasn't surprising that one passion could blend into the next.

Lapis pressed hungrily against her lips, immediately drawing Jasper's mouth open and invading the space there with her tongue; sweeping up the taste of her own blood with a satisfied hum Jasper could feel resonating in her own chest. Lapis wasn't gentle as she continued, forcing groans off of the tip of her tongue and nipping thick lips when she wasn't satisfied. Jasper felt almost pleasantly helpless under the kiss, something warm bursting and drowning her from the inside.

Jasper was so lost in the feeling she didn't notice Lapis was tipping her until it was too late. She reached out with an arm she didn't have before tumbling onto her back. The blue gem moved quickly, straddling atop of Jasper's ribs and leaning back down to dive into her mouth. Jasper allowed her, feeling that heat switch into something like hunger urging her forward.

She was suddenly all too aware what it was.

Lapis gave a gasp, fingers sinking into her hair as Jasper finally pushed back; this time she was the one to press deeper into the kiss, press into Lapis' mouth. She could feel each sharp tooth, but it all drained together when Lapis met her with her own tongue.

Jasper broke back from the kiss with a growl, tugging Lapis' head back by her hair to bare that pretty and leaking neck. She brought her buzzing tongue against it, roughly passing over each puncture wound before pressing her lips against the bared stretch of skin. " _What are you doing to me_?" Jasper rasped against her neck, genuine confusion lurking in the lows of her voice. Lapis hissed above her in response, fingers pulling tighter in her hair but gave no answer otherwise.

The larger gem pushed upward until she was sitting, Lapis easily perched in her large lap. Her yellow eye narrowed on the claw marks riddling the other's form; wells of dark grey seeping from the edges. She grabbed an arm, tugging it toward her mouth but was halted when Lapis snarled and dragged it back.

"Don't touch me."

Jasper felt frustration bubble upward in the place of disbelief. She finally understood what Lapis was doing with these dumb commands. She grabbed that blue arm once more, glaring down at the gem in her lap. "Stop that." She growled, baring her teeth as she continued. "You're playing those head games again, I know what you're trying to do brat." She brought her tongue to the twisted claw marks around her shoulder, ignoring Lapis' squirming form. "You're not allowed to make it so I can only touch you when I hurt you or when I want something." Jasper gave one final lave of her tongue, briefly pressing a kiss to the wound after. She dragged her gaze back to Lapis, her face stricken and torn; caught. "It would be easier to hate me wouldn't it?"

"You're already easy to hate." She said instead.

"Stand up."

Lapis glared briefly before following, pressing her small bare feet into Jasper's legs and towering over her. Jasper glanced up idly, watching something like thrill shoot through Lapis' dark eyes at being _above_. She only let the growl in her chest grow, tracking her eyes down that slim blue form before settling on the hips just before her; on that ragged and weeping wound on the right side. It was deep, made her dress sit oddly across her hips.

Jasper tugged the skirt down further, greedily took in more of that blue skin before beginning to draw her tongue against Lapis again; reveling in the taste and smell as her eyes fell closed. Immediately Lapis' hands were in her hair, carefully combing through the white tresses as Jasper rolled her tongue up the other gems hip. On the next pass she went lower, feeling something tighten in her chest as Lapis' grip tightened and a soft sigh broke the silence. She decided to be sloppy after that, spending perhaps too much time there, sinking maybe too low. Lapis never complained, only encouraged her subtlety onward with simple tugs of her hair. Jasper pressed a kiss low on her stomach when she had finished, nipping at the flesh there before watching almost sadly as Lapis' clothes glowed and were replaced with new ones.

Jasper tugged the smaller one down once more, lightly wrapping her arm around Lapis and sheltering her in her large lap. Lapis gave no signs of discomfort, rather she pushed closer, burying herself almost desperately into her chest. Jasper let her fingers run over Lapis' small back, a finger tracing up her gemstone and eliciting a soft gasp.

"I'm not your enemy Lapis... not anymore." Jasper whispered into Lapis' hair, letting her eyes fall slowly shut. "I need you."

"Just... stop talking, _please_."

"I'm sorry." Jasper found herself saying again, carelessly repeating that same mistake from a night ago. She unconsciously tightened her grip on the flighty gem, ignored the bubbling fear at the idea of Lapis _leaving_. She could feel Lapis grab at her top, a small hand knotting restlessly in the fabric above her chest. Lightning raced through Jasper's frame each time she touched her wounded chest.

"I hate you." It was sincere.

"I hate you too..." Jasper's voice fell flat on her own ears. She brought Lapis even closer, tried to lose herself in the feeling of the other gem so close; of Lapis being _hers_. "Just... don't leave me again, okay?"

"... Okay."

Jasper realized with a slow and creeping sort of melancholy - pressing her hand over Lapis' teardrop gemstone as her vision began to drain at the edges - that she was getting better at telling when Lapis was lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapters shouldnt take too much time at all and will probably be back to back, so hope to see yall stick around for Oceans + Oceans Pt II. dont have much to say besides yep, 3am chapter update again. will we ever get a reasonable update time? no, no we wont. oh and the power went out when i tried postin this so i almost had a heartattack. aLSO bit of a taste of blackrom in here because i am trash. if yall kno bout that quadrant vacillation u kno where this fic gonna be goin; fckn everywhere, stop me from sinning please
> 
> again thank yall for ur patience and sorry for any mistakes i miss out on editin, ill come back another day and bang my head against the wall for being stupid but for today, and right in this moment, everything looks good. i love u all v much okay? ;u; take care o/ <333333


	14. Oceans

Lapis was unsurprisingly the one to shatter the quiet moment, the gentle and giving reprieve. Her hand wrapped terribly into Jasper's suit once more, cold fingers bringing that scar on her chest to life with something too sharp for words and pulling a drawn hiss from Jasper's clenched mouth.

It was like something snapped at the noise, shattered the idyllic calm, realization dawning in those dark eyes as Lapis went to pull away. Jasper didn't want her to but there was nothing she could do; Lapis moved like water, easily slipped through the cracks in Jasper's grasp and away, away, away.

 _No_...

Jasper felt far too many things as she watched the other gem easily rise to her feet, setting one foot back into the muted sunlight. Lapis watched her right back, dark eyes probing her face for something Jasper wasn't aware of. She brought up and idle blue hand to her throat, gently tracing the healing wounds there with an errant thumb.

Jasper's gaze was easily drawn there, hunger resurfacing and beginning to prowl the dark edges of her mind. She wanted her teeth in that neck, her claws gently scratching against that blue gemstone, wanted hands digging painfully into her hair as she brought their mouths together one more time; one last time. Jasper wanted to push her down, press into her until it hurt.

She would devour everything that was Lapis.

As soon as they surfaced those dark thoughts came to an abrupt end, a sudden cold overwhelming her and replacing the deep boiling of her blood as Lapis turned and took three deliberately slow steps away. Jasper's hand was clawing into the soft ground beside her, burying a nervous twitch in aggression as she watched. Waiting, - was Lapis leaving again? - she hated waiting.

Lapis finally paused her flowing and languid steps, turning her head back to look Jasper over from head to toe. Eventually something softened and gave in her eyes and she gave a slight nod of her head, one Jasper could have easily missed if she wasn't so focused, so obsessed, with every inch of the gem before her.

The command was left unsaid, but Jasper still found herself on her feet and trailing behind Lapis in the heavy shadows of laden clouds.

They were silent as they moved through what was left of the island; traveling around craters and fissures, stepping easily over torn trees and shattered stone. They were leaving this behind, abandoning their primitive ruination.

She wished it wouldn't follow them, chained and dragged to their fleeing ankles; wished they weren't doomed to repeat this all over again.

Could there be any closure to a relationship like this?

Any _good_?

Jasper cut her musings short as they came across the edge of the isle, watching with a narrowed eye as Lapis stepped onto the lake's eerily calm water. The blue gem gave pause only a few feet out, looking over her shoulder once more; coaxing Jasper forward with just a simple glance. Her feet seemed to sink into the sand in retaliation.

She was supposed to walk out on that like her? Out onto water?

Jasper felt a frown pull her lips downward, feet beginning to trail and pace back and forth in front of the calling tide. She tensed each time the waves would lap at her toes, her claws digging deep somewhere in her flank. She could feel blood begin to slide between her fingers, rivulets trailing down her waist. Her mind was too quiet, gone numb as she tried to talk her traitorous body into obeying her wants, her needs, and ceasing this weak little display.

It didn't want to listen.

Jasper slowly came to a stop before the waters surface, her eye baring down on her reflection. Hunched and pressed into herself, her gem and face a disgusting patchwork of cracks and cuts. A snarl began to quirk at her mouth. Weak, she thought with a quiet laugh. She was so _weak_. How did it get this far? How did she let it get so far? Where was her _pride_?

"Jasper."

That was right. Lapis had taken that from her, slowly tore it from her chest with each day pressed into darkness.

Jasper pulled free from her thoughts at the sound of her name on that melodic tongue, dragging her eye free of its hypercritical surveying to glance up at the other gem. Lapis stood a few feet away with her hand upturned and outstretched, no doubt trying to lure the larger gem forward. Jasper dug her claws in deeper; the swell of impatience lurking in the slight narrowing of those dark eyes and the shooting pang was finally enough to push her forward. She bellied her anxiety - because that's what it was, wasn't it? A feeling of uncertainty that pushed past it's edges, that threatened to pick her apart with each move - and took a step forward onto the water.

Nothing happened.

Or more aptly, she wasn't immediately pulled into the depth of these waters; no chains enslaved her ankles, nothing threatened to coil around her throat.

 _Nothing_.

Jasper took another step forward, and then one more; one foot after another, balling the distress of her mind somewhere too deep and too dark to find. She let white noise take its place, an empty and droning buzz. The water held strong against her weight, felt dry and cold underfoot. If she closed her eye she could almost convince herself she was on land. Part of her was tempted to, thinking it possible to settle her nerves, but the idea came with too much vulnerability Jasper didn't care to manage.

Her tentative but steady steps brought her before Lapis, who still remained picturesquely frozen with her hand stretched out and up. From this new position, from this close, it seemed almost startlingly familiar. Jasper could imagine green flames around them, her whole frame thrumming with energy.

_Just say yes._

She could imagine those same words falling from her mouth once more.

Had she not learned?

Jasper fought the creeping chill that raced down her spine, haltingly offering her hand to Lapis. She lost that fight soon after when Lapis' cold hand finally brushed against her palm, fingers gently pushing until her palm was upturned. Jasper watched, a shiver jolting down her spine, as Lapis placed her hand there, cradled in the heat of her palm, splaying her webbed fingers as wide as they dared to go. Jasper's brows furrowed, her thumb coming up to cover the entire surface of that small blue hand.

Why was...?

All at once the sky tore open, a downpour washing over them as the wind howled. Jasper felt her hand clench, nails poking free and bristling as she looked up almost spitefully toward the grey clouds and weeping sky. When she pulled her gaze back downward she was met with Lapis staring unabashedly at her. Jasper cowed under the attention, releasing her grip on Lapis' blue hand to dig it back into her side. She could see her red blood mixing with water and trailing rapidly down her side but chose to ignore it.

"Can we... go?" The less time she had to spend in a downpour on the top of a lake the better off she would be.

Lapis tilted her head, acknowledging her but not bothering with a verbal answer as she turned around and began to move forward. Jasper was close at her heels.

By the time they made it to the other side Jasper was drenched and twitching, twitching enough to gain the attention of her companion. Was... was that an appropriate word? Companion? Were they companions? It seemed too airy of a word for her ties to the other gem, too equal, but she couldn't think of one that could encompass _this_.

Whatever _this_ was.

Lust?

Desperation?

Greed?

Loyalty?

These chains that stitched them together bore far too many names.

"Where are we going?" Jasper asked, not quite managing to hide her irritably as Lapis turned to look at her once more, to judge her no doubt; to enjoy her body's impulsive and negative reactions to water. Another shudder ran down the curve of her spine, a growl rumbling from her heaving chest. Was she enjoying it, was she curious? There was no telling with Lapis.

"Back." Lapis finally answered before dragging her eyes away, setting them forward on a path only she knew. Jasper wasn't quite sure what that meant, but it wasn't her place to ask. She didn't quite know where she fit with Lapis as it were, where exactly her place was. She had submitted to the other gem, imprinted; Lapis for all intents and purposes was her leader, her _Diamond_.

Fraternization didn't go well with that.

The thoughts that swelled in her mind, the memories of a staged fight, of bites and of kissing. Jasper groaned under her breath, mind alight with things she had no name for. Lapis, whether she was aware of it or not was lowering herself, and Jasper was only all too eager to pull her down with her. Pull Lapis into her.

'Back' was quick to reveal itself as back; back to where it started, that almost untouched grotto hidden behind a storm of vines. Jasper could only feel relief at the sight of shelter, her body trying to urge her forward and faster; to get to that needed gratification faster. She ignored it though, kept pace with Lapis, stayed behind her as the final stretch seemed to drag on for what felt like its own small eternity.

She had to stay behind, she was _below_.

Jasper watched as Lapis stopped a few feet before the cave, her attention turning to the sky with her eyes falling shut. The larger gem didn't question her, stepping past the gem and toward the mouth of the cave. She paused there, half sheltered, half out in the rain, and waited for Lapis to join her, but the smaller gem made no move to do so. Jasper felt a frown fall across her lips, setting herself rigidly onto the ground to wait. She wouldn't leave Lapis, one part because she _couldn't_ , four parts because she was afraid Lapis would leave her.

So she stared.

Jasper ignored the rain battering against her form and watched Lapis as she stood almost completely still. The only telling thing was her slowly expanding and exhaling chest, so Jasper tracked its subtle movements as if it were the most interesting thing on this planet. Watched her chest push out, fabric straining, her shoulders fall and pull back; watched those lips part slowly, and then ogled as it all came undone with an outward breath. She did it again and again, marking the passage of time with such a useless and drawing thing; one Jasper slowly started to mimic. She timed the rise of her chest with Lapis', breathed deep and let it all go along with the other.

It was somewhere around the fortieth breath of air that Lapis finally acknowledged her, bringing a stop to her large and thundering chest.

"Why are you watching me?" It wasn't accusatory but still Jasper felt defensive.

"Waiting, not watching."

"I can feel your eye on me Jasper." Lapis' own eyes were still shut loosely.

"Both then." She admitted over the din of rain.

"Why? You're allowed to leave." Lapis finally opened her eyes, turning her head to cast her dark gaze on Jasper's crouched form. "I can see the way the rain is bothering you. Why are you subjecting yourself to this? What are you waiting for?"

"You."

"I-..." Lapis paused. Jasper watched as those eyes dragged down her frame to her torn and gouged side. Lapis gave a soft noise before dragging her eyes back to the pouring skies. "Is... is water that bad?"

"It reminds me of you." Jasper said as if that was answer enough.

And it was.

Lapis seemed to shrink under that admission. "Come on," she mumbled, stepping past Jasper and into the cave. Jasper was only all too happy to follow, slinking after the smaller gem through the tight fit of the entrance. The dark cave was exactly as she remembered it, only seemingly more full, more alive with the heavy beating of rain outside echoing around them.

She only got one step forward when she felt something stir on her frame. Jasper watched with muted fascination and confusion as all of the water was pulled from her frame, flowing easily into the pool that took up most of the cave. She dragged her gaze over to Lapis who was seated near the pool, knees pressing against her chest as she curled up further into herself.

"Thanks..." She managed, feeling the tightness of her form begin to fade away, no longer feeling claustrophobic over the weight of her own hair.

Jasper found herself on the floor shortly after, pressing herself against a wall as she ran a hand through her now dry hair as she stared at Lapis' presented back; at the gemstone bared there. She didn't want to crush it underfoot anymore; the thought alone was almost agonizingly painful. Instead she wanted to press against it, wanted to hold everything that was Lapis in her hands and comfort her; comfort the gem who had the means and wants to destroy her. She wanted to be angry at this revelation, but she couldn't.

Jasper had finally given in then, hadn't she?

The last time they had been here had been the start of something.

It was seemingly no different now.

She wanted to convince herself this was all an after effect of imprinting, convince herself this is why jaspers weren't allowed to do this anymore. But Jasper knew it ran deeper than that. Imprinting brought on the urge to protect, to keep safe and to guide. She had done it before. It attached her to the other gem in an almost sacred way, but none of her current thoughts lined up with that. Jasper didn't just want to protect Lapis, she wasn't just drawn to aide Lapis. Jasper wanted something intimate, something more from the gem.

Jasper wanted _all_ of Lapis.

Jasper forced her mind to stop thinking at that, bringing herself back to the world around her. For some irrational reason she had thought Lapis would have heard her musing, that she would have to face the gem's scorn and rejection. Maybe it wasn't entirely irrational; Lapis had dug deep into her mind once before, tore into and stole whatever she wanted... would she still do that now? Jasper wanted to believe that she wouldn't, but she had to admit she didn't know much about Lapis.

It was shameful, everything about this was.

Jasper slowly got to her feet, pressing her claws into the stone before moving forward, before erasing the distance between the other gem and herself. Lapis didn't move until Jasper sat down next to her, sat down close, and even then the only acknowledgement was a wary glance to her right. Jasper went to reach out, intent on pressing her hand against Lapis' bared back was was halted with a cold glare.

"Stop doing that, leave me alone."

Jasper let her hand fall to the ground, claws raking against the stone. "Why?" She demanded, annoyed that Lapis was going to do this again; and so soon.

The anger left that blue face, something more tired and frustrated taking it's place. "I gave you your space Jasper, give me mine."

Jasper felt something cold settle in her stomach at those words. Lapis was right. Lapis had been so prone to touching, but she had stopped. She stopped every time Jasper asked her, even when it was clear she didn't want to. It was her turn now. "I-..." She consciously dragged her hand back, dug it into the meat of a thigh with a frown. "Okay, sorry."

She had probably said that word more times and meant it in the past few days than her entire life.

It felt so foreign on her tongue.

Jasper watched as Lapis buried her head into her arms, curling her toes as she began rubbing her feet against each other. Her voice came out muffled, it would have been almost impossible to hear if Jasper wasn't strained toward the other gem to begin with. "It's fine. I just... I need to think and I can't do that... when you're touching me." Jasper felt something in her chest thrum, her brows rose slowly, curiosity beginning to eat at her. Was that a good thing? Or did it mean something terrible? Stars she desperately wished for the former, but she wasn't going to ask; she wasn't owed an explanation let alone an answer.

She nodded in response to the words, feeling like a fool when she realized Lapis couldn't actually see her as she was; huddled into herself. Jasper fell into silence after that, letting her mind finally ease and calm as she stared listlessly before her.

It was some time later that Lapis pulled her head up. Jasper watched from the corner of her eye as the smaller gem shifted some, tilting her head so that Jasper was in her sights. She entertained the staring for a few more moments, hoping Lapis would grow bored but that seemed to be a fool's quest. She knew she couldn't outlast the other gem if Lapis happened to be determined enough.

Jasper tilted her head away from Lapis with a roll of her shoulder, staring hard at one of the walls of the cave to alleviate some of the tension that began to seep into her from Lapis' gaze. Her grip on her thigh got tighter, suddenly needing a distraction.

"When was it that you came for me?"

"You mean after I had left?"

"Yes."

"When I had made it there you weren't _you_." The way she said it painted the picture clear enough for Jasper. Still, she had to ask.

"So you saw...?"

"I wasn't there when you did it, but I did see the shards." Lapis had seen that monster she had become.

Jasper wanted to laugh. If she had just held out a little longer, if she just preserved a few more hits, if she had never underestimated that pearl she would never have had to turn into that thing. She would never have had to lose herself in the agony of those other gems, a pain so stark she couldn't compare. She was supposed to die after that; it was supposed to kill her and she would have deserved it. To use shards like that... if she hadn't already been cast lamely aside by Homeworld there would be no forgiving that.

"I don't remember much," Jasper admitted into the silence. "Just Peridot..." Peridot leaning into her touch before forcibly rending control of her body from her.

"That half gem betrayed you." It didn't help to hear it aloud, only made her more frustrated. She wasn't sure what bothered her the most; the fact that she was foolish enough to let her guard down, to try and find something that didn't exist in those small green hands. Or, that she had been done in by a peridot... by her Peridot.

She was just as much a traitor as them all now.

"You were there for that?" Jasper asked, turning to meet Lapis' gaze. Her brows were sinking low on her face, the beginnings of a frown tugging her lips.

"You let her so close..." There was an accusation there Jasper tried not to think too much on.

"I... I was desperate Lapis."

"Desperate for what?" The same accusation was back and had Jasper reeling as Lapis continued her terse words. "She disabled you Jasper; let those _Crystal Gems_ hurt you."

"She was just protecting herself."

"I thought you said you were 'hardly' friends? Why are you defending her?"

"She was my charge. I was supposed to protect her." She had done a poor job of that, buried under leagues of water for cycles. It's not surprising Peridot found a way to survive. Jasper would have been proud if it didn't hurt to think about it all. "Lapis," Jasper sighed, "what is this even about?"

Lapis face twisted, a nasty snarl ripping her lips open. "She wanted you _shattered_."

"What?" Jasper felt something cold settle in her chest, confusion scoring across her face. "You're lying." Lapis' face only flashed with pity before turning stony once more. No, she had to be lying. Why would Peridot want her shattered? Was it not enough that she was the cause of her loss of form, she also wanted to end it once and for all? Jasper felt a growl bubbling in her chest, feeling that betrayal dig and break further into her. She could have killed that gem, but she didn't.

She was suddenly regretting her decision.

"Peridot suggested they kill you. You owe your life to Garnet."

"I owe my life to you." Jasper said firmly as she brought her hand through her hair, trying to ground herself. Her eye dragged up from the floor she had been glaring at, meeting Lapis' gaze in the low light of the cave. "Did you have to fight them?"

"Of course I did. They didn't want to let you go."

"And you won? Even against Rose Quartz?"

"Jasper... that isn't her." Lapis had no joy explaining this for what Jasper guessed was around the dozenth time; probably the last. She was starting to believe Lapis, thinking back to that small gem trying vainly to protect Peridot. They were too weak to be Rose Quartz, too small. They lacked her cunning wits, her steadfast resolve and her incredible power. What had come of her then? What had happened to Jasper's old diamond, and what did it have to do with that boy. "He's Steven and... and he helped me get away."

Jasper quirked at that. "But I thought you said you won the fight?"

"I did, if it could be called that. Once I had Peridot and Pearl in my hands it was only a matter of time until Garnet gave in; and she did. When I got your gem back I... I lost my guard. Steven saved me."

"Why?"

"I guess he just didn't want anyone else to get hurt."

"Rose is like that..." Lapis gave her a strange look at the tone her voice had taken, something tied between reverence and nostalgia.

"Steven." She corrected.

There was one last thing Jasper needed to know.

"Why did you come for me? Why do you want me?" Jasper was cracked and corrupting, she had done something unmistakably horrible and was defeated. What worth could she possibly have to a gem like Lapis?

Lapis let out a small laugh that seemed more forced than humorous. " _She_ wouldn't let me be." There was a pause before her gaze turned to the pool in front of them. Jasper almost instinctively knew who Lapis was referring to. 

_I still hear her sometimes_.

"But I don't want you." Jasper felt her throat tighten at the admission. What would she do when Lapis discarded her then? What could she do against this new sharp feeling in her chest. So wrapped up in her own musing she started when she felt Lapis' hand settle on her thigh, watched as that blue hand slid up until it bumped against where her own hand was settled.

Jasper felt confusion, wanting to reach out and grab that hand but somehow she restrained herself. She tore her gaze from that small row of knuckles and up just in time to see Lapis' face as it turned pensive, her eyes glued to her own hand as it began to slide over top of Jasper's. "Or... maybe I do?" There was something thick to her voice as she began to caress Jasper's hand, ease the tension away enough for her claws to slowly drag from her skin. "You were right. I just didn't want to admit it, not to myself... not to you. It wasn't supposed to be this way. You used me and I hate you for it." There was another pause that had Jasper ridden with anxiety, confused as to what all this meant for her.

"But you were right... I need you Jasper."

Jasper's first instinct was to call her a liar, to scream and rip into her until Lapis admitted the untruth and swallowed it back whole. Anything to snuff out the fluttering blossom of hope in her chest; hope Lapis now held in the palms of her hands. Hope she could crush at any point. Hope that wouldn't, that couldn't last long. Instead she just let out a strangled laugh, eye tracking back between Lapis' softer gaze and the thumb rubbing small circles on the top of her hand.

"You're fucking with me." Jasper said none too eloquently, feeling a twisted and self-deprecating smirk cross her features. Lapis' face flushed with anger, dragging her hand back as if it had been set aflame.

"No." She hissed coldly, cruelly. _Hurt_. Was Lapis hurt? "I wish I was."

Jasper felt her brows furrow tightly, confusion scoring deep across her face. "You can't mean-" She stopped herself short as Lapis went to stand, instinctively she reached out, forcing the gem back toward her and into her lap; sharp blue knees digging into her thighs. Jasper growled, frustration bubbling at Lapis' instinctive flight response. She wasn't allowed to leave now, not again, _not ever_.

Lapis snarled almost immediately, her wings coming to life in a terrifying explosion; a warning. Jasper let go before Lapis had the chance to bite into her arm once more, cursing herself for already breaking the 'give me space' rule. "Wait, Lapis wait I- I just look!" She bellowed, frustration painting her voice a deep baritone. Lapis stopped her attempted escape, giving Jasper the chance she desperately needed to untie the knot in her throat at the idea that Lapis was being _honest_. That Lapis _needed_ her. Her voice was softer, cracked and rasped at the edges; she couldn't hide the disbelief. "Are you... are you being sincere?"

Lapis nodded, slowly and guarded, narrowed eyes holding Jasper's probing gaze. She felt something in her chest swell and give.

"I thought you were lying okay?!" The words rushed from her lips. "I'm sorry, I thought you were trying to hurt me."

Jasper watched as Lapis tilted her head, the frustration slowly draining from her round features. The smaller gem gave a sigh, eyes glancing off somewhere Jasper didn't care to follow. She couldn't drag her gaze away if she tried; she was locked, needed to watch for anything.

"I came for you... You wouldn't have been worth the trouble if I wasn't sincere."

It suddenly dawned on Jasper as she watched Lapis' wings disappear in a glow of light, what she had implied. What should have been obvious from the moment she had reformed.

"You picked me over... the quartz boy." The gem that had saved Lapis, that had healed her and given her hope; who she had betrayed Homeworld for and whose name had echoed through their shared minds for too long. Lapis had picked Jasper over him.

Jasper watched as Lapis slowly turned her head, looking back up to meet her gaze. Her hands balled into small fists that pushed sharply into Jasper's stomach. "I did." She whispered, as though any louder and she wouldn't be able to say it; admit it.

"Do you regret it?" Jasper said just as quietly. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know.

"No... and yes. I hurt him Jasper, he wasn't supposed to get hurt."

Jasper let her hand trail toward her lap, let her thumb brush and settle against a bared blue knee. "And if he hadn't got hurt?" She dug further, that feeling, that hope in her chest expanding.

Lapis seemed to consider the warm thumb against her knee, before pushing further into the touch in approval. Jasper quickly pushed her limits with this new permission, her hand swallowing Lapis' calf as her thumb trailed upward, disappearing under her rumpled dress with each pass. Lapis met her gaze again before speaking. "I'd do it again." She promised.

Jasper didn't know how to express her appreciation and only realized she was kissing Lapis when the other gem sighed into her mouth. She drew back slowly, her grip on Lapis' leg tightening with each passing second. An insincere apology sat on the tip of her tongue; she wanted to do it again, she wanted to kiss Lapis until her lips bruised and the hollow of her chest filled with more of this new warmth.

Lapis must have sensed Jasper wanted to say something because she spoke up moments later, placing her hand atop Jasper's larger one and soothing it. "Just warn me next time."

"Ok... next time." Jasper felt a smirk crawl across her face as she parroted Lapis, leaning back down. The smaller gem met her half way, drawing their lips almost too slowly together. It was odd how tender the other gem was being, almost unnerving. She was being handled as if she were made of glass. Jasper wondered how long this would last, how long they would sit here and pretend everything was fine. 

Would they leave? Jasper wasn't sure where they could go.

She chuckled against those blue lips, a memory of setting almost blindly forward pushing to the front; of gathering their fledgling relationship and leaving this cave.

It was just like last time.

Just as new and tentative.

"We're a mess aren't we?"

Lapis pulled back with a quirked brow before realization settled on her face at the memory. She scoffed, a low laugh falling from her lips as she stood up, that soft cold weight settling off of her thighs and onto the ground below. Jasper felt a hand brush against the right side of her face as Lapis looked down at her. "You more so." She repeated and murmured as she pressed her lips against Jasper's gemstone, drawing a sharp hiss from the larger gem. "At least we're self aware." She finished wryly, bringing her lips back against Jasper's.

As Lapis pushed slowly into her mouth with a whisper of _'Mine'_ Jasper decided it wasn't the worst feeling to be owned.

It half felt like she _belonged_.

" _Yours_." She agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heh... five to seven in the mornin, gotta be up in four hours for work. mistakes were probably made, buuuuuut i did get this chapter done. hell fuckin yeaaaaa. we moving places, goin to the damned top and all that. tbh this author note is not going to be anything that makes sense because i am half asleep, buuuut i do remember one thing i gotta do:
> 
> THANK YOU ALL FOR THE FANART YOUVE POSTED, I LEGITIMATELY CHECK THEM EVERYDAY AND SWOON. if yall wanna know what im talking about go here: http://trashtierhyena.tumblr.com/tagged/watb%20fanart also if you wanna see Jasper's new strips n scars, plus how weird Lapis looks in my mind go here: http://trashtierhyena.tumblr.com/post/134113168351/put-a-lil-more-work-into-this-one-and-it-makes-me n here: http://trashtierhyena.tumblr.com/post/134366878131/we-did-it-buoys-n-im-much-happier-w-this-lapadap fer my dumb art. BIG FAT WARNIN FOR NUDITY IF U DONT WANNA SEE THAT,D ONT CLICK CUZ THEY DONT HAVE CLOTHESSS. but yea just because i see em like that doesnt mean thats gotta be the only way. i love diff interpretations, go wild my dearys/dearies
> 
> okay but yea thanks for stickin around you guys, i love yall too much for silly text letter things, for words yeaaa. hope yall continue to enjoy. next chapter shouldnt take more than like four days. oh and its like 90 percent nsfw. if that is not ur thing pretend u didnt get the notif and ill catch ya on chapter 16; well be visitin an old friend and startin this arc off. LOVE YALL GNITE <3 //throws self into the dumpster
> 
> ps sorry for errors, ill try n get em on the reread


	15. Oceans Pt. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR NOT RESPONDING TO YALLS COMMENTS LAST CHAPTER. i was going to but then it was really late and i felt bad and then i waited longer and it ended up being a viscous circle. thank u all for the support tho i love yall <333 honestly no thanks are needed for writing this because a) wth im trash w all u guys and b) i dont stay up to write this i just am up all of the time lmaooo //sobs
> 
> theres a lil info dump at the beginnin before the x's but anyhow the deed is done and im pr sure this is straight up the longest chapter ive written lmaooooo wow we really are trashtier now byouzzzzz
> 
> NSFW WARNING AHEAD LIKE OH BOY DO NOT CROSS THE X'S IF U ARE NOT ABOUT THAT LIFE OR A SMALL CHILD
> 
> also if u dont like tentadicks/xenojunk this is not for u

Jasper wasn't sure how long she stayed gently pressed against Lapis' lips, but she knew it had to have been a fairly long time as Lapis was beginning to grow antsy and distant in her arms. That dark gaze kept sliding away, staring glassily at the pool of water to their right. Jasper wanted to be frustrated, wanted to be mad; just wanted to have _this_ moment, but she couldn't.

What had she been expecting?

Jasper pressed one last kiss to Lapis, her lips pushing gently against the blue gem's forehead. It took a moment but she relaxed, finally looking up at to meet Jasper's good eye. She must have finally noticed something different with Jasper's gaze because she spoke; shattering the easy silence with the soft lows of her voice.

"You've been looking at me differently this whole time; your eye is doing something strange; why?"

Her eye was ringing; that would be the easiest way to explain it. Her pupil would dilate into something almost impossibly small and a black ring would appear around it in the yellow of her eyes; sometimes more than one ring. It would always happen when her Diamond, when Lapis, would touch her; varying levels of forced euphoria racing through her veins. None of it had affected her much outside of the ordinary so far.

Funny how that worked; she didn't even need the function to derive pleasure from Lapis' touches.

From Lapis' presence.

"Imprinting," is what she said instead.

"What?"

"Jaspers can imprint; it makes us loyal, or obsessed. It means I am yours." Jasper paused, dragging her gaze off to a wall as she continued speaking; voice monotone. "It's a vestigial trait... we weren't always warriors." Jasper could feel Lapis shift in her lap, a cold hand coming up to bring their gazes together again.

"What were you?" There was curiosity lining the edges of her eyes. Part of her wanted to hide it from Lapis, thought of any secrets as knives the gem could slide into her back.

But how could she say no?

"Guardians, protectors. We were defenders." The war had changed that; the war had changed a lot of things. "We're only allowed to imprint on Diamonds now."

"I'm not a diamond."

Jasper scoffed. "I know. I don't belong to Homeworld anymore. _I am yours_."

There was a pause before Lapis spoke up once more, voice meek in the quiet of the cave. "You weren't made for war?"

"Not originally." Jasper could remember a time where the most she had to worry about was younger gems hurting themselves on a jagged rock. Of course that changed when Rose Quartz chose monkeys over her own kind.

Jasper dropped the bitter thought there; she had learned a long time ago it did no good to live in the past. She met Lapis' gaze once more, her eye roaming over the small frame in her lap. So small and yet so powerful. What did they need a gem like this for? Jasper ran a hand down the side of her cheek, brushing past scales as she settled against Lapis' throat; thumb pushing lightly into a gill.

She would touch while she still had the option.

"What about you, what are you?" Jasper asked over her own mind, gaze pausing its ascent at her lips before meeting those dark eyes.

"A lapis lazuli."

Jasper tried not to roll her eye; tried and failed. Her frustration had a smile bubbling on Lapis' face. "Yes, I'm aware. I've never heard of them before." Jasper restated.

"Good, that means we did our jobs correctly." There was something darker to her voice this time around even as she kept that eerily cool smile on her face.

"Which was?" Jasper prodded.

"Information brokers for Blue Diamond." It would make sense, Blue Diamond had been in charge of all that political nonsense of Homeworld. "Spies when the time was right, hunters when things went wrong."

"Hunters?"

"Blue Diamond's territory wore a guise of civility. We knew what words to use and what story to spin, but we were just as bad as White Diamond."

Jasper frowned at the mention of White Diamond in comparison to Blue Diamond; it didn't make any sense. White was nearly barbaric, Blue had been her opposite.

"Why were you on Earth when the Rebellion started?" Jasper asked instead, quickly cowing under the glare sent her way almost immediately.

"It was a mistake." The way she said it made it clear she didn't want to talk about it.

Jasper didn't blame her, one mistake to be imprisoned for five thousand years didn't sound like small talk.

The silence was quick to take them again, Jasper tucking her head against Lapis' as her eyes began to slowly close. Lapis must have noticed her intention to sleep because she was beginning to squirm, slipping free of Jasper's grasp and slinking onto her feet with her arms crossed over her chest. Jasper watched as she took a few steps to the water's edge, pausing before it.

Jasper suddenly realized she was leaving.

The panic on her face must have been easily read because Lapis spoke before Jasper could bargain - beg with her. "I... I'll be back. I just, I can't be _stuck_ here." The way stuck rolled off her tongue had Jasper frowning, something like empathy, like sympathy spawning in her hollow chest. Jasper gave a nod, and no sooner did she look back up Lapis was swallowed into the depths of the water.

Jasper heaved a sigh as she rocked to her feet, stepping slowly toward the nearest wall and bunching against it.

She would just have to trust Lapis to return. In the meantime.

Jasper let her eyes fall shut, giving into the quiet and dark of her mind.

#### XXX

Jasper was pulled from her rest to the sound of wet feet padding against rock, the noise getting louder and louder; closer.

She had wanted to welcome Lapis back, thank her for returning, but instead she chose to feign sleep, curious as to what the gem was up to. It became very clear, very quickly, that Lapis wanted something from her the moment she settled behind her, pressing those cold and wet hands into Jasper hair. There was no pretending to be asleep when Lapis lifted her head and placed it in her small lap.

They met each other's eyes in the impossibly dark cave, each trying to get a read on the other.

Their staring only lasted a moment, Jasper easily caving and turning her face into Lapis' bare and soft stomach as those hands began to work through her hair again. She nuzzled and buried forward without hesitation, spurred on by Lapis' tender attention to her hair; the cool and damp feeling of Lapis' stomach a strange comfort to the burning of her gem. Her sigh was drawn and slow, feeling tension ease from spine at each gentle pass of Lapis' fingers. Before she could stop herself she felt a rumble begin in her throat, pressing her lips against blue skin as she began to purr; eyes growing heavy as Lapis continued her simple and attentive actions.

Jasper was a breath away from that comforting dark of sleep, mind dull and eyes closed when Lapis' grip suddenly tightened, lacing a sharp pain against Jasper's scalp and startling the larger gem. Instinctively Jasper bit forward, pressing her teeth sharply into the soft form before her. She could feel the give of flesh and consciously stopped from creeping deeper, stilling at the heavy and slow sigh that escaped Lapis' mouth. Jasper felt her chest hammer at the noise, suddenly more awake as she waited for Lapis to pull away. 

She didn't.

Jasper decided against it as well.

Those hands started up in her hair again, easily reviving that purr as Jasper released her jaw. Spurred on, she brought her tongue against Lapis' stomach, pressing the flat of that bristled muscle to and over each black blue bruise beginning to form from the bite. Eventually she was licking just for the taste, deciding somewhere in her mind that Lapis didn't taste bad and savoring each slight twitch beneath that flesh; slowly consuming each subtle spasm of muscles. 

Jasper leisurely bit down once more, nipped Lapis' skin between her sharp teeth.

This time Lapis made a different noise.

It almost sounded like a pained cry; one that was begging to be pulled from between those pinched lips again and again.

The fog that began to seep into her mind had nothing to do with sleep this time.

Jasper brought her arm up from her side, pressing her large hand over Lapis' lower back and drawing her even closer as she worked her tongue against that flesh with more furor, something thrilling edging her forward as she finally bit down hard enough to break skin.

The noise was back, bubbled and throaty. The hands in her hair went tense for a moment; the thigh beneath her cheek tight and unyielding. Jasper wasn't deterred, a passion too old, too primal driving her forward as she lapped against the wounds, stained her teeth grey with blood.

It was only moments before Jasper's head was ripped from where it was buried, her mouth now working against the pair of lips that had been pressed against her own. Jasper didn't let the interruption slow her down, eagerly bringing them together with her hand pressed harshly into Lapis' short blue locks. She groaned into those cool lips, feeling something boiling and warm take root in her chest.

It was a beautiful contrast, so warm while surrounded by the chill of Lapis' body; those almost frigid fingers cradling her face.

There was something different to this kiss, something much heavier than its predecessors. Each second had Lapis bearing down harder, demanding more and more; a stroke of her tongue was all it took to get Jasper to open her mouth, almost reverently letting Lapis sink greedily in between her lips.

It was thick. It was want and need.

Desire.

When Lapis finally pulled away it was slowly, putting the smallest of spaces between them as she looked down at Jasper. She was breathing again, that strange quirk beginning to infect Jasper's own chest; she stole a lungful of cold air, taking with it the scent of Lapis and greedily coating her mouth with it.

Jasper watched as Lapis broke their gaze, dragging those dark eyes down a path over her body. Her fingers were quick to follow, starting with a gentle press against her neck before sliding down a shoulder toward the center of her chest. Jasper felt them pause there, that small hand fanning out before dutifully retracing its path up back to her neck.

Jasper realized Lapis was tracing her stripes.

The blue gem had them committed to memory.

"May I see?" It was so soft Jasper almost missed it.

"What?" She found herself asking past the sudden tightness in her throat. Lapis had to have meant something else.

"Let me see." Her voice was luring and soft, icy fingers slipping into the holes in the fabric around her neck and coaxing the response she wanted out from Jasper. There was no mistaking her intention now.

Jasper gave a firm nod, an action more steady than she felt as she let her uniform dematerialize in a soft glow.

Jasper watched as a small smile worked its way onto Lapis' mouth, a pleased hum slipping from her throat as she began to press into flesh again. Jasper swallowed past the lump in her throat, baring more of her neck for those curious and ghosting fingers. They pushed back and forth, the touch feather-light before they began to work downwards again.

Despite the situation, Lapis' intentions for the moment seemed innocent, not straying from the path of red that trailed over Jasper's body. She only paused briefly at the center of Jasper's chest, fingers trailing over that black scar marring her sternum and tearing a hiss from Jasper's mouth.

Immediately Lapis' eyes were on her face, brows furrowed. She didn't move her fingers despite the visceral reaction, keeping them pressed lightly to that old wound. Jasper dug her hand against the rocky floor beneath her, trying to ground herself against the almost overwhelmingly aggressive sensation that spawned the longer she touched there. "It still hurts?"

"No..." Jasper said past the frown on her lips, head shaking in Lapis’ lap. Something flashed through Lapis' dark eyes, her fingers slowly trailing the length of the scar. 

"Does it feel good then?" There was something about the way she said it coupled with her movements that had Jasper scoffing, a chuckle rocking free even as her eyes shut tightly, feet bracing against the ground. The sensation felt like an icy fire against her chest; raw and fresh and bright. She couldn't focus much past it.

"Not that either, just... hypersensitive."

Jasper only managed to open her eye when she felt Lapis finally remove her fingers from that scar, relief washing free. She hadn't expected Lapis' face to be so close however; their noses only inches apart as she met that dark gaze.

"Do you want… to feel good Jasper?"

The way those lips wrapped around her name had Jasper tongue tied, the implications settling heavily in her stomach. Lapis didn't wait for a response, pushing her lips back against Jasper's with a surprising amount of force. Jasper was more than happy to sink back into that feeling, letting it fester and boil in her chest, drip slowly down into her gut.

She couldn't help but gasp as a cold hand brushed over her breast, fingers trailing over her nipple before dragging back over the same path. Lapis took advantage of her opened mouth, once more digging needy into Jasper's mouth with her tongue. She didn't stop there though, boldly kneading Jasper's chest before taking a nipple between two fingers and tugging.

The feeling was electric, shooting straight down into her core as her nipples pebbled and hardened under the rough treatment.

Jasper groaned into the kiss and felt Lapis smile against her mouth. The small action spurred her on, shifting up into the kiss and out of Lapis’s lap. She didn't stop pushing until she was on her knees, drawn forward on one hand as she leaned down to press their lips together harshly once more. She did it until she drew a breathy moan from Lapis' mouth, returning the favour and slipping between those lips with her tongue.

She needed to hear more of those sounds.

The thought alone was making her blood boil.

Jasper pulled back as her chest began to thunder, a string of saliva snapping between them as she pressed lower, nuzzled into Lapis' neck before placing soft kisses to each gill. She could feel as those small hands wormed up into her hair, beginning to comb encouragingly through the long tresses of white.

Jasper brought her tongue out when she had finished, swiping a broad stroke of that muscle all the way up from the hollow of her throat to Lapis’ chin. The smaller gem let a soft giggle roll from her mouth as Jasper laved against a row of gills, black fingers beginning to tighten and draw her closer.

To hold her there.

Jasper knew from experience what this meant, what Lapis was telling her to do.

Jasper sunk her fangs into the flesh before her, groaning as Lapis let out an almost desperate moan; her voice shaking and wet and so so _so_ warm. Something heavy and hot swelled in her gut. She did it again and again, letting the tips of her fangs break skin and draw blood before lapping it up and repeating the process. Each time Lapis would make a noise of approval; a soft sigh, a drained groan, a whispered cry. Jasper loved every second of it, Lapis' breathing taking an almost fever pitch.

Through an exercise of self-control Jasper knew she herself no longer possessed, Lapis drew away from Jasper's mouth and started pushing back. She wasn't satisfied until Jasper fell back onto her rump, and even then it was only after she pointedly knelt in between Jasper's large thighs and pressed her small hands into the strong core of Jasper's orange and red stomach.

A tug on her hair and Jasper was pulled back into a kiss; one more aggressive and vicious than the others. Lapis didn't slow or pace herself; bruising their lips and forcibly reclaiming dominance.

Jasper growled, attempting to fight back only to have teeth sink into the thick of her bottom lip. She hissed against the sudden pain, somehow finding the sharp feeling addicting even as she felt Lapis hungrily lick up the pooling blood. Jasper let her, aggression wearing down into something soft and pliable under the onslaught of those nips and that long, warm black tongue.

It didn't take very long before Jasper finally caved under Lapis' will with a throaty moan; her surrender, her submission, announced in the low chords of her voice.

The second the sound left her lips Lapis finally relented with a self-satisfied hum, drawn down from her knees and onto her rear. Jasper watched her past the haze of her mine, lips pricked and stinging from Lapis' forceful kiss. The heat in her gut was impossibly strong now, a dark red blush making its way across her face as she matched Lapis' heaving chest with her own.

Lapis held her gaze, somehow looking completely in control of the situation - a direct contrast to how Jasper was feeling - despite almost losing herself moments ago to Jasper's teeth. The blue gem kept eye contact as she leaned forward, pushing a light kiss against the swell of Jasper's left breast before drawing the already hard nipple in between her lips. Jasper could feel teeth gently raking over that sensitive nub, sending waves of pleasure to her core; a feeling that only exploded as Lapis began to suck and roll that tip around in her mouth, small hands bracing and kneading her hefty chest.

The whole process was repeated for her other breast before Lapis brought her mouth to the top of her stomach, teeth pinching down until blood bubbled free. Jasper hissed against the pain and the pleasure, eyes ringing as her hand roughly dragging through Lapis' soft hair; encouraging her.

The smaller gem bit her over and over again, riddling Jasper's stomach with wounds she meticulously cleaned up after with a few strokes of her tongue. By the time Lapis moved down to continue her work on her thighs, Jasper was twitching and quaking, disheveled and undone. She wanted to beg Lapis to just get on with it, to drive into her with no pause and fuck her until she was broken and weeping.

But apparently Jasper still had some pride left in her shaking frame because she bit her tongue and let the torturous game Lapis was playing continue.

In hindsight it was clear that this wasn't a game.

Lapis was claiming her, marking and branding her further with the rows of her teeth.

By the time Lapis began to drag her fingers through the hair that trailed down Jasper's abdomen, the larger gem was already soaked; her cunt a weeping and torrid mess she could feel running down her cheeks and onto the floor. Her whole body was throbbing and sore, a constant reminder that had shocks of pleasure racing to her core with each and every single form of movement no matter how slight. She didn't know how much she wanted, no _needed_ , relief until Lapis dragged a single finger through the heat of her folds.

Immediately Jasper moaned, head craned back as that soft cry tumbled from her chest and spilled into the world. She no longer understood shame as she weakly ground forward, pressing herself harder against Lapis' small hand.

The gem in question only giggled lowly, eyes darker than Jasper could ever recall them being. She did another pass, slower, dragging two fingers from bottom to top; pointedly circling around and ignoring Jasper's quivering entrance. Jasper couldn't help but sing out appreciation on that pass too, leaning back on one hand and pressing her feet onto the ground to unabashedly spread her legs as far open as they could go; silently begging Lapis to bury impossibly deep into her.

That ball of heat in her core grew tighter and hotter, demanding all of her attention.

Jasper watched as Lapis pressed her cheek against her thigh, leaning her weight there as she stared ravenously at Jasper's leaking and blushing cunt. Her fingers trailed up and away from Jasper's entrance, settling at the soft swell of her sheath and rubbing against the sensitive flesh there. The fire in her gut only roared in response, her thigh briefly twitching before Lapis began to slowly explore every inch of her wet slit.

"What are you doing?" Jasper's voice came out as a growl, words almost slurred together; her tongue too heavy in clumsy in her mouth as Lapis pressed a sweet kiss against the flesh of her thigh.

Lapis met her gaze as she finally pressed a single digit into her, slowly pushing inward until the knuckle. "Fucking you, is that okay?"

" _Yes_." Jasper sung out, feeling herself desperately tug Lapis' finger as it was slowly drawn out before being pushed back in. Lapis kept the slow rhythm up even as she added another finger, drawing groans and sighs from Jasper's lips each time she began the penetration anew.

Jasper pinched her bottom lip between her teeth as she rocked forward, gut wrenching with heat that couldn't be satisfied by just two of Lapis' small fingers. " _Lapis_." She nearly whined, eyes pleading with the smaller gem who had barely taken her gaze off of Jasper's face. Lapis gave a wicked smile before Jasper felt her toes curl as four fingers drilled into her, finally stretching and dragging against her in a way she needed.

Her eyes fell shut, back curving softly as she gave into this new feeling. Rocking against that slow driving hand, moaning each time Lapis would spread her fingers while deep inside of her. There was a purr in her chest as Lapis continued to massage against her clenched walls, a heat to her voice as she begged for more.

Lapis didn't hesitate.

Jasper felt a row joints settle against her warm slit before Lapis forced her whole fist forward. Jasper clenched down hard, a guttural moan tearing free from her lips as Lapis buried herself past the wrist. She finally felt full as Lapis opened her fist, pushing roughly against the top of her walls before dragging back out. Jasper saw stars when she felt those fingers graze against that spot on the roof her of cunt.

"Yes. Lapis... Lapis."

Jasper was starting to babble, beg as she met each thrust with her own; slowly encouraging Lapis to go faster, harder, as she was coaxed forward. Lapis did it again and again, pushing slightly harder with each pass until Jasper was a inconsolable mess. She could feel her cock harden and throb as it was stimulated from below, adding more fire to her frame as she was gradually pushed to the edge.

" _Lapis_." Jasper moaned, voice high and watery as everything turned too much. She was sure she was about to break, and then Lapis rammed her fist forward and up and suddenly Jasper was seeing stars.

Jasper came in a silent and heady rush, her body pulled taut and firm as she clenched impossibly hard down on Lapis' hand still deep inside of her. She rode out wave after wave of pleasure, cunt leaking around Lapis' arm and hoping it would never end but desperately needing relief.

Just as delirious pleasure began to turn white with pain, Lapis removed her hand, tearing a groan from Jasper's chest as she was suddenly left _empty_ and dripping.

Jasper finally loosened her body, letting free a breath she didn't know she was holding as she opened her eyes. She could feel a satisfied smile working it's way across her face, one that didn't stop even when she noticed Lapis offering her a hand covered in cum. She didn't hesitate, licking it clean with a smirk even as Lapis' face turned smug. She was buzzing with euphoria, mind dull and free of pain. She only realized why exactly Lapis was looking at her like that when she felt a tug.

Heat raced up her spine at the touch, a groan falling from her lips as she lowered her gaze to her crotch. She was met with the sight of Lapis' hand trailing up the length of her hardening cock, precum already gracing the head of the red and orange thing.

Had she come so undone? She couldn't even recall sliding free of her sheath.

Her thoughts derailed as Lapis resettled before her, both hands stroking her dick until it stood tall and thick. Jasper hissed as she watched and felt Lapis press her tongue against the tip, licking the head of her cock clean in two swipes before beginning to pump her hands again. "Cute." Lapis mused against the head of it.

For some reason the derogatory term only made Jasper swell further, a whine slipping from her throat.

She needed to level the playing grounds. Lapis was still fully dressed while she was barely restraining herself from rutting her cock against nearly anything; barely holding back from fucking those small blue hands. Her mind was swollen with the idea of slamming Lapis below her, of taking her from behind roughly, of burying deep inside and bursting there.

She could still feel those hands teasing the thick base of her cock as she leaned down toward Lapis, quietly asking for permission to kiss and touch the smaller gem. It was granted when those chilly lips pressed into her own, a soft sigh brushing against her cheek when Lapis moved. Jasper squinted slightly, alert at the soft noise and pulled back for a moment before pulling air through her mouth and catching a very telling scent. Her cock twitched as she growled, bringing their lips together with excitement and enthusiasm; taking every chance she got to bring more of that smell into her mouth.

_Lapis was wet for her_.

Jasper's hand reached out and behind the smaller gem, rough fingers trailing the length of the gemstone there. Lapis moaned, a sound swallowed by Jasper's mouth as she continued upward, untying the knot to Lapis' top. It came lose easily, Jasper's hand sliding down once more to let a nail slice through the last thing holding that fabric to that blue body. She felt it flutter between them before disappearing with a soft glow. Heat settled in her gut as she went to pull back and admire her work, but Lapis kept their faces together with hands in her white hair; kissing Jasper deeply before pulling back the slightest of inches. They met each other's gazes, something was working in the dark of Lapis' eyes, before finally, Lapis let go.

Jasper pulled back slowly, keeping her gaze on Lapis' face until she let up, looking down herself. She felt a hum of appreciation draw from her throat as she finally saw that soft swell of chest, peaked with dusky and hard nipples. Her hand braced against Lapis' right side, a thumb brushing up and over a sensitive nub. Lapis gave a sharp intake of air, shifting and rubbing her thighs together. Jasper bit back a groan at the sight of the smaller gem squirming, burying her face into Lapis' inviting neck and greedily sucking in air.

"Up." Jasper demanded, and when Lapis made no move to obey she quickly added, "Please."

It only took seconds until Lapis was on her feet, her lithe blue frame leaning toward Jasper. That was all the encouragement she needed as she used her hand to tug Lapis that final stretch closer by a blue calf. Jasper sunk into and nuzzled Lapis' chest, feeling the small thing flutter with gasps and laughter. She pressed a soft kiss to the sternum before focusing her attention on what she wanted originally.

Lapis gave a soft moan above her as her bristled tongue lapped against a nipple; tugging it with each easy swipe. She did it over and over, idly running her hand up and down the calf it was rested against before taking that nub in her mouth and sucking harshly. Lapis gave an almost shrill sounding noise, hands sinking into and tugging at Jasper's hair. Encouraged she slid it against a fang, smiling at how tense the muscle of her leg she held became. All it took was one more press of her fingers and nails into Lapis' gem and the other was practically leaning on her.

Jasper hummed around the swell of breast in her maw, her hand sliding down, down until it curved against Lapis' ass. The blue gem pressed into the touch as Jasper rubbed through the fabric and languidly sighed. Eventually Lapis began to shift so that Jasper was rubbing lower, guiding her forward. Jasper's whole mind was white hot as she pulled the back of that dress up, sliding up a wet thigh with a groan. Her cock throbbed almost painfully when she finally pressed against Lapis' hot and puffy cunt, easily and eagerly sliding a finger into her soaked entrance.

Lapis made a low and bubbling moan that had Jasper biting down on the flesh in her mouth, overwhelmed at the shock of pleasure it sent straight into her core. Jasper cupped her tighter, beginning to work her finger in and out at a bruising pace as Lapis rode her hand. She was getting addicted to those soft mewls, to the feeling of Lapis' velvety walls clamping down and tugging desperately on her finger.

She wanted them wrapped around her cock and milking her dry.

"Jasper." Lapis whimpered into her hair, reaching behind her to tug on Jasper's arm slightly. Jasper obeyed and pulled her finger out with a disgustingly lewd noise that made her cock twitch once more. She could feel it straining upward, begging for attention as her hand and claws dug into the fabric of Lapis' dress.

"Lapis." Jasper murmured and pleaded into that blue skin before her, nuzzling and licking anything close enough as she tugged down slightly; enough that Lapis would know of her intentions.

Jasper watched as a smirk crawled across Lapis' face, blue hands settling against her cheeks to bring her into a heated kiss that was more teeth than anything. When Lapis pulled back Jasper was met with a faint glow before Lapis was nude before her. Her gaze was immediately drawn downward, toward that triangle of blue curls. Jasper's chest was suddenly tight as Lapis ordered her to cross legs, watching the small gem lower back down.

Lapis sat so that she was kneeling on Jasper's thighs, toes pressing into her flesh as Lapis reached down to line up Jasper's cock with her own boiling entrance.

And then she sunk down.

Slowly.

Jasper groaned, fighting back the urge to just drive her hips upwards as Lapis pushed downward swallowing up the head of her cock. She was so wet and warm, walls tugging and pulling her cock inwards. She stopped after that, barely cresting the head before pushing back upwards in that slow pace of her. She did it again and again, slowly bouncing up and down on barely anything of her. Jasper was growling, frustration mixing in with the sweet streaks of pleasure that raced through her every time Lapis would push down. She tried to thrust further in but Lapis wouldn't allow it.

The blue gem finally looked up from what she was doing to meet Jasper's gaze, and Jasper was not surprised to see a teasing smile accompanied with the lilt of her head. She growled louder before reaching for Lapis, intending on driving her down and spearing her on her cock, but Lapis was a step ahead. She shifted backwards so that she just slid against Jasper's cock. She stayed there, grinding against the fat base of Jasper's cock at a pace that got faster and faster, slowly overwhelming Jasper's mind.

She was going to go insane this way.

The next moment Lapis was on her back and underneath Jasper, there was giggles bubbling from her blue throat that Jasper met with a feral growl. She couldn't think much past needing to be in Lapis, of burying deep inside her.

She needed to.

Jasper tried to drive her hips forward but they weren't lined up, causing more frustration to bubble as her knees dug into the rocky ground. "Lift your hips." She snarled, fangs bared as she clawed at the floor beneath her hand. Lapis only laughed in response, Jasper catching the thrill in her eyes even in her deep haze. Suddenly she felt something cold brush against her cock, momentarily starting before glancing down just as that cold settled there again.

She bit back a groan as she watched Lapis' foot run from the base to the head of her cock, toes massaging against her heated flesh. Jasper rutted against it without shame, grinding her cock so that it would catch and rub against the soft webbed membrane. Soon the other foot was rubbing against her as well and she could feel that fire in her gut grow. "You're not in much of a position to be making demands Jasper."

Jasper only hissed in response, nuzzling against Lapis' face and forehead as she fucked her feet. It would be so much easier if she hand her other arm, she could just force Lapis into her lap, instead she had to beg like an animal. "Please Lapis."

Something must have gave because seconds later Jasper watched as Lapis' face softened, her affections returned with a simple kiss.

And then Lapis was raising her hips.

Jasper lined them up, before hurriedly sinking down into her with a low moan that Lapis mirrored. Jasper didn't stop until she was hilted, engulfed in an addictive heat that quaked and clenched around her.

It was almost too much.

Lapis was the first to move, rocking her hips slightly and goading Jasper on. That was all it took before Jasper was pulling back with a growl, cock throbbing as she speared back into Lapis who gave an almost too soft whimper. She replied with a moan of her own as she slowly dragged back out, relishing in the desperate pull and tug trying to keep her in.

Whatever pace Jasper had started with was quick to devolve, furiously driving herself all the way inside of Lapis before tearing out and back in. She was suddenly hyper aware of her wounds as she pulled and pushed her body, feeling each sting and pang as her hips slammed into Lapis'. It only drove her forward and faster.

She watched their bodies combine from above, growling deep and low in her chest as Lapis' small stomach bloated each time her cock penetrated her. It was addicting. All of this was. She could feel the fire take fever pitch, urged on by the mewls and cries of pleasure that echoed from below her.

Two small hands dragged her face back up, drawing her gaze past those bouncing breasts and toward Lapis' face. It was screwed with pleasure, lip pinched between her teeth. Jasper hissed at the sight, one that turned into a full groan when Lapis made an order.

"Get-... on your back-... _Jasper_. I want to-... ride you."

Stars she wanted Lapis to moan her name more.

Without a second thought Jasper pulled out, cock thrumming and drenched in a combination of their fluids. Her chest was heaving as she did as she was told, flipping onto her back with her elbow keeping her up. Lapis wasted little time before climbing onto Jasper, seating herself fully on her cock. Jasper gave a moan, glad to be surrounded once more by the warmth of Lapis' tight cunt. She braced her feet against the ground, meeting each downward thrust with one of her own.

It didn't take her long for that fire to reignite, to be sitting at the edge. She could feel the base of her cock swell with cum, something that Lapis didn't seem to miss either as she drove herself down harsher. Her eyes narrowed as she ground forward and back in Jasper's lap.

"Don't cum yet Jasper."

Jasper only moaned, chanting Lapis' name each time their hips met. Her eyes screwed shut tightly, fangs sinking into her lip as she tried to stop the approaching orgasm vainly.

"Don't." Lapis hissed again, this time pressing against the scar on her stomach as she started to move faster.

The sensation of the scar distracted her, pulling her from the edge as she winced against the sudden feeling that overwhelmed her coupled with a pang that shot through her cock. It only lasted a few moments before the heat in her gut was back and her cock was swelling more and more. Lapis tried that trick once more, but Jasper ignored it giving into the thundering of her chest.

"Lapis." Jasper whimpered, feeling her toes starting to curl against the stone as she pumped fasted and faster.

"Jasper." It was a warning.

One Jasper entirely ignored.

Jasper reached the edge with a roar, sitting up and curling around Lapis to force her still as her hips took a feverish pace before freezing as deep inside Lapis as she could go. She came then, pumping load after load of hot cum into her cunt; hips still twitching as she moaned lowly into Lapis' ear. The blue gem gave a soft and muddled whimper against her chest as she was filled further past her limits, fingers burying into the plates of Jasper's stomach and chest.

" _Jasper_."

Jasper only moved then, hips still twitching slightly and brain in a fog as she released her hold on Lapis and let the other gem crawl off of her softening cock as she lay back. As soon as they were no longer attached, streams of cum raced and dripped down Lapis' legs, staining both of their thighs and the ground around them. It would have been much more satisfying to watch if Lapis wasn't glaring at her.

Jasper, for her part, could only grin like an idiot, mind fogged as Lapis came around; placing each foot on either side of her head. She was met with the sight of Lapis' leaking and puffed cunt, unconsciously licking her lips as torrid and sticky cum dripped onto her face. Jasper could feel that heat in her gut swelling again.

Lapis gaze narrowed on her bared tongue for a moment before she lowered herself onto her knees, boldly straddling Jasper's face and hovering over her gemstone. The grin across Jasper's face turned absolutely primal as more cum dripped out onto her gem, a purr expanding from her chest to encourage Lapis to sit.

She did, lowering herself fully onto Jasper's waiting mouth, small hands pushing Jasper's bangs back as she began to rock.

Jasper took this as a cue to start, bringing her broad tongue flat across Lapis' slit and cleaning up the cum there; reveling in the taste of both herself and Lapis. The hands in her hair turned rigid and tense, a slow and cracked moan falling from those lips above her as she worked against the soft flesh before her. Lapis pushed harder downward, cunt opening up against her tongue and drawing her inward. Lapis let out a sigh the first time Jasper gently pushed her tongue into her entrance, one that morphed into heady gasps and soft moans as Jasper opened her mouth and began to drive her tongue into Lapis as she rode her face.

"Jasper." Lapis managed lowly, like a prayer.

Jasper was suddenly on fire, hand racing down her own body to tug at her cock and slide a couple fingers into herself. She needed to hear that over and over again. She purred through the feeling, letting the vibrations of her tongue sink deep into Lapis as that muscle laved back and forth before driving it deep again. Lapis moaned loudly, not caring anymore as she began to rut and bounce on Jasper's face. Jasper stroked herself with every chant of her name, cock swelling against her palm.

Lapis came loudly and almost violently with Jasper's name on her lips the second Jasper's rough tongue dragged against the surface of her gspot. Jasper could feel those thighs against her cheek tightening before Lapis was gushing and squirting into Jasper's eager mouth. She swallowed what she could, dragging her tongue back inward to pull out more of that thick and sweet release. Lapis continued to ride her while she did so, letting out soft mewls as aftershocks shot through her until it became to much and she slid off of her face and back against Jasper's chest with her own heaving; feet still braced on either side of Jasper's head.

Jasper continued to stroke herself as Lapis calmed down, watching her quaking cunt and those soft thighs while licking her lips clean. She started fisting her cock faster, feeling it throb at the thought of being buried in there once more.

"Again?"

Jasper didn't take her eyes off of what was on display, merely nodding in response to her while she continued to thrust into her hand. She did however, catch Lapis' smirking out of the corner of her eye, heat exploding in her gut as Lapis reached down and spread her cunt wide open with two fingers revealing everything. Jasper groaned, licking her lips at the sight of cum still rolling free, as if they were still coated with a taste of it.

Something must have stirred in Lapis because Jasper watched as she began to stroke herself as well, her dark gaze narrowed on Jasper's face. A finger trailed over the hood of Lapis's sheath, bringing a groan to Jasper's lips. She couldn't stop the words before they came out.

"I want you to take me Lapis." Jasper hissed at the thought, squeezing her cock almost painfully. "Make me yours."

Lapis face turned sour and Jasper realized the wording was rather upsettingly familiar. "Actually, this time?"

"Stars, yes. I want you _in_ me."

Lapis seemed placated by that, sliding off of Jasper's chest to stand not too far away. She kept her hand pressing gently against her sheath and her gaze on Jasper. "Show me then."

Jasper was quick to do so, springing into a seated position and spreading her legs wide open toward Lapis who in turn began to stroke faster. She reached past her writhing cock, tugging open her slit to proudly bear her weeping cunt to Lapis. The other gem let out a pleased hum but seemed to want more. 

Jasper tugged at her cock as she curved her back sharply, letting her tongue slide against her own thighs. Lapis gave a sharp gasp at that, giggling in a way that had nothing to do with humour as Jasper tended to her wounds and slid a finger into herself. When she finished one thigh she went to the other, laving her tongue against the bites and bruises and letting her own teeth tease through.

When she looked up Lapis was staring with rapt attention. The blue gem licked her lips before pointedly meeting Jasper's gaze and then looking at her cock. Jasper only grinned at the silent command before curving downward once more and bringing her rough tongue against the girth of her cock. Immediately her hips twitched but she ignored it in favour of sinking her own orange and red phallus deep into her mouth and working it down her throat. She bobbed her head against herself, bringing a fang against the sensitive flesh as Lapis let out a half sobbed cry at looking.

That was all it took before Jasper was able to see Lapis' sheath beginning to draw away, letting her cock slowly push free. Jasper eagerly went over to Lapis on all fours - or threes in her case. She didn't hesitate to wrap her mouth around the soft grey dick, only realizing as her tongue brushed over the head and then another, that the other gem had two. Pulling back, Jasper stared without shame, gripping both of them in her hand and stroking them slowly from base to head. The heat in her gut swelled at the thought of having them both inside of her, cunt leaking freely onto the floor.

The more she pumped the thicker Lapis' rather large cocks got, but they still writhed and threatened to wrap around her fingers at any opportunity. It was a startling difference to her own firm cock, but it bothered her little as she sunk her mouth down on the pair; letting the warm things brush against her tongue and thrust into her mouth as she bobbed her head; laving her tongue against their smooth shafts. Lapis let out a watery moan above her, pulling Jasper's mane of hair back so she could keep watching with wide dark eyes.

Lapis' thrusts were shallow, but it still had them brushing down into her throat as they writhed in her mouth; precum coating her taste buds with something bitter but not bad. Jasper hollowed her cheeks and pulled back, letting them both free from her mouth with a satisfying pop. She looked up to Lapis from where she was settled near her thighs, idly tugging Lapis' pair of dicks.

"Are you ready?" Lapis voice was low and patient, hands brushing through Jasper's hair lightly; affectionately.

"Yes." Jasper hissed, pushing up and back in a position very similar to when Lapis had most of her arm inside of her. Jasper shivered at the thought, watching carefully as Lapis closed the distance between them. She settled on her knees between them, thrusting her cocks forward to brush against Jasper's own, both of them moaning lowly and frotting against each other. Finally Lapis lined herself up before pushing both cocks forward and in, slowly spreading Jasper wide open.

Jasper groaned against the feeling of them shifting and rubbing raw inside of her, toes already curling before Lapis had started thrusting again; she was so full and quaking with these things in her, constantly pressing against that spot on the top of her walls and sliding all the way back. Lapis was in no better shape, thighs already shaking pressed against her own.

When Lapis finally began to move it was with the same slow burning speed as always, pulling out far enough that it felt like Lapis was leaving before settling back in for good and filling Jasper to the brim. She felt her head lull back against the slow torture, each thrust coaxing white hot fire to settle in her core. She felt like she was barreling toward that last edge, and she knew she wasn't alone when Lapis' pace started to pick up; fingers turning white where she gripped at Jasper's orange hips.

Before she knew it Lapis was setting and impossible speed, not bothering to fully pull out before slamming her hips back into Jasper's own with a disgustingly wet noise that only turned her on further. She closed her eyes, losing herself to the feeling of Lapis' warm cocks borrowing and writhing deep inside of her; to the shocks of pleasure that raced up her spine as she was massaged so deeply.

The fog of her mind was back and all encompassing.

"Lapis." Jasper managed as she opened her legs further, clenching down harder on Lapis who moaned in response. The pace was quick to turn ravenous, both spurred on by their earlier toying and fucking. Jasper was the first to hit that peak as Lapis bit harshly into the bottom of her breast, breaking skin and pushing her that final step.

She came with a loud cry, forcing Lapis as deep as she could go and coaxing the other gem to cum as she quaked around her cocks; her own cock spurting up her stomach and onto Lapis.

Her coaxing worked for soon after Lapis was shuddering violently against her and a rush of warm surged into her squeezing cunt; cum that just kept flowing and flowing, bloating her from the inside until she fell into another orgasm at the pressure. Her grip on Lapis turned almost white knuckled as she struggled against the overwhelming feeling, tears pricking the corners of her eyes. Just as she thought she would explode Lapis went limp and pulled out, releasing all of the tension with a stream of cum.

She felt empty all over again.

Lapis was the one to break her from the spell of her own thoughts, from sitting blissfully unaware in the aftermath of her pleasure. She tugged on Jasper's hand, and Jasper got to her feet albeit unsteadily. She could feel as more cum rushed from her cunt, rolling down her thighs and legs. She was suddenly struck with the thought that it was _Lapis'_ , she had mated with Lapis. She was instinctively proud for managing to fuck such a powerful gem.

But what would that mean for them?

Something?

Nothing?

Jasper was broken from that chain of thoughts when Lapis pushed her against a wall and motioned for her to sit. The large gem obeyed without question, slinking down and pressing her back against the wall. Lapis was quick to settle into her lap, sending jolts of pleasure through them both as their cocks brushed. Both of them however seemed too tired to do anything. Lapis hummed to drag Jasper's attention back to her face, gesturing for the larger gem to hold her closer.

So she did.

Jasper pressed Lapis close enough that she was sure she wouldn't be able to tell where she started and where she ended. A purr started in her chest as she nuzzled into Lapis' hair, taking in the scent Lapis now bore; some combination of them both. She felt her eyes grow heavy, a deep feeling of content settling in her chest. 

"Are you going to sleep?"

"I can stay up if you want." Jasper offered.

"No it's fine... I think I'll try it out... Sleep... I feel like I can, here at least anyway."

Here. In Jasper's arms.

The larger gem felt her grip tighten. "Lapis I-" Jasper froze briefly, biting down harshly on her tongue and ending her words before she could even get them off her chest.

"Jasper? What is it?"

"N-nothing I just, Stars I'm worn out." That seemed to be an understatement; she had to be exhausted to be thinking such things. She closed her eyes again, forcing herself to start purring once more.

Jasper would think on this revelation another time.

Or never, she concluded as sleep brushed into her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> |D i cant look myself in the eye anymore. yes okay so we didnt get to dive into Lapis' tonic bs like i wanted to, but this chapter kept going and going and going so sacrifices had to be made. yes Lapis has two dicks, like i said shes a shark fight me. and yes Jasper has cat like flexibility thats also fact.
> 
> not much else to say about this besides glad thats outta my system, we can now move forward w our lives. oHHH there is one thing i gotta ask: yay or nay on this endgame being Jaspisdot/ot3? i know its weird since were barely making it on jaspis here lmaoo but im a lil ahead of the game, basically psychic. and if yall want it or are okay w this, we can 100 percent make this jaspisdot it is plausible
> 
> just think on it or something. IM NOT GONNA PUT A GUESS FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER CUZ I FAIL AT THOSE ITLL BE UP WHEN ITS UP FEEL FREE TO HARASS ME AFTER A WEEK, BUT I HOPE EVERYONES DOIN CHILL AND HAVIN A FANTASITIC SUNDAY. catch yall on the next chapter, we will be goin back to sfw my frands


	16. Heavy Water

When she woke it was slowly; shedding the heavy blanket of sleep with the strange sensation of slow and chilled motions against her. Pressure against her legs and thighs, trailing and itching against her stomach and arm; whispers of air against the hollow of her throat.

Fluttering; a butterfly caught in a web.

Jasper peeled her eye open slowly, bleary and narrowed as the final dregs of sleep washed free with a sea of blue. It only took one more blink to bring everything into focus, or specifically the gem before her; wide eyed and staring. The larger gem shifted under the look, suddenly all too aware of their positions and states; suddenly all too aware of what had happened prior to these arrangements.

Suddenly nervous.

Jasper shot her gaze to the murky and dark cavern walls around her, feeling something warm and raging flushing against the flesh of her cheeks as she braced her arm against the wall behind her rather than on the soft and cold skin before her. She could feel her joints, her muscles as they tensed, as insecurity gnawed a pit in her gut.

There was no doubt in her mind that what had happened hours before was real, but did it mean something? Was that the final crossing of their power struggle? The end? Had Lapis finally descended from her throne, settled and submitted to Jasper?

It had seemed that way in the moment; in the desperate pawing and panting, the heat and bubbling feeling of power; Lapis had given as much as she had taken.

But what if it was another claim? Another whim of the obsessive and manic possessive streak Lapis seemed to not only have for her, but willingly and readily nurture and feed.

Another link to the leash strung so tightly around Jasper's neck it branded itself bright red against the warm orange of her skin.

One final act of ownership.

_Mated._

Was... Was she allowed to touch? To look?

Did Lapis still want to look? To touch?

She was given the answer to her pondering moments later; something warm and wet sliding against the tightly strung cords of her neck, coaxing and drawn. She didn't have to see - memory served well enough for her to realize Lapis was licking her - but she still found the action shocking enough to drag her attention toward the smaller gem just the same.

There was a gasp rolling from her mouth, words of retaliation sitting heavy on her tongue; but it was all swept away the moment Lapis steadied both hands on either side of her jaw and boldly tugged her into a kiss.

Jasper stilled at the feeling of those cold lips pressing against her own, golden eye snapping wide open as her large body went rigid with tension. The stillness didn't bother Lapis - it never did - who continued to press almost feather light kisses to the corners of her mouth, working slowly against the ridges and cracks to Jasper's face with an ever careful brush of her hand.

The thought of those cracks; of her failure, was almost overwhelming.

It wasn't long after Jasper pushed herself into the kiss; forced herself to reciprocate against the prodding lips.

All motions, no feeling.

It felt as if she was even less responsive, and by the way Lapis was beginning to nip at her lips in frustration; Jasper was well aware it was not subtle. She was thinking too much, mind thrumming and ringing. She couldn't shut it off, couldn't ignore the sudden shocks of something sharp in her chest. She huffed against those blue lips, effectively breaking them apart for a moment to sort her draining thoughts.

She was surprised Lapis didn't immediately push forward; didn't force herself further.

"Jasper."

Lapis' voice was watery and quiet, shallow in the silence of the cave but still too loud to ignore. Jasper found her head craning back to her companion, only realizing then that she had turned away; shrunk away. If she had thought Lapis would continue verbally, she didn't; the smaller gem merely held her gaze for one long moment before shifting forward to press another gentle kiss against her.

But, rather than meet Jasper's mouth, Lapis went higher; pressing those chilled lips against the cracked surface of a cheekbone. It was so soft, so wildly contrasting to the usual attention the deformity would receive Jasper found her tongue tied and throat too dry for words. She was used to the disgust, used to the methodical curiosity and prodding fingers; used to the pity, and sometimes the cruel reminders.

This was, different... and Lapis didn't seem inclined to stop.

Jasper felt tension wind the muscles in her neck tightly, could feel the strain of her face as uncertainty settled slowly on her shoulders. Each kiss brought Lapis higher; each kiss softer than the one before, each kiss warmer, each kiss promising more than Lapis could keep. Jasper didn't hold back a shudder as Lapis finally brought those cold lips against the cracked and splintered face of her gem.

_It was almost painful._

Lapis had never touched her without intent; whether it was cruelty or lust, it was never simple; it was never giving.

Lapis had never touched her without intent _before_ that moment.

And she did it again and again; planting something so muted and so fragile in her chest, sowing something Jasper had no words for; no thoughts.

Then, finally, Lapis pulled back, something too tender in her dark eyes before looking down to the curve of Jasper's lips.

Jasper met her halfway.

The kiss was powerful and intoxicating, drunken in it's pleasure and too passionate to resist. She could feel the sparks of heat echoing in her chest, innumerable explosions of something radiating down her spine as Lapis sighed against her lips. Jasper thought the kiss ought to be soft like the ones before, but it wasn't. It was like them; needy and wanting, hungry and forceful; so so forceful. But she could feel it was compelling a different way; it was less about Lapis taking, devouring, _stripping_ , and more about Jasper _giving_.

And she does, Jasper gives. She gives Lapis the sigh she knows the smaller gem is dragging free from her; she gives her softness to work with; she gives her entrance into her mouth...

And Lapis gives in return. She gives Jasper something to work against, gives her the strength she's been desperate to reclaim; gives her something to have.

The kiss ended as suddenly as it began, Lapis pulling sweetly free with her small blue hands still tightly knit into Jasper's white mane.

Jasper could feel Lapis staring, could feel that dark gaze dragging over her even with her own eye tightly shut and the roar of her thundering chest. She indulged in the new feeling for a moment, basked in the warm attention, cheeks dusting with colour even as her hand slid forward and around. She didn't stop until her hand drifted over Lapis' tear-shaped gem, coaxing a gasp as she darted past and up a shoulder, finally draging Lapis into her. 

She could identify the icy feeling that raced through her veins and dropped something heavy and sickly in her gut immediately.

Jasper had long adapted to the chill of anxiety over the months on Earth.

_But she didn't - couldn't - stop erasing the space between them and barely restrains the flicker of surprise when Lapis doesn't resist; the noise that tumbles from the ocean gem's mouth as their chests meet is not one of protest but one of gratification. And then she melts into the touch._

Jasper found herself mimicking the noise, low and husked as her chest swelled with something almost too hot and too fragile. She wondered if Lapis could feel it, pressed against each other as they were; wondered if it was uncomfortable, burning, _searing_. Wondered if Lapis pushed forward too hard and too sudden would she crush this new softness or would it blossom free? Would they both be consumed by the fervor and reduced to nothing?

Her thoughts were relentless as the moments passed, only silenced after a shaky and useless breath of air; one carrying a scent so thick and heavy her stomach rolled. It didn't take long for her to identify the smell as a combination of them both.

The larger gem didn't hesitate, taking in another measured and soft breath; painting the inside of her maw with this new aroma. Her chest began to rumble, arm growing lax but falling deeper into the embrace all the same as Lapis shifted and twined her fingers between her own. The fluttering was back, but this time it was coming from behind her own molten rib cage, threatening to snap free with the gentlest of touches.

_Stars..._

Before she had the chance to further examine the new sensation, Lapis was moving, slipping out of her grasp and onto her bare feet. Jasper had a too rational and visceral reaction of fear; of Lapis, flightly Lapis, leaving her once more. She would, wouldn't she? Lapis would never stay, Lapis couldn't stay. There was simply nothing Jasper would be able to do about it. But before that heavy feeling in her gut snapped into something passionate and angry, something sharp and all too tangible, Jasper was pulled from her thoughts by a tug on her hand.

Her hand that Lapis still held, that Lapis hadn't let go of; those small black and webbed fingers fitted neatly albeit awkwardly in the rows of her own thick digits.

Jasper stared at it for a moment, fear melting away before she was tugged once more. She obeyed the silent request, following the next patient tug by Lapis onto her own bare and unsteady feet.

Jasper remembered then her own state of undress as her eyes raked Lapis' own bare and bruised form quickly from head to toe. Despite the audience, the smaller gem showed no signs of embarrassment; back straight even in the face of Jasper's unabashed staring and appreciation. In fact, she could make out the small quirk of a smirk prodding at the soft lips of her companion. Lapis seemed to be relishing in the attention.

Jasper wanted to chuckle - laugh, charmed by the rarity of Lapis being cocky and playful, but her tongue stayed tied and uselessly quiet. Her only reaction being that of a heavy swallow before her tongue nervously swiped at her teeth as she was once more presented with the undeniable truth of hours ago.

She had mated with this gem... Jasper had mated with Lapis Lazuli.

Jasper was so lost in her thoughts she didn't realize she was being led until the droning click of her claws against the stone floor turned into a splash, accompanied by the wash of cold up her leg. Instinctively she stilled and braced, large mane of hair bristling as her good eye flashed dangerously. She had been taken from the far wall and now had one foot in the pool that had adopted half of the caves body. Her chest was wailing in a violent and angry way, a contrast of moments before with claws descending into the giving flesh of the blue hand in her grasp.

"Jasper." Lapis had whispered it, but to Jasper it felt like a warcry.

The larger gem bristled further, hunched defensively as she tore her gaze away from the water and to the one who could control it; her grip turned painful. She knew how easy it was to read her right now, could feel her eye was dilated with some sort of unhinged fear, and she hoped her visible discomfort would dissuade Lapis from whatever she was planning.

It didn't, rather the smaller gem said her name once more. This time Jasper was able to recognize the softness to it, the muted encouragement. It didn't convince her of much even as Lapis gave a small tug once more, the smaller gem feigning ignorant to grey blood that began to streak down her hand.

Jasper was only vaguely aware that she was hurting Lapis.

"What?" Was all she said, not trusting herself to any more words with her voice already so strangled and low.

"Trust me." Lapis murmured instead, dark eyes boring into Jasper's own twitching gaze.

"Why? What..." Jasper bit her tongue before she could stutter, bringing her spinning mind to focus with the pain and the sharp tang of oil in her mouth.

"Trust me Jasper." She cooed again.

Jasper hated playing this game, she hated these dynamics. Jasper felt resentment tighten her throat, the backs of her eyes burning even as she felt the encouragement of her imprinting sharpen her gaze. It was like everything else was beginning to fade away, the cave, the walls, the floor, water all chipping off into the void. All that mattered in the moment was Lapis; what Lapis wanted from her.

She would give anything.

Jasper took another step forward, and another; following almost blindly behind Lapis as she remained suspended above the water, walked across it like ice.

It wasn't until the water began to lick at the backs of her knees that Jasper froze once more, feeling both discomfort and pain as she was once again reacquainted with her powerful fear. Jasper's eyes burned harder now, chest rumbling as a pathetic quiver ran the course of her spine. " _Lapis_." Her voice was hoarse and dull. She hated it, herself.

In a breath Lapis was beside her. Memory made Jasper tense against _those_ hands, worry knitting her brows together as she locked gazes with the other gem. She could see Lapis's dark eyes flash with impatience, but, surprisingly, they melted away into something nervous and frail.

_Guilt._

Where she thought those blue hands would be hard and unforgiving, instead they were light and reassuring; rubbing soft circles on her stomach, sides, hips. Jasper allowed the cool and soothing touches, her own claws sinking somewhere into the flesh of her flank as she awaited the tension in her body to dull of stop altogether. It was only when Lapis began to soak her hands before bringing their stinging surface to her body that Jasper realized that Lapis' intention was to clean her.

She wondered the point of this; forced intimacy? Or was she worried how limited Jasper was with her gem cracked as it was; was she genuine?

"I won't hurt you." Lapis spoke quietly, sincerity dripping in those silvery tones. She seemed to refuse looking away, Jasper knew it was another way of Lapis trying to earn her trust; but it was hard not to believe her with each ring circling her eye, hard to remain resolute with those gentle touches relaxing her muscles.

How many times had Lapis made that same promise? How many times had she broken it?

She wasn't sure if she needed to trusted Lapis because of that earlier and new display of affection, or because every subtle touch pumped waves of euphoria through her veins.

Maybe it was both, or maybe fear was beginning to rot her mind.

Either way, Jasper was only surprised when she felt water inch slowly up her back because she didn't violently shudder or flinch away. She barely felt the burn of it past the honeyed cooing of Lapis' intoxicating voice and her coaxing hands, but she was still hyper aware of the tendril as it too began to explore the skin of her back. Lapis was speaking again, but Jasper couldn't make out much if any of the words; more reassurance, more promises, more softness.

She realized, looking deep into Lapis' unwavering gaze that this was all alien. Everything about what was and had happened; completely foreign.

An overture of peace to their tumultuous relationship.

As her eye ringed one final time, Jasper decided she would meet Lapis half way then.

She wanted to trust Lapis.

She was _desperate_ to trust Lapis.

Jasper bowed her legs, relaxed them until she began to sink down onto her knees. Jasper could see something flashing through Lapis' eyes, a glimpse into those shrouded thoughts, but she dropped the heavy look in favour of watching those lips fall into a gentle 'o'.

Awe.

Lapis was in awe of her.

Her mind had gone impressively quiet as she finally hit her knees, the chill of the water pressing against her stomach and this new vantage bringing her eye level with her companion. Jasper could feel the waves lap gently up her abdomen, watery fingers brushing against that all too sensitive scar. It immediately itched and burned, part of her mind speaking up for her to leave; explaining to her that this was a mistake. She didn't have to endure the feeling much longer, Lapis quickly fluidly stepping into the space between them; pressing them together once more with arms around her shoulders and hands in her hair. It was enough to kill her silent protests.

"Good, _so good_ Jasper." Lapis whispered against the shell of her ear, sending a thrilling shiver shooting down her spine.

She wanted to write it off as imprinting, but stars she knew that was her reaction alone.

Jasper reached out to finish the embrace, a slow gesture that had Lapis pepper Jasper's jaw with kisses before drawing her mouth against those blue lips. Jasper could barely feel the discomfort of her shaking frame over the familiar and new roar of her chest as Lapis pressed kiss after kiss leisurely against her, gasping and whispering more praises against her mouth. It was distracting, engulfing as something gnawing and hungry began to take shape in her gut.

Lapis set off to continue her original intentions; tendrils carefully laving and scrubbing against the orange of her flesh, trailing almost single mindedly over those bright red marks of fealty. She didn't stop until Jasper felt coils of too cold water cover every inch of her stripes; the final worm slowly crawling and twirling up her neck. She ignored it in favour of bringing a clawed hand gently across Lapis' gemstone; pulling a husked moan from those swollen lips.

The water around her throat pulsed in reaction, and Jasper couldn't help but inch her claws slowly across Lapis' back, over her gem; over everything that Lapis was.

But Lapis showed no signs of fear toward the idle threat, no signs of slowing down or stopping even as the scales of power balanced themselves.

Either Lapis trusted her, knew she couldn't hurt the other gem even if she tried...

Or death was not something the small gem feared.

_You can hurt me too._

Jasper shuddered at the memory, groaning boldly into the kiss as more water roved her frame; the chill of those gentle appendages contrasting nicely with the hard warmth of Lapis' mouth. It seemed less about her stripes and more about actually cleaning her as time moved on, and as the grime and dust of Earth washed free, Jasper realized how burdened she had been feeling.

How, as much as she hated it; as much as it itched and burned, scratched and rubbed raw against her mind.

She needed this.

Whatever _this_ was.

Jasper fell deeper into the kiss, urging her mind to focus on Lapis rather than the suffocating feeling of water combing through her hair, circling around her; encasing her. She pushed harder, forward, growled until Lapis' mouth fell open; allowed entrance. Jasper wasted no time in forcing herself forward, pressing her tongue into Lapis' mouth and thrumming at the low, keening moan that fell from her lips.

The gnawing in the pit of her stomach turned ravenous and Jasper let herself be led by it, nipping sharply into Lapis' lips and overwhelming the smaller gem with all of her. She needed to be closer, needed to dig deep into the other gem and settle somewhere safe inside of her. Stars she wanted to be needed, needed to be wanted.

Her thoughts were echoed by the sloshing of water as she shifted, leaning on and engulfing the smaller gem. Jasper moaned lowly; a noise that turned into something shockingly like a whine when Lapis flinched and tore away without a word.

Jasper tried to calm her heaving chest with slow drags of air, watched carefully as Lapis took a step back and something dark settled over her features. At once Jasper felt her body tense as those tendrils circling her frame froze briefly before dropping uselessly back into the water below. A question sat heavy on her tongue, but she dared not voice it in case she set the smaller gem off.

She crossed a line hadn't she? She had been too greedy, too aggressive. Had she taken too much? Jasper couldn't help herself, addicted to this new influence. It had felt like she had been rewarded her teeth back, given the right to bite and bark after being muzzled for far too long. She wanted to sink her teeth as deep as they would go; consume and tear at Lapis until she was _hers_.

As if Lapis was slipping through her thoughts once more, her face turned sour.

Something icy raced through Jasper's veins.

Jasper needed out of the water.

Lapis was the first to move however, whirling away with a miserable snarl on her features and wading deeper into the pool.

_Leaving_.

"Where are you going?" Jasper hadn't realized she had spoken until the words echoed in her own ears. Immediately her stomach rolled and tensed, something sickly needling the back of her throat as the burning returned with each tentative step she took back; _away_.

But the fact that she had spoken at all was reaffirmation that she feared Lapis leaving more than she did the gem herself.

"I need to check something." Was the answer she received.

Jasper felt anger and spite roll into her chest, feeding off of the fear and hunger it found there. Lapis was lying. Jasper could tell. Or there was something she wasn't saying. Had Jasper taken it too far? Taken too much? Or did the ocean gem enjoy stringing her along like this, leaving her wondering and confused and _hurt_. The larger gem felt a hiss bubbling in her chest, something sour and bitter cloying against her tongue. "Do you... regret it?" She could hear the strain in her own voice, hoped the thick anger was enough to cover the wounded crack of her voice. "Do you regret fucking me?"

Mating went unsaid.

At once Lapis turned around and Jasper feared she crossed one last line, but the face Lapis wore was nothing like she had expected. Lapis seemed taken aback and confused, flashes of hurt and loss striking through those dark eyes. "What- I... No, Jasper no. I..." She stumbled over her own words, wringing her hands against her chest as her back hunched from it's intimidating posture. She seemed nervous and resigned, defeated as the next couple of words dipped from her mouth. "Do... you?"

Jasper felt her brows furrow, the sneer dying on her face as she watched the pride and energy seep from Lapis' frame. Was she just as invested in this or...? It was hurried and rushed when she said it, but telling all the same:

"No."

_Stars no._

How could she?

Lapis seemed to calm after that, the softness in her face hardening once more. Her hands dropped to her sides, the nervous tick from before fading away all too quickly. "I'll be back, don't worry." Jasper watched as she managed a few more sure steps into deeper water before stopping, stilling somewhere in the middle of the pool with her back bared; that blue gem glittering against light as a flash of fabric began to weave and wrap tightly around her frame. "Those admissions? Everything I said?" Jasper watched her head turn, the side of face peeking back. She couldn't see her eyes though, bangs too low on her face. But her voice rang sincere with the next words. "I wasn't lying... I do need you Jasper." 

With that she was gone; a wave crashing into her and dragging her below, dragging her where Jasper couldn't follow.

Jasper gave a heavy sigh, dragging backward until her feet hit dry stone once more. What was she supposed to do now?

In a flash her clothes blanketed her flesh once more, briefly lighting up the cave like moments ago.

Was she supposed to just wait here?

Jasper's thoughts kicked forward, trying to figure out where she was supposed to go from this; what all of _this_ even was to begin with. Did Lapis really mean all the things she had said? Jasper had no way of making sure, but the thought alone that Lapis might be heartfelt, genuine, it was...

Something swelled in her chest, warmth blossoming and dotting her cheeks and rushing to her ears. She could feel a bubbling heat behind the face of her gem; it was something entirely new, something fierce and overwhelming.

Something she was almost too afraid to name.

#### XXX

Jasper hadn't realized she had quite literally ran from her thoughts until the familiar strike of worn and warm red peeked from the ridges of trees. Instinctively she reached for the remnants of her right arm, fingers searching for that small and broken little device that once hung there almost cheerfully. She found neither, a frown working the corners of her mouth as she remembered what had happened.

She briefly entertained the notion of returning to that beach, scouring the sands for wherever it was she lost the broken camera. But it was a fool's quest, much as it ached to admit.

Jasper gave a sigh.

So much for the good luck, she thought mildly.

Jasper shook the heavy thoughts from her mind with a militant rock of her head, stepping out from the sharp treeline and into the clearing that made up most of the farms property. Her gaze remained locked on the barn as it came into sight, brows furrowing at the sight of the damaged wall. It looked as if a half-attempt was made at boarding up the sides; planks of broken wood littering the area, tools strewed haphazardly.

But, judging by the absent look to it, it had gone rather poorly.

She felt a brief flicker of guilt; she was partly to blame for that, wasn't she?

Jasper's feet led her to the mussed wall, hand reaching out to press against the stark brown wood.

It caved under the gentle touch almost immediately, causing Jasper to flinch back with a soft grunt. She half expected to hear a sharp and small gasp, quickly accompanied by the scurrying of tiny feet. But it never came; the only sound to meet her ears was the creaking of wood as another piece twisted free.

_Oh..._

Half attempt may have been too generous a word then.

Jasper's eye tracked the lines of the wood till her gaze was dragged off toward the house nearby.

Before she could question herself, Jasper found herself wandering up the creaking steps to the porch. She paused at a window, crouching forward slightly to peer idly through the glass. It seemed oddly quiet in there considering who she knew to take up residence, perhaps Anjou was asleep? No that couldn't be right; humans weren't nocturnal. She was about to pull back when something blocked her view; or someone.

It was easy to recognize her; the mom caretaker for Anjou and Seckle. She had forgotten how similar the mom caretaker looked to the small ones; same brown skin, green eyes, and full cheeks. The woman paused, hands full of what looked to be toys, before she turned to look Jasper's way with confusion muddling her smooth features. Her face was quick to morph into surprise the moment they lock eyes, giving a startled jump and dropping the collection she had gathered.

The gem had to fight back a chuckle, watching the human scramble to gather the dropped items before disappearing from view and hearing the click of the door further down. The woman's head poked out, almost doing a double take before the human gave a uncertain "Jasper?" as she cleared the door with a slow step.

Jasper quirked at that, pulling away from the window and reclaiming her full height; she wasn't above enjoying the moment those green eyes tracked up with raised eyebrows. Jasper very much enjoyed her size; there was something to say about forcing others to look up to her.

She gave the human a short nod of acknowledgement before looking meaningfully around the woman's legs. "Hey..." Her eyes narrowed briefly, mind scouring for the woman's name and drawing a very obvious blank. The woman for her part only looked slightly bemused over the open ended greeting.

"Hi?" The woman paused, those green eyes neatly looking her up and down. Jasper suddenly felt awkward, like she was trespassing and _very_ much unwanted. Perhaps this had been a bad plan. "You look... _different_?"

That was putting it lightly.

"Where's Anjou?" Jasper said instead, perhaps in hindsight a little brusque and dismissive. The idea of sitting down with this human and filling her in on her time with Lapis didn't particularly ring as something entertaining, or a good use of her time.

"Right," Jasper could see annoyance flicker through the woman's face, feeling slightly guilty for her brashness. Guilt seemed to be a recurring thing today. "She's at school," the woman said heedless of Jasper's thoughts.

"School?" The gem couldn't say she was familiar with the term.

"School." The woman's voice was almost smug as she leaned against the door frame, a slim brow quirking upward. 

"Okay..." Jasper mumbled, gaze shifting off to the side blankly. Obviously she had upset the woman, if this sudden attitude was to go by. Not like she could exactly force the information from her. Maybe a few months ago but now?

Earth seemed to be wearing her edges down.

"Look, I didn't mean to be rude. I'd just, rather not talk about it. As you can see," she made a vague gesture to the entire right side of her body, "it's a bit of a sore spot."

"Rough night?" She quipped smartly, a smirk drawing the corner of her lips up.

Jasper couldn't help but chuckle, mirroring the woman's smirk with a toothy one of her own. Some idioms needed no translation. "You don't know the half of it woman." She managed in a low and rumbled tone, thick from her chest.

Maybe this human wasn't as bad as she thought.

"It's Forelle." The woman - Forelle said easily before pushing herself off the wall. "Anjou should be home soon so try not to get your panties in a bunch." Jasper wasn't entirely sure what that meant, but nodded along just the same. "Did you want to come inside and wait for her?"

Jasper eyed the rather short and thin door frame, a small grimace working her mouth at the idea of trying to squeeze in. She gave a quick shake of her head, white locks tumbling over her shoulder.

"Okay, suit yourself. Just try not to get up to any trouble this round, alright?"

Jasper was quickly reminded of what 'trouble' entailed of from last round, wincing slightly before dragging a large hand through her hair. She spoke before she could really stop herself, gesturing behind her with a thumb. "Look, did you need help with fixing that hole up?" She bit her tongue the moment the offer was made, but she was too proud to go back on her word now. She had worked on ships before; engines larger than this entire property. How hard could a wooden shell be? No more difficult than fixing a minor hull breach, right?

"I'm not going to bring your credentials into this-"

"I've fixed-"

"Like I said," Jasper growled at being interrupted, but the only reaction that managed to receive was a chuckle from the woman. So she took a few steps forward until she was casting a long shadow over the woman, the beginnings of a snarl on her lips. It didn't seem to cow the woman, if anything that smirk she was wearing blew out to a grin. She suddenly seemed remarkably like Anjou; more curious than frightened. Perhaps the surprise of a large orange alien had worn off in the time she had been gone. Jasper groaned; she didn't need another small smug human in her life.

"I'm not going to bring your credentials into this Jasper," Forelle continued, "but don't you think you might need a _pair_ of hands?"

Jasper stopped whatever she was about say, the anger in her face fading into something calmer and perhaps tamer.

That was right.

She couldn't just use her mouth.

How could she have forgotten.

"I see your point."

"I'll take that offer up some other time, how's that sound?" The way she was saying it made it clear it was a tease; no hard feelings, no commitments. Jasper just nodded, fearing the next words out of her mouth may do irreparable damage to her pride.

It was wounded enough as is.

Jasper was pulled from her thoughts at the sound of low laughter. She quirked a brow as Forelle shook her head, promising it was nothing really. She spoke all the same though. "Just, Anjou was _so sure_ you would come back. She talked non stop about you for weeks; it was hard to keep her in her bed the first couple of nights. But her excitement was kind of contagious, made us all look forward to you swinging by again." She pursed her lips, "So, I'm glad your back, even if you can't stay long."

"What makes you think I'm in a rush to leave?"

"Call it mother's intuition." She paused briefly before explaining further, probably at the confused quirk Jasper knew her face took. "Your face. You've been in your head this whole time. I guessing you have something you need to do before you, ahhh, settle down?" Forelle laughed again, slow and rolling. It was kind of charming; came from the belly and full and loud. "Probably something important considering your state." She gave a quick look to her watch. "Do you mind if I ask a question? Anjou and Seckle will be home very soon."

"Depends on what you're asking," Jasper replied noncommittally, not quite how far a human's curiosity would go. They seemed almost as insatiable as a certain blue gem.

"What are you?"

Jasper gave a soft scoff, lips curving into a smirk. Easy enough. "My kind are called gems."

Forelle gave a smart looking smile, tapping her nose nonchalantly. "Aptly named." As soon as she finished speaking a low thrumming sound entered her hearing; a sound Jasper could easily pick as the broken and choppy chugging of an engine. There were a few other mechanical noises before the engine petered off once more. "Remember, no breaking anything; especially my daughters." With that said, Forelle disappeared back into her home in a brazen display of trus.

In the new silence Jasper could hear talking.

_Anjou._

Suddenly she was overcome with a wash of memories; hiding in the barn at the cover of night, the whispered laughter, curious small hands, and that stupid little book that helped her sleep. That gentle innocence and charming patience that helped open something inside of her she had buried so long ago, something that had shattered in the aftermath of war.

For a brief moment Jasper felt whole.

Then she was shifting, falling forward onto her hand and imitating that strange fauna from that children's book.

It wasn't a painless task; she hadn't fully shifted in so long, and her gem stung sweetly as a reminder not to push too hard.

When it was over Jasper caught her reflection off the glass door to the house. Feline. She was covered in orange fur; tufts of her white mane still sprouting out from her neck and cascading over her red striped pelt. Her fangs were poking from her maw, paws pressed hard enough against the floor for her claws to slide free. She had a tail as well, flicked it idly before understanding it's use for balance. She caught the bewildered look on Forelle's face through the glass, but didn't spend much time enjoying it as she slowly learned how to move in this form by navigating the few steps of the porch.

Tigers had four legs for a reason, she quickly discovered, but she could still work with three.

She had only managed a few sure steps when Anjou and Seckle turned the corner of the house and were brought into sight.

They both froze instantly, eyes wide with something like terror before Anjou squinted and her puffy little brows shot up, almost disappearing into her hairline. Jasper watched as those eyes sparkled with recognition and mirth, her round face jumped with a grin.

_"Jasper!"_

Jasper felt her ears curl back on the top of her head, frowning internally. Humans apparently did have abilities; they could breach the sound barrier by voice alone.

The gem-turned-tiger didn't have much time to muse over this hidden super power before she was met with a muzzle full of small human child.

"That's Jasper?" Seckle's tone rang disbelieving, just as she remembered of the other human, a nice contrast to her overly trusting and brash sister.

And then Anjou was squealing again and she couldn't hear much past it.

Jasper found she couldn't stay mad at the child and her enthusiastic smile, burrowing her wide crown forward and nuzzling the affectionate human with a rumbling purr. That caught the child's attention; her green eyes sparkling with too much for Jasper to even begin to name. "This... is so cool Jasper. You're actually a tiger, how did you do it?"

Jasper went to shrug, but stopped herself short least she go down in a tangle of limbs and child. "It's just something I can do." She hadn't really thought much about her powers; they were instinctive and inherent. She was about to ask how Anjou wasn't able to do it when the small human let out an audible gasp.

"Tigers can't talk Jasper."

"Anjou, I'm not act-"

"No, no, no, they go like this." Jasper felt her brow raised as Anjou did her best to mimic what she assumed a roar should sound like. Jasper didn't have it in her to tell Anjou she sounded more like a small human child than anything. Rather Jasper committed to the little rule Anjou had somewhat established about not talking, and pulled back to roar thick and proud from her chest; deep and loud, and leaving the child starstruck again. She let out a few chuffing noises, watching as something excited crossed those green eyes.

"Jasper," she whispered seriously and urgently; grabbing Jasper's large head in her tiny grubby hands. "Jasper you _have_ to chase us." Her eyes were wild.

"W-"

"You're it!" She yelled over Jasper's words. In an almost impressively fluid movement Anjou tapped the top of Jasper's crown, tossed the bag she had strapped to her back to the ground, and took off wildly in the direction of the barn. Jasper watched her before flicking her gaze back over to Seckle. The girl looked surprised, then was in a mad dash to take off her own bag.

Jasper decided to give her a moment, prowling slowly, sinking low to the ground; waiting for the girl to untangle herself and sprint.

The second she moved the chase was on.

It only took two long, if awkward(moving in this form was as different as it was similar), strides of her lean body before Jasper was on Seckle, taking her down as gently as she could. Jasper didn't know she had it in her, but Seckle could hit notes higher than even Anjou. Still, she didn't stop mock growling until the child was pinned and laughing hard enough for tears to spring in the corner of her eyes

Then she turned to Anjou.

Anjou had apparently paused to watch her sister be taken down, but was hurrying back towards the barn the moment she met Jasper's narrowed gaze. "Run Anjou!" Seckle encouraged her sister just as Jasper gave a rumbling chuckle before launching forward. 

She watched Anjou slip through the battered wall, her small frame letting her slide in without pause. Jasper only realized, after she crashed through the wooden boards, kicking up sawdust and nails alike, that perhaps she shouldn't have done that. She skidded to a halt inside the barn, whirling to look behind her with her ears pressed against her skull.

If it was possible, the wall looked to be in worse condition.

_Shit._

Jasper didn't get to dwell much on the situation before Anjou's giggling was dancing in her ears. She rounded once more, catching the small child beginning to climb up a short ladder to what appeared to be a loft. Jasper was there in a few more strides, coming to a stop at the first rungs. Anjou was almost half way up and seemed to think herself safe. Jasper only chuckled.

Carefully, least this wooden thing crack under her weight, Jasper pressed onto her hindlegs and leaned forward onto the ladder until she was almost standing and face to face with Anjou. The child paused to meet the stare before giggling nervously. Jasper gave another playful roar in response before sinking her teeth into the thick of Anjou's jacket and tugging the small squirming child free of the ladder. She set her down when she was back on all threes, and was only briefly surprised when Anjou immediately took off once more with a peal of laughter; disappearing around outside of the barn.

Jasper cleared it in a second, stopping slowly to catch sight of the human.

Worry knitted her brows at the strange limp Anjou bore, thinking she had already hurt the fragile human, before she remembered the cold steel prosthetic against the soft skin of the girl. She decided to play a little slower this round, teeth shining bright white in the sunlight as she gave a roar.

Jasper figured i had to be around the dozenth time she had caught these children, and she hadn't grown tired or annoyed at it. She couldn't figure out why until one blink had the scenery switch with memories; Anjou's frame replaced with that of a small bunch of jaspers, laughing just the same as the child as they stumbled over their hands and feet on the rocky ground.

And then she was back here, on this farm with humans.

Jasper felt her pace slow as her mind whirled over that sudden memory; at nostalgia. Then she stilled completely before rolling onto her back, eyes staring emptily up at the sky. The only thing that has remained the same.

It had been so long and yet she could still remember all of the gems she had been tasked over watching; caring for, teaching. Kindergarten gems were always so wild and unkempt when they first emerged; smart and yet so simple. They could be entertained for days with something as easy as tag; she could remember, vaguely, herself being much the same.

Things were so easy back then. She felt her face scrunch, lips drawing back to bare her teeth. So easy back before the-

Jasper huffed as she felt something settle on top of her, bringing her back to the present with her head shifting to look down. Anjou's face met her gaze, looking up from her spot on her fur lined stomach.

Then it clicked, why Anjou had always brought such a pang of homesickness. Anjou didn't remind her of Homeworld, not of the spiraling and cold towers, of the mindless drones and overbearing rules. No, Anjou reminded her of _Earth_ ; of _her_ home, where she had been raised, where she had grown, where she had been met with companionship and unconditional love just the same.

Jasper felt her chest ache all over again; fresh and weeping.

"You okay?" Anjou's voice was soft as her small, too small fingers sunk into the fur of her chest. Jasper caught her eyes as they skimmed over the new injuries, face pouting.

"I don't know." Jasper answered too honestly. "I don't know where I belong anymore Anjou... I don't know who I am."

"Are you lost? The map didn't help?"

Jasper chuckled lowly, shaking her head. If only it was as simple as looking at a piece of paper for directions. She felt her gem glow before the map popped out, slapping the ground next to them. "No, but thank you for lending it to me."

Anjou shifted, her attention shooting off somewhere to her right. "Should I ask the blue lady where to go?"

Blue lady?

"Lapis?" Jasper said suddenly, attention whirling to look where the child was. 

She caught Lapis hidden in the treeline, face nearly impassive as she stared from the shade of the trees.

Anjou was beginning to shift off of her chest, stumbling onto wobbly feet. "I'll go ask her for you."

At once Jasper was rolling over and dragging back Anjou by the pants with an urgency she had never used on the child. _"No!"_ Her chest thumped harshly, eye going briefly wild and sharp. She had no idea what Lapis would do to a too inquisitive human, especially one Jasper showed interest in; she wasn't sure if Anjou would be safe with her.

Stars, why were things like this.

Lapis didn't seem keen on staying away for too long; she took a step into the light before her wings sprung into existence and dropped her only a few feet away from Jasper. This close up Jasper could see something eating at Lapis, something was wrong.

Instead of any of the scenarios she thought would happen, Lapis merely knelt and offered a small wave to the child before looking at Jasper. She looked about to say something before Jasper beat her to it.

"How'd you find me?"

Lapis' lips curved into the beginnings of a frown. "Were you hiding from me?"

"No, no I just-..." Jasper wasn't sure where she was going, suddenly very nervous.

It was for naught though, as Lapis' face turned quickly playful.

"I could _smell_ you," she stage whispered before making that irritating noise with her tongue and lips; a noise Anjou giggled over before mimicking. Jasper caught the second meaning of it and felt her cheeks flush. She could smell Lapis too; especially this close up. "Imagine my surprise though, to find you dressed up like... whatever that is."

"It's a tiger!" Anjou piped up easily with a thumbs up, even as Jasper hurriedly reverted back to her original form; watching Lapis' eyes be immediately drawn to the glowing of her gem. They stayed there for a moment before something heavy settled in her gaze.

"Oh?" Her eyes dragged back to the small child resting against Jasper's legs. Seconds later they flicked back to Jasper, brows furrowing. "We have to go Jasper."

Jasper flinched at that, finding herself mimicking Lapis' expression as it seemed to get more dire. "Why?"

"I'll explain on the way." Jasper heard her mumble as her eyes shut heavily.

It was Anjou who spoke next, breaking the momentary silence.

"Where are yo-"

All at once Lapis was all teeth, eyes peeling open with a hiss as she stared at the human child; bringing herself to her feet in a fluid motion. _"Leave us alone."_

Jasper was pulling Anjou back protectively before Lapis finished, a snarl on her lips as her mind warred with itself. Instincts demanded she protect the fresh human, but she couldn't hurt Lapis; not with imprinting already beginning to ring her eye. "Lapis..?" She tucked the human safer behind the bulk of her arm, stilling her protests.

Lapis' gaze turned upward but looked no less viscous; her hair began to billow around her, jaw dropping to bare her fangs in a primitive display of aggression. "You can't have her." Jasper felt confusion score across her face; what did that mean, why was-?

At once she was aware of Lapis' eyes; seeing her own terrified and angry face before the reflection blurred and suddenly they were working like windows.

On the other side stood the Crystal Gems.

Jasper couldn't hear them, but could make out the movements of the fusions mouth as she spoke.

"She won't." Lapis hissed in response to whatever was being said. The fusion continued and Lapis' hands curled, drawing a large hand from the surface of the water they were near. Jasper was suddenly aware that the Crystal Gems were standing in the lake by the mountains.

They were so close.

That's why Lapis had-

"No, she's mine." Lapis growled, her patience finite.

It was odd. They were talking about her, but she had no voice in this situation; it was out of her hands. She felt useless.

Jasper watched as the Crystal Gems got unruly, she could see them all talking at once; the runt was beginning to gesture wildly. Then Lapis said one final thing as the lake around her turned violent.

_"That's enough talking..."_

When Lapis blinked her eyes were back; dark and peering as she no doubt adjusted to being here rather than up there. Her face was hard, the snarl only beginning to slip free when she locked gazes with Jasper. "We need to go."

"Okay," Jasper found herself saying. "Are they really up there?" Her eyes flicked to the mountain range to convey her meaning, Lapis only nodded.

That's when she felt something squirm against her.

_Anjou._

Jasper released the human, peering down at the uncharacteristically silent child. Anjou's eyes were wide, but not for the usual reasons. She seemed frightened.

"Anjou?"

The child immediately hugged Jasper, tightly; or at least as tight as she could manage. "I... I'm scared Jasper." She brushed her large fingers encouragingly down the human's back, a low purr falling from her throat.

"It's okay, they won't come after you." That didn't seem to encourage the child at all, here eyes glancing out toward Lapis before settling somewhere else. Jasper only noticed Forelle then; standing on her porch with a frown and Seckle nestled by a leg. Jasper looked back to Anjou. "Stay with your mom okay?"

Anjou nodded furiously into her side before circling around and scurrying over to her mom without single word.

Jasper frowned before glancing back to Lapis who seemed to be watching her with calculating eyes; curiosity lurking in the dark corners. She was probably confused at the situation; Jasper figured they didn't have the time right now to address it. She pushed herself to her heavy feet before offering Lapis a hand.

The small gem took it.

Jasper easily hoisted her up onto her feet, but was surprised when Lapis' wings sprung and she pushed herself into a hug against Jasper's broad chest. Jasper easily reciprocated, feeling something warm spring from where they were connected.

"I won't let them have you." She whispered fiercely before pulling away and flitting forward and away from the houses. Jasper hummed in agreement, thankful, before she followed behind Lapis easily. Like she was made to.

Despite knowing better, Jasper looked behind her; so foolishly prone to seeing what she was leaving behind.

Anjou gave a small wave, but her face seemed small, nervous.

Jasper waved back, unable to do much else.

She would come back one day.

Why did she feel so _helpless_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we back buoyz. and we back w a lot of fluff(was told to go the fluffier route than pure angst ahaha); or at least my attempt at it. honestly dont have much to say besides im sorry for makin yall wait so long. pls forgive me <333 but this was the chap was was dreading to write for literally six months lmaooo //sweats. anyway im glad its done and over cuz we can get back into it now!! we got some wild twists for the rest of this arc, so strap in babes we goin in dry


	17. Pandemonium

Jasper had promised herself months ago to no longer care for the passage of time on this planet; on Earth, on her home. There had been no point to it, no reason aside from feeding a growing pessimism to track how long she would survive; because that was what it was, wasn't it? It was just survival, it was a fight and one she had planned on allowing to consume her.

So she had resolved herself to no longer count down to whatever bleak end was waiting for her, because now, there was no end. Jasper would see this through - whatever this was, wherever it took her - she was positive she would make it and be stronger for it.

Optimism was a fickle thing to be putting her trust into, but she had no choice. Jasper wouldn’t allow any edge to the white noise that suffocated her mind; the harsh whispering that threatened endless misery.

And yet, Jasper allowed herself this one time to be weak, this one chance. She marked each day, counted every hour.

It had been four days since she had last seen Anjou; four days and three hours since her last glimpse at that small property that rang of _home._

Lapis led them somewhere relentlessly, tirelessly. No pause to break, no pause to talk. Four days of walking and running and dashing and climbing; the echoing ache in her mind and frame returned with the strain.

She knew they were running, but Jasper didn’t run.

No. Jasper was following.

The difference was enough.

She needed some clarity after all, some stability and familiarity when this new feeling involving her charge left her lost and _drowning_.

Lapis never clarified; Lapis refused to clarify. Whenever Jasper would ask what had happened; if those _gems_ were why Lapis had left her alone and weak in that cave all those days ago. Asked what words were passed in the mouth of those mountains; let all those bubbles of anxiety well up and explode free with questions.

She never got any answers.

Or maybe she just got the one; a shrug of those small blue shoulders.

It hurt.

Jasper was no stranger to pain, borne into a world scavenged by war and suffering, but _it hurt._ Did Lapis think her so unimportant her very fate wasn’t worth expanding upon? Had whatever rungs she climbed between them, whatever she had fought for, had it dissipated so quickly?

A Diamond and her charge.

Jasper hated that after all this time, after everything, Lapis still felt the need to hide things from her.

Jasper hated that she let her; hated that her mind told her she reeked of weakness and desperation.

Jasper’s tension broke free with a broken sigh pressing between her teeth, forcibly tearing herself away from her drowning thoughts; it was a pointless action though, she knew she would be circling back to them in no time. She had been granted freedom, power, _control,_ and all she could do was lament upon her internal struggles.

When had she turned into this creature, this crumbling wreck?

She felt something cold brush against her hand, freezing briefly before recognizing the feeling as Lapis' small hand sliding into the warmth of her palm. Jasper gave it no thought as she returned the gesture, shifting her fingers to be more accommodating; to hold her hand in return as her pupil ringed and the blue gem centered her mind.

Or maybe clouded was the more appropriate term?

Lapis had always been much more physical than her, craved touch more than she did anything else. She could remember a time when they had despised each other with enough fervor and rage to boil the entire ocean around them; a time not that long ago. Lapis would still touch her in that shapeless prison. She would prod, hit, and grab; those small fingers bellying a rage that seemed timeless and infinite, overwhelming and flooding like the very waters around them.

Even before that enveloping horror - when water was just another element, when Jasper would touch her back with violence shaking in larger frame; grab her, hold her - Lapis would never shy away from her hands. Defiance and wanting warring in equal parts in her almost reflective eyes.

It was different now.

At least that's what she told herself.

If Lapis knew of her internal struggle she gave no acknowledgement aside from the soothing brush of her thumb against Jasper's palm.

It _had_ to be different now.

Jasper distracted herself further, blinking the haze in her eye to scan around them as her brow furrowed and more memories and thoughts filtered into the empty space of her head. It was so unlike her to be unprepared, but her thoughts had been all consuming from the moment she birthed this new frame; when Lapis had her on her knees. Maybe she wasn’t who she was, maybe she never was to begin with. 

Jasper growled and scoffed at the idea of being trapped once more, this time in the corners of her own mind. She felt her hand tighten against the one in her grasp absently, Lapis remained cryptically quiet; how much did she know? How much could she guess?

Again she found herself rolling off into the maze of her darkened mind. She pointedly shook her head free hoping the physical sensation would be enough to release her, locks of white falling over her shoulders as she finally let the scenery around them sink in.

She wasn't sure how long they had been trailing through these rolling and flowering hills, but she figured it would be embarrassing - shameful - to remark upon the scattered remnants of a battle now.

Though perhaps scattered was too polite.

Whatever battle was held in the curves of these lands was surely one of great importance; maybe even changing the tide of the whole war. She could see, even now, thousands of years later, ground that was still barren; impossibly large holes and patches of inky and stained glass that could have only been caused by both incredible and terrible explosions.

What had happened here, what secrets lied nestled in between these deceptive hills?

Even further out, Jasper could make out the hilts of weapons larger than she could have ever imagined wielding peeking over the winding crests of the surrounding hills. They were so far and yet even distance couldn’t belie how truly colossal they were. The fusions to have carried them, she surmised with a shiver, would have put even Malachite to shame.

She gave another sweep of the lands, looking for anything; any hint as to who it was that fought, who it was that won.

Jasper was ashamed to admit, for how much she had seen during that terrible war; there was infinite more she had never known.

Infinite more she could never know.

"Stop." Lapis' voice was soft, but demanding all the same; sharp with a feeling Jasper knew too well. It bubbled to the surface as Lapis released her hold on Jasper's hand, as those flowing wings spawned from her gem.

_Anxiety._

Jasper could feel her hackles rise, the muscles of her arm going taut as she followed Lapis' gaze to a neighboring hill. She chastised herself once more, urging her cloudy mind and murmuring frame to _focus._

At first it was nothing; just a small gust that led the flowers into a dance against the rising hillside.

But then she could hear the rustle of movement; the muffled and hushed conversation, the marching of feet. Jasper scolded herself for her lack of attention; her inability to focus especially when things were so tense as it was. She was always like this around Lapis, when would she be strong enough? A frown already cracked across her broad face, the sharp beginnings of a snarl erupting as she caught the glint of sunglasses emerging over the hill.

She had expected the trio of traitors.

But… she didn't expect Peridot and Rose-.. Steven.

 _Steven._

Jasper could see Lapis tense beside her, worry beginning to knot in her mind. Instincts guided her heavy steps forward, taking a defensive step in front of the smaller gem and blocking her from the burning gaze of their enemies with a large arm. Her posture shifted in a blink, loosening her knees as if she were preparing to leap forward even as her head craned down to protect her neck.

Jasper could have laughed at the turn of events; the _one time_ she would have readily welcomed - stars, even _embraced_ the presence of water, there wasn't a drop in sight.

"How could they have caught up to us?" Jasper hissed behind her without turning, her eye locked on a certain gem. She couldn't hear them from this far, but stared all the same.

_She wanted you shattered._

She wouldn't get the chance twice.

"They haven't been trailing us, I... would've noticed." Jasper took her word for it, frustration churning and ripping in her chest. How could they have-

"The transporters..." Jasper managed, swallowing harshly as she remembered her encounter with them in the shadows of the Kindergarten; remembered the wall before her being painted blue.

They were on the Crystal Gems’ turf, _their_ world, the only hope they had was laying low, but even then they had found them. Somehow, someway they continued to track and hunt them. "How... How do we outrun that?" Jasper felt Lapis' hand against her arm, finally dragging her gaze free of Peridot to whirl on the blue gem. She felt something warm soothing her mind, something like resolve steadying her frame as she glanced down at Lapis. "You need to go."

She barely recognized her own voice; pleading and drawn, soft.

"Jasper."

"They can't catch up to you when I'm not slowing you down. You need to go." The idea of them capturing Lapis, the idea of them shattering her or imprisoning her for another millennia had something too sharp for words needling in her chest.

It was fear; fear for her charge, fear for her Lapis.

She would lay down her life for this gem.

"I-.." There was a pause as Lapis pulled her hand back, Jasper watched patiently as the other gem ran those small fingers against her own slender blue arms. At once Lapis’ eyes fell, hair settling over most of her face; the only thing left Jasper could see was the downward pull of her lips. "I'm not leaving you Jasper. _Not again._ " Her words were supported by her frame as she pushed her feet forward to stand at Jasper's side, her impossibly dark eyes glaring down the group before them.

Jasper would have been proud; would've given into the warmth surging and blossoming in her chest if it weren't for the ice cold fingers of dread cradling her at the prospect of failure.

A feeling she for once had no time to wallow in, not when those traitorous gems pulled their weapons free.

Just as Jasper prepared for a battle, prepared for the end, both Steven and Peridot stepped in front of their comrades. She watched the fierce exchange curiously, confusion bracing against her tension in her muscles at the furious and hushed whispers she couldn’t make out.

Jasper had half a mind to take this as a chance to flee, to use their lack of solidarity as cover, but she would be a fool to think that would make any difference. No, the path that layed before her… _their_ path was to fight. Not to the death, not to the bitter and conclusive end, but just long enough to disable them; to slow them down or cause them pause. That would give them the chance they needed to get to a water source. After that it would be too easy to turn that hunger for closure _real._

That opportunity seemed to draw closer as the Crystal Gems came to a decision; Peridot branching from group to slowly, nervously, begin trekking towards Lapis and her.

Jasper had to bite back a savage and manic grin, feeling something shift in Lapis next to her as the green gem crossed the halfway point between them. The traitors were just giving her a ticket out of here, and they seemed so sure of themselves.

There was an idiom, a saying bouncing mockingly through her mind as Peridot closed the final distance between them; those green fingers jittering against themselves.

_Don’t shoot the messenger._

Jasper always thought fools of those who would listen to the advice of the dead.

The first thing out of the green gems mouth was an offended shout of protest as Jasper dragged her into the air by her arm; the homeworld one, the one she didn’t deserve, and her only weapon. She watched as that other primitive and mechanical hand came up to tap against her arm and fruitlessly attempt to pry herself free. Jasper only tightened her grip as she pulled Peridot up to eye level, feeling a deep satisfaction as the metal dented under her grasp.

“You didn’t think I would fall for that same trick again, did you?” She was growling, memories flashing back to the night Peridot had taken her down; had taken advantage of her momentary weakness.

It wouldn’t happen again.

Peridot didn’t get to respond before Lapis was in between them, settling lightly, almost weightlessly, on Jasper’s upturned bicep, those watery wings curling against her back as she leaned in to place a gentle and chaste kiss to Jasper’s cheek.

 _”Good job Jasper.”_ Lapis all but purred to her.

Jasper knew it was all for show, that Lapis was staking some sort of claim to her; broadcasting what she owned, but _stars,_ Jasper felt warm for it all the same.

“Hello again, Peridot.” Lapis said coldly, bringing Jasper’s attention back to the green gem before them. She could see the Crystal Gems in her periphery, tense but frozen in their tracks. Peridot’s fate was directly tied to their actions.

“H-hey, what are you doing?” Peridot’s shrill voice chimed free as Lapis’ fingers tapped against that green visor, slowly dragging against its surface before curling her fingers against the lip of it. “Cease your wanderings, I came here to n-” Peridot gave a squeal as the visor came free with a deft flick of Lapis’ finger, her teal eyes widening with fear. Peridot’s free hand instinctively went to grab Lapis, to stop her no doubt, but a simple shift of the water gem’s gaze had that advancing mechanical limb paralyzed.

Peridot continued to sputter meekly, as Lapis’ fingers roamed the newly presented flesh. “I c-came here to negotiate! I-I’m sure we can reach a mutually pleasing conclusion if- HEY, QUIT THAT!” Jasper felt her lips pull downwards at the actual shriek the green gem released, instinctively tightening her grasp as a warning; one that was replied to with a sharp gasp. “L-Look,” there was a pause as Peridot stumbled over a nervous laugh, “it’s come to my attention that you both might perhaps harbour some dislike for me me due to my previous actions w-” Again her voice was stopped as Lapis’ fingers rolled forward, stopping pointedly on Peridot’s gem.

The younger gem was visibly shaking now, eyes wide before they quickly narrowed with anger.

She would be pleading had she any sense, but Peridot had only volume.

“Immediately remove your disgusting and filthy touch receptors from my gem you _miserable clod!_ ” Peridot’s free hand immediately shot to her mouth, as if that would take back the aggressive vitriol she spewed moments before. The blooming silence was interrupted by her awkward and broken laughter as Lapis’ once still and stoic face ruptured into a scowl. “Uhh… please?”

“Why?” Came Lapis’ sharp retort; every edge of her teeth on a threatening display.

“Huh?” Peridot cowed under both that look and confusion.

“Why should I stop?” The water gem continued as her fingers pressed into the edge of Peridot’s gem; where flesh met stone. It looked like she might pull. “You _never_ stopped.”

Jasper felt her eyes sharpen.

That was right. Peridot had been the one to interrogate Lapis; successful in every aspect except Steven.

Jasper suddenly felt like a voyeur, like she shouldn’t be privy to this dispute.

It ended all the same when a small and pleading voice came free.

“Lapis…?”

Jasper pulled her attention away to see the boy; Steven. When had he approached? Was she again so distracted? It seemed she wasn’t the only one caught unaware; could feel Lapis as she tensed against her arm.

“Steven?”

It was like a switch was flicked.

One moment Lapis was goading and snarling at Peridot, the next her aggression melted away; teeth tucked behind lips, brows pulled free, shoulders shifted up. She only had eyes for that boy; that pathetic mimicry of Rose Quartz. Jasper felt something in her chest ache, felt something like a whine press against the tightness of her throat as Lapis pulled away from her and toward _him._

 _“Lapis…”_ Jasper found herself pleading.

There seemed to be no end to what Rose Quartz would take from her.

Jasper only remembered Peridot was in her grasp when the other gem started to stir; those floating fingers attempting to collect and replace her visor as she whispered harshly at her. “What is she to you?” Jasper found herself glaring even as Peridot continued, unphased at the display of aggression; _at the warning._ Peridot always pushed too much.“Jasper, this display suggests more than simple imprinting.”

Jasper found her teeth sinking into her tongue, eye briefly flashing. “Imprinting?”

“Don’t play dumb, I witnessed your eye’s pupil dilation and orbitary ring when she.. kissed you.” As if fueled by her own ego, at the thought she had the upper hand and was solving some important mystery, Peridot continued; continued to fly ever closer to the sun. “Hah! I was correct, wasn’t I? Is that how you manage being with her? All those endorphins running your circuits wild; is that how she keeps you satisfied?” Peridot was smiling now, slimey and smug. Jasper felt her grip tighten. “Do you like it?” There was a pause, something getting stuck in her throat as Peridot’s teal eyes turned far too inquisitive, searching Jasper’s suddenly too open face as she continued. “Do you… _like_ her?” Peridot accused in a sharp whisper.

“Be quiet you worm,” Jasper found herself snarling, her hand beginning to shake with rage as she continued, “you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Peridot didn’t shut up, in fact she started laughing; laughing until she caught the look on Jasper’s face. Her humor seemed to drain, some kind of realization drawing clarity to her eyes. “Oh… That’s… Astonishing.”

The look only managed to make Jasper angrier.

_Pity._

“Shut up Peridot.” Another warning.

“I-.. Jasper, you have to leave her.”

“I said to shut up.”

“Look at what she’s done to you! You were perfection before she got her disgusting little fingers on you!”

“Peridot.”

“Are you daft Jasper? She’ll break and use you until you’re nothing but dust!”

“Shut. Up.”

“LEAVE HER!”

 _“You don’t get to pretend to care now.”_ Her last warning.

A pointless exercise, Peridot was never aware of when she bit off more than she could chew.

That was her hubris.

“Jas-”

There was a crunch as the robotic arm in her grasp gave way under her terrible strength. Sparks and screams erupted through Peridot; something flashing in that chipped gemstone as the rest of the electricity ran up through Jasper’s arm. She barely felt it; barely felt anything past the sick satisfaction that warmed every inch of her as she violently slammed her old charge to the ground. There was an almost manic grin on her face as her boot landed soundly on Peridot’s chest before she finally tore that piece of homeworld tech off with a violent jerk that had Peridot’s short arm snapping and _shattering._

That bubbling feeling only grew when Peridot _wailed,_ flailing almost wildly on the ground as Jasper carelessly threw that worthless piece of scrap metal over her shoulder.

At once everyone sprung to action.

Jasper was about to charge forward herself, only to be halted by Lapis’ stunned and fearful expression. Lapis reached out in almost half time, Jasper was more than ready to spring toward her, to protect her, only to watch the ground beneath Lapis explode.

Jasper hissed as the explosion of dirt and rock buffeted her, knocked her cleanly off her feet and ended with a high pitched ringing in her ears. When her vision came back any warmth she felt was gone.

Before them emerged a sentry; an old piece of gemtech that was used to patrol and ambush. The scorpion like frame shot cleanly into the sky, pincers aiming for Lapis as she narrowly maneuvered around the mechanical beast. It’s grey and red splashed segmented body whirled and rotated, rust raining free as it quickly turned around to crash back down toward Lapis.

How had this thing been dormant for so long? How had they awoken it?

Jasper found herself on her feet even as that thing crashed into the ground once more, burrowing briefly before breaching toward Lapis with a powerful lash of it’s ‘tail’ and another explosion of earth.

This time it caught her.

**“LAPIS!”**

Her voice was echoed by another; a voice she refused to name.

Jasper’s vision tunneled as she broke into a sprint after them, preparing to rend those offending claws free of _her_ Lapis as she jumped clear of the debris and destruction left in that machine’s wake.

She never got the chance.

Jasper only barely shifted out of the way as the pearl dug her spear into where she was seconds ago, barreling into a roll that brought her back on her feet and facing her new opponent. She had barely heard the gem move until it was too late.

Instinct tore a weeping wound in her mind, pleading with her to go after Lapis; to protect her.

She had to bite down on it, seize some control over herself even if she couldn’t stop from looking past the smaller gem; to where Lapis had managed to break free in the distance, to where she was running as that thing gave chase.

The fusion and the boy followed after them.

Lapis could handle herself, Jasper chanted to herself as the runt of an amethyst took up position next to her comrade.

The rejects.

Jasper scoffed, training her gaze back to those two defunct gems. Lapis would be fine, Jasper would live long enough to see to it.

She had to.

There was no longer any room for failure.

Any room for weakness.

All she had to do was outsmart these two; a simple task for the amethyst. The pearl, however... she would have to figure something out.

Jasper stood at her full height, the characteristic rage she wore so often replaced with a calmness she didn’t feel. They didn’t have to know that, they only had to believe it. She gave a cocky smirk, gesturing with a single finger for them to come at her.

It didn’t take any more convincing, the runt immediately curling up into a ball before dashing toward her in a mockery of her own form. Jasper laughed, loud and deep as she met that pathetic force with her own hand. She could’ve stopped her solidly, met her with a fist, but rather she let the force push her arm, moving with the momentum and twirling before she whipped the spinning amethyst back at her rapidly approaching comrade with three times the force.

The pearl was faster, almost flawlessly ducking under the flailing amethyst without losing stride. Jasper could make out the flicker of annoyance however, her gaze sharpening at the tell; the weakness.

Maybe there _was_ something she could do.

And then the pearl was on the offensive.

Jasper moved back with each jab, tightly shifting out of the way of the pearl’s onslaught as she swiped the spear in an arc. Her yellow gaze kept watch of her feet, the grin on her face growing wider each time the spear missed her; the foolish pearl not only choreographed her steps, she seemed to willingly draw attention to her fluid movements in some prideful act of showmanship. Jasper used that to her advantage, watching the pivot of her feet that was a tell for her next move; a wide swing of her spear.

Jasper knocked the weapon back with her forearm, twisting her frame into the movement to bring her elbow straight down onto the top of the gems head; for her gem.

The hit never landed, and Jasper allowed surprise to briefly flicker through her yellow eye as the runt tackled Pearl out of the way, throwing them into a pile several feet away where they struggled to get back to their feet over the tangle of their limbs.

 _”Amethyst,”_ the pearl was hissing.

“Yea, okay, you’re welcome, whatever, no need to thank me.”

“I was fine, stay out of the way before you get hurt again.”

“Excuse me?! Ho-”

The argument was cut short as Jasper sprung forward, diving into them from above in her own powerful spin dash.

They both barely managed to escape in time, the runt stumbling over the fissures and cracks from the impact but somehow keeping on her feet even as the peal landed softly nearby. Jasper was laughing again as she pulled free from the fissure in the ground, pulling to her full height.

 _This_ was supposed to stop her? To keep her from Lapis?

_Impossible._

They were on her again; but with the predictable actions and the fact that those two failures fought like they never had a good day between them, it was all too easy to even the playing grounds. She was different from when they last saw her; she had clarity, she had a _purpose._ She couldn’t be stopped by weak gems with even weaker wills.

Jasper roared as she grabbed the spear the pearl sent her way, manipulating it in her grasp so that she tossed the pearl into an oncoming pair of whips the runt sent her way.

The slender gem went down in a tangled heap, voice shrill as she demanded to be released from her awkward entrapment in whips. The amethyst was quick to return her weapons to her gem.

A mistake Jasper was waiting for.

In a sharp flash Jasper moved, dashing toward the amethyst before throwing her fist squarely into the gem’s face. She rocketed back, a cry of her name springing from the lips of the pearl behind her. Jasper didn’t let up, her proud and strong stance shifting to face the pearl once more; those sky blue eyes shifting from her to the pained groans behind her.

They flicked again and Jasper moved, clearing the distance between them in a heartbeat and stepping well into the range at which a spear became worthless.

Or, that was what she had assumed until a blade tucked into her side and tore.

Pain made her spin away, her hand coming up to the sharp pang in her side as she glowered at the new shape the pearl’s weapon made; _a sword._ Her hand came away red, but she paid it no further attention.

Jasper felt her eyes narrow as she watched the pearl circle around her, keeping her distance until she stood in between her and the amethyst. The pearl didn’t dare look away from Jasper this time, a thought that sent a thrill tracing her spine, as she called out to ask her friend if she was alright.

“Aww, I think I lost a tooth, but yea… I think I’m okay.” She could see the amethyst get up, but the runt made no movement to draw her weapon, rather continuing to speak to her companion as she rolled her shoulder in a nonplussed way. “Hey, what’s say we end this? We need to catch up with Steven and Garnet.”

“Are you sure Amethyst?”

“Time’s a wastin’.”

Jasper laughed harshly at their bravado. “How do you plan on doing that? You both are barely holding your own and I don’t even have a weapon drawn. It’s only a matter of time before I crush you both.”

The pearl didn’t quake under the threat, only getting more smug as she twirled her weapon before it disappeared. “Alright fine, let’s do it.” Just as that weapon was returned Jasper made a move to dash toward her, take advantage of the open defense.

She only got two steps before she was blinded by light.

A very familiar light.

Jasper watched with something like horror flicking through her eye as the amethyst and pearl met each other with glowing gems; the silhouette they cast slowly drawing her gaze upward.

_Those two could fuse?_

As soon as it started it ended. There was a new gem before Jasper now; one that stood taller than her; that radiated a confidence she wouldn’t be able to match. She picked up her jaw as the new fusion spawned a weapon from light into her waiting and ready pairs of hands; a bow somehow bigger than the wielder, before nocking several arrows and letting them fly.

Jasper rolled out of the way, cleanly returning to her feet as she widened her stance.

It made no difference what form these two decided to take, she planned on keeping her promise.

“Is that all you got?” She mocked, once more waiting for her opening.

It never came; the fusion merely looked at her with disdain before nocking a dozen more arrows. They were released in an instant, Jasper springing to the side and ducking through the hail of light shafts. There was no pause as the fusion continued to let dozens upon dozens of arrows rain, forcing Jasper to scramble in the far too open fields to escape.

There wasn’t a shred of cover, and with the distance between them… Jasper didn’t have a choice besides to run and dash, to try and get out of the barrage mostly unscathed.

But even when she did, another hail of arrows pushed her away.

It seemed never ending.

Jasper had the sense the fusion was calculating, testing; a theory that was proven when her next dodge was predicted. Jasper winced as the arrow cut shallowly past a cheek, barely an inch away from her gemstone. If she hadn’t caught the light out of the corner of her eye and turned…

Jasper growled, whipping herself through another volley of arrows that nicked and cut. Either she was getting sloppy, or the fusion was getting more accurate the longer this fight went on. She would either run Jasper ragged or finish her in a clean shot. Neither of those options were acceptable.

She needed to get close.

Jasper faked moving to her side, abruptly stopping and letting a hail of arrows sail by a hairbreadth before her.

Now was her chance.

The large gem turned and in a fluid motion ducked down into the beginnings of a spin dash. Another hail of arrows shot free, but most were deflected by speed alone; the few that did land were too easy to brush off. When she finally hit her max speed she released herself, driving forward with a force that tore the ground beneath her.

She was on the fusion in seconds, just barely missing her. Undeterred, she whipped around again, speeding across the ground wildly as she dodged yet another volley. As the fusion began to nock those arrows of light once more, Jasper wheeled toward her; heat bursting from her chest and engulfing her frame in fire.

The fusion didn’t move fast enough this time, unprepared by the sudden burst of speed.

Jasper felt something savage bubble free as she collided forcefully against the fusion, sending the large gem flying and skidding into the ground.

Jasper didn’t give her any time, or even herself to relish in her victory, repeating the process against her as the fusion tried in vain to get to her feet.

She managed three more solid hits like that, rapidly approaching the large gem for her fourth; hopefully it would be enough to break the fusion or at least stun the gem long enough for Jasper to dig her claws into that purple flesh.

The fusion was faster this time, or perhaps ready.

Just as Jasper launched from the ground in a shower of grass and dirt, the fusion pulled another weapon free; a pair of the runt’s whips. They tangled up in her spin dash, and Jasper almost howled in frustration as the fusion jumped cleanly over her.

She had briefly forgotten she was attached by those whips until her body lurched, coming to a sudden stop as the fusion pressed her feet into the earth with enough force to dent and pulled the whips in an overhead swing.

Jasper had no chance to stop it as she was pulled off the ground into a arc; and then she was falling, being dragged down into the solid ground below by the force of the fusion.

This time Jasper did howl; feeling her body crack and crumple against the force.

When her vision snapped to she was still tied in those whips, two hands pulling them taut enough that the most she was able to do was reach a kneeling position. The fusion was only a few meters away from her nocking another duo of arrows before letting them sail. Despite her increasingly desperate struggling, Jasper couldn’t break free. _Trapped._ The feeling was only amplified as those arrows hit their mark; drilling through her legs and pinning her to the ground.

She bit back the scream, mind racing against a primitive fear as those whips seemed to get tighter; seemed to pull and drag until she was prostrated before the fusion.

A gem an unfamiliar shade of purple standing in place of a memory.

The fusion nocked one last arrow.

This one was different though; this one seemed to grow exponentially as that deceptively small hand pulled the string further and further back. The arrow didn’t stop there either, easily matching the same size as the fusion herself.

Jasper’s eye was wild, furiously glancing around for some escape, for something to turn the tide. She couldn’t fail Lapis, not now…

Not after everything.

The bow pointed down toward her and Jasper felt a frown split her face, somehow finding herself counting the seconds down in a familiar act of defeatism.

_Three._

The fusion didn’t blink, the stoic look to her face never faltering.

_Two._

Jasper found herself growling, tensing against her chains.

_One._

It was _always_ fusions.

“STOP!”

Jasper winced at the scream that rang from behind her, tense enough from staring down her own end to start. Peridot scrambled around her side before taking up place in front of her; cradling the bloody stump of her arm.

It felt like even the earth was trembling beneath her.

“Peri… dot?” The name suddenly tasted foreign on her tongue.

Jasper peered around her impromptu saviour’s shoulder, watching as the light from that arrow dimmed briefly before brightening again. There was too many expressions warring for dominance on the fusions face before a distinct voice chimed from the fusion, her eyes shooting upward. “We can’t _kill_ Peridot Pearl!”

And then another.

“She’s in the way Amethyst!”

_“Pearl!”_

“We have to end this!”

Jasper could feel the whips around her slackening and pulled free of them with a tumbling roar she used to motivate herself to remove the arrows as well. The ripping sensation had her gut churning, but she stood all the same; plasma rolling down her legs. She stepped past Peridot, ignoring the smaller gem as she glared down the fusion who seemed to be flipping wildly between emotions before regressing into pure light.

The arrow exploded then, speeding up the process of them unfusing.

Jasper only squinted at the blinding light as wind whipped around her and through her hair. She could see Peridot stumble onto her rear out of the corner of her eye.

When it finally dimmed she could make out two prone figures, both grasping their heads. There was grumbling and yelling but she paid no attention to it. Some part of her was insisting to end it now, to shatter them both while they were winded; but most of her mind was swirling toward Peridot.

She was about to say something as her gaze turned toward the injured gem at her side, who seemed to be pulling herself to her feet and inching toward her comrades, but stopped as she felt something shift below her; a tremor wracking through the earth.

Her eye sharpened as she pulled Peridot back just as the ground before them exploded in a familiar shower of earth and rock.

Jasper wasn’t sure how this kept happening; these robots, these sentries should have been dormant for so long it would be impossible to begin to get them up and running again. She dropped the thoughts there, deciding she could question it later.

Right now she had to survive.

Jasper felt savage glee trace that familiar path through her veins as the sentry barely grazed past her. She came to an easy landing on the other side of the machine as it whirled up toward the sky. It was only then she realized she had the green gem under her arm, something archaic in her demanding to protect her old charge.

Another thing she refused to think too deeply on; it was a debt, she paid Peridot back. An eye for an eye, a life for a life, _an arm for an arm._

Jasper unceremoniously tossed the green gem as the sentry charged her again; driving deep into the earth where she had been moments before. Undeterred, the machine snapped toward her, the sharp and large pincers at the face of it’s wide body trying to close on her. She didn’t let them, jumping up and on top of the machine’s back with a landing that had her legs quiver briefly. She dug her claws into the thick of it’s back, letting the singing noise of metal being shredded echo in her ears. It made a weak attempt to buck her off, but she ignored it; digging her hand until she found the panel she had been looking for. Jasper pried it free with ease, but didn’t find what she was looking for.

The power core was missing; gemtech couldn’t run on goodwill.

Jasper hissed as the thing careened downward, driving back into the dirt with a scream like the sound of shattering crystal. She jumped off before it could bring her down, rolling to a stop as her eye tracked the rolling ground heading her way, right past those Crystal Gems. Her eye flashed as she planned her escape, waiting for the machine to breach again.

When it did Jasper was ready, jumping clearly over its mechanized maw. She landed in a roll, sprinting down the machine’s torso and down its winding tail until she was on the other side. The pearl and runt caught her speeding toward them and prepared their weapons.

She could hear the machine rotating behind her and turning around.

It was simple to counter that tired arc of the pearl’s spear, and easier to drag and throw the amethyst by her whips.

She didn’t stop however, clearing a path through them and dashing several yards away until the rumbling echo of destruction stopped trailing her. When she turned around she grinned, watching with unabashed amusement as those traitors fought the sentry. If she was lucky it would shatter them; but luck never was on her side. That rusted and lagging thing wouldn’t be able to hold up against them, especially if they fused once more.

At most it would give her time.

She had to find Lapis.

Jasper’s gaze sharpened as she saw Peridot in her peripheral. She seemed to be furtively sneaking glances in her direction before staring at the action below them. Jasper could see something straining in her teal eyes, but she couldn’t waste time speculating.

The orange gem whirled on her feet, steadily marching to the cover of trees in the distance and ignoring the pain that surfaced as adrenaline died.

She pretended not to hear the scurrying footsteps trailing her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be warned, i dont follow SU anymore; last ep i saw was Steven Floats. i have a vague idea of whats goin on in canon, but figure its not really relevant for finishing this fic. but yea if u expect to see stuff from canon bls no
> 
> anyhow it sure has been a year hasnt it? yea, lil more than that even. and i came back to write a fight scene... my... favourite.... alright, till next time //coughs, wheezes, waddles off


	18. High Tide

The confident militant stride she had taken was quick to fall apart as she drove herself forward, through the clustered trees around her. She moved sharply from shadow to shadow, glints of light prying through the dense canopy above her and refracting against the gemstone on her face. The pain she bore morphed into something else, something that had her growling and seething with anger.

How could she be calm right now? How could she have allowed this to even happen?

Jasper’s gaze flickered back, narrowed and threatening as she heard her old charge stumble over a branch with a muffled grunt - her old charge who thought to follow her, follow the gem who only moments before shattered her arm. Upon seeing she had stolen the larger gem’s attention, Peridot did something rather uncharacteristic; the young green gem wilted. Her small frame turned somehow even smaller as she quickly cradled her broken arm against her twitching hands.

“Uhh… sorry.” _Meek_.

Jasper had no pity in her heart for the pathetic display, only that same cocktail of disgust and _rage_ that was slowly working into every inch of her tense muscles. Her hand was beginning to twitch against her thigh.

Why hadn’t she shattered the gem yet?

She was defenseless, _weak_.

She made Jasper _weak_.

The large gem roared in frustration, letting her fist slam into and then through a nearby tree; tearing her gaze free of her new shadow as she continued to stalk forward. Peridot’s gasp went unanswered as Jasper focused on the gentle stinging of her raw knuckles.

What was she doing?

She needed to get to Lapis… but if she led Peridot to her?

What would happen to the smaller gem?

Why did it matter?

It didn’t matter.

Another growl rumbled in the thick of her aching chest, some irrational part of her needing to fill the heavy and oppressive silence in the world around them; to build walls out of noise, to have something tangible there to hold and brace against. Something to stop the feeling that had her throat tight, and eyes twitching; had her mind drowning in an inky darkness she had no name for.

She _hated_ duality.

Jasper made a motion that would suggest another unfortunate felling of a tree, but instead found some control as she turned her hand into a fist tight enough to have her claws pressing into her palm. She took a slow breath of air, finding some temporary calm in the stretching of her neglected lungs. At once the smell of earth and pine washed over her, sharp on her tongue. It was focusing, and that was what she needed right then.

The large gem whirled on her companion, stopping Peridot in her tracks with a dark look and a loaded demand.

“Explain yourself.”

“Y-You’ll have to be more precise with this line of questioning as I-” Peridot didn’t get to finish her long drawn and nervous thought, something like a squeal falling from her lips as Jasper tore her free from the ground and pressed her against the harsh bark of a dying tree.

Eye level.

Peridot didn’t meet her gaze.

“You wanted me _shattered_ Peridot, and then you… _saved_ me?” Jasper’s voice pitched, high and confused. Admitting it aloud made even less sense; had her reeling, scrambling to find sense in this suddenly upside down world.

Peridot jumped in her grasp, squirming against her locked fingers and finding the strength to meet her eye.

“Wha-? How could you have come across that infor-” Jasper pressed her tighter against the grain of wood, silencing her momentarily.

“ _Explain, Peridot_.”

“It’s not what you’re thinking, honest! It’s a misunderstanding-!”

“THEN EXPLAIN YOURSELF.”

“IF YOU WOULD STOP INTERRUPTING ME, MAYBE I COULD YOU _BRUTE_!” Peridot was screaming, yelling; voice turning shrill at it’s peak.

Jasper went to yell right back, eye sharp with a festering indignation over the idea Peridot would yell _at her_ , but she stopped herself; bit her tongue until something thick came free. It had been a long time, they no longer bore their old roles; their old ranks.

They were both abandoned and outcast.

Jasper bowed her head, minutely - slightly, allowing the smaller gem to speak.

“Jasper, I hadn’t seen you in over a year! I wasn’t sure if you were still on this crude rock, or even still functioning! And then you show up and half your arm is just _gone_ , and you’re rattling and shaking, yelling about a mission that doesn’t matter anymore! That we _failed_!” Jasper felt her hand twitch, lips curling into a snarl as Peridot’s eyes drifted somewhere to the right. Her voice wavering; quieter. “You- you almost pushed yourself to corruption… but not even out of a desire, or a _need_ to win. You just... gave up, and it was terrifying. I...” Peridot was gesturing lamely with her clawed hand, eyes flicking to and fro as her brows furrowed.

Jasper felt her snarl shift, a frown pulling at her lips as she released the gem, watching blearily as Peridot land squarely on her mechanical feet with a _click_. Her eyes were still staring at something Jasper didn’t care to look for, instead she kept her gaze trained on the green gem, looked for any lie, looked for insincerity as memories of that night - the night that should have been her last - once more held her captive in her own mind.

But there was no hypocrisy to the younger gems words.

It all rang as _true_.

“You looked so exhausted Jasper. You have to understand, I’ve never seen you like that, just… lying there, completely ignorant of your surroundings, of yourself; just... lying there broken. And then- then they were saying they were going to imprison you, keep you, add you to their disgusting catalogue of gems and shards. I just...I assumed it would be better…”

“If I was gone, shattered?” Jasper finished for her, voice sharp and angry; angry at herself for failing, angry at this gem for forcing her to her knees.

“Yes!” Peridot’s gaze finally shifted back to her, frustration turning her big teal eyes into accusatory slits. “It would be exponentially more merciful than whatever cruel torture that twisted and depraved lapis lazuli had- has been inflicting on you.”

In a beat Jasper roughly forced Peridot back against that tree with a solid sounding thump, her claws pressing into the green skin before her as a growl pulled free from her bared teeth. It would only take the slightest of exertion to rend, to scar. When she spoke, her voice was rasped and dangerous; a fire flicking against her low chords. “Watch your mouth.”

Peridot once more decided she was above warnings.

“No!” Her voice broke at the top of her denial, wildly flailing her head left and right. “She’s _diseased_. A sick perversion of a gem! It’s not _my_ fault imprinting makes you irrational; blind!”

“ _Peridot_!” Jasper hissed, pressing Peridot hard enough into the tree to have her falling quiet in her grasp. “If you’ve any sense left, you’ll drop it.”

“Fine!” Peridot snapped quickly. Jasper watched as her eyes narrowed, chin shifting up in a defiance she had once thought the gem wore well. Now, now it only burned. “But you know I’m right.” Peridot had whispered it, and yet Jasper’s ears were ringing.

Jasper refused to reply to her, letting Peridot fall free once more as a hand trailed through the unruly mess of her hair; claws scraping against her scalp.

 _Did_ she know that? Did she know anything?

Her gaze was unfocused as she took to leading them back through the forest. For a moment she thought Peridot wouldn’t follow, would finally come to her senses and leave the wreckage that Jasper was, but there was only a short pause before the droning clicks of Peridot’s feet echoed behind her.

It sent a wave of relief through her.

One that turned into irritation as Peridot took from following her to walking at her side. There was something so familiar about the action that it had Jasper growling, eye narrowing suspiciously. Peridot, for her part, merely glared back with a huff before she slowed her rapid steps down until she was out of Jasper’s periphery.

The silence lasted only a couple of minutes before Peridot sought to try her luck again, slowly catching up with Jasper until they were once more walking side by side. This time when Jasper growled, Peridot growled right back, face scrunching up ugly with confusion. “What?”

“I d-” Jasper cut herself off before she could finish her first thought, worrying her tongue over a fang before trying again. Admitting she didn’t know something to Peridot seemed a poor course of action. Admitting confusion in general accomplished nothing; nothing good in any case. “Nevermind.”

“Pfft, alright then Jasper.” Peridot said with a barely hidden roll of her eyes.

Jasper didn't rise to the bait, didn’t comment on it or acknowledge it, suddenly feeling tired. She continued to lead them mindlessly forward, halfway convinced she was dragging them around in circles as they passed a demolished tree very similar to the one she had torn down.

Peridot wouldn’t be able to tell. She was observant, but she also was under the impression she was above most things.

There was no way she would waste time staring at a tree.

Or at least, she hoped that was the case.

Jasper gave another sigh as her hand brushed the wild white bangs from her eyes, mind circling the younger gem.

Where did she stand with Peridot now?

It was… _logical_ to have wanted to hurt this gem earlier. It made perfect sense. Peridot had wanted her shattered, she was merely defending herself, even if it was through an emotional outburst.

She had grown so weary of gems picking through her mind when she could scarcely navigate the darkened space herself.

What sense did it make now though? For what reason would she have to want this gem shattered?

After Peridot’s explanation Jasper felt that boiling grudge, the one that had her relishing in the idea of malice and pain against the smaller gem, begin to fade. She didn’t quite forgive her, not after the night she lost her arm _twice_ , but she couldn’t be mad. Jasper had to admit Peridot’s actions were as she said and reasonable; a concept that was evidently foreign to her these days.

Jasper heaved a long and drawn sigh, trying to once again enjoy the subtle stretch of her lungs. It didn’t work the second time. “Why are you so quiet?” It was an idle comment, maybe a desperate one to fill the pervading awkward silence that was beginning to settle on her shoulders and drag her down.

“Hmm?” Peridot perked from where she was walking beside her, brows rising before her lips gave a purse. Her hand tapped lightly, rhythmically, against the mess of her right arm. “I’m just… gathering my thoughts.”

“I…” Jasper’s gaze was drawn to that misshapen and torn mess. “Look, I’m sorry about your arm.”

Peridot’s brow furrowed in confusion, not quite understanding the intent behind Jasper’s words. “I’m sorry that your arm is also in such a dreadful state; or I should say, your lack of one?”

This time it was Jasper’s turn to roll her eyes. “No, I mean, I’m sorry I did that to you.”

“Oh.” The way Peridot was looking at her made her uncomfortable, made her feel like a stranger in her own body. How could she have forgotten; Jasper didn’t apologize, Jasper was always right. Jasper’s gaze escaped the prying teal eyes to another remarkably similarly broken tree as she contemplated the idea of crawling free of her skin. “It’s... nothing worse than those crystal clods did to me, I can assure you that.”

Jasper didn’t know how to feel about that.

Guilty, her mind seemed to offer.

Not that she had much of an opportunity to bask in that unfamiliar well of muddied emotions as the sky above them rumbled and hissed.

Whatever sunlight that had been filtering through the trees had been blotted out with darkness, the sky heavy with clouds. Jasper wasn’t sure when it had began, only now recognizing the change in the weather.

“We should find shelter.” It was Peridot to suggest it.

Jasper ignored the ‘we’; the implication she would follow this gem, instead a low and rolling chuckle fell from her lips. “What, afraid of a little rain?” She wasn’t sure how much of that was directed at herself.

“I saw the remnants of some old gemtech machine over there; the third of fourth time you decided to circle aimlessly through here.” Peridot quipped back just as quickly, the smile she wore showing far too many of her needle like teeth.

Jasper frowned; so she _had_ noticed.

Humility was still something she was working to reconcile with.

They didn’t make it more than ten steps before a harsh downpour split the sky open with a rumble of thunder. Jasper had never been more thankful to feel the burning and searing trails of water falling over her frame, sparing a glance back to the sky hidden between leaves with something like a grin splitting her face.

Lapis would be unstoppable now.

More importantly, Lapis would be safe.

Jasper felt the worry of her mind wash free as more rain trickled over her twitching and shivering frame.

Her relief was short celebrated as a flash of light startled her and caught the corner of her eye. She curiously and slowly turned her head, it was far too close to be lightning. Her interest was rewarded as that light flashed once more; revealing its source to be from Peridot who almost seized up each time another spark flickered off her arm and hand.

Peridot must have caught her staring, her face tense with irritation as another spark ignited a twitch that ran the course of her protruding spine. She apparently felt the need to explain, as she was quick to speak up. “I have been experiencing some difficulty in procuring the correct material for-” She paused as another zap ran the course of her frame. “For the plating on this dreadful thing.” Her teal eyes shot to her mechanical hand that seemed to be losing control every few moments. “The situation is, as you can-...” A shiver, “See, still unresolved.”

Jasper couldn’t help but crack a smirk as the gem gave another start as electricity no doubt buzzed through her frame; her hand was making strange and sharp gestures. She continued to chuckle under her breath until Jasper realized Peridot was using the guise of her spastic hand to gesture rudely at her. She snapped her teeth playfully.

“Watch it _clod_.” Jasper said in response, spitting that overused term right back at the green gem.

“I haven’t the faintest idea as to what you’re talking about.” Peridot’s eyes dragged away from her yellow gaze, those teal orbs settling on the large and striped arm that suddenly hovered above her; sheltered her from the rain. A rush of teal flooded her green cheeks and Jasper wondered if she had been too impulsive. “T-Thank you, but… you do realize the water will just...” She made a rolling gesture with her sparking hand. “Accumulate and then proceed to obey gravity.” As if to prove her point, water trailed around Jasper’s arm and began to drip onto Peridot once more.

 _Foolish_.

Jasper dragged her arm back like she’d be shocked, shame bringing heat to her face as she quickly turned her gaze to the ground somewhere on her right; away from Peridot as her mind continued to berate her.

“W-wait I was just-” Whatever she said was cut off as she pressed that sparking hand against Jasper’s arm. She must have felt Jasper tense, saw something angry and defensive beginning to curl her face, as she was quick to retract her hand and put a couple steps of space back between them.

When had they even erased it?

The silence was back as Peridot directed them back to where she had saw the retired gem structure. Jasper wasn’t entirely sure what she was looking at as they wandered toward it; holes blasted through it, spires, ledges, and thick wires covered its surface. Maybe an old refueling station?; but when she tilted her head it looked sort of like an upturned personal carrier. Whatever it was, Peridot gave no pause before huddling under a lip of the ruined structure.

Lapis hadn’t come for her yet, even as the rain began to weigh her wild hair down with water. Perhaps the rain wasn’t as good a conductor for Lapis’ tracking abilities, or perhaps the gem was still busy.

She had time in any case.

Time she didn’t envy spending in the searing rain.

Jasper took a seat next to Peridot, huddled under the poor and slanted cover; boots still being pelted by the rain and runoff. The smaller gem was doing something next to her, but Jasper’s gaze remained on the storm before them. Even so, a thought began to pester her.

She decided to voice it.

“Why did you choose to follow me?”

“I’m not entirely positive.” Was the halting response she received. Jasper found her eye dragging toward her temporary companion; Peridot seemed to be using her clawed… toes to fix something in her sparking hand. Jasper gave her a long stare, brows furrowed at the strange… talent? Peridot merely ignored it, like there was nothing off to her actions. “Preliminary research?”

“For those Crystal Gems?” Jasper’s eyes narrowed.

“No. Personal; for myself.” Peridot finally met her gaze.

“What could you possibly be researching?”

“It’s preliminary.”

Jasper knew a deflection when she heard one; she tried not to think too hard on why that was. “Are you researching me?”

“That is, mostly correct yes.”

“Mostly?” She pulled her feet out from the rain, crossing her legs with a wince.

There was an exasperated sigh as Peridot gave a one armed shrug. “As I said, it’s preliminary; I haven’t committed to much quite yet. This was a spontaneous decision on my part Jasper. I’m not quite sure what consequences await me when I return, but I imagine fraternization with the ‘enemy’ and ‘abandoning allies’ isn’t going to be taken lightly.” Peridot’s face turned sour, an impossible exhaustion suddenly shining in her dull eyes. “Pearl will talk me into an early expiration.”

Jasper didn’t care to hear about the pearl or any of those Crystal Gems. Part of her was annoyed at the ease her old charge spoke of those traitors.

A smaller part was still glad Peridot had made it work; had survived.

Still, Jasper didn’t want to drive the conversation in that direction quite yet. She wanted to know why it was Peridot was here, especially after how both her and Lapis treated the smaller gem.

Jasper’s gaze narrowed in realization.

“Is it… about me and Lapis?” She ventured.

“It could be, it could be about you and your relationship with the dirt. As I said, it’s preliminary.”

“But you are researching me?”

“ _Stars_ Jasper, yes, yes it is about you; hence me being here, in your company.” Jasper growled at the impatience, only to have Peridot roll her eyes with a familiar exasperation she hadn’t seen since walking the halls of their ship. It should have been strange how quickly they had reverted to a place of camaraderie; but their relationship had never been normal to begin with. Jasper didn’t know much of normal now anyway. “You are _exhausting_ Jasper.” There was no bite to her words; something like humour - or as close to humour as a spiteful and humourless technician could be - pulling her lips into a smirk.

“Then why are you here; in my company.”

“Perhaps I find this a good exercise in patience.”

“You, patient?” Jasper felt a grin split her face; the beginnings of a rolling laugh thundering full from her stomach.

Peridot scowled and huffed. “Then perhaps I just enjoy your company.”

“I ripped your arm off.” Jasper pointed out, half incredulously over a laugh.

“I’ve experienced a - shall we say - higher than usual amount of limb dismemberment recently. It would have been more remarkable if you _hadn’t_ ripped it off.” Peridot lifted up the stub of her arm, a mechanical finger coming up to her lips as she studied bloody limb. “I had meant to abandon that Homeworld tech in any case, it’s performance was lackluster.”

“You’re taking this in a surprising amount of stride.” Jasper eyed her curiously, remembering the times where if Jasper even got _close_ to Peridot she would scream until she was teal in the face. Of course, the absurd and violent outbursts only prompted her to pester the gem further, acting aloof all the while.

Now, though?

“I’ve done some growing since we’ve last talked.” Peridot said, as if it answered everything.

It did.

She was _proud_.

“Are you sure? You’re a lot shorter than I remember.” Proud, but still capable of mocking the rather tiny gem.

“Ha. Ha. A clever joke from an equally clever clod. Will wonders ever cease?”

Jasper only gave a half hearted scoff, feeling her own eye roll this time. She felt no need to continue the conversation, bracing her chin on her upturned hand as she stared blankly out at the raining woodlands before her. Immediately her thoughts were drawn to Lapis, a curiosity that had slowly morphed into an obsession.

Was it wrong for her to be here, to be with someone other than the water gem? Jasper knew Lapis would disapprove of her talking to Peridot, but there were plenty of things that Jasper disapproved of Lapis doing. Did it make it okay for her to be doing this though? Was this worth upsetting Lapis over?

Was it worth telling her?

“Would you agree to a trade of information?” Jasper stirred at the sound of Peridot’s voice, the haze of her eye sharpening as she observed the rain go torrential. Was Lapis looking for her? Did she... want to be found? “I am rather curious as to what you’ve been up to; what you’ve been through. I will share my experience as well, if you wish to hear.”

Jasper shifted her gaze away from the rain, to Peridot. “For your research?”

“It would assist in that, but again no. This is more... personal.” She almost missed that last word over the scream of the rain.

 _Personal_.

“You first.” Jasper said.

“Agreeable.” Peridot replied.

And then she was recounting her tale; how she escaped the ship moments before it went down. How she found herself stranded on a world she had no knowledge of, how lost she was as she tried to find a way of relaying a message to anyone willing to listen. How every plea, every request, every call, was ignored. How she was chased out of towns from “rabid” humans, and finally, how she was caught, cornered, and taken captive in some old remnant gem base.

“Pearl can be rather.... Intimidating, when she isn’t annoying.” Peridot admitted after a pause, something like a shiver wracking her small frame. She started to idly fidget with the bared innards of her mechanical hand again; the claws of her toes precise in their movement as they pulled something free. “I mean, she’s just a pearl and she almost shattered me instantly! I tried to escape but, it’s a little more complicated to attempt such a feat when you are missing both your… well, feet.” Peridot nose crinkled in mirth at her sad attempt at humour. “I tried getting one last shot off, but my canon takes a few moments to charge. Those precious seconds were spent watching as Garnet mauled my arm before crushing me.” Peridot made a face and Jasper was sure some part of her was mimicking it.

“How did you end up… joining them after all of that?”

“It was Steven mostly. Steven and self preservation.” She shrugged, nonplussed. “After some indeterminate amount of time they released me from imprisonment in order to pump information out of me.”

“Were they successful?”

Peridot suddenly cowed, eyes nervous. “Maybe a… few things. Nothing important.”

Did she think Jasper still cared for Homeworld? That Jasper still held loyalty toward the gem who abandoned her on this rock?

“The questions they asked seemed more about me than anything.” Her nervous expression quickly filtered to one of annoyance; haughtiness. “Can you believe those clods have never seen a Clastic before? They kept prodding at my gem, demanding to see my weapon, and made me reform a dozen more times as if I’d somehow come out with limbs like them.”

“Your kind are newer Peridot. These… Crystal Gems have been stranded on this planet for millennia with no communication to Homeworld. They know nothing.”

“Which would explain why they appeared shocked to hear Homeworld is dying.”

“‘Nothing important’?” Jasper repeated with a quirked brow.

There was a strained laugh falling from her lips. “Oops? I may have… idly mentioned the clusters as well...”

Jasper felt her brows furrow; she had been curious as to the state of it. Had everything gone by schedule this planet should have been gone. “What became of Earth’s cluster?”

“ _Oops_?”

“What does that mean?”

“I helped… get rid of it…?”

Jasper had half a mind to ask how, but she had a feeling her disbelief would only grow exponentially worse at the tale. Instead she just nodded, schooled the bewilderment of her face into something more like a smirk.

“You aren’t mad?”

“Why would I be, I’d rather not be on this planet during that calamity. You saved my ass.” She shrugged. “I assume after that, you earned their respect and some trust?”

“Mostly. The pearl- we’re not on the best of terms, putting it lightly.” There was a flash of grimace playing across her face as she looked out to in front of them, but it was quickly swallowed up by a small smile. “I’ve had a lot of time to think, and a lot of time to... not think; appreciate. I don’t think this place was as irredeemable as it was made out to be. There’s still a lot of awful of course, but it’s not all bad.”

Jasper found herself looking over her companion for good this time. Peridot had gone through a lot in Jasper’s absence, grown an incredible amount, and seemed all the more stronger for it. She had weathered this planet in all of its unfairness and still kept her spirit and tenacity. She was speaking before she could stop herself, that same guilt from before bubbling to the front of her mind. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.”

Where she thought Peridot would be accepting or even shrug it off, she was decidedly not. Her attention was pulled from the minor if idle work she was doing on her hand, staring at Jasper with a confusion that was etched deep into her face.

Then, finally, she spoke:

“What did she _do_ to you?”

Jasper’s chest ached.

“ _Peridot_.”

“Fine, fine, _fine_.” The smaller gem snapped and hissed, her attention falling from Jasper’s face and back to her hand which she worked at with a bit more aggravated movements. “I’ll find out anyway; it’s your turn to tell me what happened to _you_.” She paused, before quickly adding as if Jasper would decline her otherwise, “We had a deal.”

“We did.” Jasper agreed with a sigh, her hand finding itself pushed against her barren shoulder in an old but habitual action of uncertainty. There was a lot about the past she would have loved to leave behind; would love to forget.

She hoped facing it would make her stronger.

It was with that thought she found her voice and kept it steady, her eyes locking on the pouring rain as she relieved her time on this miserable planet; _home_. The battle on the ship, the desperation, the opportunity presented in that deceitfully small blue hand, and then ocean; nothing but water, nothing but _Lapis_ for a year.

The crowning of Malachite, the crack of her gem, how the stars looked so bright the night the ocean released her. She brought up the corrupted gems she fought, brought up Anjou, and recounted the moment she decided she _needed_ to see Lapis again. Jasper continued after a lengthy pause, describing almost perfectly that cave; that same cave they would come back to months later, and all the things they said that night.

All the things they didn’t.

Peridot’s face was sympathetic as Jasper revealed her plan to use Lapis, no doubt already guessing how that ended by the broken look Jasper adopted, but otherwise stayed quiet as the larger gem continued. The day Jasper chased Lapis through the sky, the night Lapis kissed her; the beginnings of ownership and subservience.

And then the Kindergarten; the duality of being so lost, and yet so _found_. The need, the drive to save Peridot, the rejection, the fear. That moment she decided to die.

And then the rebirth, _the imprinting_.

“I had meant to ask about the stripes.” Peridot said as Jasper paused. Whatever she thought of them she for once didn’t say, merely letting her teal eyes trail over the stripes on Jasper’s arm.

Jasper let her, gave her a moment, and then continued.

She recounted the suffocating feeling of worrying for her charge; of displeasing her _Diamond_ , the long moment she was convinced she was blind. Then Jasper was talking about the fight, her voice somewhat lighter, clearer, excited. The shift, the change as she held Lapis, as Lapis held her; walked her back to the cave. 

The night… well, she kept that to herself.

Lapis leaving the next morning, Anjou and Seckle playing with her; Forelle smiling. Then the terror of being hunted, the worry and fear as a group of gems crested a neighbouring hill. “You know how that ended.” She ended rather lamely, freeing her shoulder of her prodding claws.

There was a moment where Peridot merely sat there, digesting all this new information. Jasper made no move to rush her, not feeling any better for reliving her harrowing experience, but feeling lighter.

The rain was slowing.

“But, for what reason would you imprint; and on _her_?” Peridot’s voice was quiet, her eyes trained on the rain.

“She’s all I have left.” Peridot looked about to protest, to counter the truth somehow, but she seemed to think better of it after a moment, seemed to look saddened. “You _all_ wanted me shattered or imprisoned, and my Diamond abandoned me.”

“I will concede, that would be a logical conclusion to jump to.” Her hand was pressing into the dirt. Jasper could see frustration working into the corners of her eyes and mouth. “But still, to imprint on her…” Peridot gave a sigh and Jasper felt one stuck in her chest. “You’re at least free with her?”

Jasper wasn’t sure what the word meant anymore.

How could she be free when she couldn’t be without Lapis?

“No…” Jasper’s voice turned sardonic as she thought of those first few days along the beach with Lapis, of those times water tied tightly around her neck and dragged her back to the ocean. A smirk curved her lips, hid the ache of the memory. “Longer leash though.”

Jasper watched as Peridot’s face flushed teal with rage and frustration. There was vitriol on the tip of her tongue, but Jasper stopped her before she could speak, easily talking over her stuttered beginnings. “Peridot.”

She could only defend Lapis so many times, could only believe her own words so many times.

“I have been wondering something.” Jasper asked as the rain tapered out into a slight drizzle. She stood up ignoring the rush of pain from the wounds in her legs.

“What’s that?” Peridot said, climbing to her feet as well with a stretch that had her strange spine arcing.

“How do you know about Imprinting? It’s not exactly common knowledge.”

“W-well I had to do _some_ research on my future escort.”

“That so?” Jasper asked, putting her hand idly out to greet the sporadic flecks of rain. She looked down at Peridot. “What kind of ‘research’ are we talking about?”

“Purely ethical and professional things I assure you.” Something about the way Peridot was flushing and frowning seemed to suggest otherwise. Jasper’s gaze must have given away her thoughts, as Peridot continued to poorly defended herself with hiss moments later. “Do I strike you as intrusive, _nosey_?”

Jasper only gave her a long look, one that made Peridot huff in a way Jasper was all too accustomed to. She let a low chuckle roll free as the smaller gem stomped out of the cover and into the filtering rays of sun. “I do seem to recall you calling me ‘perfection’ earlier.”

Peridot looked over her shoulder and stuck her tongue out. “That’s how they advertised your kind, the ultimate Quartz soldier. I was merely repeating the sentiment.”

Jasper didn’t believe her for a moment, stepping out from the cramped shelter - stepping back into the real world - and next to Peridot. She found her eye drawn to the green gem, both their gazes meeting before locking.

They stood like that for a moment, basked in the silence of the trees and each other’s company. Jasper was the one to break their gaze.

Lapis would be looking for her.

Jasper’s eye drew up the strange gem structure, watching as metal turned to leaves. The peak was hidden somewhere past that splash of green. It would work well enough as a lookout, Jasper thought before she was coiling her legs and springing up towards its sheer surface. Her claws snapped into it with ease, stopping her from falling back down as she placed her feet against the metal to steady herself. Again she prepared to jump, flying higher and higher up the column each time until she was near the peak and could see past the surrounding trees.

From up here she could see most of the rolling hills they had came from and the entirety of the forest. No lakes or ponds though; no rivers or streams. Jasper sighed, her eye flicking to the swell of clouds continuing east. It would make sense for Lapis to stay near the storm, to stay near the water source.

She would go there then.

Jasper let herself fall then, slowing her descent momentarily before landing heavily next to Peridot. The gem was staring up at her, something in her eyes but Jasper only shrugged the look off before heading in the direction of the retreating storm. 

This time she wasn’t surprised to hear Peridot’s feet trail after her.

Most of the trip through the forest was made in silence; both of them left to their own private musings. Jasper thought to say something several times, perhaps scare Peridot off, but thought better - or maybe worse - of it. It wasn’t until they were in those rolling hills once more that Peridot spoke up, her eyes trained toward the ground.

“I have a confession to make.” She waited until Jasper looked at her before continuing, eyes once more drawn to the dirt below them. “I am a Clastic, so the abilities you ‘Pure’ Gems hold aren’t applicable to me; I have no space in my gem, no capacity to summon a Light Weapon, nor the ability to freely shapeshift.” She ticked a finger up with each addition to the list. “It goes without saying, my kind also cannot have the rarer abilities such as; elemental manipulation, invisibility, resto-”

“Where’s the point you’re trying to get to?” Jasper cut her off before she could list off infinite more gem powers.

“The point is I’m Clastic. It is impossible, if very very improbable, for me to develop unique talents.” Peridot finally dragged her eyes up to Jasper. “And yet, based on the prior hours, I am positive I am of that 0.00001 percent.”

Jasper narrowed her gaze, trying to think of any suggestions of Peridot using some unnamed force. She was drawing a blank, there was nothing about the last fight that-

Jasper started in realization.

She couldn’t mean...?

“I thought it was merely a coincidence, even after viewing the evidence you displayed while carving up that old gem machinery. I only confirmed it while we were sitting under that rubble. Jasper my arm short circuited, it’s completely fried internally. I removed all connections to the power source, all the electrical conductors, and cut most of the wiring. For all intents and purposes, there is no hardware for my arm, and yet,” as if to prove a point, Peridot closed her hand into a fist and opened it slowly. “This is impossible; what I did was impossible.”

Jasper could scarcely believe what the gem was saying; it _was_ impossible. She stopped them both in their tracks before crouching down to pull at Peridot’s arm. Her mechanical expertise wasn’t as far stretching as the younger gems, but she could tell when something should be working, and when something was dead weight.

Jasper turned the arm in her fingers, eye following the glimpses of internal work between sheets of metals and chips. Peridot wasn’t lying. The core lay unattached to the motherboard, every wire connecting to it snipped, each conduit sliced.

Peridot’s arm was unpowered.

Peridot’s arm was twitching in her grasp.

Jasper looked back up to the _Clastic_. Peridot met her gaze. “So you can control…”

“Technology? Robots? Electronics? I haven’t exactly had time to test this theory out, so I am not sure how reaching this goes.”

“And you were the one to bring back those scrap metal sentries?”

“That is my impression of the events, yes.”

Jasper’s grip on Peridot’s arm tightened. “The same scrap metal sentries that tried to attack Lapis and I.”

“Umm.. yes, one and the same.” Jasper’s gaze narrowed and Peridot turned flustered. “L-Look, it’s a new development, I can’t be a master my first attempt. I’m not even quite sure how I did that to begin with. I was just, in a lot of pain and I felt something and I reached out...” She paused, looking guiltily to the side. “Lapis and uhh, well, you, were on my mind. It wouldn’t be too far of an assumption to make that that’s what made you both targets. I experimented with the feeling to see if I could focus its attention elsewhere, to get it off of you, and it seemed to work.”

“You made it attack the pearl and the runt.”

“I… yes, it would appear I did.”

Jasper grinned, “They’ll have your head for that.”

Peridot’s face seemed to lose some of it’s colour. “That’s only if they come across this knowledge.”

“You won’t tell them?”

“No, I need more time to experiment with it before they no doubt try to weaponize it.” Peridot seemed to look at her arm with a renewed sense of wonder… and entitlement.

Jasper cringed at the idea of Peridot; lord of machines. The gem had too much of an ego to begin with, not to mention how disastrous it would be if Peridot decided to unleash that power on her and Lapis again. Jasper released Peridot’s arm with a sigh, turning back towards the retreating clouds.

“We will be parting ways, you understand that don’t you Peridot?”

“That has yet to be seen Jasper.”

Jasper frowned, her feet beginning to move once more. “Your… friends are no doubt worried about you, and my-...”

“ _Your_ lapis lazuli?” Peridot finished, taking up pace beside Jasper.

“Yes. I need to find her.”

There was a momentary silence as Peridot seemed to consider something.

“And if we find her, she will shatter me won’t she?”

“Yes.” There was no point in lying.

“Would you stop her?”

Jasper didn’t reply, the question too loaded for her liking. Even if she would, if she did, if she somehow beat the conditioning of imprinting, Lapis could easily subdue her.

‘Would’ seemed a pointless thought to entertain when she _couldn’t_.

“Perhaps I should stop accompanying yo-” She was interrupted by a third voice, a shout coming from behind the two of them

“PERIDOT!”

It was the runt, accompanied by the rest of the Crystal Gems. Jasper tensed next to Peridot, almost instinctively awaiting the smaller gem to betray her again. It never came though, Peridot merely stood there next to Jasper, looking impressively out of place. Her yellow eye trained over the group again, all of them looking worse for wear.

The fusion seemed to be holding the pearl back from engaging.

Another ceasefire?

It didn’t matter, nothing mattered.

“Where’s Lapis?” Jasper howled at them, her lips curling into a rumbling snarl. It looked like the runt might say something, but she was stopped as the Steven boy stepped forward. Jasper’s gaze narrowed suspiciously at him and the tired expression he wore.

“S- She’s okay, she… she got away.”

Lapis was safe then.

She had to go.

Jasper whirled around, ready to take off when she felt something press against her leg. There was no strength to the touch, even if there was, Peridot wasn’t strong enough to stop her, she could have easily taken off. She didn’t. She hesitated, finding herself turning to face the green gem still at her side.

“Come back with me.” Peridot suddenly looked smaller than Jasper could ever remember.

“Peridot.”

“ _Jasper_.”

“You know I can’t.”

“I know nothing of the sort.”

“Lapis… Lapis needs me.”

Peridot’s face turned ugly with a frown, her needle like teeth as visible as her impatience; her frustrations and worries. “I’m sure any old rock will suffice to vent her unending aggression.”

“ _I_ need her.”

“Jasper...” Despite the protest, the green gem’s anger seemed to deflate in on itself, the only thing left on her face worry and resignation. The hand fell from her leg, hanging uselessly next to Peridot’s side. Her teal eyes were pointed at the ground, the space between them.

Jasper knew defeat when she saw it.

“Goodbye Peridot. Do not let them follow me.”

And then she was gone.

This time there were no trailing footsteps.

No stumbling technician.

No awkward apologies.

The only thing that met her ears was the sound of her own boots beating against the earth, and something quieter, softer, in her own mind.

_Would she ever stop running?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember that Peri chapter i was talking about ages ago? well ye, here it finally is. we finally get some action and development from the nerd. this chap came out a lot faster than i was expecting, but it's mainly dialogue and thats p easy to shit out real fast. the rest of the chaps for this arc(about four left?) should come out once a week, its simple as hell to get em out considering ive been sitting on them.. for two years..... yea..............
> 
> as for when we get to arc 3, i might take a bit of a hiatus because i still am not too sure how i want to end that
> 
> anyhow, thanks a ton for the comments and kudos', really happy to see some of yall coming back to this garbage pit. im trying not to reply to comments(it counts my own into the total so it feels kinda like cheating?), but if you do want to ask me something or whatever feel free to do so. or ask for my discord, since im not on tumblr anymore and dont really want to be haha. see yall in the next chap in /seven daysssss/ at the most //fingerguns


	19. Mercury

Jasper was restless, charging almost mindlessly forward. Forward and toward the turbulent and passionate storm that towered before her like an omen; darkened clouds and powerful winds greeting her desperation.

It felt like hours, _days_ since she had left Peridot, since she had started this endless chase; the rolling greens beneath her feet giving way mountainous paths and craggy earth.

She needed to see Lapis. There was something sharp and impossibly dark flowing in between her ribs; a raw and seeping sorrow that jolted forth and consumed to each beat of her feet. It felt like she was being burned alive, cracked open and ignited. That shooting pang only seemed to grow, a blistering sensation that had her right shoulder itching and needling in a tortuous pull of agony.

The insidious turn of her mind against herself; against Lapis, had her reeling.

Jasper was almost rendered crippled by pain in that moment, feeling her feet shuffle and stutter beneath her, the ground suddenly feeling wet and vicious and _pulling_. It demanded her surrender, ravenous with the idea of her defeat.

A part of her wanted to fall; to sink to her knees and let this infection of her mind drown her in a misery she had never known. To at once know everything and nothing. To stop.

It was a part of her that she was beginning to worry occupied _most_ of her.

Jasper braced her hand against the scar of her shoulder, a fresh wave of pain blossoming where her fingers met the ragged and uneven scoring of scars; a source, a reason. It would always be easier working with this kind of pain, with something tangible, something real to force herself against until it collapsed away.

It was simple then, to use it as a tool to focus her senses.

Though, she wasn’t sure how long that would work, how long she could use pain as a drive, as agony a purpose.

Her fragmented and disjointed mind offered only one truth in reply: anguish.

Jasper pressed her feet into the earth a little harder, dug the toe of her boots a little deeper, and moved a little faster. She pushed and strained until her jaw slackened and her throat clenched, drove forward until the sun was hidden behind the curling of heavy and dark clouds, and only felt relief as water burned against her.

At once her frame twitched and cried, at once her mind was swallowed by fear.

But she did not stop.

If she had any doubts Lapis was here, they were quick to fade as Jasper was met with the full brunt of the torrential rain around her. It whirled and whipped around harshly, a mockery of a tornado as it pelted into her left flank with enough force, enough pain, to give pause.

Just as Jasper was sure the storm would render her weightless, would send her tearing through the earth behind her, everything came to a stop.

Jasper found herself steadying her stance, trying to see past the frozen pellets of water that surrounded her. It looked almost peaceful, almost beautiful, but Jasper knew all too well what terrible strength was hidden in every serene droplet. Her attempts at finding a path didn’t go unanswered, the water beginning to breathe around her, shift until a passageway was clear before her.

She didn’t need to be told, already spying a strange and large prism of water in a place where light filtered through the storm in the far distance. Her feet began moving of their own volition as she followed the opening offered to her.

Behind her, after each step, the storm began to whirl to life once more; protecting her from the outside or… keeping her here; imprisoning her. It was alarming how often she found herself trapped considering her abhorrence and newfound fear of prisons. Jasper didn’t offer any further thoughts, focusing instead on her steps as they turned measured and even.

It only took a few moments of hearing the howling storm behind before she was urged forward the final few paces into a space where the clouds were parted, where light streamed freely.

A dozen feet before her was Lapis, floating next to a strange entity of water that was dancing and spinning, reshaping and reforming every other moment as if it was breathing. Jasper felt a burden collapse freely of her at the sight of the water gem; untouched and unmarred by either the fusion or that sentry.

It was no more after a moment, the storm around them beginning to falter as Lapis’ gaze finally landed on her; as Lapis attention was readily devoured by her presence.

Jasper staggered a few steps forward before stopping under that gaze, an act of hesitation that had doubt flowering pretty in her mind.

Lapis either didn’t notice, or didn’t care.

Lapis dashed toward her with a single flap of her wings, colliding solidly against Jasper. She watched as those blue hands traced slowly up her front until they reached past her shoulders; fingers sinking into her generous white mane as those slender blue arms twined around her neck in an entirely intimate and welcoming action.

Jasper felt heat spark in her chest, watching the small smile curving Lapis’ too soft face as she pulled Jasper closer by a lock of white hair. Jasper gaze was steady as she looked into Lapis’ dark eyes; brimmed with equal parts uncertainty and relief.

And then Lapis was kissing her; slow and patient, tender and wanting. Heavy with affection and worry and so much more. It had her eyes closing, the spark in chest igniting, thrumming and overflowing with fondness and something thicker, something warmer.

Jasper found herself eagerly sinking into the heat of those cool lips, her hand pressing into Lapis’ back and dwarfing her frame as her fingers ran the course of her spine. Those watery wings were quick to retract as her hand neared that blue gem, and Lapis more than willingly sunk into the comfort of Jasper’s hold.

The smaller gem gave a pleased hum, relaxing against her in a way Jasper hadn’t thought was possible for Lapis. Each soothing press of Jasper’s fingers had a sigh or a shudder leaving Lapis unhurriedly, turning the kiss languid and sloppy as Lapis melted against her.

The storm quieted around them, but neither paid it any mind.

When the kiss drew to an end with yearning settling heavily in Jasper’s chest, Lapis didn’t pull away. Instead, Jasper felt those soft lips press against her gemstone. “I missed you,” Lapis confessed so quietly Jasper was half way convinced she was merely hearing her own thoughts. She didn’t open her eyes, feeling heat press against the face of her gem and dance over the flesh of her cheek as she basked in this strange warmth; this _peace_.

When she finally found the strength to pull herself free of the moment, she was met with the sight of Lapis’ smirking ever so softly at her; a chilled thumb brushing her cheek as Lapis cupped her jaw. “Why are you blushing?” Lapis pulled her into another kiss, a kiss so fragile Jasper refused to even blink lest she shatter the delicate thing. “There’s no reason to be embarrassed Jasper.” Lapis was cooing into her ear, teasing her with a trail of feather light kisses along her jaw. “Not over this, never over this,” she finished with another kiss pressed almost chastely against Jasper’s lips.

This.

Jasper’s mind replied idly as she pulled Lapis closer against her, pressed against her tight enough to feel Lapis’ breath in her own chest.

 _This_?

Lapis was only eager, only receptive, her fingers scraping soothingly against her scalp and drawing a slow and rolling purr from Jasper. Lapis cooed in response, her breath tickling the crook of Jasper’s striped neck.

What was _this_?

It was all her mind could wonder as her knees gave out beneath her, as she almost desperately erased their edges with fervor and a lingering hunger hot enough she was sure Lapis was burning under her touch. _Melting_.

How could she had ever doubted Lapis?

How could she had ever doubted this feeling?

They remained like that for a stretched moment, tracing each other’s borders; sinking into each other’s warmth.

“I didn’t think I’d see you again.” Jasper felt the words against her suddenly hollow chest, Lapis’ lips brushing the spot between her collarbones and against her suit as the water gem shifted in Jasper’s lap.

“Wha-” Confusion scored strange shapes across Jasper’s features. She pulled her chin free from where it had been resting on the smaller gem’s head, trying to meet Lapis’ tucked face. Lapis refused to shift in response, seemingly burying deeper against Jasper’s chest. “Why would you think that Lapis?”

“We could have turned around, you know that don’t you? We could have finished them all off while they were recovering; retreating.” She said instead, her soft and rolling voice building to something.

Jasper tightened her grip, mind trying to catch up with Lapis’ sudden conversation change. “We…” She didn’t finish the thought, unsure as to what would have shaken free of her suddenly tense jaw.

Yes, that had been the original idea; all of the encounter was just a stalling tactic to get Lapis to water, and after that…

They could have ended everything.

They could have been free.

Jasper felt something cold settle into the pit of her stomach; dread.

Why was the idea so repulsive suddenly?

“We won’t though.” Lapis murmured, her hands rubbing nonsensical patterns against Jasper’s side. At once relief washed through her, and then shame; _weakness_. She remembered then what had made her weak, what made her doubt.

 _Peridot_.

Lapis finally looked up to meet her gaze, her dark eyes sharp with hurt as if she could still pull free what thoughts she desired from Jasper’s mind. “We won’t because I have someone I love back there, and you… You have someone...” Lapis’ eyes fell again, pressing her forehead once more to Jasper’s chest. Instead of continuing she only repeated her earlier words. “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

How much did Lapis know?

Had Lapis been running from her?

Was Lapis planning on leaving her again?

Or did she think Jasper would leave with Peridot, _abandon her_.

Jasper felt tense all over again, the soothing motion her hand had taken against Lapis’ back stilling. “Lapis…”

“You told me she meant nothing to you-”

“I said we were hardly friends.” Jasper reminded her carefully, slowly. Trying to avoid a disastrous outcome, to avoid losing Lapis at any cost. “I didn’t lie to you Lapis.”

“Have you seen the way she looks at you?”

Jasper had no response to that, a sort of numbness offering respite to her strained and rolling thoughts. How had they gone from kissing to this?

“I’m… sorry. I… I don’t blame you...” Lapis started some time later, a sigh catching in her throat. “I want to be mad at you, I really do but… It would be hypocritical wouldn’t it? To be upset over something as silly as jealousy.” Lapis paused a moment before continuing, her small fingers digging into the fabric of Jasper’s clothes. “ _She’s_ right, they all are right - I’m bad for you Jasper.” Lapis was looking at her again, a weary and worn brittleness replacing the hurt to Lapis’ look. “They know it, we know it, _I_ know it. I’ve hurt you - I hurt you, I’ll hurt you. You must think me cruel... must think me a monster.”

“Lapis I-” Jasper never had a chance to finish, unaware of what she was going to say to begin with.

“You don’t have to lie, I’ve see the fear in your eyes before, I’ve seen the hate. I’m a monster Jasper, I think I’ve... always been one. I don’t want to be, I don’t think anyone wants to be one, but… I don’t know how to stop.” Lapis’ hand reached out, her thumb trailing that stripe along Jasper’s cheek. Despite the watery quality of her voice, Jasper could see nothing more to her expression, nothing beyond exhaustion. “I’m not sure why, but there is always someone apologizing to me, someone trying to find reason to my actions outside of anger; outside of selfishness.” Her thumb trailed lower, brushing against Jasper’s lips. “First Steven, just someone caught in my crossfire, and now you, _my victim_. You both try to defend me, but you have to know by now… what I do is not accidental. I’ve chosen to hurt you both, and I will unfortunately choose it again.”

“If it’s a choice, then why? Why don’t you stop Lapis?” Jasper’s voice was almost as fragile as the look Lapis wore. She didn’t understand, or maybe she didn’t want to. Jasper had made a cruel choice once before, had tried to impress her will and strength upon this gem.

Hesitation did not breed survivors; _victors_.

Did Lapis need her… to survive?

“I can’t. I want to give you back everything I’ve taken from you… but if I could, if I do... will I lose you?”

Jasper didn’t have an answer to that, her mind reeling as it tried to keep up with this strange apparition before her; this suddenly vocal variation of Lapis, this suddenly very open, and very vulnerable gem.

Was she right? Would she have stayed with Lapis if she had anything left? If she had time, purpose, _strength_? She had sought the gem out under duress, she had coupled with her and stayed along her side because she had nothing...

The answer was obvious, wasn’t it?

Jasper hated the realization; the feeling of everything suddenly coming into focus, of everything so sharp and glaring. Everything, _all of this_ , was Lapis’ fault.

Lapis continued hurriedly, as if the clarity in Jasper’s gaze was an omen.

“ _I_ can’t lose _you_ , Jasper.” There was an intensity to her eyes Jasper had never seen before - but what could she had ever seen in those hauntingly reflective eyes before? She had only ever been able to see what Lapis allowed; anger and frustration, impatience and spite.

There was something there, something Lapis was waiting for; prompting her for. Jasper found herself stumbling toward it, tongue heavy with too many things she had left unsaid. “But,” she started, watching curiously as Lapis’ eyes seemed to sharpen and soften at once. “But, _I_ can lose _you_.” Jasper felt her eye narrow, a frown beginning to work her taut lips downward. “Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what you believe?” Lapis didn’t respond immediately, her eyes seeming to trace over Jasper’s cracked face as her hands drew up until they cupped Jasper’s jaw.

“Whatever you feel for me Jasper, is shallow.” Her voice didn’t waver, firm with belief as she drew Jasper into a deep kiss, occupying the larger gems tongue from protesting - and Jasper almost did anyway, almost pulled away from the smaller gem’s inviting mouth, almost overflowed with words both true and false. Almost, but she couldn’t pull away; she didn’t want to.

She wondered if it hurt, if some part of Lapis ached at the submission, at the lack of defense.

She wondered if she would enjoy that.

Lapis stopped briefly, pulling away for only a moment to continue her train of thought; voice steady and purring despite Jasper’s expectations. “Whatever this imprinting is doing to you is depthless.” Lapis pushed against her mouth again, this time more demanding, this time letting her teeth slide painfully over Jasper’s quickly bruising lips.

Jasper didn’t pull away this time either as Lapis proved her point, as her pupil ringed behind her eyelid and a groan followed the rush of endorphins that overwhelmed her frame. Lapis only stopped moments later when she was finished, leaving a thrumming fire in Jasper’s chest and gut; a need she wasn’t sure was forced onto her, or merely embraced by her.

It was hard to make the distinction between the reactions of imprinting, and her own responses.

Then, finally, Lapis spoke once more; finished what she had been building up to.

“I’ve been drowning in you ever since we made Malachite.”

Jasper tensed at the mention of the name; two parts out of an all too familiar fear, three for reasons she refused to dive into. Lapis must have noticed her hesitation, noticed the _fear_ because she was smiling in that all too familiar and ugly way. Jasper knew where this was headed before the game even began, scowling as Lapis brought her forehead to hers and locked their gazes.

Why did Lapis always do this?

“I miss that feeling Jasper.” Lapis purred, her face suddenly framed by a blue glow. “I miss _us_.” Jasper didn’t push her away even as her stomach lurched uncomfortably, even as her hand began to shake in earnest; claws digging into the fabric of her leg for a grasp at stability.

Why did she always play this game?

“You won’t force me into fusing with you Lapis.” Jasper managed to say after a moment, a confidence she wasn’t allowed to feel keeping her voice level as she refused to even blink; to glance away from those suddenly expressive eyes before her.

Why did she always try to push Jasper away?

“Are you... willing to risk that?” Those eyes shifted away from her own, shifted to where her gemstone hung on her face. There was an unfathomable hunger in Lapis’ eyes, but Jasper refused to submit to fear, refused to drown in anxiety.

“I won’t leave you.” Jasper affirmed as if that was answer enough, letting her trembling hand press against Lapis once more; to touch that all too warm gemstone on her back. At once her hand stopped shaking, at once she felt something like indomitable and grand as Lapis gasped under her touch.

Whenever they scratched the surface of progress, whenever they spilled fears so vivid it painted their thoughts red; Lapis would recoil and retreat. Lapis would be _overwhelmed_ , and she would force that feeling onto Jasper.

Jasper wouldn’t allow her to do it again.

There was a long moment of silence, Lapis’ eyes flicking through an array of surprise before finally settling on something more guarded. “You can’t make promises like that.” She decided, as if all it took was her word to make a law.

Maybe at one point that was true, maybe some time before the impression of her words were enough to make others submit.

To make _her_ submit.

The glow behind Lapis grew dark despite her protest.

“I can.” Jasper said instead, finding the strength to resume dragging her fingers slowly over Lapis’ gem. “You have me, for better or worse.” Saying the words aloud didn’t make them any easier to swallow; they were truthful, but still bitter and harsh. With Lapis it always felt like she never really had an option, as if all of this was manufactured; pre-destined.

Without Lapis she had nothing, she _was_ nothing.

Therefore, Lapis was everything.

Part of her relished in the simplicity of it.

Lapis’ hands moved once more to her hair, those webbed fingers idly playing in the white tresses. Jasper tried not to get distracted, mind swirling between the hands in her hair and the words mentioned earlier. Lapis had admitted to being as enraptured and entangled with her as Jasper was the smaller gem.

More than Jasper, if her words were to be believed.

Yet, despite everything, Lapis still doubted her..

“Do you think me a liar when I say I need you?” She pulled Lapis closer to her, tucking her chin on top of her blue head, her throat exposed to Lapis’ face as the beginnings of a purr worked free from her chest.

“I think desperation makes fools of us all.” There was the gentle beginnings of a laugh there, but Lapis didn’t give into it.

“Fool has to be one of the more pleasant things I’ve been called.” Admittedly, Jasper wasn’t familiar with compliments, not with the life she had led.

“Is that right, _brute_?” This time she did laugh, a small thing between a scoff and a giggle.

“Unfortunately, _brat_.” She quipped back as quickly, a mock growl quietening in her throat. Jasper pulled back after a beat, her hand freeing itself from the pattern it was tracing to press under Lapis’ chin; to make her look up at her. “Why are you so sure I’ll leave you?”

“I… I’ve tried controlling you, holding you against your will. It ends with you resenting me, with you hating me… but I get to keep you, have you, and sometimes that’s… enough for me.” Lapis began, eyes falling beneath her bangs almost defensively. “But the first time I gave you a choice, the first time I asked something of you - begged, instead of taking it, you walked away.”

_"Please! I just... let me think... Jasper please."_

Jasper pushed the memory away with a pull of air, centering herself in the present lest the past consume her. Her thumb brushed along Lapis’ jaw, Jasper’s gaze draw to those eyes as they sparked with something. Undeterred, Jasper’s hand shifted until her thumb was brushing those bangs back. Lapis’ eyes grew dark, but still she spoke, continued whatever thought she had as her tongue grew heavier.

“My feelings for you have been almost the same since the moment we were… _freed_ of Malachite.” One of Lapis’ hands pulled itself out of Jasper’s hair, trailing up her large arm between them as her eyes languidly shut. “Yours, your feelings change so quickly; so frequently, I’m never quite sure how you feel about me at any given moment.” Her hand stopped at Jasper’s wrist, trailing and brushing against the stripe there. “For now I am your best choice, and maybe that and some combination of how I’ve treated you has shaped whatever you want to call this,” Lapis’ fingers briefly tightened against her scalp, and wrist “but I know that it’s not indefinite. It only makes sense that eventually you’ll snap out of it, you’ll find a new purpose. I can’t be without you, but I’m trying to prepare for when I _have_ to be.” Lapis heaved a shuddered breath as she pushed her forehead against Jasper’s thumb, the fingers in her white hair twitching.

“And there’s nothing I can do to convince you otherwise?” Jasper asked quietly, watching as Lapis went almost catatonic against her hand, slumping further against her.

“Choose me.”

“I have.”

“No, you haven’t… you can’t. Not right now.”

“Why can’t I?”

There was a pause before Lapis spoke, whether due to the effort to bring up terrible memories, or Lapis’ reluctance Jasper would never know.

“I spent all that time as a mirror... all that time turning gems back at themselves.” Lapis started instead, pressing a soft kiss into the palm of Jasper’s hand. “But with you, I made you into a reflection of myself; a broken and scared thing... irrationally desperate for a shred of familiarity; intimacy.” Lapis’ eyes finally fell open, lidded as they looked up to Jasper from behind her fingers. “Intimacy you think you can find with me.” Lapis’ lips smirked softly; prettily. “All that time as a mirror but when I look at you all I see is me.” She pulled away from Jasper’s hand. “I _know_ you have no choice.”

Lapis stirred in Jasper’s lap, made a motion like she would stand. Jasper stopped her before she could finish, an action that only had the water gem tilting her head curiously at the hand now holding hers. “Will you give it to me? Will you let me make this choice?”

Lapis shook her head simply, her free hand reaching out to tap along Jasper’s knuckles in a silent request to be let go of. Jasper hesitated, a frown marring her face, before allowing her grip to loosen. Where she thought Lapis would use this to escape, she didn’t.

“I can’t give you that.” Lapis started, the steadiness to her voice hiding whether or not she was upset at this apparent truth. Jasper watched as those blue hands splayed her hand open before trailing down to her wrist. A slight pressure followed, and Jasper let her hand be led until it was hanging loosely around Lapis’ throat. “You have to take it from me.”

Jasper found her eye sharpening, gaze trapped on the way Lapis tilted her chin up; let more of Jasper’s hand wrap around her neck. “I don’t… what do you mean Lapis?”

“I think you know.” Lapis said instead, her dark and calculating eyes never once leaving Jasper’s face. Then she was slipping free of Jasper’s all too loose grip, pulling free until she was on her feet. She was looking around her curiously, and Jasper found herself doing the same; mildly surprised at the absence of the storm, more surprised at her ignorance to the matter. She had been swallowed whole by those dark blue eyes, so much so she hadn’t seen anything else in the world around her.

Lapis was becoming too powerful of a distraction - of an obsession these days.

“We’re leaving then?” Jasper asked quietly as she pushed herself onto her feet.

“The Crystal Gems may have run away, but I don’t think they’ll stay gone for long. I suspect the next time we see them both Steven and… Peridot will be absent.” It would make sense; if those traitors wanted them gone, they would have to leave behind those who still held out hope. “I can feel a stream not far from here; a waterfall further down. Somewhere you can… rest.” Lapis took off in the same direction she had been pushing toward when she controlled that storm; when she was running away from Jasper, leaving before the larger gem got the chance to leave her in return.

Jasper took up the space to her right, the back of her hand brushing against Lapis’ own.

Rest.

Jasper had almost forgotten what that felt like to be rested and ready, to not be overwhelmed and slow to respond. It would give her physical form time to recover as well, to allow those cuts and bruises to heal. It would allow her time to digest all this new information.

It was suddenly quiet around them as they trailed forward, some dozens of steps in Lapis finally reached out pressing her hand into Jasper’s palm once more.

And then she was speaking, her eyes hidden beneath her bangs.

“Back on Homeworld, in Blue Diamond’s Dominion, they used to say the water was haunted. There were all these stories of gems going missing, all these tales around creatures of the oceans who would steal you into the night.” Lapis wore a frown that seemed to masquerade as a smirk. “They were right though, the waters _were_ haunted. Maybe not by some fantastical creature as they no doubt imagined, but by someone they didn’t understand all the same.”

“That was your job then?” Jasper prompted, wanting above all to keep Lapis talking; to keep Lapis with her.

“To make gems disappear? Yes. With how the rivers and canals worked back then, there wasn’t a place I couldn’t be; a corner I couldn’t reach.” Lapis’ expression turned blank, the hand Jasper was holding going almost limp. “Then I came here and had my freedom stripped from me. I loathed being a tool, despised every moment of being used and disposed, passed between hands like I was nothing. But… I can see now that I’ve always just been someone’s puppet. Even now I can hardly find _my_ voice...”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I... I know a lot about you Jasper. Malachite… _she_ gave me an impressive amount of power over you, over your mind and memories.” Jasper found her jaw growing taut at the memory, the beginnings of a snarl working her mouth. “That need for a purpose you have, that single-minded drive that’s written into your very core. I know what that’s like. It’s… terrifying, when all of that falls away, more horrifying when it seems as though you can’t survive like that; uncontrolled, unrestrained… alone.” There was a long pause, Lapis’ hand tense in her grip, before she finally spoke once more. “Don’t... let me be the next one to wield you Jasper.”

Jasper felt a sharp ache begin at the front of her head, confusion swallowing her whole. “What’s the meaning of all of this?” Every word, every gesture, every admission. Why now, why at all?

“I don’t know.”

“You said nothing you’ve done has been accidental.” Jasper’s eye narrowed, the accusation clear in her voice.

“Maybe this is a mistake then,” Lapis supplied with an all too familiar shrug of her shoulders that had Jasper’s throat tight. Was she closing up again, would Lapis stop talking with her? Would she stop caring? “Or, maybe, it’s because _she_ doesn’t want me to.”

Jasper didn’t need to say her name, nor did she have to think it. There was something twisted and wrong with Lapis.

The water gem had taken to naming that part of her after _them_.

“Thank you, for talking to me.” It sounded pathetic in her own ears, but she meant it regardless.

A beat.

“You should hate me.” Was the response Lapis gave.

“I can’t.”

“You can.”

Jasper had no energy left to dispute Lapis, not when her mind prompted her of how much she had to think on; on exactly how much Lapis had revealed to her. That wasn’t even including everything from the time before; everything with that little green gem.

She focused on the small and cool hand in hers instead, giving her weary mind a break as she sank into the feeling that came with being beside _her_ Lapis.

Jasper felt _grounded_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 5am fic update, thats how u know we really back at it. i struggled a lot w this chapter(and its just kinda a filler+character insight chapter) as it went wildly away from the original draft, but now i gotta play fix er up w the other chapter outlines whoops. hell i even struggled with the title of this, and lord knows my ass just puts a song title lmaoooo
> 
> does this count as fluff? its gotta count as fluff they arent tearing each others throats out and im like 90 percent sure thats what fluff means. i mean, good news is we slowly gettin rid of those power dynamics :^) but worry not, angst is right around the corner and will be returning as part of the main cast bless up
> 
> anyhow thanks for stickin around again, really appreciate you guys <3 hecko, there might end up being an extra chapter to this arc (and then a bonus one on top of that as a one shot if i feel up to it) I will catch you guys in around a week for the next installment: Keep It Close. oh and heres all the songs ive used so far in this fic, + the one for the next chap: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOkcVrasn7VMmDL-Q91V2z37QQKV83dLt by buds, hope yall been takin care and continue u to do so o7 //lies down in the void


	20. Keep It Close

It came as no surprise that Lapis would regress; that the gem who was speaking to her, letting her close, would disappear once more. There was a husk in her wake, a small and wary thing holding her hand.

It came as no surprise, but Jasper hated it all the same.

The journey was spent travelling along and upstream in a burdened silence, the rugged landscape as empty as Jasper’s chest. Even her mind had seemed to quiet, grow tired and frail. There had been no fanfare when they arrived in the shadows of the roaring waterfall, the outcropping far out enough to allow for a suggestion of shelter. It wasn’t a grotto by any imagination but it did take almost a dozen steps to clear it’s depth.

Jasper assumed Lapis was more comfortable with this open layout as the smaller gem settled in her lap without any prompting, sinking deep into her embrace with a sound of contentment. Jasper had thought it would be impossible to fall asleep to the thundering sound of water crashing ten feet away, but that soft and cool weight on her was coaxing; familiar.

 _Warm_.

It didn’t take long until she was swept away by sleep, Lapis protectively cradled against her.

It felt like no time at all had passed when she was awoken later; bleary and stiff as something slipped away from her despite how her hand tightened instinctively. Her vision was slow to return as she blinked, making out blurs of colours past a yawn that tore her maw open widely. When everything did come into focus she could make out Lapis staring at her, standing only a couple steps away from where Jasper’s back was braced against the jagged wall of the cavity they were hiding in.

It was dark outside now, she could see that past the other gem; the crest of the moon distorted through the waves of the waterfall. It was strange how it felt like only moments before she had settled down with Lapis, had held her reverently against herself.

She wanted that moment back.

Jasper made a tired gesture, asking silently for Lapis to come back, but the water gem suddenly looked torn as she shook her head.

Jasper tasted something bad as she found her voice. “What’s wrong?”

Lapis looked like she was hesitating, the moon lighting up the corners of her dark eyes as she stared off past the waterfall. She was rubbing her arms in a way Jasper knew meant she was nervous, but for what?

“They’re getting close.”

“What?” Jasper found herself on her feet before she was ready; pain almost having her buckle as her weakened legs protested at the sudden jerk. Lapis’ eyes snapped down to the spots where shafts of light had pierced her, then to the shallow cut in her side Jasper hadn’t noticed she was supporting until that moment. She pulled her hand away like it had been burned, watching as Lapis let a frown mar her pretty features.

“You’ve been asleep for two days now.” Lapis started, her voice quiet. “They’ve been searching around here for the better part of the night.” Lapis met her eyes, something hard in her gaze stopping Jasper from taking the steps to erase the space between them. “I don’t know how, but they know we’re here.”

Jasper found her hand trailing nervously through her hair, she could feel the peace of sleep leave her all too quickly, the muscles in her neck pulling taut. They? How many were there? Was it all of them? Her mouth was moving before she could think of how to even phrase her question. “Is… Are they...“

_Where’s Peridot?_

Lapis cut her pitiful speech off, eyes narrowing. “Steven and Peridot aren’t with them, no.” It was as she predicted then. The Crystal Gems were here to end this.

“Is it possible they have the same ability as you?” She asked instead, quickly finding her voice in the wake of her shame; in the dawn of a battle.

“They would have found us immediately then, rather than scramble around in the dark like this.” Lapis remarked coldly, dragging her gaze free of Jasper with something like frustration. “I thought you would be recovered by now.” The disappointment was tangible; settled heavily on her shoulders.

Jasper fought back the beginnings of a growl, frustration of her own painting her mind a brilliant red as she worked past the wall Lapis had decidedly erected between them. “Are we running or fighting Lapis?” Jasper asked instead, her voice sharp as she finally found the conviction to step toward Lapis.

Lapis took a step back. “No.”

Jasper’s mind began to race, confusion twisting her face. “No? What’s that supposed to mean? What other options do we have?” She took another step forward as Lapis mirrored her gesture with one away.

Her throat felt tight.

“You’re staying here.” Lapis stated, still refusing to meet Jasper’s gaze.

“And you’re going to go fight them by yourself?” Jasper was incredulous.

“Yes.”

Confusion was quick to leave in the wake of hurt. Jasper’s face split with a frown as her chest constricted. There was that familiar ache, that same old hurt Lapis would prod and aggravate whenever she pleased. Jasper’s hand pressed against her chest, nails digging into the fabric as if that would somehow fill the impossible void hidden behind there. “Lapis,” her tone was pleading, cracked, “you said you would stop leaving me.”

There must have been something to her voice that Lapis couldn’t ignore, because all too suddenly those dark and cold eyes were on her; sympathetic and pained. “I’ll be back.” Another promise Lapis couldn’t keep, another promise Jasper would be forced to swallow.

No.

No, she wouldn’t swallow this. Jasper wouldn’t be able to watch Lapis leave knowing where the water gem was heading. There were three of them, they could overwhelm her, they could fuse. What would happen if Lapis was pushed away from the water? What would become of her with no power to draw from?

The last time Lapis had fought those Crystal Gems she had been by the ocean.

The last time Lapis had fought them, she told Jasper Steven had saved her.

They would shatter her, there was nothing stopping them this time.

“You can’t promise that.” Jasper managed past the heaviness of her tongue, her terrorized mind burning with images of Lapis broken of Lapis shattered. It hurt. It hurt impossibly so, as anxiety welled thickly in her drowning chest. Jasper found her hand suddenly pushed against her head, trying vainly to stop the fresh waves of pain that rang free from behind her eyes.

Lapis gaze turned sharp. “I can.” It was her own words hurled back at her; spiteful, cruel.

“Let me come with you.” She was begging, begging for Lapis to see reason, begging for this pain to stop.

“No.” It felt like a punch; a punch would have been easier. Lapis seemed to deflate momentarily as Jasper reeled. She looked like she was going to reach out, like she was going to take it all back. She was hesitating. “Jasper I… If you come, something bad will happen. I can’t fight them and protect you at the same time.” Her voice was pleading. “I won’t lose you to them again.”

Jasper ignored it.

“And I can’t protect you from here!” Jasper didn’t care if she was yelling, she could barely hear herself over the pitched noise of her splintered mind. “Do you understand what you’re asking me to do? To just sit here and do nothing while you risk your life? I _can’t_ do that Lapis.”

There was a long moment where Lapis seemed to consider this, where the hard look to her eyes relaxed as a lip was pressed between her sharp teeth. She wrung her hands together, her eyes flicking nervously around.

And then she took a breath.

Lapis’ back finally straightened, chin tilting defiantly below her empty eyes. The Lapis from her mind, the Lapis from her past, stood before Jasper.

“You don’t have a choice.” Lapis was eerily still, impossibly calm as she said it. It only made Jasper worry more, made fear sink into her shivering spine.

“Stop telling me what choices I have!” Jasper chuffed as she took an aggressive step forward, fangs bared as a growl rumbled free. “I’m making mine,” she started lowly, threateningly. As if anger, as if frustration could hide her cowardice. “For better or worse, Lapis, I _am_ coming with you, and you can’t stop me.”

It was subtle, but Jasper noticed it with all the clarity in the world as Lapis broke their heated gaze to look out of the corner of her eyes.

To look behind her.

Behind her where that thundering waterfall continued to crash.

Jasper felt her eye flick between the gem and the water, her jaw going slack in disbelief. “Lapis…” Her voice was tentative, broken.

After everything, she wouldn’t…

Lapis wouldn’t...

“I’m… I’m sorry Jasper.” The water behind her quaked unnaturally.

Lapis _would_.

“Lapis, don’t-!”

Jasper was cut off as a large claw of water shot forward and toward her. Adrenaline and fear warred in her body before she was dashing out of the way, the twisted claw missing her by a breath. She heard it splash against the wall behind her, determinedly fighting the nervous twitching of her frame. Fury settled on her broad features as she took a threatening step toward Lapis. “ _Lapis_.” Lapis didn’t seem to recognize her, didn’t seem to see her, didn’t even move.

Jasper’s eye flicked nervously between Lapis and the waterfall, expecting another barrage to come as she approached the smaller gem. It never did, and Lapis remained still as ever. She managed another step forward only to freeze as realization washed over her; Lapis didn’t seem to see her because was looking _behind_ her.

Jasper felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, but she was too slow this time.

Water latched around her neck from behind, the surprise and conditioning causing Jasper’s stance to weaken; her feet to falter. That was all it took before that watery collar was reeling her back; pulling her roughly into the wall of the cavern. She gave a gasp as pain echoed up her spine, shaking her head clear as something all too cold pressed tightly against her neck.

_Submit. Submit. Submit._

Help her. Protect her. Save her.

_Save you._

Jasper groaned against the throbbing of her head, bringing her hand up to her neck. Where she thought she would meet water she came across the cool and smooth surface of ice. She tried pulling at this new collar but couldn’t get her trembling fingers in between the small space of her throat and the ice. Panic was quick to settle into her body, madness twisting her vision and mind. Her claws scraped and scratched wildly at the ice, unable to even mark it. Her eye sharpened as she looked over to where Lapis was standing, those impossibly dark eyes hidden beneath a wave of blue bangs.

“L-Lapis…” Her voice cracked as she hissed but Jasper didn’t care, bracing her feet against the wall to try and force herself free of her noose with a feral sounding howl. The pressure against her neck quickly became unbearable - intimately familiar, forcing Jasper to stop as she coughed and heaved, something slick and heavy, something not unlike fear settling in her gut. “Lapis you can’t do this!”

“I won’t let them hurt you.”

Jasper shook her head furiously against her binding, feeling her hair tear and rip with each sharp and manic tug. Heat licked the back of her eyes. “ _You’re_ hurting me!” How did Lapis not see that? How did Lapis not care?

“I-...” There was something like realization in Lapis’ eyes, something like guilt and fear widening her eyes.

Jasper felt the ice in her grasp weaken, felt her claws finally crack into it’s surface. She tore it free of her neck in one move, rushing forward on her feet to get to Lapis; to take her down, to hold her, to kiss her, to do _something_.

She didn’t get more than two steps before that moment of weakness disappeared, before Lapis’ wide eyes turned hauntingly reflective. Jasper could only brace as a tower of water crashed painfully into her, forcing her back against the wall and filling her lungs with water.

She could feel ice begin to slide over her neck again, but this time it didn’t stop there. More water crashed painfully into her, holding her tightly against the wall of the cave before parts began to freeze over her arm and legs.

When the pressure finally stopped and the water retreated, Jasper could feel something inside of her snap; something impossibly small cave under the weight. Her vision blurred as she looked at Lapis, an emptiness swallowing her from the inside out as water poured freely from her hanging jaw. “Please…” She started, her voice quivering pathetically as she felt a tear burn a path down her face. “Lapis please, please don’t leave me. Please don’t do this.”

“I have to Jasper.”

“You don’t!” Jasper protested with the final dregs of her strength. “Let me go, take me with you. Please, please don’t leave, don’t do this. I’ll do better, I’ll be stronger, I won’t let you go this time.”

“Jasper.”

Jasper bit her tongue from speaking further, tearing her gaze from Lapis to stare at the ceiling as her mind warred and ripped itself apart. Fear demanded she listen to this Lapis, Lapis only liked her when she listened, Lapis would let her go if she submitted again.

Lapis would love her again if she stopped being such a hassle.

But she needed Lapis to listen to her, she needed Lapis to let her help. She couldn’t let her charge go on without her, let her charge press forward into danger. The last time she had left, Jasper had torn apart an isle in an attempt to reach her. The last time Lapis had been taken from her, Jasper fell apart; turned into a puzzle for those intrusive green fingers to tinker with.

Imprinting wouldn’t allow her to willingly let Lapis dive into danger.

How could she do both?

Jasper threw her head back painfully into the rock behind her, trying to mimic the agony, the tearing inside of her head physically. She couldn’t even feel it; numb. Her head lulled listlessly forward, looking back to Lapis. “This... _this_ is what you’re choosing?”

“Yes.”

“It’s the wrong choice.” Jasper tried one last time, closing her eye as her head throbbed harsher; as she tried to withstand the crushing weight of despair.

“It’s the only choice.”

It swallowed her.

“Can you hate me now?” Lapis said after a moment, her voice as cold and empty as she was.

“ _Yes_.”

“...Good.” She could hear the familiar sound of Lapis’ wings flapping, the noise quickly going faint over the roar of the waterfall. Jasper kept her eye shut, refused to watch Lapis leave as if it would make this any easier.

It didn’t. It only made her long for one last look.

Lapis would die.

Jasper was howling as her eye sharpened purposefully under her eyelid; as an impossible cocktail of adrenaline and pain pumped into her veins. It demanded she moved, it commanded her mind with _purpose_.

But she couldn’t move, she couldn’t do anything.

She was pathetic.

She was weak.

She had been tossed aside _again_.

Fire laced through her veins, winding tightly around her spine and settling fully in her chest where it began to crackle and swell; char. At once her frame was mimicking that internal fire; heated energy enveloping her thrashing body and casting wild lights throughout the all too empty cave.

_Help Her._

Jasper wondered if she would feel it when Lapis was shattered.

_Protect Her._

She wondered how sweetly it would make her sing, how cruel it would treat her.

_Save Her._

Could she survive it?

Another wave of that heady mixture washed over her, the energy burning impossibly bright, impossibly hot, but doing nothing to free her from her frozen chains.

Would she even make it that long?

Jasper heaved through her waterlogged lungs, hacking and wailing as she tried to thrash free; tried to escape herself as waves after waves of agony and vigor began to overwhelm her tightly strung body. It felt unlike anything she had ever experienced, and it only grew and poured through every inch of her until that feverish pain settled behind the face of her gem and began to incinerate.

S A V E H E R.

Darkness began to sweep into the corners of her strained and sharp gaze, a sensation not dissimilar to being bisected racing up her spine before focusing earnestly at the seat of her gem. Her chest jerked forward as if something was clawing free of her, jaw torn open in an endless and voiceless scream as her flesh seared and bubbled.

It was too much, it was too much.

It was everything.

And then there was nothing.

#### xxx

Jasper found herself in a new space altogether as her senses slowly returned to her. Her neck was sore, but there was no pressure there; nor on her limbs. She was slumped over herself on the floor, kneeling and heaving uselessly through her lungs as panic continued to wrap tightly around her chest.

When her vision finally adjusted, Jasper stilled.

Her hands - both of her _hands_ , twitched against the darkened and flowing surface below her; the sickly coloured water reflecting her wild face back at her.

Her unmarred face; her flawless gemstone.

Jasper’s thoughts came to a quiet end, emptiness blanketing her mind as she stared at herself.

She was… okay?

Had it all been a dream? A _nightmare_?

Jasper was reluctant to pull her crisp gaze free, fearing it would all come undone the moment she looked away; fearing what awaited her in _this_ place. She could see her face work into a frown, fangs pulling clear of her lips.

Fear had controlled her for so long… for too long.

Jasper pushed herself onto her feet in a steady and purposeful move, once more reclaiming her rightful height; her full power. Her legs were strong, firm underneath her; her mind focused and sharp. The dark of this space tried to prey on her, nipped at her ankle and brayed from the shadows, but she paid it no mind knowing instinctively to turn around.

When she did, she grinned.

Lapis was bowed before her, chains and shackles of water pulling her down; holding her down and presenting that captivating curve of deep blue. Jasper was drawn to it, she would always be drawn to that gem, to _her_. Her mind seemed made up before she even reached her hand forward, claws at the ready. They stole a shiver from Lapis as they clicked against that teardrop, but before she could shatter it, Lapis whimpered.

_“Jasper.”_

It felt as though the floor had been taken from below Jasper, a lurching in her gut that had her mind spinning before it split.

At once Jasper was that weak thing from her nightmares, that scared thing. Her mind was whirling and whispering, taunting and pleading. She found herself pulling Lapis free of those shackles with all of her strength, cradling that small gem against her abruptly empty chest.

Lapis didn’t move at all in her grasp.

Lapis was limp.

Jasper’s stomach dropped, turning Lapis over in her hands to try and stir the gem in vain. Lapis eyes remained shut, remained unresponsive.

Was Lapis…?

Jasper’s thoughts came to a halt as something moved underneath her, forcing her gaze from her charge and down, down below the surface of this strange water.

Jasper was able to make out a large mouth as it shifted, twisted into a grin. She suddenly became aware of two pairs of eyes glaring at her, almost lost herself to the unending rage that lurked in them.

The large gem shot to her feet and away as herculean hands began to reach upward and through the surface of the water. Her mind was racing as she adjusted the gem in her grasp, made sure Lapis was safely tucked in her arms. She had to get Lapis away from _her_ , had to save the gem from Malachite, had to-

Jasper’s thoughts ran cold as she felt something cut and sink into her front. Her feet stuttered, bringing Jasper painfully to her knees as she heard the upheaval of Malachite from behind her. She didn’t care to look though, couldn’t with that searing pain in her chest demanding her attention.

Jasper’s golden eyes fell down, down past Lapis’ open and yet empty, reflective eyes, down to that suddenly cracked and pale blue skin that ran the surface of Lapis’ arm. Her eyes widened in disbelief as she realized the source, the cause of her pain.

Lapis’ hand had torn through her chest, even now more and more of that twisted and infected blue arm worming into her.

“Lap-” Jasper’s pain turned tenfold as Lapis forced her arm fully into Jasper’s chest, those small fingers digging until they locked around Jasper’s spine. At once Jasper lost control of her body, arms falling uselessly to her sides as disbelief blew her eyes wide. Lapis only pressed closer to her, drew kisses around the gaping wound before settling her chin on the top of Jasper chest. Her widened eyes met Lapis’, but all she could see was her own agonized features painted prettily across those reflective eyes.

And then Lapis was changing; those cracks that splintered her flesh leaking a viscous and oily fluid that seemed to drown Lapis until she was nothing more than a figure. A figure that pushed forward, crawling into Jasper’s empty chest with a sickness she could feel race up her spine.

That liquid reappeared moments later, pouring from the corners of Jasper’s eyes and mouth. Her arm was the first to go; turning black at the tips of her fingers before that darkness cascaded over her arm and up to her shoulder.

It melted then, turned soft and malleable as Jasper screamed, feeling that same process erupt over the side of her face as ink bubbled from her eye. She was frenzied as she tore at the gaping wound of her chest, tried to pull Lapis free of her, falling backwards in a fit of hysteria as she felt her gemstone _snap_ and _crack_.

Malachite was hovering over her when it stilled, when she had finished reverting to that small pathetic thing Lapis had made. The fusion mimicked Lapis’ displeasure just as well as the small gem herself, but Jasper didn’t care; couldn’t care as those waves lapped at her prone form.

TAKE IT BACK.

And then she was falling, sinking past those murky waves and into an all encompassing darkness.

She couldn’t scream past the water rushing into her mouth.

#### xxx

When Jasper hit the ground it was back in that darkened outcropping, water splashing against the ground next to her as she finally screamed. The agony in her chest only grew as the moments passed, her hand frantic as it pressed against where the pain was the worst. She thought she would feel that gaping hole, thought she would be able to reach into herself and pull out whatever it was that was twitching inside of her; swelling.

She couldn’t.

Jasper struggled onto her knees and off of the wet ground - wet because the ice had faltered, wet because Lapis’ control had waned, wet because Lapis was - her mind came to a halt as another shock of pain overwhelmed her. Jasper’s claws began to sink into her flesh and draw rivers of red as she tried to find something, _anything_ to prove that there was something wrong inside of her.

Her vision blurred out as her head throbbed, nausea surfacing in the wake of this feverish torment.

Was this real?

Was it another dream?

Was she real?

There was another spasm before that thing inside of her was twisting, grabbing and pulling itself upward by every rung of her cracking ribs. Agony blossomed at each touch, contorting Jasper’s frame into odd shapes as she struggled to reclaim control over her own body.

When it settled Jasper heaved through her lungs, sweat racing down her brow as tears bubbled from her eye.

Lapis was _gone_.

Lapis had done this to her.

The moment was still for only a breath, and then that disease inside of her was surging forward again. Her vision blotted out, or maybe she just had her eye shut too tightly. She couldn’t tell, couldn’t feel anything past the blistering bubbles that began to erupt across the scar tissue of her right shoulder.

The worst part was, she knew intimately what this sensation suggested.

 _Corruption_.

Impossible heat began to swell at the cusp of her shoulder; white hot and melting as it pushed free of that charred flesh in a slow and excruciating move. Jasper wanted to scream, but all of her strength was taken by the simple action of staying conscious as molten liquid began to pour free from her shoulder.

Jasper keeled over as that infection continued to draw slowly free of her body; leaving charred and hardened flesh in its wake as it flowed and rolled unobstructed toward the ground. She forced her eye open, forced her vision to swim back before her as she watched in horror at the blackened and cracked pillar spawning from her shoulder. When it finally twisted and turned down to reach the ground it branched out into five separate paths.

Her attention was only allowed to stay on it for a moment longer before that same burning and charring sensation erupted over where the rest of her scars lay; peppering her flesh with flowing scorch marks, orange and red quickly blossoming with bubbles of black and brown.

Jasper’s hand flew to her face as that sensation traced across her eyes, but there was no salvation in that attempt; not when the heat threatened to sear her palm as well.

Just as the pain crescendoed toward an impossible peak, everything finally cooled and stopped; a sharp sensation cresting free of her back and neck.

Jasper had to fight the darkness that once more threatened the edges of her vision, vainly stopping the inky tears that were flowing from her eye. There was no end to them, not when pain began to morph into grief.

_Lapis…_

Her throat suddenly felt too bare.

Jasper’s vision swam as she tried to find the strength in her legs to move, to give chase, to save her charge. They shook underneath her, whined and protested the same as her pathetic mind. Where was Lapis? Jasper’s claws sunk into the ground next to her, watching as the water of her collar met blood against her thick fingers. If Lapis couldn’t continue to keep her trapped, couldn’t maintain a simple collar-...

Why had Lapis chosen to hurt her?

She’ll break and use you until you’re nothing but dust!  
_She’s_ right-

She’s diseased. A sick perversion of a gem!  
They all are right,

What did she _do_ to you?  
I’m bad for you Jasper.

Why had Lapis chosen to leave her?

To die.

Jasper chest caved with a howl, her voice echoing hauntingly off of the sharp cliffs around her. She went to stand again, some baser part of her needing to move, but found her movements halted by a tug from her right. She had to crane her head oddly to see into her blindspot and discover what was stopping her; holding her back.

It was the hardened and charred pillar that had erupted from her shoulder.

Only, it wasn’t just a pillar, was it?

Jasper’s eye narrowed as her gaze trailed over the strange thing, patches of white fur sprouting near the end of it. The end of it where the five roots were emerging; five claw like digits sinking into the ground. _Fingers_.

Jasper pulled that thing free of the rocks, pulled _her hand_ free and brought it before her for inspection. She couldn’t feel it, she realized as her other hand cradled and prodded into this strange limbs rough and barbed flesh, not even as her claws sunk and chipped into its blackened surface. It looked dead; as if she had been horribly and unforgivingly burned. She could make out an underlying and faded colour of red and orange, of her, but barely any of it could be seen past the cracking black and thick patches of white hair.

It looked dead, _twisted_ , but it was hers.

Jasper pushed it into the ground with her other hand, mismatched in every sense of the word, and used her upper strength to coax her herself onto her numb legs.

Her mind grew more and more quiet as the seconds passed, as her feet stumbled and dragged against the ground. It grew quiet until there was only one thought, one thought that resonated through her. One thought she could cling to.

Lapis had _hurt_ her.

The world suddenly felt very dull around her, very faint. That cool sensation erupted along her back again; a sensation she was able to recognize now as something slicing cleanly through her. She shrugged it off, the pain somehow seeming far off, muffled or drowned, and focused on her movement until she was just before the crashing waterfall. Even that sounded muted, sounded distorted.

Jasper pushed her hand - the scorched one, into the water. It was strange to watch water cascade so strongly against it, but not feel anything; it was strange and unsatisfying. There was a part of her that was suddenly desperate, needy for the promise of sensitivity even if it was through tormented discomfort. She let her arm fall uselessly against her side, that spiny surface tearing at her clothes as they brushed, and took a step below the edge of the outcropping and into those torrential waters.

At once every nerve in her body came alive; ignited with a feeling both familiar and primal.

Pain.

It urged her forward, agony lighting up her mind and filling her with anger. This was Lapis; this feeling that was threatening to overwhelm her, that was tearing her apart while bringing the world around her to life with unimaginable colours.

Jasper closed her eye.

Lapis was aching and suffering; she was _agony_.

Peridot had been right, and Jasper had been a fool.

A weak and pathetic fool still seeking out that same misery, desperately looking for warmth from a frigid source; looking for strength from the gem who had taken it. Jasper found a growl beginning to pour over the sound of water crashing, fury and hatred at Lapis - at _herself_ , heating her blood.

Lapis had done this to her.

“Jasper…?”

Lapis would always hurt her.

Jasper’s eye shot open as she jumped clear of the waterfall and into the stream where Lapis stood, wide eyed and trembling. Whether it was over the wounds and bruises that dotted her huddled form, or over whatever it was Jasper had become she didn’t care.

She refused to.

Lapis had done this to her.

Jasper’s face turned all teeth, an entirely predatory look darkening her eye. That was the only hint she gave before she dashed forward and at Lapis. She had expected the small gem to resort to her water tricks - a wall of ice, another silly collar, but Lapis only darted out of Jasper’s trajectory, her name falling from those pretty blue lips with an urgency that had Jasper _thrilled_.

Lapis had done this to her.

Jasper pivoted, trying to sharply turn her body along with Lapis’. It was no use, not when her boots were logged down with water and skidding uselessly against the bank. She dug her claws into the ground and phased those shoes off without a second thought, letting her different feeling feet press into the dirt and spring her forward at Lapis.

Lapis had done this to her.

Again Lapis bolted to the side, but she was tired; she was slow and uncertain. Jasper wasn’t. Jasper was prepared.

_Lapis had done this to her._

Her new hand snatched out as she shot towards Lapis, snagging the water gem by her neck as she passed. Lapis gasped at the sudden movement, her neck pouring a drab grey as Jasper’s clawed hand held her tighter. There was a sharp feeling that raced and cracked through her broken mind at the action, a burn ringing around her pupil as the other side of imprinting kicked in.

But it was just pain, Jasper could work with pain.

She suddenly wished she could feel that twisted limb, could feel Lapis trembling.

“You’re corrupting.” Lapis whispered, her voice hoarse and watery from the grip on her throat.

Jasper pulled Lapis close, a frown cracking across her maw as she brought the gem to her face. “Because of you Lazuli.” She found herself snarling, her grip on Lapis turning painful judging by the way the smaller gem cried out. It was all because of her, everything. Without this disgusting gem, Jasper would have never had to return to Earth, never would have had to lose _everything_.

Despite the pain, no water came to Lapis’ aid, and Jasper let her grip loosen enough for Lapis to breathe and speak, the drawn ache of her pretty blue face falling to a wince. Jasper watched as those blue hands touched her own, heedless of the barbs and spines as they settled in the fur near her wrist.

She wished she could feel it.

“Because of me,” she agreed. She said it so easily.

Jasper felt rage colour her vision, a snarl tearing across her face as she slammed Lapis down into the rocks below, a wail echoing a telling _’clink’_. Lapis seemed to go limp under her for a moment, giving Jasper the time to adjust her grip; to press her weight down on Lapis’ as her mind once more laced with lightning. “Is this another game to you Lazuli?”

“No,” she paused. “I deserve this.”

“You do.” Jasper hissed, her grip on Lapis tensing enough to have more grey bubbling free. “You deserve everything you’ve done to me.” She deserved to be trapped for another millennia, to be forgotten and left to rot. She deserved to live in nothing but fear, deserved to lose anything she had. Jasper pulled her striped arm back, her fist pointed down toward Lapis. The threat was clear. “Stop me.” Her voice was stone.

Lapis’ eyes flicked toward Jasper’s fist before returning to her face. She didn’t move.

“Stop me.” Jasper said once more, her deep voice instilled with the beginnings of urgency as something began to swell in her mind. Again Lapis refused to do anything, looking absolutely pitiful beneath her; exhausted and beaten.

 _Defeated_.

Jasper was snarling, demanding - pleading. “Stop. Me.” Lapis remained quiet, remained resolute. Jasper found herself envious of that will, envious of everything Lapis was capable of.

It only made her more furious.

“FUCKING STOP ME!” Her fist moved impossibly fast as she roared, plunged it forward toward Lapis.

The earth exploded next to Lapis’ head, pain racing through Jasper’s knuckles as that well of emotions finally tipped free. There were tears racing down her eye as she lost her strength, her head falling forward until she was buried in Lapis’ shuddering and heaving chest.

Jasper’s claws dug into the earth as Lapis’ hands began to sink into her hair, as the water gem tried to calm her. It didn’t help clear the duality of their relationship, her mind fogging as that treacherous imprinting function forced her to like it, forced her to relax.

“I don’t know how to help you.” Lapis said softly, sincerely enough to cause Jasper to pull free of her shelter, to look at the blue gem. It was a bad idea, she realized, as her gaze betrayed her; fell onto those parted lips.

Jasper was the first to make a move this time, pressing her mouth against Lapis with the same fervor that possessed her frame earlier. The same heat that burned with hate for this gem. She felt her frustrations leaking free as Lapis gasped into her mouth, gasped against her teeth, against her rough and roaming hands.

The space between them was quick to dissolve, melt as they pushed desperately against each other. Jasper’s breath mixing with Lapis’, head turning dizzy with each gasp of her name that fell from those bruised blue lips.

It ended when Lapis’ hands roamed in return, when those cold fingers pressed against her chest.

It felt like she had been stabbed.

Jasper reeled back, twisted memories suddenly overflowing her mind as she dragged herself frantically from Lapis. She didn’t stop until her feet hit water, her frame freezing as it licked at her ankles. Her gaze shifted to behind her, to where her reflection stared back.

She hadn’t got to see before, not anything past her arm, but now...

Jasper’s gaze trailed over her features; her eye black as night and nestled between spots of that same inky black that covered her arm; spots that she could see peeking free from where her arm had torn her suit, where her claws had torn. Those seemed almost negligible in comparison to the strange and twisted spines that had began to erect from her torn and cracked back.

Jasper pushed her bangs back to follow the marks of corruption, shifting her hair until her hand pressed into something sharp hidden beneath her mane of white. She hesitated a moment before pushing her hair up, looking on with something like horror at the horns that began to thrust upwards from her neck, settling behind her ears.

Lapis had poisoned her and broke her.

The chant of her mind was back: Lapis had done this to her.

The smaller gem stepped up next to her, looked like she was about to say something as her hand gently pressed against Jasper. Jasper never let her say it, a terrible snarl ripping across her maw as she escaped that burning touch. “Don’t touch me.”

“Jasper…” Lapis took a step closer once more, but Jasper was growling wildly, hackles raised.

This time she was the one keeping the space between them.

“No.” She was shaking her head furiously, shaking some sense back into herself as her mind tore anew. “You can’t keep doing this to me Lapis, you can’t keep using me. It’s-... Resenting you, and loving you - it’s killing me.”

“Loving…?”

Jasper ignored that fragile tone of her voice, found herself teetering back towards her rage. “What else do I call this Lazuli?” She gestured between them, frustration making heat spark behind her eyes. She wasn’t going to cry, she wasn’t going to turn into a weak mess for Lapis to manipulate again. She wasn’t going to let Lapis hurt her again.

Jasper’s teeth pulled free from her mouth, she felt like she was burning with rage. “I hate _this_ , I hate you.”

“I love you Jasper.” She was reaching another deceitful hand toward Jasper, she was trying to trick her again.

Jasper stopped the approaching hand with a grip to Lapis’ arm. The skin was quick to bruise under her forceful touch, blossom grey and green under her fingers. “Shut up.” Jasper hissed as she tossed that arm away. “You can’t. You’re a monster, you only know how to hurt someone.” The soft look to Lapis’ eyes crumbled with her posture and Jasper reveled in the sick satisfaction.

That is, until Lapis’ eyes turned reflective, until suddenly she was hearing her own words returned to her.

She glared at the smaller gem, hunger and hate battling in her mind.

What did either of them know of love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, idk how well i explained what Jasper goin thru but v hard from her perspective. just uhhhh, look at this image of a leopardskin jasper: https://smhttp-ssl-64693.nexcesscdn.net/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/650x/040ec09b1e35df139433887a97daa66f/l/e/leopardskinjasperstone.jpg //jazz hands
> 
> okay, not much to say about this thing besides legit like pain fap i guess lmaooo. we been building up to this for awhile, and now we gettin to step our toes back into the jooce that is corruption. im not entirely sure how it works in canon, but who cares this au af. ill catch yall in like a week with the next chap, thanks for the support and i love you all. seriously tho, some of yalls comments get me good right in those heart feels :'0
> 
> oh and, remember that thing i said about not being on tumblr. i lied. im back on there now, and im gonna try to catch up w SU so i can write more stuff(in line w canon at least) well see how that goes. bye friends <3333

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to hmu on tumblr @trashtierhyena if u wanna yuck it up or just talk, i dont bite or anythin so c:


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